BlazingCessna
Topic Author
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A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Fri Sep 08, 2006 8:39 pm

A SABENA airliner pulls up behind a KLM airliner on a crowded taxiway.

SABENA to KLM on tower freq: "KLM holding number 4 come up 3030 (303.3 Unicom)." After a few minutes they call again "KLM holding number 3 come up 3030." Still no response so they call tower : "Tower tell the KLM aircraft ahead of SABENA 123 to come up on 3030"

Just then the KLM crew jumps in and says, "Tower please tell the SABENA Aircraft that the professionals at KLM Dutch Airlines don't come up on discreet frequencies when they should be monitoring tower."

The SABENA Aircraft then replies, "Okay tower, that's no problem but could you just let the professionals at KLM know that their gear pins are still in."

(A moment of silence)

KLM : Tower, KLM 3030 needs to return to the gate.

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."
Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."

Definition of jet lag : "finding your wallet in the refrigerator and not remembering what you did with the milk".

Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."

Im sorry, I just had to!!!!  rotfl 

 rotfl   rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 
Flown on:722, 731, 732, 742, 752, 763, DC8, DC9, DC10, A300, A319, A320, A330, PIC on C172, PA28R, D55, A36, DC3
 
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jorge1812
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Fri Sep 08, 2006 9:54 pm

Quoting BlazingCessna (Thread starter):
The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."
Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."

That's my all time favourite.

Georg
 
GBOAC
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Fri Sep 08, 2006 10:17 pm

What's a BA 747 doing at FRA? And especially one coming from MIA to LHR - surely not the best diversion airport, I'd wager?  Wink
 
PanHAM
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Fri Sep 08, 2006 10:41 pm

Quoting GBOAC (Reply 2):
What's a BA 747 doing at FRA? And especially one coming from MIA to LHR - surely not the best diversion airport, I'd wager? Wink

secretly diverted and then captured by German ATC  Smile
powered by Eierlikör
 
katekebo
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Fri Sep 08, 2006 10:49 pm

The best one from my personal experience was on a KLM flight from Istanbul to Amsterdam. At the end of the safety briefing, the flight attendant, who was in her 50's, said:
".... and please don't complaint about the age and appearance of the flight attendants, we also would prefer to see younger and more handsome passengers."

Also, during the safety instructions she said:
"Please place your carry-on baggage in the overhead compartments, and if it doesn't fit in there, put it on the floor under the sit in front of you. And bring less baggage the next time !!!"
 
JPair
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Fri Sep 08, 2006 11:10 pm

IIRC they landed there for the joke; but took off again shortly afterwards
 
icarus75
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:43 am

Quoting BlazingCessna (Thread starter):
The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."
Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."

The best one for me!!!!! rotfl   rotfl   rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 
Flying is amazing!
 
APFPilot1985
Posts: 1840
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:46 am

How about at DAL a little while ago a female controller was on position. She had a couple of Shorts 360's on final and a WN 737 waiting to take off. As the WN pilot was getting impatient he called the tower:

WN1234: Tower any idea when you are going to be able to get us off?

Tower: Honey, I can't get you off until I get these Shorts down.
Stand Up and Be Counted Visit Site Related to Voice your opinion
 
PanAm747
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 3:39 am

Mine that I heard this last 4th of July:

"And if there's anything we can do to make your flight more comfortable, please call on Julie as Suzie and myself are just too darn tired from working all day!!"

Only two people laughed - myself and my partner. Nobody was even remotely listening. Thanks for that, we got free Direct TV from the Frontier f/a's.

It pays to listen!!
Pan Am:The World's Most Experienced Airline - P(oor) S(ailor's) A(irline): San Diego's Hometown Airline-Catch Our Smile!
 
TheCheese
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 5:29 am

More than once on AS I've noticed the F/A's taking some liberties with the safety announcements:

"And in the unlikely event of a water landing, we will taxi to the Watergate for deplaning. At that time we will instruct you to remove your life vest from under your seat, with a gentle reminder not to inflate until you're safely in the terminal."

(In a VERY full MD-80) "Emergency exits are located 2 at the front of the aircraft, 4 over the wings, 2 at row 36, 2 at row 60, 2 at row 90 and directly at the rear of the aircraft."

"In case of loss of cabin pressure at altitude, masks will drop from the ceiling... (the standard protocols for putting them on) ...but remember; if the masks deploy when we are on the ground, it is not necessary to use them."

Though my favorite was this exchange (on Christmas Eve, flying PDX-ANC):

Captain: Welcome aboard Alaska Airlines flight... uh...
F/O (quietly): 101
C: Flight 101 with service from Phoenix...
F/O: Portland
C: Portland to Albequerque...
F/O: Anchorage!
C: Anchorage Alaska. Our flying time is, uh... *obvious rustling of paperwork* Three hours and ten minutes. (aside to the F/O) Really? (louder) We hope that you have a pleasant flight with us on... uh...
F/O: Alaska Airlines. Flight attendants cross-check and prepare for departure.
 
BlueShamu330s
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 6:23 am

MAN approach: "DanAir 2241, I've got some weather clutter on my radar. Will you be able to turn yourself on?" (to the localiser)

DAN2241: "Yes Ma'am, but I'd enjoy it more if you did it for me!"  Big grin
========================================================
One night, when WIP necessitated departure from an intersection or entering the active and backtracking:

MAN TWR Lady: "BeaTours998, departure from link Charlie will give you xxx metres. Is that sufficient, or would you like the full length?"

KT998: "Can you give me the full length?"

TWR:"If you'd like it"

Anon: "Can I have the full length and your phone number too?!"

========================================================

And this was honestly, genuinely an occurrance:

DAN2673: "Errrrm, ground, we're on Charlie taxiing for stand 24, but there's an Air Europe 737 head on to us in this cul-de-sac."

MAN ground: "Oh fuck!"

Anon "oooh!"

MAN ground: "Did I just transmit that?"

Anon: "yes"

Anon: "yes"

Anon: "yes"

Anon: "we heard it"

Anon: "Us too!"

Poor guy !  wink 

Shamu
So I drive a 4x4. So what?! Tax the a$$ off me for it...oh, you already have... :-(
 
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Buyantukhaa
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 6:47 am

Quoting TheCheese (Reply 9):
Though my favorite was this exchange (on Christmas Eve, flying PDX-ANC):

Captain: Welcome aboard Alaska Airlines flight... uh...
F/O (quietly): 101
C: Flight 101 with service from Phoenix...
F/O: Portland
C: Portland to Albequerque...
F/O: Anchorage!
C: Anchorage Alaska. Our flying time is, uh... *obvious rustling of paperwork* Three hours and ten minutes. (aside to the F/O) Really? (louder) We hope that you have a pleasant flight with us on... uh...
F/O: Alaska Airlines. Flight attendants cross-check and prepare for departure.

 Silly Brilliant!
I scratch my head, therefore I am.
 
tango29
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 7:18 am

Quoting BlazingCessna (Thread starter):
go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube


Thats what i call fun!!

 bigthumbsup 
Flown: A300,310,319,320,321,332,333,346,380, B720, 727,732,733,734,735,738,741,744,752,753,763,772,773
 
EMA747
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 8:21 am

Most of you must have seen it but for those that havnt:

Tower: "UA 563 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, two o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

Pilot (UA 563): "Approach, I've always wanted to say this ... I've got the little Fokker in sight."



Andy S
Failing doesn’t make you a failure. Giving up and refusing to try again does!
 
NicolasRubio
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 8:52 am

Quoting BlazingCessna (Thread starter):
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."

The last time I read it in this forums, the pilot said: "Yes, in 1944. But it was dark and I didn't land" Big grin Big grin Big grin
Gripped 7D + Sigma 10-20mm + 17-40L + 50mm f/1.8 II + 70-200mm f/4L IS + EF 400mm f/5.6L + 580EX II
 
unoflygirl
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 9:13 am

I found these on a website one time, you might have seen them before. They're funny anway.

"Air Force Four-Five, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard...I see you've already ejected."

"American Two-Twenty, Eneey, meeny, miney, moe, how do you hear my radio?"

"How far behind traffic are we?"
"Three miles."
"That doesn't look like three miles to us!"
"You're a mile and a half from him, he's a mile and a half from you...that's three miles."

Enjoy!
"I'm not anxious to die...just anxious to matter"
 
AKLDELNonstop
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 9:26 am

On my flight from MCT (Muscat, Oman) to LHR on a BA 777. On Landing at Heathrow (British pilot at his home airport):

Captain: I am pleased to announce that we have arrived at Heathrow 15 mins ahead of time. Unfortunately, we are at the wrong terminal ........

Cheers
 
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Aloha717200
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 10:32 am

Quoting TheCheese (Reply 9):
Captain: Welcome aboard Alaska Airlines flight... uh...
F/O (quietly): 101
C: Flight 101 with service from Phoenix...
F/O: Portland
C: Portland to Albequerque...
F/O: Anchorage!
C: Anchorage Alaska. Our flying time is, uh... *obvious rustling of paperwork* Three hours and ten minutes. (aside to the F/O) Really? (louder) We hope that you have a pleasant flight with us on... uh...
F/O: Alaska Airlines. Flight attendants cross-check and prepare for departure.

Hillarious! They musta planned that one beforehand. Big grin

Quoting BlueShamu330s (Reply 10):
And this was honestly, genuinely an occurrance:

DAN2673: "Errrrm, ground, we're on Charlie taxiing for stand 24, but there's an Air Europe 737 head on to us in this cul-de-sac."

MAN ground: "Oh fuck!"

Anon "oooh!"

MAN ground: "Did I just transmit that?"

Anon: "yes"

Anon: "yes"

Anon: "yes"

Anon: "we heard it"

Anon: "Us too!"

Poor guy !

Shamu

Even funnier!!  rotfl 
 
jepstein
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 12:30 pm

My Dad heard this on united:

The landing was rough so the F/A said "Whoa" into the PA.

And after landing he said: "We know you have a choice of bankrupt airlines and we thank you for choosing United."

 Big grin  Big grin  Silly  Silly
 
Flyboy14295
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:01 pm

These are some great one that I found.

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
of this airplane..."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an
emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke,
contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of
the airplane."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope
you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a
ride."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising
altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm
switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all
of you for the rest of the flight."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the
overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before
assisting children or adults acting like children."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to sure to gather all of
your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly
among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite
a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't
the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight
attendants' fault.....it was the asphalt!"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy
which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said
that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking
with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we
land or were we shot down?"
Greetings from New York. "Take It to the limit." -Eagles
 
BlazingCessna
Topic Author
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:03 pm

Overheard on a NWA flight

Aircraft lands and the thrust reversers do not engage. Next thing you hear is the Capt or F/O over the intercom "Woah big fella, WOOOAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

[Edited 2006-09-09 06:03:59]
Flown on:722, 731, 732, 742, 752, 763, DC8, DC9, DC10, A300, A319, A320, A330, PIC on C172, PA28R, D55, A36, DC3
 
TheRonald
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Joined: Thu Jun 29, 2006 11:25 am

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:51 pm

To All who have contributed to this topic...WELL DONE EVERYONE  rotfl 
I already have the quilty concious, may as well have the money, too.
 
NAV20
Posts: 8453
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 3:44 pm

One of the best I've heard was when, during the Australian Pilots' Strike, the RAAF was ferrying VIPs around in Hercules transports.

The captain of one flight - carrying the Prime Minister of the time, Bob Hawke, and his entourage, and the Canberra press corps - came back for a word before takeoff, apologised for the lack of amenities, and finished up by saying, "The aeroplane's not new, but it's well maintained. We don't expect any serious mechanical trouble this trip, but if there IS any you'll get plenty of warning because you'll see a series of green flashes. Which will be me and the rest of the crew baling out..."

Not funny ha-ha, but I was greatly amused one time flying from LA to New York in thundery weather, with endless doglegs to avoid menacing thunderheads. Being used to Aussie weather (nothing by halves) and British weather (always lousy) I wasn't too bothered, but my wife was pretty nervous.

This was in the days when American Airlines used to put Air Traffic Control on a headphone channel. I suggested that my wife listen in instead of just staring out of the window at the huge swirling stormclouds. The Captain had a marvellously calm, deep, reassuring voice - it cheered her up a lot to hear him saying things like, "Denver Control, roger, no problem, American Five Heavy....." in measured tones; quite clearly in full and confident control of the situation. The voice and the manner would have convinced anyone that the guy up front was bigger, better-looking, and more capable than Gregory Peck himself.

But this was also back in the days when the flightdeck door was open as you deplaned, and the pilots used to 'smile you off' as you exited. As we got to the front the Captain was climbing out of the lefthand seat. About five-feet-nothing, balding, pale pudgy face, wearing heavy hornrims with thick lenses......

My wife always reckoned that if she'd been able to SEE him during the flight, instead of just hearing him, she'd probably just have jumped out straight away and had done with it.......

[Edited 2006-09-09 08:46:45]
"Once you have flown, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards.." - Leonardo da Vinci
 
antiuser
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 4:42 pm

I like this one (old but still funny):

SR-71 doing test manoeuvres around the LA area...
Aspen103: LAX Control, Aspen103, request Flight Level 600
LAX ATC: Aspen103, clear to climb and mantain FL600 if you think you can get there...
Aspen103: Roger, 103 descending to FL600
Azzurri Campioni del Mondo!
 
Lostmoon744
Posts: 158
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2006 3:29 am

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 4:57 pm

Quoting Antiuser (Reply 23):
I like this one (old but still funny):

SR-71 doing test manoeuvres around the LA area...
Aspen103: LAX Control, Aspen103, request Flight Level 600
LAX ATC: Aspen103, clear to climb and mantain FL600 if you think you can get there...
Aspen103: Roger, 103 descending to FL600

I cracked up on this one. LOL. :P
 
t1210s
Posts: 163
Joined: Sat Aug 07, 2004 2:01 am

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 5:22 pm

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

[Edited 2006-09-09 10:23:38]
The term Broadband comes from the two primary uses of high speed internet downloading porn (broads) and MP3s (bands)
 
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uka330
Crew
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 5:33 pm

Some of my all time favorites!

A/C: "LHR Ground, Speedbird 123 request taxy."

GND: "Speedbird 123, hold position, you'll be following a Virgin with a tight slot."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."

"Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it's warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it's dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Welcome aboard Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with two small children, decide now which one you love more".

After a particularly rough landing during a thunderstorm in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead lockers, because after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted".
 
DeC
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 6:59 pm

These are always my fav topics! Good work everyone  Smile
DEC
 
BigJimFX
Posts: 301
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 7:33 pm

To those who know about the Wright Amendment:

During Hurricane Katrina, WN ferried a couple of 737's from DFW to various locations with FEMA team members. Upon departing DFW for the long flight back to DAL, An AA pilot remarked:
"Ya'll come back now ya hear."
WN pilot withiut skipping a beat said:
"Not in any hurry"
I'd like to thank me for flying Me Airways...
 
raventom
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RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 9:06 pm

I can't remember what the callsign is for the ground marshall operation vehicles are in MAN. One night, i heard this:

Ops3: "TWR, Ops3 would like to enter 24R for runway inspection at J1"
MAN TWR (cute-sounding lady): "Ops1 enter 24R"
Ops3: "It's ops3 but i can be your number one baby!"
Anon pilot: "Easy now boy"
I love the smell of burnt kerosene!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
iRISH251
Posts: 635
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2004 3:56 am

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sat Sep 09, 2006 9:23 pm

Are there actually any new jokes or is it just the same dozen or so that people keep publishing or posting? Most of these, with minor variations, have been around for as long as I can remember.

I did personally hear a tower controller at DUB, many years ago, clear an Aer Lingus 747 for takeoff, cautioning him to possible wake tubulence from a Cessna 150 which had departed on the cross-runway!
 
BlazingCessna
Topic Author
Posts: 99
Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:17 pm

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sun Sep 10, 2006 2:15 am

Quoting Flyboy14295 (Reply 19):
She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we
land or were we shot down?"

BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
Flown on:722, 731, 732, 742, 752, 763, DC8, DC9, DC10, A300, A319, A320, A330, PIC on C172, PA28R, D55, A36, DC3
 
scoliodon
Posts: 212
Joined: Mon Oct 31, 2005 4:15 pm

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Sun Sep 10, 2006 2:57 am

Quoting Antiuser (Reply 23):
SR-71 doing test manoeuvres around the LA area...
Aspen103: LAX Control, Aspen103, request Flight Level 600
LAX ATC: Aspen103, clear to climb and mantain FL600 if you think you can get there...
Aspen103: Roger, 103 descending to FL600

 rotfl   rotfl   rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 
JFK-LGA-EWR-DTW-IND-PHX-CLE-SFO-LAS-SEA-ORD-MCO-MIA-DFW-ATL-CDG-FRA-BOM-MAA-DEL-TRZ-DXB-CLT-CVG-DEN-MSP
 
JoeCattoli
Posts: 492
Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2005 1:06 am

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For I

Mon Sep 11, 2006 7:29 am

My all time favourite:

LAX Tower (to BA 747 after a perfect landing): "Speedbird 002... Just to let you know, you landed a bit to the left of the centerline."
Speedbird 002: "Roger sir, and my copilot landed a bit to the right."

I laughed too much the 1st time I heard it.

Quoting Irish251 (Reply 30):

You're right on some... but lots of members could have missed the older ones... If you already know some just skip to the next one or laugh for a 2nd time

Ciao  wave 
Joe

[Edited 2006-09-11 00:30:46]
 
bravo45
Posts: 2072
Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2001 5:34 pm

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:04 am

Quoting Jepstein (Reply 18):
And after landing he said: "We know you have a choice of bankrupt airlines and we thank you for choosing United."

Reading this one left me with a number of emotions.

Quoting Irish251 (Reply 30):
Are there actually any new jokes or is it just the same dozen or so that people keep publishing or posting? Most of these, with minor variations, have been around for as long as I can remember.

*sigh* Depends on how aviation crazy you are. Its hard for me to find new ones but the only way to find new ones is to keep reading.  Smile
 
lowrider
Posts: 2542
Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2004 3:09 am

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:24 am

Does anyone have a copy of the letter, supposedly from a Qantas Capt to the CP regarding thier expulsion from a hotel. It is the one that ends with a question about the terms of Persona non grata. I can't seem to find it anymore.
Proud OOTSK member
 
User avatar
BreninTW
Posts: 1579
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 5:31 pm

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:56 am

I was on a biz trip to the US in 1997 when I flew Delta from MIA to LGA. We were in a 757 IIRC, and took off in a thunderstorm. Shortly after taking off we were struck by lightning -- which of course resulted in a rather loud bang in the cabin.

After we'd landed at LGA, the pilot came over the intercom and said something to the effect of "we're going to turn off the other engine now, after which we will be towed to the gate."

As we were getting off the plane, there were two elderly women in front of me, obviously discussing the bang we'd heard. The discussion was along the lines of:

Woman 1: "I tell you, the engine exploded, that was the bang we heard! Didn't you hear the pilot, he said 'we're going to turn off the OTHER engine' that means the the bang was an engine exploding!"
Woman 2: "Of course not, we were struck by lightning."

As we got to the door, the crew was greeting everyone, Woman 1 turned to them and asked what the bang was. The crew answered that we were struck by lightning.

As we entered the jetway, Woman 1 could clearly be heard to say "I don't care what they say, I still think the engine exploded!"
 
ktachiya
Posts: 1503
Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2004 5:54 am

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Mon Sep 11, 2006 12:53 pm

Actually today while I was listening to clearance in YVR, I heard this.

Air Canada 5xx: Air Canada 5xx

Clearance: Ar Canada 5xx, what is your PDC?

Air Canada: We don't have a PDC

Clearance: Hmm...... that's strange, well departure frequency is 132.3

Air Canada: 132.3, and can you tell them that we want our money back for the no PDC.

I thought that was quite funny since I have been listening to Japanese ATC for the last few weeks and I hardly understand what they were saying.
Flown on: DC-10-30, B747-200B, B747-300, B747-300SR, B747-400, B747-400D, B767-300, B777-200, B777-200ER, B777-300
 
helvknight
Posts: 784
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:35 pm

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Mon Sep 11, 2006 1:40 pm

On a flight out of Newark Swiss flight reported LX 18 now airborne and by the way we noticed some kind of dead animal on the runway.

Ground Thank you LX 18, Continental 241 you are no 1 for takeoff and did you copy the warning about the roadkill?

CO 241 Yes Ground, thank you we copy and we've already notified our caterers.

After a rather tentative landing the F/A announced

Welcome to Salt Lake City where the time is 7:45 PM. For your comfort and everyones safety please remain seated while Captain Kangaroo bounces the airplane to the gate.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member - Groucho Marx
 
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Aloha717200
Posts: 3739
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2003 4:50 am

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Mon Sep 11, 2006 2:19 pm

Quoting T1210s (Reply 25):
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

 rotfl 

Quoting Flyboy14295 (Reply 19):
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

 rotfl  The best one so far. Big grin
 
Vega9000
Posts: 146
Joined: Mon Aug 21, 2006 7:48 am

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:18 pm

Quoting T1210s (Reply 25):
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."

That is brilliant!!!!!
 rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 
Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose.
 
GBOAC
Posts: 213
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2003 8:48 pm

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Tue Sep 12, 2006 1:00 am

Quoting JoeCattoli (Reply 33):
LAX Tower (to BA 747 after a perfect landing): "Speedbird 002

I'm not aware of a 747 ever operating as BA002 (am sure I can be proved wrong by someone here though!). BA001 through 004 were the LHR-JFK-LHR Concorde flight numbers and I believe the numbers have now been officially retired too (which is some kind of mark of respect at least...far more so than converting R class in to a gypo economy fare bucket!    )

PS Very funny story/joke though - probably my favourite so far  Smile

[Edited 2006-09-11 18:25:15]
 
Raptor72
Posts: 46
Joined: Sat May 08, 2004 11:40 pm

RE: A Little Humor. (Is This The Right Forum For It?)

Tue Sep 12, 2006 2:00 am

Sorry, if you know them already...

******************
Pilot: Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo established ILS 16.
Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is ViennaTower.
Pilot: (after a short break) Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker.
Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!
Pilot: (after a longer break) Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?
Tower: You can believe me, this is Vienna
Pilot: But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!
Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left 030 and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava.

******************
Tower ZRH: SR102, are ready for pushback or not?
Pilot SR102: Yes.
Tower ZRH: Yes what??
Pilot SR102: Yes, SIR!

******************
During the construction works for the midfield-terminal in ZRH
Tower: Lufthansa XYZ, number one, check for workers on the taxiway.
Pilot: Roger...(after a short break)...We've checked the workers, they are all working.

******************
Tower: Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, Marshall will park you.
Pilot: Roger. Looking out for John Wayne

******************
Tower: Hotel Papa Oscar climb four thousand to six thousand and maintain.
Pilot: Hotel Papa Oscar, climbing flight level 100.
Tower: Hotel Papa Oscar, climb to flight level 60 and maintain.
Pilot: But four plus six is then, right?
Tower: You should climb, not calculate!

******************
Pilot: Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please.
Tower: KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.
Pilot: Please confirm: two hours delay?
Tower: Affirmative.
Pilot: In that case, cancel the good morning!

******************
Tower: Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ?
Pilot: Negativ, Sir. It's only the same pilot.

******************
and here, my alltime favourite!!!!

ZRH-Airport, Take-off RWY 28 Landing RWY 16, alternate 14
Tower: Alitalia 194 - taxi to rwy 28, hold short
AZ194: Ahhh, yes, taxi to rwy 28
Tower: AZ194, cleared for take-off
AZ194: Ahhh, two minutes, need preflight (checks)
30 seconds later...
Tower: Alitalia 194, YOU ARE CLEARED FOR TAKE OFF NOW.
AZ194: Ehmmm, yes, yes, take off in two minutes...
....meanwhile: Rwy 16 had a 737 with a flat tire, Rwy 14 was full, so they took an incoming DL-767 from Cincinnati to Rwy28. The 767 was already over 8h in the air...
Tower:Alitalia 194, expedite take-off, we have Delta 767 final on 28 2miles!
AZ194: Ahhh, we need 30 more seconds...

Suddenly, a voice as from a drill-sergeant appeard on the radio...

DL104: Hey Spaghetti, take-off or I'll fuck you from behind!

The AZ194 took of like a Space-Shuttle...

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