From Aircraft Illustrated Magazine, UK:
This one was heard in Holland:
Tower: What's your altitude?
Tower: What's your heading?
Tower: What's your speed?
Tower What's your bra size?
Pilot: 36C.....Arggghhh ^$%*&
On a Mesa Airlines Beechcraft 1900D one day, the Capt. was told that his pax were nervous about being on a "small airplane".
He decided to take action: "Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain. I have been informed that some of you are nervous about being in a "little" plane. Well, let me assure you, there is nothing to worry about just sit back and take it easy.
It might be helpful to do some sight seeing to put your mind at ease. Now, if y'all lean and look out over the right wing of the airplane...it'll tip over!
Hahaha, just a little pilot humour for you".
A question from a stranger:
" Today, two mechanics taxied a 727 into one of the satellite ramps at Terminal A in Newark. The accident sheared the top of the fuselage from just above the radome, and going all the way back to the front door.
I was wondering, is this kind of damage repairable or would this be a total loss?"
"Yes, it is possible to retrain the mechanics, but generally, it's easier to just take them out back, shoot them, and call it a total loss."
ATC TRANSMISSIONS AT ORD:
"Put your compass on "E", and get out of my airspace".
"Climb like your life depends upon it boy...because it does!"
"Hello flight 56, if you here me, rock your wings".
"OK Tower, if you hear me, rock the Tower!"
Some more Gems:
Controller: Cessna G-XXXX, What are your intentions?
Cessna: To get my Commercial Pilot's License, and Instrument Rating.
Controller: I meant in the next five minutes not years.
If anyone has anymore farcial transmissions, post here!