Thanks for all of your light-hearted posts. I especially like the picture of a member of "Al-Qitty" holding a rifle.
But, wait. This just in:
After filing the earlier story, I have received a directive from the TSA
“In an effort to combat terrorist attacks by an organisation known as Al-Qitty, the TSA
has enacted additional screening procedures at all of the nation’s airports. Starting immediately, all bottle caps with jagged edges are prohibited beyond security checkpoints.” In addition “balls of yarn, fabric – such as those used in the manufacture of furniture, mechanical items molded in the shape of a mouse and all forms of catnip” will be confiscated.
also warns that extra security measures such as “Distal phalanx (declawing), Ovariohysterectomy (spayed) and Castration (neutered) may become necessary.”
The reaction from the FCLU – Feline Civil Liberties Union – has been poignant.
“The FCLU strongly opposes the individual targeting processes recently announced by the TSA
which are clearly directed toward those of Felis libyca
and Felis manul
decent. The stereotyping of cats by the government cannot be condoned because of the actions of one kitten.” The FCLU is considering legal action noting that “felines are genetically predisposed to the certain behavior.”
To avoid the appearance of racial profiling, the TSA
intends to screen “all cats including, but not limited to, bobcats, mountain lions, leopards, tigers, lions, jaguars and cheetahs.
An additional area of concern is the tactic of placing cats in carry-on bags, a method onced practiced by travelers attempting to avoid paying a pet fee.
“The possible on-board smuggling of felines has prompted the TSA
to announce the Feline Detection Canine Program (FDCP). This program will utilize specially bred canines coupled with sophisticated training techniques to reduce the potential of negative confrontations between the TSA
and felines. The cost to taxpayer for this program is considered minimal.”
Official budget projections for this new program are difficult to come by, however, inside sources estimate the start up cost to be around $500 million with an annual budget of between $100 and $200 million. It is not known how the TSA
intends to fund this program, but it is speculated that they will propose to levy a Feline Screening Departure Tax (FSDT) of $50 for each way of travel.