Prompted by "Anyone ever heard a pilot being scolded by ATC?" thread, here is some choice items from O'Hare ATC. Some of you have probably seen these, it's a list that's been in circulation for ages, but it's worth rereading. And if this is your first exposure to the tin pushers at ORD, read 'em and weep. BTW minimum seperation is 5 miles, 3 miles on finals. Fudging these minima is a recurring theme here. Some are a little cryptic - 'altitude seperation' is where two aircraft cross each other's paths but at different altitudes. When the controller says, "I don't mind altitude seperation as long as they're not on top of each other," what he means is, "One or both of these aircraft don't have a transponder which sends altitude info and I'm a little nervous right now." Enjoy.
"Expect lower at the end of this transmission."
"Citation 123, if you quit calling me Center, I'll quit calling you twin Cessna."
"About three miles ahead, you've got traffic 12 o'clock, five miles."
"If you hear me, traffic no longer a factor."
"I am way too busy for anybody to cancel on me."
"You got any more smart remarks, we can be doing this over South Bend...go ahead."
"You're gonna have to key the mic. I can't see you when you nod your head."
"Put your compass on 'E' and get out of my airspace."
"Don't anybody maintain anything."
"Caution wake turbulence, you're following a heavy 12 o'clock, three...no, lets make it five miles."
"Climb like your life depends on it...because it does."
"If you want more room, captain, push your seat back."
"For radar identification, throw your jumpseat rider out the window."
"Air Force One, I told you to expedite!"
"Listen up, gentlemen, or something's gonna happen that none of us wants to see.”
"Leave five on the glide, have a nice ride, tower inside, twenty-six nine...see ya."
"Approach, how far from the airport are we in minutes?"
"N923, the faster you go, the quicker you'll get here."
"American Two-Twenty, Eneey, meeny, miney, moe, how do you hear my radio?"
"I don't mind altitude separation as long as they're not on top of each other."
"We were told Rwy 9...we'll take out the 14R approach plate."
"Captain you got sixty miles to take it out...have a ball."
"I can see the country club down below...look's like a lot of controllers out there!"
"Yes, sir, there is...and they're caddying for DC-10 drivers like you."
"N07K you look like you're established on the localizer and I don't know the names of any of the fixes, you're cleared for the ILS approach. Call the tower."
"AmTran 726, sorry about that, Center thought you were a Midway arrival. Just sit back, relax and pass out some more cookies...we'll get you to Milwaukee."
"Approach, what's our sequence?"
"Calling for the sequence I missed your callsign, but if I find out what it is, you're last."
"Sure you can have eight miles behind the heavy...there'll be a United tri-jet between you and him."
"Approach, SWA436, you want us to turn right to 090?"
"No, I want your brother to turn. Just do it and don't argue."
"Approach UAL525 what's this aircraft doing at my altitude?"
"UAL525, what makes you think it's YOUR altitude, Captain?"
"DAL1176, say speed."
"DAL1176, we slowed it down to two-twenty."
"DAL1176 pick it back up to two-fifty...this ain't Atlanta, and them ain't grits on the ground."
"Request Runway 27 Right."
"Approach, do you know the wind at six thousand is 270 at fifty?"
"Yeah, I do, and if we could jack the airport up to fifty-five hundred you could have that runway. Expect 14 Right."
"Air Force Four-Five, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard...I see you've already ejected."
"The first officer says he's got you in sight."
"Roger, the first officer's cleared for a visual approach runway 27 Right...you continue on that 180 heading and descend to three thousand."
"Hey, O'Hare, you see the 7600 code flashing five northwest of Gary?"
"Yeah, I do...you guys talkin' to him?"
"Approach, what's the tower?"
"That's a big tall building with glass all around it, but that's not important right now."
"How far behind traffic are we?"
"That doesn't look like three miles to us!"
"You're a mile and a half from him, he's a mile and a half from you...that's three miles."
- Cedar x