NWA742
Topic Author
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Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 5:23 am

Here's my attempt (and I know it's unrealistic  Big grin:

An experienced American Airlines pilot, type rated on the 757/767, gets an unexpected offer from Air France:

He would move to France, and be trained on the A340. The pay would be double what he makes now.

Since he's always wanted to live in Europe for awhile, he gladly accepts the offer.

-----------------------------------

Weeks later, he's all set in France and ready to start flight training on the A340. The first simulator run was a short flight from Paris to London in bad weather.

As the pilot completed the flight and walked out of the simulator, The Air France training staff exclaimed how pleased they were at the pilot's first hand performance on the A340.

The pilot had a big glare on his face though. When asked what's wrong, he replies:

You know, I've flown for 30 years, the A340 is one smooth aircraft, and this whole simulator run went well, right? I believe I did everything correct, but there's one thing I DO NOT LIKE about this plane. I make a perfect fucking precision approach, and I touch the plane down very lightly, and the goddamn thing calls me a retard!




-NWA742

[Edited 2003-07-23 22:27:36]
Some people are like slinkies - not good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs
 
Airplanepics
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 5:38 am

Thats pretty good!!
lol

Regards,
Airplanepics
Simon - London-Aviation.com
 
usair330
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 6:08 am

LoL that was funny... What does it really say though?
 
Guest

RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 6:14 am

What does it really say though?......

That means - if you're flying from Paris to London in an A340.... you can be sure that the pilot is ex-American....  Insane

Not that funny eh?  Laugh out loud
 
MD11LuxuryLinr
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 6:17 am

That was pretty freakin good!! Damn funny u are!

 Nuts

Caution wake turbulence, you are following a heavy jet.
 
richierich
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 7:29 am

Haha.

Retard means slow in French, USAir330.

If you have to explain the joke.....
None shall pass!!!!
 
MD11LuxuryLinr
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 7:38 am


USAirA330
..when descending through 20 feet, the airplane says "retard, retard, retard".. Telling the pilot flying to pull the side stick back to bring the nose up for touchdown.. I believe that's what you asked..
Caution wake turbulence, you are following a heavy jet.
 
LHR340
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 7:54 am

 Laugh out loud that's damn funny. And yeah the says "retard retard retard" when its close to touching down, so the pilot can flare.

LHR340
A340 LoVeR! EC-GQK - LHR The Bussiest International Airport & 3rd Bussiest In The World!
 
Cessnapimp
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 8:25 am

It's to close the throttles... an Airbus won't land (300 and 310 not withstanding) without throttles closed.
 
762er
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 10:05 am

Retard is also an english word. It refers to retarding the throttle, not flaring.
 
elwood64151
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 10:56 am

Retard is also American slang for "retarded", now called "learning disabled", which is why this rather entropic joke is funny.
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it in summer school.
 
elwood64151
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 10:59 am

I just realized I might get flamed for my comment. Bear in mind, I was speaking to those people who are not familiar enough with American slang to know why the joke is funny.

As for me, I got the impression that "retard" was probably a voice instruction from the aircraft, but I did not know its definition.

Cheers!
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it in summer school.
 
N766UA
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 12:07 pm

LOL, it's funny how far off you people are! "Retard" means to retard the throttles. C'mon people!
This Website Censors Me
 
cancidas
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 1:52 pm

that got me rolling on the floor! i'd say something but no.  Big thumbs up
"...cannot the kingdom of salvation take me home."
 
UAL747
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 1:57 pm

I'm glad someone explained that one. It is funny.

UAL747
"Bangkok Tower, United 890 Heavy. Bangkok Tower, United 890 Heavy.....Okay, fine, we'll just turn 190 and Visual Our Way
 
NWA742
Topic Author
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RE: Aviation Joke

Thu Jul 24, 2003 2:13 pm

Yeah I learned that from watching a video from Just Planes.

The guy flared and it said "Retard, retard, retard", and it stopped as soon as he finished retarding the throttles.

To anybody who doesn't get it:

It says "retard" to the pilot because it's time for him to retard (pull back) the throttles on landing.

Read it again with that knowledge  Smile



-NWA742
Some people are like slinkies - not good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs
 
XQ737
Posts: 95
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RE: Aviation Joke

Fri Jul 25, 2003 4:30 am

Just one question.

Do the 737NG /B747-400/B777-200/300 have the same announcement or don't they have any announcements after passing 500feet during the approach?


Is it true that pilots have given a name to that voice of that announcement? If yes, what is the name?
 
cmckeithen
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Joined: Sun Jul 20, 2003 9:31 am

RE: Aviation Joke

Fri Jul 25, 2003 4:37 am

Very good. I love this one. I guess we need our Boeing planes to talk to us while landing.

[Edited 2003-07-24 21:38:50]
 
richierich
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Joined: Sat Nov 04, 2000 5:49 am

RE: Aviation Joke

Fri Jul 25, 2003 7:41 am

Boeing planes are silent.
Airbus planes call the pilot's names.
None shall pass!!!!
 
Boeing4ever
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RE: Aviation Joke

Fri Jul 25, 2003 9:04 am

Boeing planes are silent.
Airbus planes call the pilot's names.


Just cuz they're silent doesn't mean they like the pilots...

"If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all"  Laugh out loud

B4e-Forever New Frontiers
 
elwood64151
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Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2002 10:22 am

RE: Aviation Joke

Fri Jul 25, 2003 10:22 am

Boeing4ever:

But it does mean they've learned tact! Too bad the Airbuses are just plain rude!

Okay, I'm ready to be flamed, now.
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it in summer school.

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