NDSchu777
Topic Author
Posts: 389
Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2001 3:29 am

Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 9:26 am

Last night I was flying on United from ORD-SFO, and of course like any good a.net-er was listening to the ATC chat on Channel 9 (much more interesting than the in-flight movie chick flick "Prairie Home Companion", but that's beside the point).

Anyway, the typical ATC chatter of handing off from one control to another, reports of chop, and changing headings or FL's was broken by an interesting discussion that sounded something like this:

United 907 Heavy: "Salt Lake Center, please advise an update on the Eagles-Cowboys game?"
Salt Lake Center: "United 907 Heavy, game was tied at 24 at start of 4th quarter. Philadelphia scored a TD. On Dallas' next drive a pass to Owens was intercepted and the Eagles held on to their lead."
United 907 Heavy: "TO Sucks."
Salt Lake Center: "That's right."

I definitely laughed out loud when I heard that one and I think everyone around me looked at me weird.

Does anyone else have good ATC chat stories they can share?

~Nick
 
roseflyer
Posts: 9606
Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2004 9:34 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 9:30 am

Haha, I love it when you are flying at ATC is quiet. There can be some interesting conversations on Sundays when football games are going on. Also, some planes are equipped with radios that can pick up the games, which is even more fun.
If you have never designed an airplane part before, let the real designers do the work!
 
halls120
Posts: 8724
Joined: Sun Jun 05, 2005 3:24 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 9:32 am

Quoting NDSchu777 (Thread starter):
I definitely laughed out loud when I heard that one and I think everyone around me looked at me weird.

Does anyone else have good ATC chat stories they can share?

I was flying cross country the night we crossed into the new millenium. Several of the controllers cracked jokes about having to revert to a paper system in the case their computers crapped out at 0001. There was a lot of laughter - nervous - that night.
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." Mark Twain, a Biography
 
Cessna057
Posts: 417
Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 10:24 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 9:43 am

I always love the "have the fokker in sight" one, I hear that one alot.
Hold it . . . Hold it . . . HOLD THE FREAKIN NOSE UP!!
 
NDSchu777
Topic Author
Posts: 389
Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2001 3:29 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 11:54 am

I also remember one time being on the ground at ORD and hearing how another plane had backed out of the gate the wrong way. This ground controller sounded pissed and was giving him an alternate route but made sure to let him know how many other planes he was getting in the way of.
 
Charliejag1
Posts: 226
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2006 4:48 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 12:07 pm

If you tune the ADF to an AM station within the ADF freq. band and turn on the id speaker or headset switch, you can listen to the radio. We used to do this for baseball games on espn radio all the time.
 
Cessna057
Posts: 417
Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 10:24 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 12:15 pm

Quoting Charliejag1 (Reply 5):
If you tune the ADF to an AM station within the ADF freq. band and turn on the id speaker or headset switch, you can listen to the radio. We used to do this for baseball games on espn radio all the time.

I do that on long flights when i get bored...
Hold it . . . Hold it . . . HOLD THE FREAKIN NOSE UP!!
 
HPAEAA
Posts: 875
Joined: Mon May 08, 2006 7:24 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 12:32 pm

Here's the one I've got....

"eagle flight XXX to ops station on freq"
Silence.....
"eagle flight XXX to ops station on freq"
"this is CLE ops eagle flight XXX, go ahead."
"got a request for you,"
"eagle flight XXX whats the nature of the request?"
"Just a simple score update please"
"Eagle flight XXX you have no idea how scared we were that you might want to visit, go right ahead with the score update"
"ahhh so you've been welcomed to eagle"
Why do I fly???
 
User avatar
LTU932
Posts: 13069
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2006 12:34 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 1:13 pm

I heard something funny once while listening to JFK tower. The captain of an AA flight was making a cabin announcement about them, despite being late, hoping to get on the way now and he didn't know that he was doing it through the tower frequency, until the ATC said: "Tell them the tower said hello".

The captain responded: "Sorry about that".

That was pretty funny. Big grin
 
ordpark
Posts: 562
Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2003 3:20 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 2:26 pm

While on approach into ORD one very busy morning, an obviously very rushed crew member, in an attempt to verify his next frequency, asked the approach controller, "what's the tower". Without missing a beat, the controller, without missing a beat, responded with the classic line uttered by Leslie Neilson in Airplane...."it's a big tall building where they talk to airplanes" (sic) But that's not important now!
 
apodino
Posts: 3022
Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2005 2:11 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 2:37 pm

When the white sox were in the world series last year, the ATIS at ORD broadcast as part of the message "Go Sox, na na na". We laughed at ZW when we heard that one.
 
TinkerBelle
Posts: 1436
Joined: Tue Sep 27, 2005 7:46 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 2:53 pm

On UA to IAD the day after the world cup.

Alitalia heavy was on finals and the controller said 'So, since you guys won the world cup, are you flying people for free today'?
Alitalia pilot responded 'only the crew'. I bust out laughing per I thought that was funny.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
 
ZRHnerd
Posts: 830
Joined: Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:20 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 3:43 pm

A couple of years ago I flew an SR ZRH-LHR-ZRH run on the jumpseat with my fellow neighbour former SR and now LX pilot M.M.

About 45 minutes into the flight he asked the german ATC (IIRC) about the football results, I think the matches were part of the WC 2002 qualifiers, he particularely asked about the results of the matches of Switzerland, France, England, Scotland and Germany, and then passed them over to the passengers through the PA. That was well funny. You could hear the "wohoo" and "noo" kinda noises in the back Big grin
 
cumulus
Posts: 1003
Joined: Wed Aug 23, 2006 4:39 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 7:37 pm

My friend flew the Hercules on convoy flights during the Iraq conflict and said they and the other aircraft on the way down in their 'convoy' played Trivial Persuit with the crews in the other aircraft over the radio!
What Goes Up Must Come Down, Hopefully In One Piece!
 
YLWbased
Posts: 834
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2006 6:09 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 8:37 pm

YLW TWR: westjet 44, beech1900 insight.
westjet 44: confirmed bixch 1900 insight.
YLW TWR: **laughers**
Hong Kong is not China. Not better or worse, just different.
 
IAHFLYR
Posts: 3941
Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2005 12:56 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 9:10 pm

Some good ones folks, nice work. I just don't have any to offer up at this time but will work on it!  angel 
Any views shared are strictly my own and do not a represent those of any former employer.
 
mcdu
Posts: 895
Joined: Thu Apr 28, 2005 5:23 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 9:47 pm

We landed 4R right in ORD a few years ago and the ground controller was in an jovial mood. He was giving instructions with panache of a man in control. It was pretty rapid fire and then there was silence for about 10 secs. He said, "come on, nobody else have a request?" to which someone replied, "Yeah I would like Burger and fries", not missing a beat the controller said, "Oh, burger and fries? We don't do that on this freq. You will have to switch to 121.65 for that"

The ORD controllers are the best to work with.
 
cancidas
Posts: 3985
Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2003 7:34 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 9:54 pm

that's normal. we have a tv right beween two positions at work and if there is a game on the person on the company freq very routinely gives out the score of the game. sundays we usually post update cards under the tv for the various games going on.
"...cannot the kingdom of salvation take me home."
 
D950
Posts: 472
Joined: Thu Jul 15, 2004 12:17 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 10:15 pm

While on approach to LGA runway 4, Citrus asks LGA if the Eagle regional in front of him is going to LGA, the tower responded "where in God's name do you think he's going" even our pilot chuckled when I mentioned it to him while getting off the plane.
Resting on your laurels is a synonym for flirting with disaster
 
warreng24
Posts: 573
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2005 9:38 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 10:41 pm

One of my favorites is when a captain mistakenly makes a cabin announcement on the ATC radio.

Captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I've turned the fasten seat belt sign on, please remain seated until we arrive at O'Hare."

Various other A/C on the radio: "I AM SEATED!"
 
keego
Posts: 187
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2006 11:34 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 10:43 pm

I heard of this one before but I still find it funny, heres the link to the site its on http://www.businessballs.com/airtrafficcontrollersfunnyquotes.htm

"Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,...... and I didn't land."
 
LXLucien
Posts: 314
Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2005 2:51 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 11:05 pm

Pilots get a lot of sport results via the ACARS system  Smile recently a First passenger asked inflight what's the result of the "tour the France" that day Big grin

Small message to the Dispatch... and there was the answer. Big grin
Quote "Syriana": "Beirut, it's like Paris in the Mid-East"
 
User avatar
Aaron747
Posts: 8524
Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2003 2:07 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 11:09 pm

On one of many UA transpac crossings last year I had the chance to listen in on an entertaining HF exchange between several UA and NW flights. The topic of conversation was the quality of the ladies in various Asian cities. After about five minutes of that Channel 9 suddenly went silent  Wink
If you need someone to blame / throw a rock in the air / you'll hit someone guilty
 
TransIsland
Posts: 1826
Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2004 9:22 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Tue Oct 10, 2006 11:46 pm

Sounds like an urban legend, but my father swears that he overheard this one many years ago (70s or 80s) in the airspace around Nassau/Bahamas.

The then German chancellor Helmut Schmidt was visiting, and his plane's callsign was Luftwaffe 1.

While Luftwaffe 1 was talking to Nassau tower, an old retired RAF pilot and WWII veteran was flying in the vicinity in his private plane. Eventually, he had heard enough of Luftwaffe 1 and barked into the mic: "Luftwaffe 1 - Achtung, Spitfire."

There were quite a few seconds of silence afterwards...
I'm an aviation expert. I have Sky Juice for breakfast.
 
jayspilot
Posts: 237
Joined: Wed May 23, 2001 12:32 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 12:39 am

The atc chatting stories are plentiful and funny. My all time favorite converastions occur during sports playoffs. I was flying once from Boston to Atlanta in the fall of 2004 and was able to keep news radio 880 from ny tuned in the whole flt for the Yankees Redsox game on our ADF. I started giving a lot of updates and figured I could get more creative. I then went to the aft lav and inroute stopped at the cabin PA and asked the passengers to ring their buttons if they would like me to broadcast the game via the PA. Of the 150 people on board i think I saw all the call lights go on. Once I got back up front I took the David Clark Headset for the jumpseater and set up the audio pannel to monitor ADF. I then took our pa mike and taped it on and taped it to the ear piece and played the game until the end and the flt attendants needed to make announcments. The folks in the back go to listen to game 4 from the 8th inning until the end of the game and I had 140 happy boston fans onboard and probably 10 people including our New York based cabin crew who were not thrilled.
 
tockeyhockey
Posts: 880
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:57 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 1:02 am

i was flying back from SFO to BWI last week and as we were on final approach in a bit of fog, the pilot asked the tower "do you guys have the runway lights on?" and the tower responded "yes, they're on." then the tower said, "would you like me to turn them up a bit?" and the pilot said "that'd be good."

i didn't know that runway landing lights were on a dimmer switch!
 
Lostmoon744
Posts: 158
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2006 3:29 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 1:07 am

Quoting LTU932 (Reply 8):
I heard something funny once while listening to JFK tower. The captain of an AA flight was making a cabin announcement about them, despite being late, hoping to get on the way now and he didn't know that he was doing it through the tower frequency, until the ATC said: "Tell them the tower said hello".

The captain responded: "Sorry about that".

That was pretty funny.



Quoting Warreng24 (Reply 19):
One of my favorites is when a captain mistakenly makes a cabin announcement on the ATC radio.

Captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I've turned the fasten seat belt sign on, please remain seated until we arrive at O'Hare."

Various other A/C on the radio: "I AM SEATED!"

LOL!  Smile The inadvertent COMM/INTCM switches are the best for me. Short, but sweet.

JFK GND/DEL:

AFXXX: [All in French, blah blah, for a long time...]
JFK_GND: Uh... merceeeee.
AFXXX: [Grumbling noises]
 
xjramper
Posts: 2318
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2003 1:10 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 1:08 am

Quoting Tockeyhockey (Reply 25):
i was flying back from SFO to BWI last week and as we were on final approach in a bit of fog, the pilot asked the tower "do you guys have the runway lights on?" and the tower responded "yes, they're on." then the tower said, "would you like me to turn them up a bit?" and the pilot said "that'd be good."

i didn't know that runway landing lights were on a dimmer switch!

At an airport where the lights are controlled by the airport, they have three settings. low, medium and high intensity. Usually they keep them low, especially at night, because the higher they get, the harder it is to see, unless they are, like your flight inbound to BWI, in bad weather.

XJR
Look ma' no hands!
 
NWADC9
Posts: 3938
Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2004 12:33 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 1:12 am

Quoting Tockeyhockey (Reply 25):
i was flying back from SFO to BWI last week and as we were on final approach in a bit of fog, the pilot asked the tower "do you guys have the runway lights on?" and the tower responded "yes, they're on." then the tower said, "would you like me to turn them up a bit?" and the pilot said "that'd be good."

i didn't know that runway landing lights were on a dimmer switch!

They are. You can change the brightness of the lights if need-be.

This is all great stuff. Post more! Big grin
Flying an aeroplane with only a single propeller to keep you in the air. Can you imagine that? -Capt. Picard
 
imiakhtar
Posts: 611
Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2006 3:35 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 1:18 am

one of my favourites has got to be when a BA 747 suffered engine failiures on all 4 engines after flying through volcanic ash in the 80s. the captain said

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress."
Whatever happened to Leon Trotsky?
 
nautilusgr
Posts: 46
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2006 5:02 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:07 am

Don't know if they are true, but here they are anyway:

A deer is on the runway... so...
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off.
Student: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?"
(think-think-think)
Std: "Maybe if I taxi toward him it'll scare him away."
Inst: "That's a good idea."
(Taxi toward deer, but deer is macho, and holds position.)

Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off, runway NN.
Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?"
(think-think-think)

Std: "Maybe I should tell the tower."
Inst: "That's a good idea."
Std: Cessna XXX, uh, there's a deer down here on the runway.
(long pause)
Tower: Roger XXX, hold your position. Deer on runawy NN cleared for immediate departure.
(Two seconds, and then -- I presume by coincidence -- the deer bolts from the runway, and runs back into the woods.)
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for departure, runway NN. Caution wake turbulence, departing deer.
It had to be tough keeping that Cessna rolling straight for take-off.

---

ATC: "N123YZ, say altitude."
N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say airspeed."
N123YZ: "AIRSPEED!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say cancel IFR."
N123YZ: "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."

---

more at Peter Dowson's page.
 
xjramper
Posts: 2318
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2003 1:10 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:12 am

I need to edit what I said in my previous post. What I meant to say was that the controllers control the lights on field and the pilots control the lights at an uncontrolled field. Altho, most airports have only one status setting on their lights.

Agreed on the keeping them coming!

XJR
Look ma' no hands!
 
FAGC
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2006 3:46 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:15 am

Quoting Imiakhtar (Reply 29):
one of my favourites has got to be when a BA 747 suffered engine failiures on all 4 engines after flying through volcanic ash in the 80s. the captain said

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress."

I remember the old guy well. On the LHR/JNB sectors, he would point out landmarks to passengers and recount trips he had done down the Zambezi River etc. in earlier years. No doubt p'd some punters off, but sometimes a bit of light relief after 8 hours in the air. Before the days of a gazillion IFE channels ....
 
goingboeing
Posts: 4727
Joined: Sat Dec 04, 1999 1:58 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:17 am

Most of you on this site, because of your age, won't really understand this, so I'll try to give you a little background. Back in the days of radio, there was a show called "Amos n Andy". By todays standards it would be considered racist, because of the way the characters spoke. But you kind of have to understand Amos n Andy to understand this exchange I heard on Miami Center back in 1972. It was kind of late at night and there wasn't much traffic at all. Here's the exchange (and they spoke "in character")

Controlller: Say Amos, Why do the 7-4-7 have a bubble on da top
Pilot: I dunno Andy....why DO the 7-4-7 have a bubble on da top
Controller: So da pilot can sit on his wallet.
 
1011
Posts: 270
Joined: Mon Feb 26, 2001 11:30 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:19 am

When I fly UA when listening to Channel 9 I try to write down some of the other flight numbers that I hear inflight then look them up when I get home. On a trip in March we heard the same flight number all the way from climbout from SFO all the way to ORD. On our connecting flight to PVD we heard the same flight number for half the way. When we got home the flight we found out was going from SMF-ORD-BWI.

I was on a 744 flight from ORD to LAX a couple of yrs ago. We had ATC on the entire flight except for the landing phase when they put on the World Series game. Most were happy I wasn't since I love to listen to the ATC part.
 
User avatar
Stitch
Posts: 22927
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2005 4:26 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:20 am

I find OAK Center controllers to be really witty. Always a joy to listen to them on Channel 9.

I was flying into EWR in Septemer 2000 on a 777 from DEN (back when UA used to fly LAX-DEN-EWR-LHR) during the remnants of a hurricane. New York Center's huys were hopping. Kinda reminded me of the opening scenes to the film "Pushing Tin".

ORD Ground is always a blast when it's "rush hour" as they try and get everyone to and from the runways.
 
CHRISBA777ER
Posts: 3715
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2001 12:12 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:23 am

I heard this the other day while listening to AMS ATC.

LH**** - "Lufthansa**** stand R** ready to push"

AMS GND - "Push, cleared for Frankfurt, and taxi runway 24 Lufthansa****"

KL*** - "KLM*** stand R** ready to push"

AMS GND - "Stand by KLM****, Lufthansa**** is pushing..."

AMS GND - "Lufthansa**** do you have a problem Sir?"

LH**** - "Negative, couldnt speak to anyone downstairs but its ok now, Lufthansa****"

AMS GND - "Are you pushing now, Lufthansa****?"

KL**** - "Thats a negative, Lufthansa still has People on the ground behind KLM****"

AMS GND - "Lufthansa**** pushback cancelled, took too long, sorry"

LH**** - "Confirm pushback now? Lufthansa****"

AMS GND - "Stop your push now Sir, took too long, Lufthansa****"

LH**** - "But we are moving, Lufthansa****"

AMS GND - "Please move back to the gate Lufthansa****"

LH**** - "Roger that, Lufthansa****"

AMS GND - "KLM**** you are cleared to push, stand R**"

KL**** - "Push and start, Taxi runway 24, KLM****"

(Ten Mins Later)

LH**** - "Lufthansa****, stand R**, push and start please?"

AMS GND - "Cleared to push, stand R**, taxi runway 24, cleared for Frankfurt, dont take so long this time Lufthansa****"

LH**** - "Yes ma'am, cleared to push and start really, really, really quickly, R**, Lufthansa****"
What do you mean you dont have any bourbon? Do you know how far it is to Houston? What kind of airline is this???
 
AirWillie6475
Posts: 2372
Joined: Thu Jan 27, 2005 1:45 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:34 am

I love channel 9. A lot more can go on than just switching frequencies with ATC. I hear game updates all the time. If you fly redeyes you might hear some extra chat between pilots. Also I remember taking off from LAX and as soon as we switch from departuere to center, I hear the ATC come on and ask pilots if they want to go direct anywhere. I thought that was odd. One guy I think it was American said how far can you take us? ATC came on and said how about direct Miami?
 
SJCRRPAX
Posts: 961
Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2005 2:29 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:38 am

Quoting Imiakhtar (Reply 29):
one of my favourites has got to be when a BA 747 suffered engine failiures on all 4 engines after flying through volcanic ash in the 80s. the captain said

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress."

Sometimes, the British sense of humor leaves much to be desired....
 
keego
Posts: 187
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2006 11:34 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:48 am

The funnniest Iv heard of was when a pilot was waiting in a long line for take off he accidently said "Im f*ckin bored" to atc. Atc then said "please identify yourself" and the pilot replied "I said im f*ckin bored, not f*kin stupid"
 
User avatar
Stitch
Posts: 22927
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2005 4:26 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 3:10 am

Quoting FAGC (Reply 32):
I remember the old guy well. On the LHR/JNB sectors, he would point out landmarks to passengers and recount trips he had done down the Zambezi River etc. in earlier years.

UA has a 757/767 Captain who, during the flight, will explain flight details to passengers listening in on Channel 9, including the history of the plane and the plane's family (when Boeing launched it, when this particular model entered service with UA), technical details like take-off weight and fuel-load, the flight-plan, including waypoints, and other goodies.

I have had the honor of him on a DEN-BOS 757 and an ORD-LAX 767 and it was a real treat.
 
tockeyhockey
Posts: 880
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:57 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 3:13 am

pilot in a holding pattern in a 757, ATC says:

"slow to airspeed 200."

pilot complies

a few minutes later,

"slow to airspeed 170 for spacing"

pilot complies

a few minutes later,

"slow to airspeed 150 for spacing."

the pilot responds this time -- "150 knots? do you know the stall speed of a 757?"

ATC replies, "no, but the guy sitting next to you probably does."
 
IAHFLYR
Posts: 3941
Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2005 12:56 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 3:16 am

Quoting Xjramper (Reply 31):
What I meant to say was that the controllers control the lights on field and the pilots control the lights at an uncontrolled field. Altho, most airports have only one status setting on their lights.

But some airports have 5 settings of runway lights.............makes me think of Johnny pulling the plug on them in Airplane!  Smile
Any views shared are strictly my own and do not a represent those of any former employer.
 
SFO2SVO
Posts: 304
Joined: Thu Jan 29, 2004 4:56 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 3:22 am

Quoting AirWillie6475 (Reply 37):
I love channel 9. A lot more can go on than just switching frequencies with ATC. I hear game updates all the time.

A bit offtopic but can't pilots tune one of the radios to some AM broadcast station? I think it is technically possible. Is this prohibited though?
318-19-20-21 332 343 717 727 737-234578 743-4 752 763 772 D9/10 M11/8x/90 F70 RJ85 ATR72 SF340 E120 TU34/54 IL18/62/86/9
 
DLKAPA
Posts: 7962
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2003 10:37 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 3:35 am

Quoting Nautilusgr (Reply 30):
(Two seconds, and then -- I presume by coincidence -- the deer bolts from the runway, and runs back into the woods.)

Ever heard of a Propane Cannon?  Wink
And all at once the crowd begins to sing: Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
 
AirWillie6475
Posts: 2372
Joined: Thu Jan 27, 2005 1:45 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 3:41 am

Quoting SFO2SVO (Reply 43):
A bit offtopic but can't pilots tune one of the radios to some AM broadcast station? I think it is technically possible. Is this prohibited though?

Yea just use the ADF but you have to know the AM frequency at the area you are flying at. It's not prohibited if pilots aren't doing anything related to takeoff or landing.
 
ac888yow
Posts: 393
Joined: Thu Jan 20, 2005 12:29 pm

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 3:43 am

Please bear with me as I heard this transmission quite a long time ago and don't remember the details very well at all. Anyway, I think you'll all get the picture just the same.

I was on a routine spotting run at YOW and heard the following transmission between a female controller and a male Westjet pilot:

Female Controller: "Westjet 123, is your aircraft equipped with [some piece of equipment I can't remember] for the purpose of [performing some action I can't remember]?"

Male WJ Pilot: "Yes ma'am, we have that."

Female Controller (realizing the question was a bit silly since a modern aircraft always has this capability): "Roger. I figured you were well equipped but just wanted to make sure."

Male WJ Pilot (with someone chuckling in the background): No problem ma'am.

Female Controller (noticeably embarassed as she just realized how one might have misconstrued her statement): "Of course I was referring to the aircraft and not anything else."

Male WJ Pilot (with continued chuckling in the background): Yes ma'am.

...

Again, sorry for the lack of detail but I don't think it's any less hilarious. I quite nearly wet myself after hearing that transmission I was laughing so hard.
 
PHLapproach
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2004 6:37 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 4:33 am

Quoting Tockeyhockey (Reply 25):
i was flying back from SFO to BWI last week and as we were on final approach in a bit of fog, the pilot asked the tower "do you guys have the runway lights on?" and the tower responded "yes, they're on." then the tower said, "would you like me to turn them up a bit?" and the pilot said "that'd be good."

i didn't know that runway landing lights were on a dimmer switch!

Indeed, there are various intensity settings.
 
SJCRRPAX
Posts: 961
Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2005 2:29 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 5:12 am

Quoting Tockeyhockey (Reply 25):
i didn't know that runway landing lights were on a dimmer switch!



I guess you must have missed John Wayne in "The High and Mighty" when the crippled DC-4 barely makes SFO from Hawaii. I believe the Duke orders the runway lights on full intensity to overcome the fog. SFO looked a little less crowded in that movie than what I normally see. I could be mistaken though, I guess I'lll need to watch the movie again.
 
BigJimFX
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 2:25 am

RE: Funny ATC Chat On UA Channel 9

Wed Oct 11, 2006 5:20 am

Quoting PHLapproach (Reply 47):
Quoting Tockeyhockey (Reply 25):
i was flying back from SFO to BWI last week and as we were on final approach in a bit of fog, the pilot asked the tower "do you guys have the runway lights on?" and the tower responded "yes, they're on." then the tower said, "would you like me to turn them up a bit?" and the pilot said "that'd be good."

i didn't know that runway landing lights were on a dimmer switch!

Indeed, there are various intensity settings.

I've seen at most, 5 settings called "Steps". Thats an airport with a tower. Some non-towered fields have "Pilot Controlled Lighting." A series of clicks on a frequency will vary the brightness, usually 3 steps.

My ATC story is a little funny (it was 0605 lcl)
ATC: Shuttlecraft xxxx rwy 35L taxi in position and hold
Shuttlecraft xxxx: pause and hold 35L
(Aircraft takes the runway lights all his lights and begins his take-off roll)
ATC: Shuttlecraft xxxx I said Taxi into position and hold, NOT cleared for Take-off
(moment of silence followed by thrust reversers)
Shuttlecraft xxxx: I'm sorry I'm so sorry about that
ATC: Roger, you wanna back-taxi
Shuttlecraft xxxx: Yeah we'll back-taxi. Again I apologize, I'm so sorry, I guess I need another cup of coffee.
ATC: Roger that, another cup of coffee.
I'd like to thank me for flying Me Airways...

Who is online