comorin
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Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:39 pm

Malawi has decided to make the passing of wind a crime. Trouble is, it's hard to locate the offender in a group, leading to human rights violations.

From the Daily Mail:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...-set-make-breaking-wind-crime.html
 
oldeuropean
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:47 pm

Hmm, I have a new business concept. Export corks to Africa.   
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n229nw
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 4:42 pm

Oh, brother. There is no way I can ever go to Malawi then! I'd be put to death...
All Glory to the Hypnotoad!
 
Mir
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 5:11 pm

So, will "he who smelt it dealt it" be an accepted defense?

-Mir
7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
 
comorin
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 6:41 pm

I would be careful about doing this at night as it could give away your position in the jungle.
 
slider
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 6:55 pm

You're shitting me right? This is actually an article from The Onion, right? HAS TO BE.
 
ALTF4
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 6:57 pm

Quoting Slider (Reply 5):
You're shitting me right?

I ain't shitting anywhere or anybody over there - if farting is banned, think of the stink shitting makes!
The above post is my opinion. Don't like it? Don't read it.
 
andz
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 7:56 pm

Let's not forget that this is a country where long hair on males used to be a crime too, they would cut your hair at the airport if you wanted to come in!
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF...
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 8:17 pm

Wow, you're all raising quite a stink about this.

But I agree, it is a stinker of a law.

Something about it just doesn't smell right to me.

Must really stink to be a Malawian.

I hope the government clears the air on this issue quickly!

(Someone else take it from here!)
-Doc Lightning-

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Tugger
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 8:31 pm

And here I thought most nations wanted to exploit their domestic gas reserves!

I mean think of the energy they will be wasting, this type of gas can seriously propel many people quickly (usually in an effort to leave the immediate area).

Perhaps they feel that by restricting the issuance of domestic gas they will have greater reserves to protect against a future threat.

Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. -W. Shatner
 
Mir
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 8:43 pm

Quoting tugger (Reply 9):
And here I thought most nations wanted to exploit their domestic gas reserves!

        

Well, to be fair, the US also has a history of placing legal restrictions on natural gas producers.

-Mir
7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
 
PPVRA
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 8:52 pm

Malawi's Clean Air Act?
"If goods do not cross borders, soldiers will" - Frederic Bastiat
 
LAXintl
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 9:12 pm

About time someone deals with basic quality of life issues.

Its one of man kinds worst direct consequences, and goes without focus while nations are too busy playing cops around the world and our brightest brains are too busy developing things like the iPad.
From the desert to the sea, to all of Southern California
 
Mir
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 9:40 pm

Quoting LAXintl (Reply 12):
About time someone deals with basic quality of life issues.

Surely you can't be serious.

-Mir
7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 9:44 pm

Quoting Mir (Reply 13):

Surely you can't be serious.

I think he's just blowing some smoke...
-Doc Lightning-

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Tugger
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 9:47 pm

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 14):
I think he's just blowing some smoke...

In this case the question is where is the smoke getting blown, up or from.

Quoting LAXintl (Reply 12):
About time someone deals with basic quality of life issues.

Doesn't the recent California "Clean Air" bill deal with release on methane from biological sources?

Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. -W. Shatner
 
LAXintl
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:35 pm

Quoting Mir (Reply 13):
Surely you can't be serious.
Quoting DocLightning (Reply 14):
I think he's just blowing some smoke...

Sure, but in the grand scale of things, I do wonder why mankind does not dedicate our vast knowledge and resources to working on such a basic quality of life issue.

For instance whether its via food supplements, or required carbon filter linings in our under garments surely something can be done.
From the desert to the sea, to all of Southern California
 
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Aaron747
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:43 pm

Quoting LAXintl (Reply 16):
Sure, but in the grand scale of things, I do wonder why mankind does not dedicate our vast knowledge and resources to working on such a basic quality of life issue.

Why stop there? Let's just eliminate consumption of solid foods and just take astronaut horse pills?   Would be better for the cardiovascular system for sure??
If you need someone to blame / throw a rock in the air / you'll hit someone guilty
 
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Tugger
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:45 pm

Quoting LAXintl (Reply 16):
Sure, but in the grand scale of things, I do wonder why mankind does not dedicate our vast knowledge and resources to working on such a basic quality of life issue.

Because when you get right down to it, we all really enjoy the .... ahem... "scent" of our own flatulence.... Of course no one else but the owner can truly appreciate when one rips a truly great one. 

Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. -W. Shatner
 
lhr380
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:49 pm

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

That explains my mates facebook status from earlier. Wondered why he wanted to go release some gas there lol
(The views on this site are my own and no one elses)
 
AAORY
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:50 pm

Quoting Mir (Reply 13):
Surely you can't be serious.

And stop calling him Shirley.

Sorry, couldn't resist.
36 countries visited and counting...
 
ShyFlyer
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:57 pm

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 8):
(Someone else take it from here!)

This law blows.


If you cough to cover up someone's fart, would you be charged as an accessory to the crime?

Would blaming the dog be an acceptable legal defense?

What about accidental releases? You know, like a snart.

I think the Beano people are behind this law.


Ok, that's all I have. My humor machine has run out of gas.

[Edited 2011-01-31 15:59:17]
I lift things up and put them down.
 
ScarletHarlot
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 12:00 am

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 8):
(Someone else take it from here!)

Doc, don't toot your own horn!
But that was when I ruled the world
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 1:15 am

Is "pull my finger" entrapment?

I am hereby hijacking this thread and turning it into a "who farted?" thread. (It's not even really off-topic!)

http://www.skeptically.org/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/who-farted.jpg
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ShyFlyer
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 1:27 am




How about some more beans, Mr Taggart?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpB3ME_Xem0


Farts are good for the environment...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfABnAS5i9Q
I lift things up and put them down.
 
Mir
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 1:29 am

Quoting LAXintl (Reply 16):
I do wonder why mankind does not dedicate our vast knowledge and resources to working on such a basic quality of life issue.

Is it really a quality of life issue? I will readily admit that I have never encountered a situation where I have had to alter anything I do due to being put off by someone's fart. Methinks there are more important things to be working on.

-Mir
7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
 
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Tugger
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 1:29 am

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 23):

OK the second pic makes me wonder: What happens when one "flatulates" in a mosque?

.... because we all know that: "Fart Happens" (maybe that should be "farts happen")!

Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. -W. Shatner
 
FlyDeltaJets87
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 1:42 am

What about old people who wear "Depends" and shat themselves? It will certainly smell like they farted, but can they be charged? (And the stench of being stuck behind an old person who shatted themselves in their Depends and doesn't do anything about it is pretty damn brutal - longest church service ever when I had to sit behind "that person".)
"Let's Roll"- Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, Sept. 11, 2001
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 1:48 am

Quoting LAXintl (Reply 16):

Sure, but in the grand scale of things, I do wonder why mankind does not dedicate our vast knowledge and resources to working on such a basic quality of life issue.

This is just an excerpt from a literature review:

Flatulence — The volume of gas passed per rectum varies from about 500 to 1500 mL per day [3]. The frequency of flatus released varies between 10 and 20 times per day in healthy subjects [24]. Most patients who report excessive flatulence fall within this range.

Although excessive passage of flatus or its foul odor may be a source of embarrassment to the patient, it is rarely associated with serious illness. Offensive odor, when present, may be due to sulfur-containing compounds, such as methanethiol, dimethyl sulfide, and hydrogen sulfide, as well as short-chain fatty acids, skatoles, indoles, volatile amines, and ammonia.

A number of factors may account for a patient's awareness of bothersome flatus:

* An alteration of intestinal motility or bacteria, perhaps due to an antibiotic or other drug [25].
* Dietary factors, such as an increased intake of lactose, fructose, sorbitol, undigestible starches (such as bran), and carbonated beverages. Products such as pork, upon digestion, may release trace concentrations of very malodorous gases.
* Psychological factors that may create a heightened sensitivity to normal flatal passage.

Diagnosis — Evaluation of the patient complaining of flatulence should be guided by the history and physical examination. New onset flatulence associated with symptoms such as weight loss, diarrhea, abdominal pain, and distention or anorexia usually deserves a work-up for malabsorption (table 2). This may include stool examination for fat and Giardia, a lactose tolerance test, and a small bowel radiograph or upper endoscopy. (See "Clinical features and diagnosis of malabsorption".) For the patient with no "alarm" signals, such studies rarely uncover a specific underlying problem.

Gas chromatography studies, which can help identify the source of "excessive gas" by determining its composition, are generally reserved for clinical trials; they are not recommended for routine clinical practice. On the other hand, hydrogen breath testing may be useful in identifying or confirming a relationship between symptoms and specific foods (see 'Carbohydrate malabsorption' below).

Treatment — Several measures can be undertaken to reduce annoying flatus.

* The avoidance of foods that may contribute to the problem is an obvious initial step.
* Simethicone, which causes gas bubbles to break and coalesce, is widely used for treating gaseous complaints. However, it has not been shown to be of benefit [26].
* The purported value of activated charcoal has been supported by some studies and refuted by others [27-30].
* Beano™, an alpha-galactosidase preparation, is often tried by patients on their own. This over-the-counter agent reduced gas production and frequency in subjects challenged with baked beans [31].
* If bacterial overgrowth or an altered flora is strongly suspected, a two-week trial of antibiotic treatment may be helpful. (See "Treatment of small intestinal bacterial overgrowth".)
* Bismuth subsalicylate reduces the odor arising from hydrogen sulfide as well as other pungent components of flatus [32].
* A variety of external devices to deodorize flatus (such as charcoal lined cushion) are commercially available [7]. Their efficacy has not been well established. One of the most detailed studies found that underwear made from carbon fiber (eg, Under-Ease protective underwear {Under-Tec, Corp} and GasMedic® underair brief {Dairiair, LLC}) were highly effective, while pads were less effective (removing only 55 to 77 percent of odor), and cushions were ineffective mostly because of incomplete exposure of the activated carbon to the gases [33].
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
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DocLightning
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 2:04 am

To return to the important topic at hand:

http://images2.memegenerator.net/ImageMacro/4499367/who-farted.jpg?imageSize=Large&generatorName=Ugly-Chick
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Revelation
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 2:56 am

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 23):
"who farted?"


My money's on "Phil The Greek"!

Stiff upper lip, indeed!

Quoting FlyDeltaJets87 (Reply 27):
What about old people who wear "Depends" and shat themselves? It will certainly smell like they farted, but can they be charged?

I just got off the phone with the Malawi office of Furtz & Ripschitz, Esq. After much analysis, they said this was the Capital Offense form of the crime, one that's hard to wipe off your record. Unfortunately there is no back door remedy available.

PS: I love English, especially the clever idea that the past tense of the word 'shit' is 'shat'...
Inspiration, move me brightly! Light the song with sense and color.
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Faced with mysteries dark and vast, statements just seem vain at last.
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Quokka
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 3:36 am

Quoting Revelation (Reply 30):
I love English, especially the clever idea that the past tense of the word 'shit' is 'shat'...


As in the words of a famous poem: "The dog shat in the tuckerbox, nine miles from Gundegai"
http://www.gundagai.nsw.gov.au/library/4469/4645.html
 
stratosphere
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 3:58 am

Jesus F'ng Christ as if Africa doesn't have enough problems. They should hope all they have to worry about is farts..Give me strength....Its no wonder that continent is lost.
 
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Revelation
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 4:14 am

Quoting stratosphere (Reply 32):
They should hope all they have to worry about is farts.

Try to hang on, Stratosphere!
Inspiration, move me brightly! Light the song with sense and color.
Hold away despair, more than this I will not ask.
Faced with mysteries dark and vast, statements just seem vain at last.
Some rise, some fall, some climb, to get to Terrapin!
 
KPDX
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 4:51 am

Hahahaha. My face definitely hurts after reading this thread.   
View my aviation videos on Youtube by searching for zildjiandrummr12
 
comorin
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 5:16 am

Perhaps they could all join an Oompah Band...Oktoberfest in Malawi?
 
Mir
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 6:18 am



Of course, this sort of thread is useless without videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVWhR2bgrUo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5lavU8XI04

And, lest this be thought of as an English-only thread:



-Mir
7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 6:27 am

Quoting Mir (Reply 36):

Of course, this sort of thread is useless without videos:

I mean, as long as you went there:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HYTd1DTbik&feature=related


"Why are you WHISTLING? I can see the bubbles coming from behind you!"




(I'm NOT translating it.)

And I think I found the design the Malawian government will be using (see that mods? On-topic! Proud of me?)
-Doc Lightning-

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-Carl Sagan
 
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ManuCH
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 6:48 am

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 28):
* A variety of external devices to deodorize flatus (such as charcoal lined cushion) are commercially available [7]. Their efficacy has not been well established. One of the most detailed studies found that underwear made from carbon fiber (eg, Under-Ease protective underwear {Under-Tec, Corp} and GasMedic® underair brief {Dairiair, LLC}) were highly effective, while pads were less effective (removing only 55 to 77 percent of odor), and cushions were ineffective mostly because of incomplete exposure of the activated carbon to the gases [33].

I wonder how much they're paying the poor guy working in medical research to get together the statistics stating that "pads remove only 55 to 77 percent of odor"         

On a related note, public transportation in Locarno, the town I live in, is called FART: www.centovalli.ch. It's always fun to watch tourists' faces when they first see the bus they get on!

Never trust a statistic you didn't fake yourself
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 7:20 am

Quoting ManuCH (Reply 38):

On a related note, public transportation in Locarno, the town I live in, is called FART: www.centovalli.ch. It's always fun to watch tourists' faces when they first see the bus they get on!

You don't want to be stuck in the exhaust, do you?
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
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Tugger
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 7:52 am

Perhaps a new device will be created to make the task easier, it might spawn an entirely new class of farting.

It could be called the: iFart. Is there an app for that?
(and you thought it was beans, beans, that was the magical fruit. Now it's an Apple).


Yes I know this post stinks....

Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. -W. Shatner
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 7:57 am

Woooh... If I were in Malawi right now I'd just have received a life sentence.
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
sw733
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 12:26 pm

Having been to Malawi a few times, I can confirm that it's really, truly a problem! The whole place just smells like ass...

Quoting andz (Reply 7):
long hair on males used to be a crime too

I wouldn't mind them bringing this back worldwide...
 
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Revelation
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 1:10 pm

Quoting Revelation (Reply 30):
Quoting FlyDeltaJets87 (Reply 27):
What about old people who wear "Depends" and shat themselves? It will certainly smell like they farted, but can they be charged?

I just got off the phone with the Malawi office of Furtz & Ripschitz, Esq. After much analysis, they said this was the Capital Offense form of the crime, one that's hard to wipe off your record. Unfortunately there is no back door remedy available.

They just called back. After further research, they've found out that this is the aggravated form of the offense, known in legal jargon as "Piling On". It's viewed as a serious crime in Malawi. I assed what the sentence for such a crime was, and they said "depends"....

Quoting Quokka (Reply 31):
As in the words of a famous poem: "The dog shat in the tuckerbox, nine miles from Gundegai"

I like how the "cleaned up" version substitutes "sat" for "shat"...

Quoting KPDX (Reply 34):
Hahahaha. My face definitely hurts after reading this thread.

Nothing like a fart thread to bring out our inner adolescents.

No surprise Doc Lightning is letting them fly here.  

BTW, next time you hear someone let one rip, tell them to go answer the phone. When they ask why, you say "Some asshole keeps calling!"

Quoting ManuCH (Reply 38):
I wonder how much they're paying the poor guy working in medical research to get together the statistics stating that "pads remove only 55 to 77 percent of odor"

Right, but I bet they have no shortage of volunteers to wear the pads. For me, just buy me some cheap beer and some Mexican food, and I'm your man.

Quoting ManuCH (Reply 38):
On a related note, public transportation in Locarno, the town I live in, is called FART


Please, please, PLEASE tell me these buses run on gas instead of petrol or diesel!

If not, put me down for a fiver for the fund to convert at least one of them to run off of LNG/propane/whatever.

Till that happens, all will not be right in this world.

Quoting SW733 (Reply 42):
Having been to Malawi a few times, I can confirm that it's really, truly a problem! The whole place just smells like ass...

So, what is the staple diet of the average Malawian?

Inquiring minds want to know...
Inspiration, move me brightly! Light the song with sense and color.
Hold away despair, more than this I will not ask.
Faced with mysteries dark and vast, statements just seem vain at last.
Some rise, some fall, some climb, to get to Terrapin!
 
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UltimateDelta
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 5:27 pm

Quoting tugger (Reply 40):
It could be called the: iFart. Is there an app for that?

Sadly..................yes, there actually is. Sorry.

Back off-topic...

Midwest Airlines- 1984-2010
 
sw733
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 5:50 pm

Quoting Revelation (Reply 43):
So, what is the staple diet of the average Malawian?

They feast on your hopes and dreams

And maize  
 
Mir
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 5:53 pm

Quoting tugger (Reply 40):
It could be called the: iFart. Is there an app for that?

Yes, there is. And it is, in fact, called iFart. And the makers of iFart have sued the makes of a competing fart app, called Pull My Finger.

http://news.cnet.com/8301-13579_3-10164264-37.html

You can't make this stuff up.

-Mir
7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Tue Feb 01, 2011 6:12 pm

Quoting Revelation (Reply 43):

No surprise Doc Lightning is letting them fly here.


(I can raise the dead)
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
ShyFlyer
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Wed Feb 02, 2011 12:16 am

Quoting tugger (Reply 40):
It could be called the: iFart. Is there an app for that?

It's available for download on iToots.
I lift things up and put them down.
 
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Revelation
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RE: Malawi Bans Flatulence - Hard To Pinpoint Source

Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:31 pm

Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 48):
Quoting tugger (Reply 40):
It could be called the: iFart. Is there an app for that?

It's available for download on iToots.

I'm glad we aired that out.
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