Alaskaairlines
Topic Author
Posts: 2326
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2002 12:28 pm

Wise Words (humor)

Mon Feb 11, 2002 6:29 pm

Hello all. Here are some funny aviation related jokes, and wise sayings. Enjoy!



(sorry for the large size of picture)

pilot error
Insurer: It was pilot error

Pilot : It was design error

Insurer: I disagree. The pilot is at fault for trusting the designer



A "good" landing is one which you can walk away from. A "great" landing is one which lets you use the airplane another time.

A good simulator check ride is like successful surgery on a cadaver.

Good judgment comes from experience. Good experience comes from someone else's bad judgment.

An airplane may disappoint a good pilot, but it won't surprise him.

Learn from the mistakes of others...you won't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Things which do you no good in aviation:

- Altitude above you.

- Runway behind you.

- Fuel in the truck.

- Half a second in history.

- Approach plates in the car.

- The airspeed you don't have.



yearly changes
Every year aircraft manufacturers try to add something to their latest models. If they can't add it to the instrument rack, the speed, the handling, or the load carrying capacity, they do the next best thing..... they add a bit to the price!



Glossary of aviation terms:
Emergency generator - device which generates emergencies, also known as a simulator.

Landing light - preferable to landing heavy.

Bank - owners of mortgage on aircraft.

Walkaround - procedure when waiting for better weather.

Briefing - spending a long time saying nothing.

De-briefing - spending a long time saying nothing after you have done it. "



One liners
-Airline captain: "If only I made as much money as people think I make, had as much time off as my neighbours think I have and had as much fun on stopovers as my wife thinks I have".

-Sign seen at refueling point: WARNING Do not operate any radio transmitter within 100 metres of the pumps. If your life is not worth anything..... the fuel is!

-Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwinds.

-A thunderstorm is nature's way of saying "Up yours!"

-Keep looking around, there's always something you missed.

-Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.

-Any pilot who does not at least privately consider himself the best in the business...is in the wrong business.

-It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.

-Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.

-The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

-The only thing worse than a captain who never flew copilot is a copilot who was once a captain.

-Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.

-The first thing every pilot does after making a gear up landing is to put the gear handle DOWN.

------------------------------------------------------

So what do you guys think?

-Dmitry

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