flyerboy1990
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Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 5:32 am

So I have been following the site or years, but just started noticing recently that some of yall are actually gay. Well I have a question. I came out to my very accepting family about three weeks ago. My stepmom feels that it is important for me to get in the gay scene. We live in "Corntown, Ohio," but even Cleveland doesn't seem like a great place to get out there. So what am I to do? I have thought about dating sites, but they appeal to older people (I'm 20). I'm not trying to sleep with every guy in NE Ohio, but I don't know how to go about getting to know other gays. Thanks for yall's help.

***And what happened to the 'would you hit it' threads??? LOL
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NIKV69
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 5:41 am

You have been lurking here for how long and your just figuring that out now?  Wow!
Hey that guy with the private jet can bail us out! Why? HE CAN AFFORD IT!
 
kiwiinoz
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 5:49 am

Looks like moving to New York state would be a good start. Lots of happy gay people there today!
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:13 am

Quoting flyerboy1990 (Thread starter):
(I'm 20).

So get laid.

No, seriously. You haven't had much chance to explore your own sexuality. Your friends have a 3-5 year head start on you. Almost everyone has a "slut" phase, so you'll do well to get started on yours.

Just... BE SAFE. And remember, in the gay world, "sex" doesn't have to mean "anal."
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
TSS
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:19 am

Quoting kiwiinoz (Reply 2):
Looks like moving to New York state would be a good start.

Baby steps, Kiwi, baby steps. New York (well, New York City, anyway) would chew up and spit out a guy from "Corntown, Ohio" in two seconds flat... and likely make fun of him while it was doing so.

Quoting flyerboy1990 (Thread starter):
I have thought about dating sites, but they appeal to older people (I'm 20).
Much older liars, most of the time. Here's a quick conversion chart for "personal ad" to real world figures:
Subtract 4 inches from quoted height measurements across the board ("6'1" = 5'9, "5'7" = 5'3, etc.);
Add 20% to quoted weight ("150 lbs" = 180 lbs, "200 lbs" = 250 lbs, etc.);
Add 20% to quoted age ("25 y.o." = 30 y.o., "40 y.o." = 48 y.o., etc.);
Any other quoted figures are usually pure fiction that defies accurate conversion.

Quoting flyerboy1990 (Thread starter):
We live in "Corntown, Ohio," but even Cleveland doesn't seem like a great place to get out there.

Cleveland may not be New York, Los Angeles, or San Francisco, but neither are those places Cleveland. Cleveland wouldn't be a bad place to start out at all in my opinion. I've met several very nice, genuine, down-to-earth guys from Cleveland over the years, so you shouldn't count it out without giving it a chance first.
I don't know what the exact drinking age is in Ohio, but you'll probably be somewhat socially hindered until you turn 21 since bars are still the best places to meet people in most cities. Several points to remember about bars in general and gay bars in particular:
1. You don't have to drink alcohol when you're there. In fact, if you're new there and don't know anyone, STAY SOBER! Restrict yourself to Coca-Cola and politely refuse any "shots" that are offered. Not everyone will have your best interests at heart, and it pays to keep a clear head. And obviously, you should never drink and drive.
2. Get on your bartender's "good side". He knows the regulars, you don't. If he knows you're not drinking, he can intercede between you and people who obnoxiously insist that "One little shot won't hurt". The way to get on a bartender's "good side" is to offer to pay for every drink you get even if it's just Coca-Cola, tip for every drink you order whether you get charged for it or not (most bartenders won't charge you for soft drinks after they see you're a consistent tipper, so you come out cheaper in the long run), and don't be impatient when you order a drink (Trust me, whether he acknowledged you or not, he saw you when you first walked in and will take your order as soon as possible. If you sit your empty glass on his side of the bar, he'll see it and refill it as soon as he's able).
3. NEVER LEAVE THE BAR WITH SOMEONE YOU'VE JUST MET!
4. Learn to play pool. It's a good way to strike up conversations if you're not socially aggressive or aren't even socially confident. Also, in most bars the light over the pool table is the only decent light in the place and it never hurts to get a better(-lit) look at someone who's flirting with you.
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AR385
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:26 am

This is a very hard thread in which to participate. I knew I was gay since forever but to tell my parents and friends in Northern Mexico was more than extremely difficult. Eventually my father passed away and I had no chance to come out to him, but I did to my mother 3 years later.

I would not describe it as the most difficult thing I had ever had to do, but it was not easy. The funny thing was that when I told her and my brother their answer was "So what´s new? We knew all along"

What you need to know is the following:

1. People will try to take advantage of you
2. Always practice safe sex. Always. Always. Always.
3. Do not feel you are in love because you had good sex with someone you just met.
4. Live your life as normal as you have been living it, the fact you decided to come out ought not to have any effect on the people that really love you and are important to you.
 
TSS
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:39 am

Quoting AR385 (Reply 5):
What you need to know is the following:

1. People will try to take advantage of you
2. Always practice safe sex. Always. Always. Always.
3. Do not feel you are in love because you had good sex with someone you just met.
4. Live your life as normal as you have been living it, the fact you decided to come out ought not to have any effect on the people that really love you and are important to you.

Wise words from a wise man. Heed them well.

And man, I wish I could be anywhere near that succinct.  
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OA260
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:51 am

Quoting AR385 (Reply 5):
1. People will try to take advantage of you
2. Always practice safe sex. Always. Always. Always.
3. Do not feel you are in love because you had good sex with someone you just met.
4. Live your life as normal as you have been living it, the fact you decided to come out ought not to have any effect on the people that really love you and are important to you.

Good advice .

And to add :

1: Being Gay does not mean you have to hang out in Gay bars or Clubs with a load of sad people.

2: Having to go to Pride marches just to let everyone know you are Gay .

3: Keep a good balance of straight/Gay friends and be very careful who you let into your Gay friends circle.

4: As above dont change your life just because you may feel that you have to . Be close to the people that love you ie: your family and current friends. If they love you they will accept you . People that dont accept you get rid of them out of your life and dont dwell on it too much, its their problem.
 
NIKV69
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 11:25 am

Quoting kiwiinoz (Reply 2):
Looks like moving to New York state would be a good start. Lots of happy gay people there today!

Just make sure you like to play craps and roulette we will need you.

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 3):
And remember, in the gay world, "sex" doesn't have to mean "anal."

Is this a Bill Clinton thing? You are not going to tell me it isn't cheating if you just use a cigar are you?
Hey that guy with the private jet can bail us out! Why? HE CAN AFFORD IT!
 
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aerorobnz
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 11:31 am

Quoting flyerboy1990 (Thread starter):
We live in "Corntown, Ohio,"

I read this as "Cornhole, Ohio"....lol

congrats on being who you want to be. Gay or straight that's a good place to be.
Flown to 120 Airports in 44 Countries on 73 Operators. Visited 55 Countries and counting. Wanderlust is like Syphilis, once you have the itch it's too late for treatment.
 
Btblue
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 11:50 am

Take a look online. See what bars there are in your local area. Use gaydar if you have it... make friends, get to know people... be careful though and please practice safe sex... Don't be afraid of going out alone... often that's when you meet people, and you get to know what you like and don't like.

I would take it easy - you've plenty of years ahead where you can get to know what you like and don't like. It's all a learning curve and eventually you'll get there.
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planeguy727
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 1:43 pm

Rather than going to bars when I came out I chose to meet other G,L,B,T people by getting involved with various volunteer opportunities. Less pressure, a chance to do good in the world, and by choosing causes that matter to you, an instant conversation starter with new people. Volunteer groups are traditionally very welcoming and I have many long-time friends from those early days.

Take your time. There is much to be experienced in life but nothing says it has to happen quickly. Enjoy the journey.

Please remember that there is much more to being gay than sex. And sex is certainly not the only way to connect with other gay folks. After all, look at the support and connection among the gay members of a.net.

Congratulations on reaching an important step in the self-discovery of life. Glad to hear you've got family support.
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falstaff
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 1:58 pm

Quoting TSS (Reply 4):
Much older liars, most of the time. Here's a quick conversion chart for "personal ad" to real world figures:
Subtract 4 inches from quoted height measurements across the board ("6'1" = 5'9, "5'7" = 5'3, etc.);
Add 20% to quoted weight ("150 lbs" = 180 lbs, "200 lbs" = 250 lbs, etc.);
Add 20% to quoted age ("25 y.o." = 30 y.o., "40 y.o." = 48 y.o., etc.);
Any other quoted figures are usually pure fiction that defies accurate conversion.


Don't forget about the photos. They are usually not up to date. I remember seeing a good looking woman on a dating site once and she claimed to be 35. She looked a lot younger than 35, in her photo. When I enlarged the photo, by clicking on it, you could plainly see the calender hanging on her wall from 2000, ten years earlier.

This chart would also work well for the numerous straight dating web sites... I have had plenty of experience on those and I think I may the the only honest person on there....

Quoting TSS (Reply 4):
NEVER LEAVE THE BAR WITH SOMEONE YOU'VE JUST MET!


Always good advice regardless of age, gender, sexual preference, etc... Nothing like waking up in the morning and having somebody who thinks you are now in a relationship and wants to move in with you.
My mug slaketh over on Falstaff N503
 
sy738fan
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 2:23 pm

Don't worry about being "behind" as an earlier poster suggested - I was older than you when I finally came out, and turned out just fine (at least I think I did, haha).

If you're a student, there are likely some organized GLBT groups on campus. These are a safe place to start, and probably a better source of local advice than any of us!

As far as dating sites....boy, I do have some stories. On the other hand, I did meet my now-partner of four years on one of those things.

I suspect Cleveland is a perfectly reasonable place to be out. I'd give it a shot.
False. I do not miss Jim.
 
seb146
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 2:32 pm

Quoting flyerboy1990 (Thread starter):
I have been following the site or years, but just started noticing recently that some of yall are actually gay.

Ummmm... Don't quote me, but I think we are working at the bank, jogging through the park, shopping at the market, praying next to you in church....

I came out in BFE, Oregon. Pendleton to be exact. Home of one of the largest rodeos in North America. Not the place for a gay to grow up but oh, those skin-tight Wranglers...

But, I digress.

Your friends probably already know. The long-term ones anyway. If you really want to date, ask them for help. I don't recommend dating right out of the closet. Get a sense of yourself first. Find out who you are in relation to the gay world. Take about a year or so.

One thing I would echo is: Do not get into a relationship with someone you take home from the bar. Also: Trust your instincts. If something does not add up about a person, let him go.
Patriotic and Proud Liberal
 
TSS
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 2:48 pm

Quoting falstaff (Reply 12):
Don't forget about the photos. They are usually not up to date.

Absolutely! I wish I had a nickel for every current personal ad photo I've seen that was taken from 1980s issues of Advocate Men magazine. Even if one goes out on a limb and assumes that the person placing the ad is the same one as in the photos, the photos would still be more than 20 years out-of-date.
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ltbewr
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 2:51 pm

I am straight, but one suggestion, as you are a student, is to join a GLTB group there. If your school is kinda weak as to such organizations, perhaps another nearby one has such a group. They can give you new friends, give you good advice, they may protect you from doing dumb things and know where the party is.   

I would note that as under 21, you need to avoid alcohol in public places or bars to prevent trouble for them as well as your self

I have seen the changes in my 56 years from when being gay meant sneaking around and living a lie. It has to be a huge relief, as well as a challenge to finally come out and I hope you have found contentment in being yourself.
 
Kiwirob
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 5:16 pm

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 3):
And remember, in the gay world, "sex" doesn't have to mean "anal."

Ouch, I though being a bottom was where it's all at?

Just wondering how do you know you're actually gay when you haven't played around with another bloke?
 
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DeltaMD90
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 5:32 pm

I'm starting to think there is a gay agenda, and it is testing itself out on a.net first, and then the world!   

But no, congrats, I'm no where gay but just from being on the forums for a while, I can tell you the most important rule to being gay:

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 3):
Just... BE SAFE.
Quoting AR385 (Reply 5):
Always practice safe sex. Always. Always. Always.
Quoting btblue (Reply 10):
be careful though and please practice safe sex
Ironically I have never flown a Delta MD-90 :)
 
TSS
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 5:36 pm

Quoting KiwiRob (Reply 17):
Ouch, I though being a bottom was where it's all at?

Nope, not at all.

Quoting KiwiRob (Reply 17):
Just wondering how do you know you're actually gay when you haven't played around with another bloke?

How do straight guys know they're straight when they haven't played around with a female?

The actual sex is not an end unto itself; instead, the sex is merely a physical expression of a much deeper overall attraction to one's own gender.
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Kiwirob
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 5:37 pm

Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 18):
I can tell you the most important rule to being gay:

They are also pretty important rules for us non gay blokes who like the soft silky curves of a hot honey!!!
 
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OA260
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:11 pm

Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 18):
I'm starting to think there is a gay agenda, and it is testing itself out on a.net first, and then the world!   

You know something I have met more Gay/bi / curious people on this site ( not in person I add ) then anywhere else in my life ! Hmmm most are not out but you would be surprised. Some really interesting people whom I keep in contact with and some who Im glad I never kept in contact with .
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:18 pm

Quoting KiwiRob (Reply 17):

Just wondering how do you know you're actually gay when you haven't played around with another bloke?

Did you know you liked girls before you had sex with one?
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
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DeltaMD90
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:28 pm

Quoting OA260 (Reply 21):
You know something I have met more Gay/bi / curious people on this site

Well, I guess it's to be expected when one stares at long, hard, cylindrical aircraft all the time!   
Ironically I have never flown a Delta MD-90 :)
 
Kiwirob
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:39 pm

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 22):
Did you know you liked girls before you had sex with one?

Ultimately you don't really know until you try.
 
flyerboy1990
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 10:28 pm

Thanks to everyone for your help. I guess I figured that since it's summer that I would try to get out there. I guess I won't worry about it until I start school in the fall. I'm pretty sure the college does have some type of organization to join. And I'm not a big partyer, so no drunken hookups for me! But of course I know to practice safe sex.

I think I feel that now that I'm out, that I have need to jump head first into "the lifestyle." It's actually a bit pathetic how I've built a fantasy of how I want to find the perfect guy and settle down and adopt kids! I sound like a little girl!

Okay, one more thing. My gaydar is barely functional and I'm not a flamboyant guy. Is it difficult to still find other gays outside of the bars and such?

Thanks again for yall's help!
Flown in: 712, 722, 73G, 738, 752, DC10, CR2, CR9, A319, A320 Want to fly in: A330, 767, 777, MD80, E170 series
 
AR385
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 10:55 pm

Quoting flyerboy1990 (Reply 25):
Okay, one more thing. My gaydar is barely functional and I'm not a flamboyant guy. Is it difficult to still find other gays outside of the bars and such?

Thanks again for yall's help!

You and I need to have an IM conversation. PM at your convenience.
 
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DeltaMD90
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 11:16 pm

Look into the Gay Straight Alliance. They have those at a lot of schools. I'm sure they have just the tools to hone in your gaydar  
Ironically I have never flown a Delta MD-90 :)
 
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Aaron747
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 11:24 pm

Quoting KiwiRob (Reply 24):
Ultimately you don't really know until you try.

This strikes me as nonsense. I knew what I wanted as soon as I started to notice T&A.
If you need someone to blame / throw a rock in the air / you'll hit someone guilty
 
squared
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sat Jun 25, 2011 11:28 pm

Quoting KiwiRob (Reply 17):
Just wondering how do you know you're actually gay when you haven't played around with another bloke?
Quoting KiwiRob (Reply 24):
Ultimately you don't really know until you try.

I can certainly tell you that even before I had sex, I knew I was gay. And I'm sure the same is true of many people...

I suppose there are some people who discover later in life that they are gay/bi or whatnot - but playing around with someone of the same sex is not a prerequisite to understanding one's sexuality.

Quoting TSS (Reply 4):
Much older liars, most of the time. Here's a quick conversion chart for "personal ad" to real world figures:
Subtract 4 inches from quoted height measurements across the board ("6'1" = 5'9, "5'7" = 5'3, etc.);
Add 20% to quoted weight ("150 lbs" = 180 lbs, "200 lbs" = 250 lbs, etc.);
Add 20% to quoted age ("25 y.o." = 30 y.o., "40 y.o." = 48 y.o., etc.);

Yes, agreed - be wary of dating sites... You'll notice a preponderance of very "well-endowed" statistics, but for the most part, it's just creative measuring....

That said, dating sites may be a good place to meet new people, especially if you're new to the community and don't have many gay friends. Just be careful if you decide to meet someone - obviously in public, during the daytime, etc... (I'm sure you know that  )
 
sccutler
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sun Jun 26, 2011 1:36 am

Hey - not trying to be who you aren't is important to your mental well-being.

So how is being gay different from being a breeder - really?

There's no rush - it's not as if you'll lose it if you don't use it, and there are a lot of predators out to take advantage of someone who is naive, inexperienced (and, of course, this applies in straight world or gay world).

Lots of good advice above. Just live your life, and odds are, you'll find someone whose soul fits yours. In the mean time, be careful for jerks.
...three miles from BRONS, clear for the ILS one five approach...
 
TSS
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sun Jun 26, 2011 3:08 am

Quoting flyerboy1990 (Reply 25):
I think I feel that now that I'm out, that I have need to jump head first into "the lifestyle."

First off, "the lifestyle" (note the quotation marks), if it ever actually existed, only did so for a small minority of gay men in cities large enough to have a "gay ghetto" during the late 70s and early 80s. The simple fact is that if you're gay, then any lifestyle you live is by definition a gay lifestyle. Don't try to pigeonhole yourself into a stereotype- just be who you are and be the best version of that person you can be.

Quoting flyerboy1990 (Reply 25):
It's actually a bit pathetic how I've built a fantasy of how I want to find the perfect guy and settle down and adopt kids!

Whoa there, Trigger! Let's take this "coming out" thing one step at a time. First, you need to find a gay social outlet. Then you need to make a few gay friends. Then you can start thinking about dating*. Then, if you meet someone really special**, you can start thinking about long term plans like a house, kids, etc.

*Dating= If you're seriously looking to get into a relationship rather than just fool around a bit, then I strongly recommend rigidly adhering to the "third date" rule (no sex of any kind until the third date). Any gay guy who will still speak to you after two dates with no sex is almost certainly genuinely attracted to you as a person, not as just a potential notch on his bedpost.

**Special= Someone with whom you share interests and life goals, and who can accurately remember both your birthday and your favorite color. You'd be amazed at how many guys don't care enough to learn those two simple bits of information about another person. If they can't manage that,, they're not worth your time no matter how cute they are.

Quoting AR385 (Reply 26):
Quoting flyerboy1990 (Reply 25):
Okay, one more thing. My gaydar is barely functional and I'm not a flamboyant guy. Is it difficult to still find other gays outside of the bars and such?

Thanks again for yall's help!

You and I need to have an IM conversation. PM at your convenience.

Don't feel bad, Flyerboy. I'm more than twice your age, I've been out for over 28 years, and my barely functional gaydar is a subject of much laughter among my friends. Perhaps I need to have an IM conversation with AR385 as well.  
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AR385
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sun Jun 26, 2011 8:52 am

Quoting TSS (Reply 31):
Perhaps I need to have an IM conversation with AR385 as well.

Oh. Well, whenever you want.
 
shamrock321
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Sun Jun 26, 2011 11:09 pm

Well done on coming out, I did it at the end of last year, and its amazing! Have made so many new friends  
 
luckyone
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Mon Jun 27, 2011 12:20 am

Quoting squared (Reply 29):
Yes, agreed - be wary of dating sites... You'll notice a preponderance of very "well-endowed" statistics, but for the most part, it's just creative measuring....

I think many people confuse metric and imperial  
Quoting sccutler (Reply 30):
There's no rush - it's not as if you'll lose it if you don't use it, and there are a lot of predators out to take advantage of someone who is naive, inexperienced (and, of course, this applies in straight world or gay world).

A-men! (pund intended). He's out there, but if he doesn't show up tomorrow don't get upset.  
 
Springbok747
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Mon Jun 27, 2011 1:00 am

Quoting KiwiRob (Reply 24):
Ultimately you don't really know until you try.

Not true.


Quoting Aaron747 (Reply 28):
I knew what I wanted as soon as I started to notice T&A.

  
אני תומך בישראל
 
luv2fly
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:48 pm

Being a fellow Ohioian, there are worst places then Cleveland to be Gay, you good be in the bible belt.
You can cut the irony with a knife
 
lhr380
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Mon Jun 27, 2011 9:22 pm

Quoting OA260 (Reply 7):
And to add :

1: Being Gay does not mean you have to hang out in Gay bars or Clubs with a load of sad people.

2: Having to go to Pride marches just to let everyone know you are Gay .

3: Keep a good balance of straight/Gay friends and be very careful who you let into your Gay friends circle.

4: As above dont change your life just because you may feel that you have to . Be close to the people that love you ie: your family and current friends. If they love you they will accept you . People that dont accept you get rid of them out of your life and dont dwell on it too much, its their problem.

SO true!!!! Im not camp at all (I get a "little" camp after a few drinks, but I just giggle a lot) I hardly go on the scene. I used to live opposite Canal Street in Manchester for about a year, and you would more likely find me if I was out in Walkabout or Yates or somewhere like that..

Quoting sy738fan (Reply 13):
Don't worry about being "behind" as an earlier poster suggested - I was older than you when I finally came out, and turned out just fine (at least I think I did, haha).

I came out in 2005, so I was 24 when that happened. I was a very late starter, but also Im not in any rush to "catch" up. A little fun now and then is Ok, but im not that type of guy who wants to go sleep with every hot guy I like.

Quoting flyerboy1990 (Reply 25):
My gaydar is barely functional and I'm not a flamboyant guy

Dont worry, mine is crap as well. I have a BAD habit of falling head over heels for with straight blokes haha

Anytime you fancy a chat, as others have said, just PM
(The views on this site are my own and no one elses)
 
max999
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Mon Jun 27, 2011 9:24 pm

Quoting TSS (Reply 4):
Baby steps, Kiwi, baby steps. New York (well, New York City, anyway) would chew up and spit out a guy from "Corntown, Ohio" in two seconds flat... and likely make fun of him while it was doing so.

I take exception to this because you don't know anything about the thread starter so you're underestimating his intelligence, emtional maturity, etc etc. As long as you're not naive and relatively intelligent, you will done fine in NYC.
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mal787
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Mon Jun 27, 2011 9:30 pm

Quoting flyerboy1990 (Thread starter):
And what happened to the 'would you hit it' threads

Feel free to start one, I cant at the moment on work computer and boss would be peed off if i start trawling for hotties

Mal 787
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luckyone
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Mon Jun 27, 2011 9:31 pm

Quoting luv2fly (Reply 36):
Being a fellow Ohioian, there are worst places then Cleveland to be Gay, you good be in the bible belt.

Would you like to take a guess at where The Advocate's Gay Friendliest/Gayest City 2010 is located??? I'll give you a hint, it's the heart of the Bible Belt -- Atlanta. It dropped a few points in 2011 but still ranks higher than San Francisco and Miami. Savannah is also FULL of us!!!

PS this year Cleveland was 12 of 15 on the list  
 
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OA260
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Mon Jun 27, 2011 9:39 pm

Quoting lhr380 (Reply 37):
SO true!!!! Im not camp at all (I get a "little" camp after a few drinks, but I just giggle a lot) I hardly go on the scene.

My colleagues at work ( mostly Girls ) tell me they were out in Dublin and mention some Gay bars and I don't know what they are talking about lol... I only can think of one . I have 95% straight friends and wear conservative clothes.. I actually feel uncomfortable around overly camp Gays. Dont know why they wear make up and act like that. I had a very good friend of mine who was straight acting then became cabin crew and started to put on this stupid act and became all drama queen. Cut him loose when he turned into that .
 
lhr380
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Mon Jun 27, 2011 9:46 pm

I don't get the "camp" thing at all. I don't understand why a guy has to act like that just cause he like other guys, I could never date an overly camp guy at all. I could not put up with it.
(The views on this site are my own and no one elses)
 
TSS
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Tue Jun 28, 2011 1:24 am

Quoting max999 (Reply 38):
Quoting TSS (Reply 4):
Baby steps, Kiwi, baby steps. New York (well, New York City, anyway) would chew up and spit out a guy from "Corntown, Ohio" in two seconds flat... and likely make fun of him while it was doing so.

I take exception to this because you don't know anything about the thread starter so you're underestimating his intelligence, emtional maturity, etc etc. As long as you're not naive and relatively intelligent, you will done fine in NYC.

Exception duly noted.
If I gave the impression that I was underestimating Flyerboy's intelligence or emotional maturity, then I must apologize as that was never my intention. Going by Flyerboy's posts in this thread and nothing else, I get the impression he is quite intelligent, reasonably emotionally mature, and most importantly, understandably naive. Therefore I stand by my original statement concerning NYC, and I would point out that my statement was made in reply to Kiwiinoz's suggestion that Flyerboy get to know other gays by moving to New York state-

Quoting kiwiinoz (Reply 2):
Looks like moving to New York state would be a good start.

While that might be a great choice later on, I don't think it's a good idea for someone who is just coming out and who is not originally from New York. For the record, I would have posted a similar response had Kiwiinoz (or anyone else for that matter) suggested that Flyerboy move to San Francisco, Los Angeles, Atlanta, or any other city far away from his existing family and friends for the sole purpose of meeting gay people.

[Edited 2011-06-27 18:52:59]
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flyerboy1990
Topic Author
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Tue Jun 28, 2011 2:22 am

Thanks again for all the great advice. I look forward to this new journey in my life!
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DocLightning
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Tue Jun 28, 2011 4:39 am

Quoting TSS (Reply 4):

Baby steps, Kiwi, baby steps. New York (well, New York City, anyway) would chew up and spit out a guy from "Corntown, Ohio" in two seconds flat... and likely make fun of him while it was doing so.

This gay Michigan boy moved to New York and conquered. And then left.

Admittedly I moved to New York with a medical degree and a job...
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
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TSS
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Tue Jun 28, 2011 5:34 am

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 45):
Admittedly I moved to New York with a medical degree and a job...

And, I would imagine, a natural BS detector of remarkable scope and sensitivity. Armed with those three things, I have no doubt that moving to and living in NYC was a piece of cake for you.
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
 
bananaboy
Posts: 1466
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Tue Jun 28, 2011 6:25 am

Quoting lhr380 (Reply 42):
I don't get the "camp" thing at all. I don't understand why a guy has to act like that just cause he like other guys,

I admire their courage to be themselves and not act in the stereotypical way that society would generally expect men to.

Quoting lhr380 (Reply 42):
I could never date an overly camp guy at all.

I don't think I could have either - not my type, but each to their own.

Mark
All my life, I've been kissing, your top lip 'cause your bottom one's missing
 
Doona
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Tue Jun 28, 2011 7:59 am

Quoting flyerboy1990 (Reply 25):
Okay, one more thing. My gaydar is barely functional and I'm not a flamboyant guy. Is it difficult to still find other gays outside of the bars and such?

We don't spend all our time in gay bars and clubs. Where I live the "gay scene" is very limited, and the flings/romances/hook-ups I've experienced have all come about outside said "scene". I hang out with a lot of women, and even though the main purpose of that isn't to find guys, cute gay guys tend to pop up in traditionally female social situations.

Quoting lhr380 (Reply 37):
Dont worry, mine is crap as well. I have a BAD habit of falling head over heels for with straight blokes haha

Same here! The cliché that all the good guys are either married or gay is way off, IMO.   

Cheers
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bookishaviator
Posts: 225
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RE: Just Came Out, Now What?

Tue Jun 28, 2011 9:12 am

Quoting Doona (Reply 48):
Quoting flyerboy1990 (Reply 25):
Okay, one more thing. My gaydar is barely functional and I'm not a flamboyant guy. Is it difficult to still find other gays outside of the bars and such?

We don't spend all our time in gay bars and clubs. Where I live the "gay scene" is very limited, and the flings/romances/hook-ups I've experienced have all come about outside said "scene". I hang out with a lot of women, and even though the main purpose of that isn't to find guys, cute gay guys tend to pop up in traditionally female social situations.

Likewise, every boyfriend I've ever had has become known to me through day to day life or activities I've pursued that are not gay-specific. I met my last boyfriend, for example, in my evening Japanese class. The guy before him I met on a flight from MEL - LAX.

I can count the number of times I've been to gay bars or clubs on one hand. I never have any desire to go to them. Don't for a second think your chance of love is so greatly reduced if you're not 'on the scene'.

As for being able to pick who's gay or who isn't, well, as you get to know someone, chances are it'll quickly become clear whether they are gay or not through the conversations you have with them and the details of their lives and interests that therefore become known to you. That's the way it's always worked for me.
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