Max Q
Topic Author
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Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 9:29 am

Anyone else have experience with this ?



I have been dealing with an individual (female) now for almost 8 months that will not leave me alone.



After a very casual meeting in a restaurant she started to call me fairly regularly and we had a few rational conversations (there was no relationship of any kind)



She then started to call me incessantly day and night , sending me text messages, and leaving crazy voicemails, insisting she was my 'best friend' and how lucky I was to have her in my life.



I told her to stop contacting me under any circumstances but then she found out where I live and started waiting for me when I go out to walk my Dogs,waiting for me at the end of the street, following me in her car or on her bicycle.



This has been driving me nuts. I have warned her to stay away from me with no result. I have called the cops and have filed a harassment complaint with the state which is pending and finally got a temporary restraining order approved by the court which makes it illegal for her to approach or contact me in any way



If she breaks this order the cops will arrest her.



The Cops have warned her five times now to stay away from me with no result. She just keeps telling them 'but you don't understand, we are friends'



I blocked her phone number so she couldn't call me so she just calls from a different phone (her husbands !) I block that number so she starts texting me from an e mail address.



Whatever I do to stop her contacting me she just finds another way.



This woman is absolutely crazy. I Have a court case in a week where the judge will decide whether to make the restraining order permanent.



I cannot believe this person. I have told her over and over again I am not interested in her with no result, tried ignoring her, yelling at her and now legal action but nothing seems to put her off.



I am open to suggestions, anyone had a similar experience and / or have any ideas how to stop this lunatic ?
The best contribution to safety is a competent Pilot.
 
ajd1992
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 10:35 am

If you have done all that then it sounds like you have done all you can. A restraining order should keep her away and if she breaches it then she is liable for arrest obviously.

It sounds like you have been very decent about this, have you given a statement to the Police?
 
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9MMPQ
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 11:08 am

Agree with AJD1992, seems you're doing all you can do. I'd suggest bringing in the text messages & maybe a record of her calls to you as evidence too if you haven't done so already.

Maybe she'll back off after that restraining order becomes permanent, otherwise the next stop is her arrest. Not being that familiar with US law or procedures for such a case i wonder if maybe a psychiatric assessment could come into play if she persists and has been arrested, maybe after a couple of times ?
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Braybuddy
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 11:28 am

Quoting Max Q (Thread starter):
I blocked her phone number so she couldn't call me so she just calls from a different phone (her husbands !) I block that number so she starts texting me from an e mail address.

I know people have reasons for keeping their phone number, but if she's that persistent you should change it or buy a new phone, and give that number only to people you trust. Won't solve the problem, but it should help.
 
ajd1992
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 11:34 am

Quoting Braybuddy (Reply 3):
I know people have reasons for keeping their phone number, but if she's that persistent you should change it or buy a new phone, and give that number only to people you trust. Won't solve the problem, but it should help.

Or just get a new SIM card - no need for a new phone. Even if you have a contract, a quick phone call to your provider with an explanation of the circumstances should mean a change of number.

Quoting 9MMPQ (Reply 2):
Maybe she'll back off after that restraining order becomes permanent, otherwise the next stop is her arrest. Not being that familiar with US law or procedures for such a case i wonder if maybe a psychiatric assessment could come into play if she persists and has been arrested, maybe after a couple of times ?

Possibly although by the sounds of it she is a bit crazy saying they are friends. Maybe a psychiatric assessment is needed sooner rather than later.
 
bristolflyer
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 12:52 pm

Wow, this is horrible for you. How about telling her husband about what she does?
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johns624
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 1:06 pm

Quoting bristolflyer (Reply 5):
Wow, this is horrible for you. How about telling her husband about what she does?

Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner! How did she get your number in the first place? You gave it to a married woman after (in your words) "a very casual meeting in a restaurant". It sounds to me like you were looking for a little strange and it came back to bite you...
 
rampart
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 1:10 pm

Call her husband!

filler filler filler
 
sunshine79
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 1:12 pm

Buy her a snow globe, that should scare her off, lol

Seriously, I know you shouldn't have to but change you cell number and make it ex-directory. If you have a mutual friend, see if you can talk to them, see if she has any mental problems etc as this is why she maybe acting the way she is and she may need proper help. Worse case, you speak to the husband, but I would leave this to the police and wait for the court case.
Formerly alcregular, Why drive when you can fly?
 
dc9northwest
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 1:49 pm

Quoting sunshine79 (Reply 8):
Buy her a snow globe, that should scare her off, lol

I would've been surprised if FLairport would not have been brought up.... Don't forget to track her flights!  


Anyway, most good advice has already been said:

1) new number for your peace of mind
2) restraining order is good

Not more you can do to stop this... Hopefully for you it will stop soon, good luck.
 
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DeltaMD90
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 3:42 pm

I'd just be careful, stalkers have been known to get violent. It's rare though, not trying to scare you. Sounds like you did all you could, I'd maybe take it to the husband or at least warn her that you're going to
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mmedford
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 4:00 pm

Am I the only one who thinks this thread is worthless without pics?
ILS = It'll Land Somewhere
 
rampart
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 4:04 pm

Quoting johns624 (Reply 6):
How did she get your number in the first place? You gave it to a married woman

Ahhh, yes. That could be worse, the husband. I was assuming it was just a nutty woman, but if both of them knew the woman was married... well. Hence arresting her could open a new can of worms, too, being the husband.
 
northstardc4m
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 5:29 pm

Quoting Max Q (Thread starter):
The Cops have warned her five times now to stay away from me with no result. She just keeps telling them 'but you don't understand, we are friends'

If you have a TRO and that's all the cops are doing I would call the issuing judges office or get an attorney to do it for you. They can file a bench warrant for violation of the TRO and have her arrested. Unless the TROs conditions are absurdly stupid that should be more than reasonable.
Now there may be a specific procedure for this so talking to a attorney or other legal counsel might be the best 1st step.
Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.
 
Ps76
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 6:50 pm

Hi!

I'm not too sure if this is a good idea but maybe tell her you're not really an airline pilot but are really a flightsim pilot and lied. I'm a flightsim pilot and trust me no woman would be remotely interested in stalking me!

But seriously you seem to be doing all the right things already. Hopefully it will pass. I feel sorry for the husband though, it can't be too nice having a wife who's stalking another man.

Hope it might help.

Pierre
 
fr8mech
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 6:56 pm

Quoting rampart (Reply 7):
Call her husband!
Quoting Ps76 (Reply 14):
I'm not too sure if this is a good idea but maybe tell her you're not really an airline pilot but are really a flightsim pilot and lied. I'm a flightsim pilot and trust me no woman would be remotely interested in stalking me!

May I suggest that you do not do this. Do not initiate any contact with her or her family. Remain vigilant and allow the law to deal with it.

Do change your phone number and contact information.
When seconds count...the police are minutes away.
 
NoUFO
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sat Jul 07, 2012 7:44 pm

I agree with fr8mech: Do not inform her husband, and on no account should you communicate with her.

But you should inform your colleagues and your superior. Keep a diary of events and improve your personal safety.
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Max Q
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sun Jul 08, 2012 4:39 am

Quoting Braybuddy (Reply 3):

I know people have reasons for keeping their phone number, but if she's that persistent you should change it or buy a new phone, and give that number only to people you trust. Won't solve the problem, but it should help.

I am considering doing this, it is a bit of an inconvenience but probably worth it, problem is it will only stop her being able to call me, the big problem is she knows where I live.

Quoting bristolflyer (Reply 5):
Wow, this is horrible for you. How about telling her husband about what she does?

I have done this, in fact I started forwarding the looney text messages she was sending me on to him. He told me he would talk to her. It made no difference, she didn't stop.



Unfortunately, although you can block a person from calling you there is no way to block a text message.

Quoting johns624 (Reply 6):

Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner! How did she get your number in the first place? You gave it to a married woman after (in your words) "a very casual meeting in a restaurant". It sounds to me like you were looking for a little strange and it came back to bite you...

First of all and to put this in perspective this Woman weighs at least 350 pounds. I am not and have never been in the slightest bit interested in her although I didn't know she was married at the time.


She walked (waddled) over to my table at this restaurant / bar where they were having a Karaoke night. Something I enjoy doing, she introduced herself and we talked very casually for a while, about places she had travelled to etc.



I went there a few times and spoke to her once in a while and it was all normal, very light hearted conversation. Then one day I was walking my Dogs, she drove by, stopped and asked me for my phone number. I made a huge mistake in giving it to her but I did not know she was going to go all 'fatal attraction' on me.



To repeat, I never had any relations with this hippo nutjob, I foolishly thought she just wanted to be friends.

Quoting mmedford (Reply 11):



I'd just be careful, stalkers have been known to get violent.



This is my big concern.


[quote=mmedford,reply=11]Am I the only one who thinks this thread is worthless without pics?



Believe me, you don't want to see, besides, there's not enough bandwidth in the world..
Quoting northstardc4m (Reply 13):

If you have a TRO and that's all the cops are doing I would call the issuing judges office or get an attorney to do it for you. They can file a bench warrant for violation of the TRO and have her arrested. Unless the TROs conditions are absurdly stupid that should be more than reasonable.
Now there may be a specific procedure for this so talking to a attorney or other legal counsel might be the best 1st step.

I resisted filing for a TRO as I did not want to involve the Police or the court system. I tried ignoring her for the longest time then told her in no uncertain terms to leave me alone but this had no effect.




The four previous visits she received from the Cops to warn her to leave me alone were all before I had the TRO approved so they had no authority to arrest her. Now I have it if she contacts me in any way she is going to jail.

Quoting Ps76 (Reply 14):




But seriously you seem to be doing all the right things already. Hopefully it will pass. I feel sorry for the husband though, it can't be too nice having a wife who's stalking another man.

I couldn't agree more, how he can stay with such a person is beyond me. He knows very well what is going on. The Police have told him (in front of her) it makes no difference to her.




Thanks every one for your advice, suggestions and support.



The court case to decide whether the TRO will become permanent is on friday the 13th (of all days) I sincerely hope I can persuade the judge to sign off on this.



I will post on this site to let you know how it goes.



I have never dealt with such a crazy person in my life.
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ALTF4
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sun Jul 08, 2012 5:35 am

Quoting Max Q (Reply 17):
Unfortunately, although you can block a person from calling you there is no way to block a text message.

Call your phone carrier. Mine has the capability to block anything from a specific number. Again, that won't help if she uses another phone or email-to-SMS or similar.

Best of luck with the looney toon.
The above post is my opinion. Don't like it? Don't read it.
 
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Braybuddy
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sun Jul 08, 2012 5:53 am

Quoting Max Q (Reply 17):
First of all and to put this in perspective this Woman weighs at least 350 pounds. I am not and have never been in the slightest bit interested in her although I didn't know she was married at the time.
Quoting Max Q (Reply 17):
hippo nutjob

Given that women are sensitive to their weight, have you told her this to her face? Going by her other behaviour, it probably won't make an iota of difference, but you might as well let off steam and get some satisfaction from it.   
 
Maverick623
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sun Jul 08, 2012 6:07 am

Quoting Max Q (Thread starter):
any ideas how to stop this lunatic ?

They don't stop, and there's nothing you can do that you haven't already done.

You have done most things right so far (except for contacting her husband, but sounds like that was in the early days. Just don't do it anymore).

Restraining orders are nothing more than a piece of paper. Don't assume that a permanent order will keep her at bay, because it won't. The only thing they are good for is for allowing the cops to haul them away when they come knocking.

Quoting Braybuddy (Reply 19):

Given that women are sensitive to their weight, have you told her this to her face? Going by her other behaviour, it probably won't make an iota of difference, but you might as well let off steam and get some satisfaction from it.

I know this was a joke, but understand that people like this woman are mentally unstable. Do not, under any circumstances, communicate in any way with her, and never ever ever be verbally abusive towards her.
"PHX is Phoenix, PDX is the other city" -777Way
 
Max Q
Topic Author
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sun Jul 08, 2012 7:00 am

Quoting Braybuddy (Reply 19):

Given that women are sensitive to their weight, have you told her this to her face? Going by her other behaviour, it probably won't make an iota of difference, but you might as well let off steam and get some satisfaction from it.

Yes, done that, told her in the most graphic way. Made no difference to her behaviour at all.



What I have learned about stalkers is that ANY communication with them is taken as encouragement, no matter how negative.

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 20):

They don't stop, and there's nothing you can do that you haven't already done.

You have done most things right so far (except for contacting her husband, but sounds like that was in the early days. Just don't do it anymore).

Restraining orders are nothing more than a piece of paper. Don't assume that a permanent order will keep her at bay, because it won't. The only thing they are good for is for allowing the cops to haul them away when they come knocking.

I will keep that in mind. I am not a gun person but am considering getting a Taser or something along those lines.

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 20):

I know this was a joke, but understand that people like this woman are mentally unstable. Do not, under any circumstances, communicate in any way with her, and never ever ever be verbally abusive towards her.

You are right. I am not going to. I kind of hope she breaks the restraining order so they will take her to jail but when she gets out ?




This feels like a lose lose situation, i have never dealt with someone so deranged and am starting to think nothing will stop her.
The best contribution to safety is a competent Pilot.
 
trav110
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sun Jul 08, 2012 1:15 pm

If I were in your position I would change my number and make a point not to reward any further attention seeking behaviour of hers with a response. Getting the husband involved could make things more complicated than they need to be, stony silence and swift police action if she crosses the line in regards to the restraining order is the way to go. Good luck brother  thumbsup 

[Edited 2012-07-08 06:19:44]
 
fr8mech
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sun Jul 08, 2012 5:36 pm

Quoting Max Q (Reply 17):
The court case to decide whether the TRO will become permanent is on friday the 13th (of all days) I sincerely hope I can persuade the judge to sign off on this.

What are you going to do if the judge doesn't? What about if she ignores it, as she has the TRO?

Remember, as Maverick said, a restraining order is a poece of paper, which she has already chosen to ignore. Yup, the police will hail her away after she has violated it. What are you going to do while she is violating it? What are you going to do after she gets out of jail and she continues to approach, harrass and/or stalk you?

I'll admit, I don't know the ins and outs of restraining orders, but how long can a person be detained or jailed for violating one, especially if that person has not been violent?

You need to be prepared to change your number, change your contact information and, quite simply, disassociate yourself from your former life. Extreme? Maybe. But, what are the alternatives?

Quoting johns624 (Reply 6):
Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!

You know...that's besides the point and it's a 'blame the victim' mentatlity.
When seconds count...the police are minutes away.
 
TSS
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sun Jul 08, 2012 8:19 pm

Quoting Max Q (Reply 17):
Quoting bristolflyer (Reply 5):
Wow, this is horrible for you. How about telling her husband about what she does?

I have done this, in fact I started forwarding the looney text messages she was sending me on to him. He told me he would talk to her. It made no difference, she didn't stop.
Quoting Max Q (Reply 17):
Quoting Ps76 (Reply 14):
But seriously you seem to be doing all the right things already. Hopefully it will pass. I feel sorry for the husband though, it can't be too nice having a wife who's stalking another man.

I couldn't agree more, how he can stay with such a person is beyond me. He knows very well what is going on. The Police have told him (in front of her) it makes no difference to her.

Just thought I'd throw this scary possibility out there: Maybe the husband is hoping that with someone else to fixate on, she'll leave him... or at least leave him alone for a while. For all you know, he could be egging her on in the hope that she'll be distracted enough for him to make his own escape.
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mbmbos
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sun Jul 08, 2012 10:27 pm

When I was in my early twenties and doing an internship in Santa Fe, I had a male stalker. It's unsettling to say the least and it requires you put a whole lot more thought and care into your personal safety. In my judgment, it's a form of abuse...although hard to prove.

Didn't read the whole content of the thread but a couple of things I learned when dealing with my own, personal psychopath was to establish, maintain and enforce strict boundaries (any violation of rules I established I made sure there were consequences, like going to the police). And I also made sure to feign indifference no matter how surprising or threatening the situation. Basically I tried very hard not to react and feed my stalker's emotional appetite. He got nothing from our interactions once I caught on. No anger, no fear, no surprise...nothing! I think that strategy really helped.
 
NoUFO
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sun Jul 08, 2012 10:39 pm

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 20):
I know this was a joke, but understand that people like this woman are mentally unstable. Do not, under any circumstances, communicate in any way with her, and never ever ever be verbally abusive towards her.

   Absolutely!

Quoting Max Q (Reply 21):
Yes, done that, told her in the most graphic way. Made no difference to her behaviour at all.

I understand that happened in earlier days. But please do yourself a favor and do not communicate with her or her family ever again.
I support the right to arm bears
 
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EA CO AS
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sun Jul 08, 2012 10:57 pm

Quoting Max Q (Thread starter):
I cannot believe this person. I have told her over and over again I am not interested in her with no result, tried ignoring her, yelling at her and now legal action but nothing seems to put her off.

You'd be surprised what sliding a c-note and a photo of someone to gang-banger can accomplish.

Not that I'm saying you should do that...  
"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan

Comments made here are my own and are not intended to represent the official position of Alaska Air Group
 
Ps76
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Sun Jul 08, 2012 11:32 pm

Hi!

I would just like to add my own experience with things like this here in the UK. I once was going through a very bad/confused part of my life and I sent my ex-girlfriend a hateful email and phoned her up a couple of times and just hung up when she said hello. I didn't want to harm her or anything I just wanted to piss her off a bit. Anyway a little later I got a phone call from the police station saying she had come in and that if I contacted her in any way again I would be arrested and put in jail. From her perspective it really worked. Sure I wanted to piss her off at the time but there was no way I was going to jail over her so I stayed well away. A little later I came to my senses and realised I was being a complete idiot anyway.

Hopefully once this woman gets threatened with jail if she does it again she will give up like I did!

Many thanks,

Pierre
 
Max Q
Topic Author
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Mon Jul 09, 2012 5:49 am

Quoting trav110 (Reply 22):
If I were in your position I would change my number and make a point not to reward any further attention seeking behaviour of hers with a response. Getting the husband involved could make things more complicated than they need to be, stony silence and swift police action if she crosses the line in regards to the restraining order is the way to go. Good luck brother thumbsup

Agree.

Quoting fr8mech (Reply 23):

What are you going to do if the judge doesn't? What about if she ignores it, as she has the TRO?

Remember, as Maverick said, a restraining order is a poece of paper, which she has already chosen to ignore. Yup, the police will hail her away after she has violated it. What are you going to do while she is violating it? What are you going to do after she gets out of jail and she continues to approach, harrass and/or stalk you?

I don't know, this is my main concern at the moment. All I can do for now is do my best to convince the Judge she is a threat.

Quoting fr8mech (Reply 23):

I'll admit, I don't know the ins and outs of restraining orders, but how long can a person be detained or jailed for violating one, especially if that person has not been violent?

I think it's only one night initially, if they continue then the penalties get harsher but that won't do me any good if she decides to shoot me.

Quoting fr8mech (Reply 23):

You need to be prepared to change your number, change your contact information and, quite simply, disassociate yourself from your former life. Extreme? Maybe. But, what are the alternatives?

I may have to, this is a bl**dy nightmare.

Quoting fr8mech (Reply 23):

Quoting johns624 (Reply 6):
Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!

You know...that's besides the point and it's a 'blame the victim' mentatlity.

Thank you for that, I couldn't agree more, the poster totally prejudged the situation.

Quoting TSS (Reply 24):

Just thought I'd throw this scary possibility out there: Maybe the husband is hoping that with someone else to fixate on, she'll leave him... or at least leave him alone for a while. For all you know, he could be egging her on in the hope that she'll be distracted enough for him to make his own escape.

Funny but you may have hit the nail on the head. Before I got the TRO when the Police went to warn her to stay away from me they told me later that her husband asked them to please take her to jail

Quoting mbmbos (Reply 25):





When I was in my early twenties and doing an internship in Santa Fe, I had a male stalker. It's unsettling to say the least and it requires you put a whole lot more thought and care into your personal safety. In my judgment, it's a form of abuse...although hard to prove.

Didn't read the whole content of the thread but a couple of things I learned when dealing with my own, personal psychopath was to establish, maintain and enforce strict boundaries (any violation of rules I established I made sure there were consequences, like going to the police). And I also made sure to feign indifference no matter how surprising or threatening the situation. Basically I tried very hard not to react and feed my stalker's emotional appetite. He got nothing from our interactions once I caught on. No anger, no fear, no surprise...nothing! I think that strategy really helped.

Good advice and I have tried this but it didn't put her off in the slightest, in fact it emboldened her to start coming to my house and place items in my mailbox.

Quoting NoUFO (Reply 26):


Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 20):
I know this was a joke, but understand that people like this woman are mentally unstable. Do not, under any circumstances, communicate in any way with her, and never ever ever be verbally abusive towards her.

Absolutely!

Quoting Max Q (Reply 21):
Yes, done that, told her in the most graphic way. Made no difference to her behaviour at all.

I understand that happened in earlier days. But please do yourself a favor and do not communicate with her or her
family ever again.

Agreed.

Quoting EA CO AS (Reply 27):

You'd be surprised what sliding a c-note and a photo of someone to gang-banger can accomplish.

Not that I'm saying you should do that...

Believe me I have been very tempted..

Quoting Ps76 (Reply 28):


I would just like to add my own experience with things like this here in the UK. I once was going through a very bad/confused part of my life and I sent my ex-girlfriend a hateful email and phoned her up a couple of times and just hung up when she said hello. I didn't want to harm her or anything I just wanted to piss her off a bit. Anyway a little later I got a phone call from the police station saying she had come in and that if I contacted her in any way again I would be arrested and put in jail. From her perspective it really worked. Sure I wanted to piss her off at the time but there was no way I was going to jail over her so I stayed well away. A little later I came to my senses and realised I was being a complete idiot anyway.

Hopefully once this woman gets threatened with jail if she does it again she will give up like I did!

I hope so to but there is a big difference between you and her, you are obviously a normal, rational person that understands boundaries and the consequences of your actions. As a result you adjust your behaviour appropriately..




She is a deranged, irrational person that does not understand boundaries and doesn't think or care about the consequences to her if she breaks them. In her mind 'she knows better' and refuses to change her behavior.
The best contribution to safety is a competent Pilot.
 
mal787
Posts: 477
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2007 4:25 pm

RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Mon Jul 09, 2012 6:34 am

Tell her your GAY
Well thats the easy option, that could back fire. So the best you can do is let the law take its course, dont contact her or the husband. She will get caught in time and delt with appropriatley
Ps does she have some sort of mental disorder that may explain a bit

Mal787
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Braniff747SP
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Mon Jul 09, 2012 6:44 am

Quoting Max Q (Reply 29):

Good advice and I have tried this but it didn't put her off in the slightest, in fact it emboldened her to start coming to my house and place items in my mailbox.

That's a federal offense, is it not? You should have called up (I assume) the PIS. Maybe gotten her busted for it.
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Max Q
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Mon Jul 09, 2012 8:07 am

Quoting mal787 (Reply 30):
Tell her your GAY

Honestly, i don't think she would care, she just desperately wants to be my 'friend'

Quoting mal787 (Reply 30):

Well thats the easy option, that could back fire. So the best you can do is let the law take its course, dont contact her or the husband. She will get caught in time and delt with appropriatley
Ps does she have some sort of mental disorder that may explain a bit

Hope you are right. She is obviously cuckoo but that doesn't help me.

Quoting Braniff747SP (Reply 31):

That's a federal offense, is it not? You should have called up (I assume) the PIS. Maybe gotten her busted for it.

It is and I have contacted the Post Office. They have promised to send her a warning in a certified envelope that she could be prosecuted but they say that, realistically they're not going to do that.


Besides I know she won't care.



At this point I am trusting in the legal system and the slim possibility a light bulb may illuminate in that deranged mind of hers.
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PHX787
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Mon Jul 09, 2012 8:46 am

Quoting Max Q (Thread starter):
I have been dealing with an individual (female) now for almost 8 months that will not leave me alone.

Hmmmm delt with the same problem with a special needs girl (mentally unstable, not the r word) when I was in grade school. My dad yelled at her and she stopped talking to me.

Quoting dc9northwest (Reply 9):
I would've been surprised if FLairport would not have been brought up.... Don't forget to track her flights!

I was just gonna say that!!!    this is the exact opposite!

Quoting Max Q (Reply 17):
First of all and to put this in perspective this Woman weighs at least 350 pounds. I am not and have never been in the slightest bit interested in her although I didn't know she was married at the time.

I was gonna originally say : is she hot? lol


Unless you're into fat chicks, I'd seriously file a criminal complaint. some jurisdictions have laws against what's called "menacing by stalking."

There you go.
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Max Q
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Mon Jul 09, 2012 8:55 am

Quoting PHX787 (Reply 33):


Unless you're into fat chicks, I'd seriously file a criminal complaint. some jurisdictions have laws against what's called "menacing by stalking."

Not into fat chicks, especially crazy ones.


And I have pending (separate from the TRO) a harassment complaint with the state.
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moo
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:48 am

Quoting Braniff747SP (Reply 31):
That's a federal offense, is it not? You should have called up (I assume) the PIS. Maybe gotten her busted for it.
Quoting Max Q (Reply 32):
It is and I have contacted the Post Office. They have promised to send her a warning in a certified envelope that she could be prosecuted but they say that, realistically they're not going to do that.

Tampering with mail is illegal, but why is placing things into your mailbox illegal? Its a designated place to put things you want the intended recipient to receive, surely?
 
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Mon Jul 09, 2012 10:43 am

When you go to court make sure you have a list of what she has done, like left mail in my box these days, list of texts with dates and times, phone calls. Good luck..
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KaiGywer
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Mon Jul 09, 2012 6:45 pm

Quoting Max Q (Reply 34):
Not into fat chicks, especially crazy ones.

You could give her Superfly's number  
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Maverick623
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Mon Jul 09, 2012 7:47 pm

Quoting moo (Reply 35):

Tampering with mail is illegal, but why is placing things into your mailbox illegal? Its a designated place to put things you want the intended recipient to receive, surely?

In the US, only USPS mail may be placed inside a mailbox, and only by the USPS.
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NoUFO
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:08 pm

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 38):
In the US, only USPS mail may be placed inside a mailbox, and only by the USPS.

That's the weirdest thing I have heard of in a while. Doesn't that make your life more complicated than necessary? What about a note from your landlord/neighbor or a CD-ROM from a friend when nobody is in? A UPS or Fedex notification?
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Tugger
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:42 pm

Quoting NoUFO (Reply 39):
Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 38):
In the US, only USPS mail may be placed inside a mailbox, and only by the USPS.

That's the weirdest thing I have heard of in a while. Doesn't that make your life more complicated than necessary? What about a note from your landlord/neighbor or a CD-ROM from a friend when nobody is in? A UPS or Fedex notification?

The idea is that NO ONE should be messing with your mail except you and the official people delegated with the responsibility. No one else can slip in something that looks official and also it makes a bit more difficult for anyone to take stuff (not much though). It hasn't ever caused me a problem and yes I have both had stuff for me left int here by friends and family and done the same for others. And it normally won't be a real problem for most people, it's not like you get charged the moment you do it. But is does simplify things for you if you have someone doing something improper. I have a camera on my mailbox so if I ever had a problem I could bust the person just for using my mailbox.

As to FedEx and the like, they leave notes on your door and packages on the door step normally. And everyone can always slip notes under the door (and in my case I have a mail slot in the door that is no longer used for mail so people can use that if they wish.

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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Tue Jul 10, 2012 2:42 am

Very sorry to hear about this - must be downright frightening at times. I guess at some point the question 'At what point do you move away?' has to be asked. Obviously moving somewhere else is a significant undertaking, but it seems that this lady is significantly impacting your quality of life - so maybe moving house (to a different suburb/city/state) would be worth it, if it caused this lady to lose contact with you?
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ScarletHarlot
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:02 am

Have you looked her up on your state's criminal / court records? I know Washington's are easily available online. You could see if she's done this before and how long it went on for. Might give you some idea of how bad it can get or what measures others had to take to get rid of her.
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stasisLAX
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:30 am

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 42):
Have you looked her up on your state's criminal / court records? I know Washington's are easily available online. You could see if she's done this before and how long it went on for. Might give you some idea of how bad it can get or what measures others had to take to get rid of her.

Best advice so far.

A person with sociopathic personality disorder (as I suspect this women is) has no boundaries, and does not know when to stop. A sociopath does NOT abide by social norms. You need to bore them, as they seek stimulation and emotional reactions. With little or no stimulation or response, in time the sociopath will become bored with you, and move onto their next victim. Try not to make yourself a "target" for their anger, as ANY interaction (positive or negative) you may have with her is fuel for this sociopath, so just allow the authorities to handle it.

Source: http://depressiond.org/sociopath-sociopathic-personality-disorder/
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3DoorsDown
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Tue Jul 10, 2012 4:43 am

Get a gun. As is proven time after time, the situation can get violent and the only thing a restraining order can do is give the cops a first idea of where to go to contact someone when you turn up dead. Paper stops nothing when psychos are involved.
 
Ps76
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Tue Jul 10, 2012 4:59 am

Hi!

I don't mean to scare you but thought I'd tell you about something which happened to me. A few years ago I was walking in Knightsbridge in London and saw this man annoying these teenage girls. I just thought he was a weirdo. A few minutes later I had crossed the street and was walking and he started annoying me (I don't know why he chose me). He wasn't mugging me just saying stuff like "I want you to get money off this guy who's coming up" and weird stuff like that. I carried on walking and stopped a couple of times to tell him to get lost. But he kept coming back. Just when I was starting to get worried a little he walked up to me and stabbed me in the shoulder/chest area and ran off. Obviously I was bleeding quite a lot and went into the nearest restaurant and said I had been stabbed and they called an ambulance and gave me some napkins to cover it. I was fine and got stitched up and only spent one night under observation but I was very lucky. If he had decided to stab me in a place with vital organs it could have been much much worse.

The police found him later that day. Turns out he was a nutter and had attacked quite a few people that day robbing them and stuff. I went to the police station to identify him on computer much later and I think he got 9 years in prison. I never thought I was in any danger though, I just thought he was an annoying horrible man.

I'm not saying this woman is going to harm you (it is very unlikely) but just be careful. Try to get info on her past history and of course try and get her put in prison for a while if she won't stop. At least here in the UK the police know a lot about these things so their advice will hopefully be good.

Anyway it is quite sad that you can get into such things just by talking to someone at a kareoke bar these days.

Many thanks.

P.
 
fr8mech
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Tue Jul 10, 2012 11:49 am

Quoting 3DoorsDown (Reply 44):
Get a gun.


Sound advice, if:

-the law in your locality allows it
-you want one
-you take the time to choose the right one
-you learn how to use it
-you practice with it
-you understand the costs (real and psychological) to using it
-you're willing to carry it with you everywhere you go
-you understand that it may not be a panacea, but the start to a whole new set of problems

If you plan on carrying a gun, and have a higher probability of using one than the average person (and you do), you need to understand what you will potentially face after the confrontation.

Take a read of Massad Ayoob. A lot of his books deal with selection and training, but always have a nugget about use and aftermath. If you can find some of his articles on the subject, you'll be the better for it, if you choose to carry.

Chris Bird's The Concealed Handgun Manual has a good chapter on the subject.

What I'm trying to get at is, if you're going to get a gun, do it right: research, train and practice. Otherwise, get a good quality mace or pepper spray (I would not suggest a stun gun or TASER type device) and practice with that, so you know the characteristics of the device. Be aware, that some localities regulate defensive sprays like they do guns.
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DeltaMD90
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Wed Jul 11, 2012 12:28 am

Quoting fr8mech (Reply 46):
Sound advice, if:

Yes, be careful. If you're not properly trained, you're more dangerous to yourself and others than the stalker...
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luv2fly
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Wed Jul 11, 2012 12:58 am

Why is a gun always the solution?
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DeltaMD90
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RE: Dealing With A Stalker

Wed Jul 11, 2012 1:00 am

Quoting luv2fly (Reply 48):
Why is a gun always the solution?

It's not always the solution. If I had a stalker I wouldn't take my chances. Of course you get proper training to be safe with it so you don't end up shooting your leg or end up spraying random pedestrians with bullets. Some stalkers do get violent. I'd rather carry a gun around than a cop
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