miller22
Posts: 595
Joined: Sun Nov 12, 2000 4:48 am

Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 9:51 am

In light of N866DA's post, I've been encouraged to rant a little myself. I get the stupidest questions asked to me when I walk through the terminal. So for all of you non-pilots out there, listen-up and take notes! These are answers to your questions before you even ask.


-Yes, I am a pilot. Perhaps the dark sport coat with epilets and stripes on the sleave, or the cap with wings, or the wings pinned on my jacket, or the huge bumber-sticker on my flight bag that says "PILOT" didn't give you enough evidence so you were obliged to ask the obvious question.

-No, sitting in a coach seat during a lightning strike isn't the equivalent of being strapped into the electric chair.

-No, I've never flown this before. Oh wait, yes I have...every day for the past 5 years!

-No, you can't push that button.

-No, you can't open the windows.

-No, the engines aren't in the wheels. (I couldn't believe they actually asked that)

-Yes, I've flown in airplanes by myself.

-No, I can't just "sneak" you onto the airplane for a free ride.

-Yes, we all get seperate rooms during overnights.

-Yes, I like "driving" airplanes, and we fly airplanes, we don't drive them.

-No, we won't die, but keep asking and I'll see what I can do.

-Yes, its just like a video game. Now sit down, buckle up and pray I don't lose.

-No that doesn't fire the guns, that activates the microphone which means O'hare ground control just heard you ask if this 727 has guns.

-No, we don't still call the flight attendants, "Air Waitresses!"

-No, we can't "honk" as we go over your house.


I will no longer field any questions which can be answered by the above answers. Have a nice day  Smile
 
toady
Posts: 700
Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2001 2:36 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 9:57 am

Do you get to take your plane home with you at night?
 
Twotterwrench
Posts: 1087
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2001 5:57 pm

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 10:01 am

Last time we were late, the flight attendant said it was because you forgot your keys to the plane. Does every pilot get their own set of keys? Why can't they keep a spare set in a Hide-A-Key under the bumper?
 
miller22
Posts: 595
Joined: Sun Nov 12, 2000 4:48 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 10:03 am

Ah Totterwrench, I almost forgot!

-No, we don't have ignition keys.

thx for reminding me  Smile
 
MDL_777
Posts: 264
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2001 8:58 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 10:34 am

"-No, we won't die, but keep asking and I'll see what I can do.

-Yes, its just like a video game. Now sit down, buckle up and pray I don't lose."

LOL...great stuff!  Laugh out loud

 
Marrty
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Aug 23, 1999 2:44 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 10:46 am

Do pilots score lots of chicks?
 
Mark_D.
Posts: 1360
Joined: Wed Aug 01, 2001 9:55 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 10:50 am


Miller22

Great stuff indeed  Smile/happy/getting dizzy  Big thumbs up

(but.. talk about occupational hazards, having to put up with all that malarkey on a routine basis!)
 
Twotterwrench
Posts: 1087
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2001 5:57 pm

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 11:17 am

I have done a lot of contract work for the Forest Service and the questions are about as stupid. While in Yellowstone for a summer, I was asked more than once:

"What time do they turn the geysers off?"

"Where do they usually feed the animals?"

"How big does a deer have to be before you call it an elk?"

As an Alaskan, we often are asked if we take American money here.

My all time favorite was the man who called fish and game and asked them to take down the "Deer Crossing" sign in front of his house becuase the deer kept getting hit out there and he wanted them to cross somewhere else.

Slightly off the topic, but entertaining nonetheless.
 
milldoh
Posts: 482
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2001 11:59 pm

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 11:55 am

why is it called the cockpit?

do you ever try to bang the flight nurses if you get bored on long flights?

how much do planes cost?

would your airline get mad if you wrecked a plane?

ease up there...
 
azjubilee
Posts: 3381
Joined: Sat Apr 29, 2000 5:26 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 12:00 pm

Great post Miller22!! I concur and roger everything you've said. I'd like to add a few things though. My response is... "yes I am old enough to fly this airplane!" I get it everyday. And also, in the Avro, WE CAN HONK as we fly over your house. You just won't be able to hear it. hehe... but yea, we have a horn to get ground workers attention. You can even honk while taxiing and sometimes people hear it. it's one of the cooler things on the Avro... =)


AZJ
 
PanAm747
Posts: 4713
Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2004 4:46 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 12:09 pm

"Yes, I like "driving" airplanes, and we fly airplanes, we don't drive them."

If you were in the military they will call you an "Eagle driver", "Hornet driver", or whatever, depending on the plane you fly.
Pan Am:The World's Most Experienced Airline - P(oor) S(ailor's) A(irline): San Diego's Hometown Airline-Catch Our Smile!
 
IMissPiedmont
Posts: 6200
Joined: Wed May 23, 2001 12:58 pm

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 12:12 pm

You really get asked these questions? The only one I could understand being asked are about you being a pilot.
As a smart ass, I would answer some of them like this.
Have you ever flown a plane by yourself? I'd answer yes and then come out and chat with that person for half an hour after reaching cruise.
Can I open the windows? Yes but you need to ask a flight attendant for a window wrench when we reach our cruising altitude.
Have you ever flown this airplane before? I might throw a little truth at this one by answering no, if I hadn't flown that particular airplane yet.
Of course I am not a professional pilot and I do understand that most airlines wouldn't like these answers.
I get the same type of stupid, or stupider, questions in my line of work. I think we all do. The difference is that most of us have a hard time convincing the other person that we know more about the subject than they.
The day you stop learning is the day you should die.
 
XFSUgimpLB41X
Posts: 3960
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2000 1:18 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 12:50 pm

This plane doesnt crash does it?
Chicks dig winglets.
 
airlinelover
Posts: 5287
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2001 8:03 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 2:15 pm

I once heard a lady ask a pilot

"Are we actually going to fly IN THE AIR??"

Geez..

Chris
Lets do some sexy math. We add you, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply
 
Goldenshield
Posts: 5005
Joined: Sun Jan 14, 2001 3:45 pm

Rants From An Airline CSR :)

Wed Aug 29, 2001 2:40 pm

I work Air cargo, and i get some pretty lame ones myself. well these are more customer service stories, but its the same premise.

I do cargo for 6 airlines, so it gets pretty interesting when people try to ship things.

-

THEM: X airlines lost my dog last time i sent it, so i dont trust them, i want to put them on XXX airline becuase they never lose anything, but also i want to put it on a direct flight, so it will stay on the same plane.

ME in my head: X airline only tends to lose your dogs, and if you want to put it on that airline, you are going to have to drive yourself to TPA, MIA, BUF, ORD, or the hub city if you want to put it on the direct flight.

-

THEM:I ship a lot out of XXX, and becuase they know me there, you dont need to inspect my things.

ME: I dont care what XXX does with you, your here now, so open your packages.

THEM: No, i wont, call up XXX and verify that i am.

ME: no.

THEM: if you dont ill report you!

ME: go ahead, do that

THEM: I want you to fill out the forms for me.

ME: no, thats your responsibility

THEM: #$#%#$

ME: Your shipment is now denied. Goodbye!

-

(shipper walks in when the plane leaves in 10 minutes)

THEM: i need this to get to XXX tonight!

ME: well, our last flight leaves in 10 minutes, it will have to go tommorrow.

THEM: i cant have that, it has to get there tonight.

ME: sorry sir, your about 90 minutes past cutoff time for that!
-
I can think of others, but it would take too much time!

Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.
 
DE727UPS
Posts: 810
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2000 10:55 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 3:09 pm

I hate it when I'm in my pretty brown uniform walking through the pax terminal trying to catch a jumpseat and everyone automatically thinks I work there and know where the bathroom is......

Miller22....I thought you were doing 135 stuff? Did you get hired by an airline? Are you an ALPA guy yet?
 
Twotterwrench
Posts: 1087
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2001 5:57 pm

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 3:22 pm

~CRINGE~ Just what we need.. one more mindless ALPA thug.. please don't miller.. you seem ok so far...
 
ckw
Posts: 4586
Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2010 12:26 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 9:25 pm

Every profession suffers from seemingly stupid questions, but, to any aircrew reading this, while flying may have become routine to you, for many, esp. young kids, it is still very exciting.

I hope that when I next take my kids (5,8,12) on a flight, and in their enthusiasm ask a silly question or use the wrong terminology, the aircrew will have a little more sensitivity than Miller22.

I still possess a BOAC Junior Jet Club log book from some 35 years ago, and think that the VC10 crew who "presented" it to me had some part in my developing a life long love of aviation.

Cheers,

Colin
Colin K. Work, Pixstel
 
VS744
Posts: 659
Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2001 9:22 pm

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 9:29 pm

How do you know where you're flying when its dark outside?
 
sushka
Posts: 4657
Joined: Thu Nov 18, 1999 12:33 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 9:38 pm

Pax: Is that a 747?
Pilot: No thats a DC10
Pax: Ok is that a 747
Pilot: No thats an A319
Pershoyu Spravoyu Litaki!
 
bobnwa
Posts: 4463
Joined: Fri Dec 22, 2000 12:10 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 10:27 pm

Miller22,
I'll bet you are not a pilot with a major carrier. FYI, most senior airline and military pilots refer to themselves as (fill in type) drivers.
 
jared
Posts: 669
Joined: Fri May 11, 2001 6:05 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 10:34 pm

Goldenshield,

You ARE the weakest shipment, GOODBYE!

Heh.
 
miller22
Posts: 595
Joined: Sun Nov 12, 2000 4:48 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Wed Aug 29, 2001 11:00 pm

CkW,

I am involved in both Habitat for Humanity, Big Brothers, Big Sisters and used to teach a Sunday School class. In fact, I have been told I spend too much time showing kids the cockpit. Don't lecture me about sensitivity. The entire purpose to this post was to rant, and for those of you who take everything literally, I feel sorry for you. This rant was directed to the people, like you, who speak before thinking.

A child's innocence is one thing. Being an ass is another. If you ask me a smart ass question, you'll get one of the above answers.

 
TAA_Airbus
Posts: 491
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 1999 4:34 pm

Driving Aeroplanes

Wed Aug 29, 2001 11:08 pm

Many people at Qantas refer to the pilots as Drivers, so do the pilots themselves for that matter!

I refer to myself as an aeroplane driver when I fly.
 
L-1011Alpha
Posts: 296
Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2000 8:23 pm

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Thu Aug 30, 2001 12:47 am

HeHeHe  Smile Smile Smile
I couldn't stop laughing
"For Us, Sky is not the limit.. Its Ground" / L-1011Alpha.
 
CRJ 900
Posts: 541
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2001 4:41 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Thu Aug 30, 2001 1:40 am

A- MEN Miller!
 
DE727UPS
Posts: 810
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2000 10:55 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Thu Aug 30, 2001 1:42 am

Hey Miller.....

So who do you fly for and what do you fly?
 
miller22
Posts: 595
Joined: Sun Nov 12, 2000 4:48 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Thu Aug 30, 2001 1:57 am

Beech 400A in 135 operation...why's that?
 
Delta737
Posts: 469
Joined: Sat Jun 05, 1999 11:23 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Thu Aug 30, 2001 2:04 am

Good post Miller!

This is my favorite:

Passenger: "Are you a pilot?"

Me: "Yup"

Passenger: "Hey, my neighbor's uncle was in the Navy and I think he works for Delta"

Me: "What's his last name?"

Passenger: "I can't remember, but I think he's based in Atlanta, do you know him?"

[We've got about 10,500 pilots and about 4,000 or so are based in ATL]

Doug Taylor
(I might be one of those ALPA thugs everyone is talking about)
 
DE727UPS
Posts: 810
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2000 10:55 am

RE: Rants From A Pilot

Thu Aug 30, 2001 2:57 am

Just wondering.....

Doug...you're a nice ALPA thug. Thanks to your pilot group....young, upstarting, pilots will someday reap the benefits of your hard work.

Fellow pro-pilot union thug.....

Don

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