Care to make some up? Sure.
Easyjet Expansion plans
Easyjet, Europe's biggest low-cost airline, announced today that it intends to expand exponentially, both by mergers and acquisitions, and organic growth. The airline revealed a 7 stage plan for growth:
1) incorporate the operations of Go (a recent takeover) completely into the airline and do the same with dba
2) Acquire 240 Airbus aircraft to supplement the fleet
3) hostile takeover of buzz (for $5 million), BMI Baby (for $200 million), Hapag Llloyd Express (for $50 million) and Caledonian Wings (for 1 Russian Rouble). Also, start a "Dirty Tricks" campaign against Ryanair and inspire an international boycott against Irish airlines. Justification for campaign still to be conceived.
4) Acquisition of United Airlines and American Airlines (for $1.00 in a buy one get one free deal) after the American parliament changes company ownership laws to permit this. Expansion into low-cost, no-frills intercontinental market with the newly acquired fleets.
5) Acquire 1000 Tupolev 204 and 334 aircraft to supplement the fleet, as the offered price was lower than that of rival Airbus (who refused to offer the same price a 2nd time). Tupolev to do all maintenance and supply all pilots.
6) Takeover of the governments of most African and Latin American countries, as well as Japan, by offering voters free flights if they vote for Easyparty.com. Also, encourage British and Australian citizens to enter "easygod.com" as religion on their respective referendums, so that the religion becomes officially recognized and can save easyjet taxes.
7) takeover of the EU and the UN, and world domination. The world will be rebranded as easyworld.com with its own URL and great value for money deals to be had on the page. A large banner to be installed on the Chinese Wall, reading "0800-easyworld - book now" so that aliens can identify the planet.