Posts: 133
Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2002 9:23 pm

Pilot/Maintenance Log Giggles

Fri Jul 12, 2002 1:02 pm

I hope everyone enjoys this humour as much as I did... It certainly got some laughs out of me. Enjoy...  Smile/happy/getting dizzy tzMSP

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.

Problem stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log;
Response stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.

PROBLEM: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

RESPONSE: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

PROBLEM: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.

RESPONSE: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

PROBLEM: Something loose in cockpit.

RESPONSE: Something tightened in cockpit.

PROBLEM: Dead bugs on windshield.

RESPONSE: Live bugs on backorder.

PROBLEM: AutoPilot; in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.

RESPONSE: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

PROBLEM: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

RESPONSE: Evidence removed.

PROBLEM: DME volume unbelievably loud.

RESPONSE: DME volume set to more believable level.

PROBLEM: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

RESPONSE: That's what they're there for!

PROBLEM: IFF inoperative.

RESPONSE: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

PROBLEM: Suspected crack in windscreen.

RESPONSE: Suspect you're right.

PROBLEM: Number 3 engine missing. (Note:this was for a
piston-engined aircraft; the Pilot meant the engine was not
running smoothly.)

RESPONSE: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

PROBLEM: Aircraft handles funny.

RESPONSE: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

PROBLEM: Radar hums.

RESPONSE: Reprogrammed radar with words.

PROBLEM: Mouse in cockpit.

RESPONSE: Cat installed.


RE: Pilot/Maintenance Log Giggles

Fri Jul 12, 2002 1:07 pm

I think that list is posted here about once a month...
Still funny though.

A real one from the FBO I rent at:
Squawk: Engine runs rough, low oil pressure.
MX: Removed bird's nest from engine. Washed engine.

Two days later: same problem, same action taken. This happened in two of the FBO's airplanes.
Posts: 44
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2001 3:59 pm

RE: Pilot/Maintenance Log Giggles

Fri Jul 12, 2002 2:10 pm

TzMSP, I enjoyed your list! Geert
Posts: 2831
Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2003 12:47 am

RE: Pilot/Maintenance Log Giggles

Fri Jul 12, 2002 2:11 pm

OMG! Those are great!

Brooklyn, Queens, Manhattan, Staten, Uptown, what now? Lets make it happen.

RE: Pilot/Maintenance Log Giggles

Fri Jul 12, 2002 8:23 pm

I did see those logs on a jokes site once put up as logs in the USAF , didn't realize that they were Qantas stuff . Hilarious though.....
Posts: 2037
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2002 12:34 am

RE: Pilot/Maintenance Log Giggles

Fri Jul 12, 2002 9:04 pm

I once returned a control unit with the fault description as " Internal circuit protection device operated". It meant that the fuse had blown.
Posts: 1299
Joined: Wed Apr 24, 2002 8:04 pm

RE: Pilot/Maintenance Log Giggles

Fri Jul 12, 2002 9:20 pm

In a previous life we used to have the "Golden Pencil" Award. This was for the most ridiculous sign-off of a pilot write-up.
One of the winners was;

Write-up, Captain's windshield wiper will not stow.

Corrective action, removed ice from under windshield wiper.

Doesn't sound too bad, until you realize that this occurred in Miami in July!!

Pencil whipping, as this is called, is also known as the application of the "Eversharp Wrench".  Smile/happy/getting dizzy

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