flyAUA
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Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 4:48 am

If you're a pilot/controller or have overheard any funny ATC conversations post them here... Here's the last one I heard in the en-route simulator today (I was wetting myself!!!):

A student ATCer was confused about what to do regarding 2 aircraft that were vectored on parallel (in normal english that means they are flying at the same flight level both on the same headings with a bunch of nautical miles between them). The aircraft were on the wrong side (i.e the one on the left had to go right and the one on the right had to go to the left and were not supposed to climb or descend).

Coach: So, how will you solve this situation?
Student: *raises finger* I'll show you how, gimme a moment
Coach: OK
Student: Speedbird456, traffic 3 o'clock, 6 miles, type A332, FL340
Speedbird456: Maastricht Radar, traffic in sight
Student: Lufthansa332, traffic 9 o'clock, 6 miles, type B777, FL340
Lufthansa: Maastricht Radar, have the traffic in sight
Student: Allright... SWITCH!!!
Coach: *Starts strangling student*

LOL Big grin
Not drinking, also isn't a solution!
 
legacy135
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 5:09 am

Here is my favorite, they say it happened in Frankfurt, I don't know but anyhow:

US-Airforce C-130: TWR tell 747 in front of us to call us on 123.45
TWR: XX777 would you mind calling C-130 on 123.45?
xx777: Sorry TWR, we do not talk on 123.45, we are professional pilots
US-Airforce C-130: OK, TWR tell those professional pilots they still have the gear pins in!
 
jtamu97
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 5:10 am

Heard on Houston frequency from what I remember:

Controller: CO 123 descend and maintain FL 180
CO123: Request Lower
Controller: In a lower Voice-Co123 how is this Big grin?...Descend and maintain 120
Same Controller while directing many planes to the ILS:
Kids don't try this at Home!!!...Then rattles off instructions to 3 different airfraft to join the ILS..I have never heard a controlled use "break" as much as he did. He was a fast talker, but very easy to understand.
Propeller, we don't need no stinkin propeller
 
flyAUA
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 5:18 am

Quoting Legacy135 (Reply 1):

Hahaha, bet they will swtich to 123.45 the next time  tongue 

Quoting Jtamu97 (Reply 2):

Yeah it's very easy to not realise how fast you're talking when it gets busy! Sometimes you don't even realise how close you're getting to the radar screen... I had my head pulled off the screen (by my coach) cus my nose was almost touching it on several occasions. And it was not because my eyesight was bad Big grin
Not drinking, also isn't a solution!
 
S12PPL
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 5:33 am

Ahhh, this one again.... Smile

Well, I can give you two from my experience....

First one is my favorite. My dad and I flew ourselves down to Oakland in October of 2003. While taxiing, the ground controller asked our destination and aircraft type. We told him we were just gonna do a little bay tour, and that we were a Cessna 182.

After take off:

Tower: Cessna 7226 November, what is your destination?
Us: We were hoping to take some people on a bay tour if that is ok, sir.
Tower: Us? What aircraft type are you?"
Us: Uh, we are a 182
Tower: Hum...Well, someone has you as a 152...Who did you tell you were a 182?
Us: The ground controller
Tower: I see...Well, just stay below 3,500, and you'll be fine, have fun, switch to xxx.xx!"

Upon our return to Oakland, he was still in a good mood:
Us: Oakland Tower, Cessna 7226 November is 5 miles south with Juliet to land"
Tower: Ahhh! 7226 November, welcome back to the party, enter right downwint 27R
Us: Yep, we're back, right downwind 27R, 26 November
As we were about mid feild:
Tower: Cessna 226 November, call your base, cleared to land 27R
Us: We'll call our base, cleared to land 27R, 26 November

Now, I was flying at this point, and after we called our base, and were lined up with the center about 3 miles out, I get the call

Tower: Cessna 7226 November, can you move it to 27L, I still have a damn truck on the runway doing a sweep for FOD"
My heart jumped pretty quick, and I did a quick check behind us to make sure no one was being dumb..
Us: Uh, sure tower, bumping to 27L 26 November
After touch down:
Tower: Very nice, 7226 November, looked like a nice soft landing as well?
Us: Ah, you flatter me, sir. You just owe me one for the last minute bump to 27L
Tower: All right, take your next right, and call ground .7. Have a good one.
Us: We'll exit at our next left and give ground a call, thanks for letting us play today.

The last one was when I was on a solo up to the Portland area. A Citation flew by me about 1,500 feet or so below me and a bit to the west.
Seattle Center: Cessna 25444, traffic is fast moving, south bound at 9 o'clock
Me: "Uh, it just passed me about 10 seconds ago..."
Center: .......Oh. Sorry.
Next Flights: 12/31 AS804 PDX-MCO 2/3 AS19 MCO-SEA QX2545 SEA-PDX
 
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uka330
Crew
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 5:37 am

I love these:

Approach: Continental xxx, slow to one hundred and ninety.

Continental (in a slow Texas drawl): Roger, slowing one-nine-zero.

After a few minutes of handling other arrivals, Approach asked Continental to slow further to 160.

Again the drawling pilot acknowledged the speed reduction.

Sereral more minutes passed and the controller still needed more spacing.

Approach: Continental xxx, slow to one hundred and fifty.

Continental: (in an even slower, more exasperated voice): Do you guys know what the stall speed of a seven-five-seven is ?

Approach (without missing a beat): No sir, but if you ask the guy in the left seat, I'm sure he could tell you.

Delta yyy descend and maintain six-thousand........ Nothing further was heard from the Continental crew.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Those German controllers at Frankfurt Airport tend to be a short-tempered lot. They not only expect pilots to know their parking location but how to get there without any assistance. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt. Speedbird 206 clear of active."

Ground: "Good Morning. Taxi to your gate."

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground. I'm looking up the gate location now."

Ground (impatiently): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly), "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unknown Aircraft: "I'm f***ing bored!". Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!!" Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was f***ing bored, not f***ing stupid!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. San,Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/C: "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign"

RAD: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/C: "LHR Ground, Speedbird 123 request taxy."

GND: "Speedbird 123, hold position, you'll be following a Virgin with a tight slot."
 
legacy135
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 5:43 am

I remember one I heard on the frequency of Bern (BRN/LSZB) our capital airport having 4120 feet /1310 meters of runway these days:

TWR: Citation EAB make a long approach, number 2 to land..
Citation EAB: Roger, we make a long landing
TWR: I said long approach, if you go for a long landing, you can go right to the trash yard!
 
RDUDDJI
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 5:49 am

I was in EWR on a JI F100 back in 2000 and there was a foreign pilot unfamiliar with the airport...It went something like this. Keep in mind JI's Tails were yellow.

Foreign carrier: "xxx is unfamiliar with the airport..."
Ground: "Follow the yellow tailed fokker on Echo."
Unknown: (Laughter)
Ground: "Yeah. I've always wanted to say that."
Sometimes we don't realize the good times when we're in them
 
legacy135
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 5:57 am

For those of you not speaking German: The verb "to brush" can be used in German about as "to fuck" in English, so it can be very rude.
Once in winter we were flying in a lovely morning into Bern. Everything below was covered with snow. So we asked the controller maybe 20 minutes out if the runway was cleaned already. He wanted to say that the equipment was out, but what he said by mistake in German was:

They are all out, "brushing" on the runway.....

You should have heard all those comments after landing Big grin
 
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PipoA380
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 6:00 am

Quoting Legacy135 (Reply 8):
They are all out, "brushing" on the runway.....

Hey Legacy135, can I have the German version here please? Thanks!
It's not about AIRBUS. it's not about BOEING. It's all about the beauty of FLYING.
 
Matt27
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 6:03 am

Quoting UKA330 (Reply 5):
A/C: "LHR Ground, Speedbird 123 request taxy."

GND: "Speedbird 123, hold position, you'll be following a Virgin with a tight slot."

LOL... bigthumbsup 
Man ska inte dricka rödvin i en vit hall.
 
legacy135
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 6:03 am

Quoting PipoA380 (Reply 9):
Hey Legacy135, can I have the German version here please? Thanks!

Sure, pleasure:

.....die sind jetzt alle auf der Piste am Bürsten.....  Wink
 
flyAUA
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 6:10 am

Haha, thanks guys for the feedback, these stories are great  Smile

I remembered 2 more from the simulator when training students!

----------------------------------------

Student: Shamrock481, traffic is 12 o'clock, 5 miles, faster moving, crossing from right to left, same flight level, report traffic in sight.
Shamrock481: Maastricht Radar, have the traffic, it was pretty hard to miss

The range was actually 1 (not 5) miles  rotfl 

----------------------------------------

Student: Austrian437, traffic 3 o'clock, 3 miles crossing from right to left, descending from FL340 to FL250
Austrian437: Maastricht Radar, IFR conditions here, traffic not in sight
Student: Austrian437, errr... ummm.... correction, traffic is now at your 9 o'clock, distance increasing

Hehehe... one had to be there! So funny Big grin
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zvezda
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 6:26 am

Quoting Legacy135 (Reply 11):

.....die sind jetzt alle auf der Piste am Bürsten.....

Is "Piste" the word "to brush/to fuck"? In Russian the word "piston" (from the English, but pronounced like "peestone" would be in English) is a slang word that means "to fuck".
 
flyAUA
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 6:28 am

Quoting Zvezda (Reply 13):

Piste means runway in German. Buersten is the word referring to "brushing".
Not drinking, also isn't a solution!
 
flyingnanook
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 6:47 am

I can't find it in writing, but this is my favorite ATC occurrence. The interview in the link concerns Meryl Getline (author of The World at My Feet) and her ATC conversation with the Goodyear Blimp.

http://fromthecockpit.com/book.htm Click the play button in the middle of the page.
Semper ubi sub ubi.
 
flyAUA
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 7:13 am

Quoting FlyingNanook (Reply 15):
http://fromthecockpit.com/book.htm Click the play button in the middle of the page.

Hahaha Big grin

Cheeky pilots... typical  Wink
Not drinking, also isn't a solution!
 
727EMflyer
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 8:01 am

When the winds are from the south in HNL the runways get very backed up and the tower controller has his hands very full. I got little chuckle after one controller lost track of who was who:
Tower: Cessna 727EM clear to land 22R, Cessna 46J Position and hold 22L, American 767 heavy hold short of 22R you're number 2 for 22L. (All acknowledge, I touch down in 727EM) Cessna 7EM turn left at delta, hold short of 22L traffic departing, Cessna 46J cleared for take-off 22L, American 767 heavy position and hold 22L (All acknowledge, 46J lifts off just prior to taxiway D) Cessna 46J cross 22L.
Not sure if he meant "7EM" or just wanted the departing pilot to expedite the procedural right turn to make way for the 767's straight out departure I gave the controller a few seconds...
Me: Tower, Cessna 7EM did you clear me to cross 22L?
Tower: (flustered) Yes for goodness sake, cross it! We're way backed up and there's a whole 767 waiting for you!

[Edited 2005-06-02 01:04:39]
 
LimaFoxTango
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 9:48 am

I remember hearing this once on the live JFK feed from http://liveatc.net (good listening btw).

American 123 - Uh tower, what's the wind?
JFK Tower - A parcel of air moving across the surface of the earth, but that's not important right now, wind is 270 at 10.

I found that pretty funny!!
You are said to be a good pilot when your take-off's equal your landings.
 
CO737
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 9:54 am

One of my favorite ATC dialogues happened last fall when during the final game of the Yankees and Red Sox for the division championship.

Northwest : "Grand Forks ground, Northwest XXX taxi to the gate and can we get an update on the game."
GFK Ground : "Northwest XXX taxi to the gate, and you guys aren't gonna like this, but its Boston 8, New York 2." (Or whatever the score was, but the Sox were up).
Northwest: "Well that's a little disappointing."
GFK Ground: "Yeah, I guess Steinbrener didn't write enough checks this year."

My flight instructor and I got a huge kick out of that one!
 
kaneporta1
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 11:11 am

Tower: United xxx decend to 3000 feet on QNH 1012
United: can i have that in inches please?
Tower: United xxx decend to 36000 inches on QNH 1012
I'd rather die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not terrified and screaming, like his passengers
 
707guy
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 12:00 pm

Heard this between CLE tower and an NWA DC-9:

NWA - "Uh tower we'll need 6L for departure."
TWR - "Ok - so you want the 9,000 foot runway instead of the 8,999 foot runway...?"
 
ramerinianair
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 12:02 pm

If any of you know KHWV, Brookhaven in Long Island, NY, you will find this funny! It is an airport that is uncontrolled and it has to perpendicular 4200' runways.
Bonanza: (In a South American accent) Brookhaven Beechcraft Bonanza here requesting Airport Advisories.
Bonanza: Brookhaven INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, Brookhaven Beechcraft Bonanaza is 5 miles out . . . .
Very funny considering that the airport is SO SMALL!
SR
W N = my Worst Nightmare!!!!!
 
AR1300
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 12:20 pm

this thread is so funny!!!  rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 

mike
You are now free to move about the cabin
 
edhugo
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 12:32 pm

JFK Tower: Korean XXXX, say airspeed

Korean XXXX: Airspeed . . .

Silence . . . . . .
 
YYZatcboy
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 12:39 pm

british tower: USAF123 QNH 1011
USAF123: Tower we are the United States Air Force, We use inches.
British Tower:Sir this is a British airport. we use QNH, I repeat QNH1011
DHC1/3/4 MD11/88 L1011 A319/20/21/30 B727 735/6/7/8/9 762/3 E175/90 CRJ/700/705 CC150. J/S DH8D 736/7/8
 
SHUPirate1
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 12:40 pm

Quoting YYZatcboy (Reply 25):
british tower: USAF123 QNH 1011

What is that QNH 1011 supposed to mean?
Burma's constitutional referendum options: A. Yes, B. Go to Insein Prison!
 
AR1300
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 12:54 pm

QNH is the other way to measure the Air pressure.They use the Millibar(SP?)
Standard Pressure is 29,29 inches at sea level at a given Tº of 15ºC.
OR 1013 Milibars.And in that case, was 1011.

The QNH or the number given in Inches it is used to calibrate the barometric altimeter.A wrong setting would lead to a wrong altitude reading, so it has to be set accordingly anytime needed.

mike

[Edited 2005-06-02 05:56:39]
You are now free to move about the cabin
 
AGrayson514
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 12:58 pm

Heres a few, some I've heard some I haven't...all very amusing  Smile

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

Control tower to a UA 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this.... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."



Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

Allegedly, while taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
US Air 2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
Give a little bit...
 
COFreqFlyer
Posts: 358
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 1:41 pm

On a flight from Houston back to Denver in a C172 via Breckenridge and Amarillo, TX, I was listening to Houston center giving traffic advisories to IFR aircraft about several VFR aircraft not talking to center, using the description of those aircraft as "slow moving". So I decided to call up for VFR flight following. Here's the gist of the initial conversation.

Self: Houston Center, good morning, Cessna XXXXX (I forget the reg now), off of Lakeside, climbing to 8,500, VFR flight following to Breckenridge, please?
Center: Cessna XXXXX, good morning, squawk 2643, say type aircraft.
Self: 2643 on the squawk, and type aircraft is slow moving.
Center: Ah, you must be a Citation. Radar contact 20 northwest of West Houston.....
The Proud Bird with the Golden Tail
 
ORDSPOTTER
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 2:43 pm

This took place back on a hot summer day of 2000 at ORD. Just after a storm has passed through the area. Traffic backed up everywhere on the ground. We were number 6 for takeoff on 27L.

Tower: Mexicana 809, can you take 27L instead of 22L.
Mexicana 809: Yes we can.
Tower: Great. Mexicana 809. Taxi D3, M, M6 in front of American 757.
Mexicana 809: Roger, D3, M, M6 in front of American 757.

after 30 seconds....
Tower: (shouting) Mexicana 809, STOP. D3, M, M6.
Mexicana 809: Roger, D3, M, M6. Mexicana 809.

after 20 seconds....
Tower: (really shouting) Everyone for 22L, 27L, STOP WHERE YOU ARE.
Mexicana 809, can you taxi to the end of the runway without hitting
anyone?
Mexicana 809: Roger, we will try.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

After I heard that, it just made my day.

Cheers
MARK
SHIT ALWAYS ROLLS DOWNHILL
 
Indy
Posts: 3957
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 3:21 pm

It doesn't get any better than this.... listening to ORD air traffic control while watching LAX radar here...

http://www4.passur.com/lax.html

Good way to waste hours  Smile
Indy = Indianapolis and not Independence Air
 
QantasA330
Posts: 304
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 7:16 pm

GND: "United 123 (772) follow the company RJ, hold short 26L."

UA123: "Follow the little reject jet and hold short 26L"

UA RJ: "Thats REVENUE jet to you Mr"
 
pilotaydin
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 7:28 pm

I'm not sure if this is totally acurate BUT, this is a story that a lot of pilots/controllers in Turkey have been passing around.

there is a cargo company here named KUZU KARGO. KUZU, directly translated means LAMB in english, so everytime one of their A300s check into Istanbul radar, people get on the freq and start going "baaaaaaaaa"
The only time there is too much fuel onboard, is when you're on fire!
 
flyAUA
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RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 7:54 pm

Quoting Kaneporta1 (Reply 20):
Tower: United xxx decend to 3000 feet on QNH 1012
United: can i have that in inches please?
Tower: United xxx decend to 36000 inches on QNH 1012

Hahaha  Smile Classic!!

Quoting Edhugo (Reply 24):
JFK Tower: Korean XXXX, say airspeed

Korean XXXX: Airspeed . . .

Serves him right for not using correct phraseology Big grin

Should have said REPORT AIRSPEED

Quoting AR1300 (Reply 27):
QNH is the other way to measure the Air pressure.They use the Millibar(SP?)
Standard Pressure is 29,29 inches at sea level at a given Tº of 15ºC.
OR 1013 Milibars.And in that case, was 1011.

Correct, except you meant 29,92  Wink

In North America they use mmHg and here we use QNH (QNH1013=29,92mmHg). Aircraft however are equipped to accept both settings so pilots should not have problems with either of them.
Not drinking, also isn't a solution!
 
ClearedDirect
Posts: 198
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2004 10:57 pm

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 10:23 pm

Quoting Edhugo (Reply 24):
JFK Tower: Korean XXXX, say airspeed

Korean XXXX: Airspeed . . .


This is usually followed by ATC issuing the following : Korean XXXX, say 'cancel IFR'
 
lorenz
Posts: 127
Joined: Sun Aug 27, 2000 8:38 pm

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 10:26 pm

Here in Norway we had a state visit from the Russian President Putin some time ago..

OSL ATC: "Russia 9001 you are cleared the approach to runway 01L, this will save you some taxitime"

RUS9001: "Okay, cleared ILS for 01L, Russia 9001" (Typical Russian accent)

DLH3130: "Approach, whats the reason for this.. thing.. with the plane getting 01L..for shorter taxi..?"

OSL ATC: "Eerrhm, do you.. have.. the.. President.. of the Russian Federation onboard?"

DLH3130: "...no?.."

OSL ATC: "THAT's the reason!"
 
skyhawk62507
Posts: 78
Joined: Sat May 14, 2005 12:03 pm

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 10:55 pm

The best one I've experienced myself was on a night flight with my instructor, as we were landing at KABQ. Southwest is my far the largest presence at Albuquerque, and their pilots know it:

Us:"Albuquerque Tower, Skyhawk 62507 is with you for 17."
ATC: "Skyhawk 507, runway 17 cleared to land, wind 150 at 4."
Us: "Cleared to land 17, Skyhawk 507."
WN: "Albuquerque Tower, Southwest XXX holding short at 8 for IFR to Dallas."
ATC: "Southwest XXX, position and hold runway 8, traffic is a Cessna 172 landing runway 17 on a ten-mile final."
WN: "Position and hold, runway 8... did you say a ten-mile final for the Cessna?"
ATC: "Affirmative."
WN: "Southwest XXX, in position on 8, will wait for the Cessna."
ATC: "That's mighty kind of you, Southwest XXX."
WN: "Anyone got a deck of cards?"
My instructor: "Skyhawk 507, we're pedaling as fast as we can."
ATC (exasperated): "Take your time, Skyhawk 507."
 
kaneporta1
Posts: 710
Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2005 12:22 am

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 11:35 pm

LAX tower to a BA747 after a perfect landing:

Tower: Speedbird123 you landed a bit to the left of the centerline.
BA123: Roger sir, and my copilot landed a bit to the right
I'd rather die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not terrified and screaming, like his passengers
 
BMIFlyer
Posts: 8065
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 7:11 am

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Thu Jun 02, 2005 11:42 pm

Quoting Kaneporta1 (Reply 39):
Tower: Speedbird123 you landed a bit to the left of the centerline.
BA123: Roger sir, and my copilot landed a bit to the right

I Love That One Big grin



Lee
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
 
ZID
Posts: 292
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2002 4:33 am

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Fri Jun 03, 2005 1:14 am

From FlyAUA : "Serves him right for not using correct phraseology

Should have said REPORT AIRSPEED"


No, in the United States "say airspeed" is the correct phraseology.
I'm not joking! This is my job!
 
User avatar
litz
Posts: 1886
Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2003 6:01 am

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Fri Jun 03, 2005 1:27 am

You know ... this is a common thread, pops up over and over ... but the anecdotes are always different, and always funny ...  Smile

Keep 'em coming !

- litz
 
MD11junkie
Posts: 2499
Joined: Tue May 10, 2005 4:59 am

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Fri Jun 03, 2005 1:30 am

This one is my favorite.

N****: Tower, N**** type Cessna Citation X with an emergency, cabin depressurization on finals.
Tower: Roger, N****, you are number two behind a B-52 with one engine failing.
N****: Ah... the dreaded 7-engine approach.


LOL Big grin I love it


Cheers! wave 
Gastón - The MD-11 Junkie
There is no such thing as Boeing vs Airbus as the queen of the skies has three engines, winglets and the sweetest nose!
 
efohdee
Posts: 212
Joined: Fri Oct 29, 2004 4:52 am

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Fri Jun 03, 2005 1:32 am

Heard this not to long ago on a very slow Saturday night:

ATC: "Attention all aircraft new Center Weather Advisory. It is wetter than a hootchie coochie down by the Chattahootchee."
 
TIMC
Posts: 131
Joined: Thu Jun 02, 2005 11:05 pm

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Fri Jun 03, 2005 1:33 am

Just out of interested, are there penalties for misusing official channels?
 
CosmicCruiser
Posts: 2049
Joined: Tue Feb 22, 2005 3:01 am

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Fri Jun 03, 2005 1:52 am

Quoting FlyAUA (Reply 34):
In North America they use mmHg and here we use QNH (QNH1013=29,92mmHg

Just to clarify...29.92 in.mm = 1013 mb...correct
BUT QNH is the alt. setting for height above sea level thus reading airport hgt. abv sea lvl when on the ground.
QFE is the alt. setting that would indicate height above the ground. thus reading 0' on the ground.
QFE is the setting for std. press. (above the tranistion lvl) that is 29.92 or 1013.
 
ftrguy
Posts: 347
Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2003 8:17 am

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Fri Jun 03, 2005 2:52 am

Heard this a few weeks ago on UA CH9:

UA 903 Heavy Checking in to SFO Tower:

UA 903: "SFO TWR UA 903 Heavy checking in with 18 in the green and lookin mean."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another one thats been passed down. (Don't remember the callsign of the aircraft)

Aircraft- XXXXX with you requesting FL600.

ATC- Well sir, if you can get up there its all yours.

Aircraft- Well actually sir, we'll be descending to it.

Silence on the radio

The aircraft turns out to be an SR-71 returning from a mission...
 
twincommander
Posts: 185
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2005 11:54 pm

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Fri Jun 03, 2005 2:56 am

Listening on our air radio to Portland approach at work on one graveyard shift had this amusing situation:

PDX APRCH: FedEX 18xx heavy, you are 10 miles southeast, in front of you are a pa32 and a 737, report them in site.

FedEX 18xx heavy: Got the traffic in site.

PDX APRCH: FedEX 18xx heavy, what's the conditions up there tonight?

FedEX 18xx heavy: really calm, great visibility.

PDX APRCH: FedEX 18xx heavy, you are now 5 miles west, I have you at 10,000. Do you need more room to shoot your approach?

FedEX 18xx heavy: negative approach, plenty of room.

PDX APRCH: Alright then, FedEX 18xx heavy, cleared runway 10r approach. Do whatever you want.

FedEX 18xx heavy, Turning right 180 degress, diving to 3600, cleared 10r approach.

PDX APRCH: uh, FedEX 18xx Heavy, are you gonna make it?

FedEX 18xx Heavy: affirmative, runway in site.

PDX APRCH: ok then, contact tower, careful with the breakables. have a good one.

FedEX 18xx heavy: contact tower, we are always careful, night.

I was laughing for a while after hearing that one.
 
CXA340
Posts: 81
Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 3:38 am

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Fri Jun 03, 2005 3:08 am

I heard this last year - went something like:

ORD TWR (male voice): Continental XXX, service to Houston George Bush Intercontiental...
Continental: Tower, Continental XXX repeat directions sir, didn't copy?
ORD TWR: Continental XXX, I was just announcing your destination, I'm a Republican sir.
 
planespotting
Posts: 3026
Joined: Sat Apr 17, 2004 4:54 am

RE: Funny ATC Dialogues :)

Fri Jun 03, 2005 3:22 am

Heres a funny one i had with some boys from Chicago Center and a few other pilots that day on Sunday, September 7 2003. It was like, the last great day of summer...we were flying from MKE-DBQ and it was such an awesome day, we had just watched the end of a football game at my friend Nick's girlfriends house in MKE (he was flying, i was in the right seat) before we left.

9379F: me
ATC: duh
xxx: other assorted traffic

xxx: Hey center can we get an update on the Vikings-Packers game today
ATC: Vikes win by 5
xxx: Nice, good way to start the year
xxy: It won't last long for the Vi-queens
xxx: Sure worked out for us today though
9379F: Yeah it was too little too late for the pack today, the Cubs won too!
ATC: Now theres something to celebrate!
9379F: Soon to be central division champs!
AAxxz: Chicago Center, American xxz is with you at 220, standby while we vomit.

goodtimes  Smile
Do you like movies about gladiators?