A couple of quotes from Southwest flights:
"(TOO-OOT!) Ladies and gentlemen, we're arriving Las Vegas Union Station... Las Vegas, Las Vegas next, Las Vegas" -- pilot who apparently fancied himself a train conductor/engineer, ABQ-LAS
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we have arrived at our cruising altitude. You may now unfasten your seatbelts and move about the cabin. However, if you're staying put, I suggest you do fasten your seatbelts... just in case I decide to fly the plane upside down." -- pilot on return flight LAS-ABQ
Read in Reader's Digest:
"Ladies and gentlemen, In all the years we've been flying we've never had a passenger arrive at the gate before the plane. So please remain seated with your seatbelts fastened until we come to a complete stop and the pilot turns off the seatbelt sign."
"This plane will be cleaned before its next flight. Anyone who would like to help clean it, please stand up now." -- FA, trying to get pax to stay seated during taxying
And finally, my grandfather's saying:
"If you have time to spare, fly by air."
Up, up and away!