In light of N866DA's post, I've been encouraged to rant a little myself. I get the stupidest questions asked to me when I walk through the terminal. So for all of you non-pilots out there, listen-up and take notes! These are answers to your questions before you even ask.
-Yes, I am a pilot. Perhaps the dark sport coat with epilets and stripes on the sleave, or the cap with wings, or the wings pinned on my jacket, or the huge bumber-sticker on my flight bag that says "PILOT" didn't give you enough evidence so you were obliged to ask the obvious question.
-No, sitting in a coach seat during a lightning strike isn't the equivalent of being strapped into the electric chair.
-No, I've never flown this before. Oh wait, yes I have...every day for the past 5 years
-No, you can't push that button.
-No, you can't open the windows.
-No, the engines aren't in the wheels. (I couldn't believe they actually asked that)
-Yes, I've flown in airplanes by myself.
-No, I can't just "sneak" you onto the airplane for a free ride.
-Yes, we all get seperate rooms during overnights.
-Yes, I like "driving" airplanes, and we fly airplanes, we don't drive them.
-No, we won't die, but keep asking and I'll see what I can do.
-Yes, its just like a video game. Now sit down, buckle up and pray I don't lose.
-No that doesn't fire the guns, that activates the microphone which means O'hare ground control just heard you ask if this 727 has guns.
-No, we don't still call the flight attendants, "Air Waitresses!"
-No, we can't "honk" as we go over your house.
I will no longer field any questions which can be answered by the above answers. Have a nice day