October 15, 2001
(CHICAGO) October 15, 2001 – United Airlines (NYSE: UAL) announced today that it will launch a national television advertising campaign featuring United Airlines employees...
The new national campaign ads will be reduced from 60 seconds to 36 seconds, or 40% less time, in accordance with the slashing of flights. And the airing schedule will change three times over the next two weeks.
I happened to get my hand on an advance script for the new campaign.
OPEN ON A UA “PRISON MATRON” IN F SECTION OF TOKYO BOUND 747. WE SEE PASSENGERS BOARDING BEHIND HER AS SHE TALKS TO THE CAMERA, TRYING HER HARDEST TO BE SINCERE. PASSENGERS ARE HELPING EACH OTHER HANG COATS AND STORE LUGGAGE.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: It’s time for all of us to get back to work. Back to what we’re here for. (TURNS AND SCREAMS OVER SHOULDER TO ASIAN PASSENGER): Sir, I said that has to go in the OVERHEAD bin. (PASSENGER OBLIGINGLY PLACES HIS STRUGGLING CHILD IN OVERHEAD BIN AS SHE CONTINUES).
FA: I’ve been working here at United for over for…I mean twenty…years, and never have I seen our spirit as high or our sense of commitment to service as strong. (AS SHE SPEAKS, ATTRACTIVE ASIAN FLIGHT ATTENDANT ENTERS AND BEGINS ASSISTING PASSENGERS; CUT TO HER REMOVING CHILD FROM BIN AND PUTTING HIM IN SEAT BESIDE HIS FATHER. AS ASIAN FA GETS CLOSER TO CAMERA, PRISON MATRON PUSHES HER OUT OF THE WAY AND CONTINUES TALKING).
FA: We want our people to come back and experience the United service we are committed to providing (ASIAN FA ENTERS SCENE WITH TRAY OF BEVERAGES AND BEGINS SERVING SEATED PASSENGERS. OUR PRISON MATRON TURNS AND SAYS, UNDER HER BREATH). Honey, haven’t they told you you’re toast, yet?
FA: With special fares and highly experienced crews, there’s no better time than right now to fly United. So let’s get back to business together. I’ll be right here waiting for you. (CUT TO PRISON MATRON IN CREW REST AREA, IN-FLIGHT, SMOKING A CIGARETTE, WHICH SHE QUICKLY PUTS OUT AS CAMERA CATCHES HER SMOKING. SHE SMILES INSINCERELY. FADE OUT).
WORTHY OF ONE THOUSAND CHUCKLES!!!