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Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2004 1:54 am

Murphy Laws For Freq. Flyers

Sat Mar 20, 2004 4:08 am

1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.

2. If you're running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.

3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

4. Flights never leave from gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.

6. If you're assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you're still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.

7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.

8. They crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.

9. Guys, the best looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.

10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an a/c, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring on board.

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RE: Murphy Laws For Freq. Flyers

Sat Mar 20, 2004 1:03 pm

carrying on...

11) the movie(s) you'd really like to watch is/are (...take your pick here...) on the reverse routing; last month; next month; business/first only.

12) ONLY when the movie(s) you'd really like to watch is actually playing on your fully booked flight. Guess what? your PTV doesn't work.
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Sat Mar 20, 2004 1:22 pm

13) When you have a nice bulkhead pre-assigned seat, you check-in and are alerted that the A/C just got switched and the bulk-head seats are now all assigned.

14) After a long day, you try to recline your seat only to realize that the large fellow behind you has his tray table down and therefore your seat can only go back half way or your seat is just broke.

W N = my Worst Nightmare!!!!!
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RE: Murphy Laws For Freq. Flyers

Sat Mar 20, 2004 1:46 pm

15) The earlier you check in for a flight, the longer it will take for your luggage to get to baggage claim.

16) When transferring flights, the 2nd flight will be at the other end of the terminal or fartherest terminal building from 1st flight.

17) All your long overnight coach flights (like to Europe from US) will be full of pax, and your daytime return flights (like back to US from Europe) will have empty seats or rows for sleeping.

18) The worse turbulance will occur and last longest just before the beverage/food service and you are very hungry and thristy.

19) The rare opportunity to take a voluntary flight bump and get money or free tickets will most likely happen when can least take advantage of it.

20) Despite the ads for frequent flyer programs, you will never be able to go to Hawaii for 'free' and especially 1st class on your frequent flyer miles, even if have a million miles

21) Weather delays will always occur in greater severity and delays when most want to get to your destination with the least delays.

22) The probability of your luggage getting lost or contents damaged is the highest when can least afford the lost or damaged contents.

23) The taller/bigger you are, the more likely the a/c on your flight will be the smaller
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RE: Murphy Laws For Freq. Flyers

Sat Mar 20, 2004 3:11 pm

24) Just about you get up to go use the lavatory, the seat belt sign will come on and stay on for the rest of the flight.

"God bless catastrophe..."
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RE: Murphy Laws For Freq. Flyers

Sat Mar 20, 2004 4:08 pm

25) If you travel enough to have a meaningful amount of frequent flier miles you are too busy to be able to use them, or at home so little that it seems very exotic.
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RE: Murphy Laws For Freq. Flyers

Sat Mar 20, 2004 4:21 pm

26) If the last empty seat on the plane is next to you, a very large, annoying or smelly person will sit there at the last second.
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RE: Murphy Laws For Freq. Flyers

Sat Mar 20, 2004 4:23 pm

26) No matter how fast you try to exit the a/c to get to the front of the line in customs, when you reach the front you'll be turned back b/c you "forgot a slip"
27) When you sit on the phone for hours to get the exact seat for you that flight will have equip. Change.

"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark."
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RE: Murphy Laws For Freq. Flyers

Sat Mar 20, 2004 5:48 pm

28) The person next to you has never opened a yogurt pot on a plane before, and will splatter your only clean shirt with white globules.

29) If you really just want to read your book in peace (or sleep) some old lady visiting her grandchildren will plop down next to you and talk your ear off despite pointed hints.
"There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots." - John Ringo
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RE: Murphy Laws For Freq. Flyers

Sat Mar 20, 2004 7:53 pm

30) The sensitivity of the magnetic metal detector is directly proportional to how few minutes until your flight boards.

31) The more tired and irritable you are, the more talkative the guy in the next seat is.

32) Your bladder will not reach full capacity until drink carts are blocking the aisle between you and the lavs.

33) TSA agents base how suspicious you look solely on how late you're running.

"Shaddap you!"
CX Flyboy
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RE: Murphy Laws For Freq. Flyers

Sat Mar 20, 2004 8:00 pm

From a pilot's point of view:

34) As soon as you decide to turn the seatbelt sign off, you hit clear air turbulence. This happens throughout the flight

35) On a day where long flight times mean you will be delayed, everything else goes wrong to delay you further.

36) When you are already tight on fuel, you encounter stronger than forecast headwinds and can't get your preferred flight level, increasing fuel burn even more.

37) When it rains, it pours. I.e. if something goes tech, guaranteed everything will go tech bit by bit.

38) The day I forget to bring the umbrella will be the day the captain makes me do a walkaround in the pouring rain.
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RE: Murphy Laws For Freq. Flyers

Sat Mar 20, 2004 8:15 pm

39) When transiting in an Airport with -6° C, they will tell you that because of security measure you must deplane down the stairs on the tarmac instead of through the air bridge,as you are only wearing a t-shirt.
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RE: Murphy Laws For Freq. Flyers

Sat Mar 20, 2004 8:27 pm

40) The passenger sitting next to you will mistake his airsickness bag for your bag of sweets.
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RE: Murphy Laws For Freq. Flyers

Sat Mar 20, 2004 9:11 pm

Add a few to the pilots perspective:

39)Anytime I take my pen and paper to fill out the forms there comes the turbulance
40)Anytime the incoming airplane that we'll take overr is delayed youll have outbound slot time which makes you shout everybody to be faster to catch the slot.
41)All the strange things happen in the first year of your carreer as FO,and as Captain.
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