LGWflyer
Topic Author
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Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Sat Dec 24, 2011 11:43 pm

As you know christmas is the time for loads of terrible cheesy christmas jokes.

I'll start off and list a few:

What hats do snowmen wear? Ice caps.

Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed? He had low elf-esteem.

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month? The letter D.
3 words... I Love Aviation!!!
 
EDICHC
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Sun Dec 25, 2011 9:52 am

What do you call a chicken wearing a shell suit?

An Egg!
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Okie
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Sun Dec 25, 2011 2:35 pm

Oh man, I went to a Christmas Party last night and had way, way too much to drink to drive a Car.
So, I thought I would take a Bus home.
Now, that was an experience
I had never driven a Bus before.

Okie
 
andz
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Sun Dec 25, 2011 3:34 pm

Three guys arrive at the pearly gates.

St Peter says to them "as today is Christmas Day, I can't let you in unless you show me something Christmas related."

First guy pulls out a lighter. "It represents a candle" he says. St Peter lets him in.

Second guy jangles his car keys and says "bells." He too is allowed to enter.

Third guy checks all his pockets in a panic then pulls out a pair of panties and holds them up.

St Peter looks at him questioningly.

"Carol's"
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF...
 
Phen
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Sun Dec 25, 2011 5:24 pm

How do you know the turkey is an Irish one? Its looking forward to Christmas.

Why does Santa make a list and check it twice? He has OCD.
 
varigb707
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Sun Dec 25, 2011 7:31 pm

Here's one about Santa Claus and Raquel Welch in a lifeboat.

- They're out on the ocean and, yada yada yada, and she says, "Those aren't buoys."

A little disclaimer now : the original joke had The Pope instead of Santa Claus, in one of Jerry Seinfeld's episodes, The Yada Yada episode.
There,

Peace,
First, I said 'hey' and then I said 'now'. "Hey Now!" - Hank K.
 
EDICHC
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Mon Dec 26, 2011 8:13 am

Christmas carol for the hyper manic....

Deck the halls and lounge and dining room and kitchen and bedroom and garage and trees and lamp-posts...etc etc

Christmas carol for the hypochondriac...

No well, I'm no well...
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tcasalert
Posts: 448
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Mon Dec 26, 2011 11:52 am

My favourite ever Christmas joke resurfaced in one of our crackers yesterday.

"How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?

With Jammin."

But then it went one further....

"What does he say when he gives his mate a doughnut?"

"I hope you like Jammin too"


:D
Next flight: Feb 2012 - BHX-CPH-BHX - SK MD87 / CRJ900
 
L-188
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Wed Dec 28, 2011 4:15 pm

There is the old one about Santa getting a Check ride from the FAA. The inspector pulls out a rifle as they are getting on the sleigh. Santa asks what the rifle is for and the FAA inspector says," I shouldn't tell you this because us is part of the ride but you are going to loose an engine on takeoff"
OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
 
B6JFKH81
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Wed Dec 28, 2011 5:29 pm

I still love this one, cracks me up every time I hear it:

What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?



Santa stops after 3 Ho's.  
"If you do not learn from history, you are doomed to repeat it"
 
LGWflyer
Topic Author
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:24 pm

Quoting B6JFKH81 (Reply 9):
I still love this one, cracks me up every time I hear it:

What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?



Santa stops after 3 Ho's.

Hahaha love it!!!!        
3 words... I Love Aviation!!!
 
TSS
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Thu Dec 29, 2011 7:52 am

Quoting Phen (Reply 4):
How do you know the turkey is an Irish one? Its looking forward to Christmas.

Umm... I don't get that joke. Could you explain it to us non-Irish folk?
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
 
767nutter
Posts: 117
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Thu Jan 05, 2012 10:05 pm

Quoting TSS (Reply 11):
Umm... I don't get that joke. Could you explain it to us non-Irish folk?

well what happens to turkeys at christmas?

heres two out of some xmas crackers

"daddy theres a man collecting for the new public swimming pool"
"yea? then give him a cup of water"

What do you get if you put a red diamond in the Black sea?
You get a wet red diamond

oh dear oh dear
 
sunshine79
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Thu Jan 05, 2012 10:12 pm

Nicked this from Mrs Brown's Boys:

Did you know there was Henry the brown-nosed reindeer, the was just as fast as Rudolph but couldn't stop as quick.
Formerly alcregular, Why drive when you can fly?
 
LGWflyer
Topic Author
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Thu Jan 05, 2012 10:20 pm

Quoting sunshine79 (Reply 13):
Nicked this from Mrs Brown's Boys:

Did you know there was Henry the brown-nosed reindeer, the was just as fast as Rudolph but couldn't stop as quick.

Haha I saw that episode.
3 words... I Love Aviation!!!
 
seb146
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Thu Jan 05, 2012 10:25 pm

Cheesy jokes? Hmmmm....

Brie
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Geezer
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Sat Jan 07, 2012 8:46 am

A guy is at the hospital to get a vasectomy; the nurse instructs him to follow her to the examining room; they go in, and she instructs him to remove all of his clothing and lie on his back on the table; he does as instructed;

The nurse then removes all of her clothing, and "climbs on top"............they then "have at it"..........

Afterward, when they are finished dressing, he asks her, "so....what was that all about ?"

She explains to him.........." medical science has recently become aware that men preparing to have a vasectomy are much better off if they ejaculate before the procedure........it causes them to be more calm, and they get over it better.

The man replies, "I see";

While she is walking him down a hallway to the operating room, he notices 6 men in a side room, all masturbating;
Curious, he asks the nurse..........."what's that all about" ?

She explains to him.........

"They're all having vasectomies too; you have Blue Cross, Blue Shield, they have Obamacare"
Stupidity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result; Albert Einstein
 
767nutter
Posts: 117
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Sat Jan 07, 2012 9:57 am

Quoting geezer (Reply 16):
A guy is at the hospital to get a vasectomy; the nurse instructs him to follow her to the examining room; they go in, and she instructs him to remove all of his clothing and lie on his back on the table; he does as instructed;

The nurse then removes all of her clothing, and "climbs on top"............they then "have at it"..........

Afterward, when they are finished dressing, he asks her, "so....what was that all about ?"

She explains to him.........." medical science has recently become aware that men preparing to have a vasectomy are much better off if they ejaculate before the procedure........it causes them to be more calm, and they get over it better.

The man replies, "I see";

While she is walking him down a hallway to the operating room, he notices 6 men in a side room, all masturbating;
Curious, he asks the nurse..........."what's that all about" ?

She explains to him.........

"They're all having vasectomies too; you have Blue Cross, Blue Shield, they have Obamacare"

haha, ive heard this joke and a similar one to it, but with the "UK" version, ie, they're on the NHS, you are with Bupa
 
Geezer
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Sat Jan 07, 2012 7:26 pm

Hello there ! I'm Geezer, and I'm in the U.S.; can anyone in the U.K. tell me what "NHS" & "Bupa" are ?
Stupidity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result; Albert Einstein
 
Airstud
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Sun Jan 08, 2012 2:29 am

Quoting geezer (Reply 18):
Hello there ! I'm Geezer, and I'm in the U.S.; can anyone in the U.K. tell me what "NHS" & "Bupa" are ?

NHS - National Health Service. Britain's publicly funded health care apparatus.

Bupa - London based private health insurer - click here for more info.
Pancakes are delicious.
 
jcs17
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Sun Jan 08, 2012 6:03 am

Cheesy jokes?

What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
America's chickens are coming home to rooooost!
 
Geezer
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RE: Got Any Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Thu Jan 12, 2012 3:05 am

Thanks Airstud ! I was pretty "close" about NHS; couldn't figure Bupa though.................




Here's one from Sunday;

A fellow and his wife go to the county fair every year, and they always see this other fellow that takes people rides in his airplane for $10.

The first guy wants to take a ride, but his wife says "no, it's too expensive, and money's tight";

The following year, it's the same thing........" it's too expensive, and money's tight".

This goes on every year, year after year; finally, after years and years, the guy says to his wife.........Look.....I'm 80 yrs old now, my health is bad, and it'll probably be my LAST CHANCE !
His wife replies, same as always, "It's too expensive, money's too tight"

The guy with the airplane hears this, and say's "Look, you've been here every year, all these years, .....,I'm going to take both of you "up" for free ! But there's just one thing............I don't allow any talking when I'm flying; just one word......the deal's off, and you pay full price."

Both the man and his wife agree.........they won't say a word.

They take off, get up a ways, the pilot decides to do barrel roll; still, not a word is spoken; then he decides to do an inside loop, followed by an outside loop; still not a word is spoken. The pilots lands, jumps out, and is helping the guy get out; "Hey he says, where's your wife ?" The old guy says, "oh, when you did that outside loop, the door came open and she went flying out !" The pilot says........"holy cow, why didn't you say something ? The old guy says, "well, like she always said, it's a lot of money, and money's tight" !

Charley
Stupidity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result; Albert Einstein

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