I hope everyone enjoys this humour as much as I did... It certainly got some laughs out of me. Enjoy... tzMSP
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.
Problem stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log;
Response stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.
PROBLEM: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
RESPONSE: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
PROBLEM: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
RESPONSE: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
PROBLEM: Something loose in cockpit.
RESPONSE: Something tightened in cockpit.
PROBLEM: Dead bugs on windshield.
RESPONSE: Live bugs on backorder.
PROBLEM: AutoPilot; in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
RESPONSE: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
PROBLEM: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
RESPONSE: Evidence removed.
PROBLEM: DME volume unbelievably loud.
RESPONSE: DME volume set to more believable level.
PROBLEM: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
RESPONSE: That's what they're there for!
PROBLEM: IFF inoperative.
RESPONSE: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
PROBLEM: Suspected crack in windscreen.
RESPONSE: Suspect you're right.
PROBLEM: Number 3 engine missing. (Note:this was for a
piston-engined aircraft; the Pilot meant the engine was not
RESPONSE: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
PROBLEM: Aircraft handles funny.
RESPONSE: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
PROBLEM: Radar hums.
RESPONSE: Reprogrammed radar with words.
PROBLEM: Mouse in cockpit.
RESPONSE: Cat installed.