FlyASAGuy2005
Topic Author
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Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 5:45 am

I know everone has ran across these websites before. Haven't seen a funny thread in a while since airline/aviation acronyms.

DAL1176, say speed.
DAL1176, we slowed it down to two-twenty.
DAL1176 pick it back up to two-fifty...this ain't Atlanta, and them ain't grits on the ground.


Pilot: Radar, Good Day, Airforce Blackbird, request FL 600(!)
Controller (amused): Sir, if you can reach, you are cleared FL 600
Pilot: US Air Force Blackbird, leaving FL 800, decending Level 600
What gets measured gets done.
 
WAH64D
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 5:55 am

Frankfurt Tower: American ***, vacate left and taxi stand ***
AAL***: Roger

2 minutes and 1 wrong turn later.......................

FT (irate tone of voice): American ***, where are you going, haven't you been here before?
AAL***: Affirmative sir, we were here a couple of times in 1944 but it was dark and we didn't land...........

:D
I AM the No-spotalotacus.
 
trekster
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 5:58 am

Quoting WAH64D (Reply 1):

Thats better coming from a BAW pilot then a AA pilot

Thats the joke I have heard
Where does the time go???
 
NBGSkyGod
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 6:04 am

Tower: Cessna 12345, traffic 5 south of the airport is a beaver inbound for the left downwind.

Cessna 12345: roger we are looking for the beaver.

Tower: Aren't we all.
Pilots are idots, who at any given moment will attempt to kill themselves or others.
 
iRISH251
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 6:25 am

Have you any original ones - these have all been around for decades!
 
thepilot
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 6:33 am

Original one from me...

Whidbey Approach: Cessna 97PD, how high are the clouds around you.
Me: Around 2000 broken to overcast, 7PD.
Whidbey Approach: Roger, let us know if those guys come in hard behind you.
Unknown pilot: That's what she said!"
I nearly lost control of the plane I was laughing so hard at this one.
From YVR
 
iRISH251
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Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2004 3:56 am

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 6:38 am

And one I did hear myself at Dublin many years ago and which I have sometimes seen quoted:

"Shamrock 105 (a Boeing 747), cleared for takeoff, caution wake turbulence from the Cessna 150 that just departed before you"!
 
Mir
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 8:30 am

Somewhat paraphrased:

Tower: Delta xxx I have good news and I have bad news, which would you like first?
Delta: We'll take the good news.
Tower: There is no ground stop to Atlanta.
Delta: Ok.
Tower: Want the bad news?
Delta: Sure.
Tower: I can't let you leave until 44 past the hour because there are too many of you going down that way.
Delta: Well, they should let us leave first because it's our last flight of the day.
Tower: I have even more good news though.
Delta: Yeah, what's that?
Tower: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO.

Also:



-Mir
7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
 
manu
Posts: 265
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 10:33 am

Many years ago I flew on Canadian Airline's from YYZ to YVR in the flight deck on an A320. Approaching the rockies, about 2 hours to go the captain noted the starboard engine had low oil. After we landed he switched his radio and started talking to CP maintenance (from my memory):

Pilot: "Maintenance this is CP241, the oil is a little low on the starboard engine can you check it on the maintenance tonight?"

Pilot pauses 5 seconds.... no response from anyone

Pilot: "Ooops, sorry. Helps to change to the correct frequency"

Radio: "Yeah, I was wondering where the dip stick was"

Pilot: "Sitting right here"

He then switched to the correct frequency and made the call... I laughed for about 10 minutes straight after that.
 
LAXspotter
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 11:01 am

Quoting WAH64D (Reply 1):
FT (irate tone of voice): American ***, where are you going, haven't you been here before?
AAL***: Affirmative sir, we were here a couple of times in 1944 but it was dark and we didn't land...........

:D

OMG, lol rotfl, must have pissed of the controller even more.
"Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel" Samuel Johnson
 
strandedinbgm
Posts: 250
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 11:08 am

Quoting Mir (Reply 7):
Also:

I love listening to those guys from JFK.

Good night... good flight.
It's 737s, 747s and 380s. Not 737's, 747's and 380's. Learn to use the apostrophe for crying out loud.
 
snaiks
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 11:15 am

i was missing this thread, i havnt seen it in a while. I still laugh every time I read em
 
albird87
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 11:46 am

Quoting WAH64D (Reply 1):
Frankfurt Tower: American ***, vacate left and taxi stand ***
AAL***: Roger

2 minutes and 1 wrong turn later.......................

FT (irate tone of voice): American ***, where are you going, haven't you been here before?
AAL***: Affirmative sir, we were here a couple of times in 1944 but it was dark and we didn't land...........

:D

Have another one like this.

Lufthansa arriving at Frankfurt.
ATC: 'Lufthansa 132 turn left onto taxiway Charlie, Right onto Delta then Gate 42'

Lufthansa: '(responds in german to ATC)'

ATC: 'Lufthansa 132 you must speak in English... Over'

Lufthansa: '(in english now) why do i have to speak in english... I am in germany at a german airport working for a german company!! Why do i have to speak in ENGLISH!!'

British Airways flight departing: 'cause we won the war!!'

When i heard this i just cracked up and was laughing for a while!!
 
Spoke2Spoke
Posts: 170
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 3:16 pm

Quoting Irish251 (Reply 4):
these have all been around for decades!

They have, but don't they make you laugh each time nonetheless?  Smile
...carelessness and overconfidence are usually far more dangerous than deliberately accepted risks. - Wilbur Wright
 
N774UA
Posts: 332
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 3:53 pm

Something more recent. Last month I heard an AMS controller saying to a KL 747: Regarding the wake of the just departed F70, you're cleared for take off. Thought it was pretty funny.

N774UA
...follow his instructions, switch off at the stand.
 
G4LASRamper
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 4:00 pm

I think I've posted this one here before, but what the heck. This one happened to me at John Wayne (SNA) many years ago. As I taxied out in a PA-44 to depart for home, a Cactus flight called ground for his taxi clearance. Ground gave it to him thus:

Ground: "Cactus xxx taxi to 19L, follow the Piper... Piper... uh..."
Me: "Seminole"
Ground: "That's right. Cactus xxx follow the Seminole to 19L. All those Indians look alike to me."

Another one I listened to while descending into Burbank (BUR) - it was very windy that day and approach was in the middle of a runway change and issuing lots of vectors:

Approach: "Mooney 4BB, turn left heading 340 vectors for the visual runway 26."
A few seconds later, after issuing several other vectors:
Approach: "Mooney 4BB, left turn, left turn to 340 Sir, the hand with the rock in it."

My favorite heard here (secondhand, probably anecdotal) was also from quite a few years ago when we had a former New York Common I Room controller working LAS approach (back in the days of the FAA Air Traffic Service' "Gimme Five" program):

Republic xxx: "Approach, Republic xxx with you for the ILS 25R."
Approach: "Republic xxx roger, fly heading 270 vectors to the ILS, reduce to 180 for spacing."
Republic xxx: "Approach, we'd like to keep the speed up to the marker if we can."
Approach: "Republic xxx unable, reduce to 180."

About a minute later apparently the Republic wasn't slowing quite fast enough:

Approach: "Republic xxx, Sir the number's 180. Make it either your airspeed or your heading."
"A pig that doesn't fly is just a pig." - Porco Rosso
 
phishphan70
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 4:09 pm

i wanted to quote my favorite ones so far and give feed back, but they are all so frickin' funny! great, great, great thread invoking a lot of laughter over here. really enjoyed the video with VS. "my mother-in-law's house"....Classic!
keep the laughs commin ya'll!
 
smcmac32msn
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 4:24 pm

Here at MSN a few years ago, there were a bunch of seagulls at the departure end of runway 18. Here was the communications paraphrased:

Tower: Skyway XXXX, your cleared to land, runway 18, beware of a flock of seagulls on the rollout.
Skyway: Flock of seagulls, god I miss that band.
Tower: *singing* And I Ran....
Skyway: *giggles* .....So Far Away, from Milwaukee to Madison. Clear to land runway 18.
Tower: Think they'll do a reunion tour?
Skyway: I hope so.
Hey Obama, keep the change! I want my dollar back.
 
PennStation
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 4:31 pm

I was sitting right next to the guy who said: "...unable higher, traffic coming in your face."
 
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TS-IOR
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 4:43 pm

N774UA, have you once heard that girl at AMS, always giving such a clearance : Cleaaaaaaaaaared for take-offfff...
Next flight TUN-YUL Tunisair A330-243.
 
N774UA
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Thu Sep 27, 2007 5:45 pm

Quoting TS-IOR (Reply 19):

Yeah sure, hearing it almost every day. Big grin There's a guy up there that's doing the same things. He is also the one I "quoted".

N774UA
...follow his instructions, switch off at the stand.
 
EDICHC
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 12:59 am

Another classic...

Approach "United XXX you have traffic 12 O'clock 5 miles level 080 Fokker 100, confirm visual"

United XXX "Approach, I've always wanted to say this, I have the little Fokker in sight!"

and....

(Indianapolis, I think) Center "United XXX please execute noise abatement turn to heading 330"

United XXX "Center, United XXX we are at FL350, what do you mean noise abatement turn?"

Center "United XXX have you ever heard the noise when a 747 & a 727 collide?"
A300/319/320/346 ATR72 B722/732/3/4/5/6/8/742/4/752/762/3/772/3 BAC111 BAe146 C172 DHC1/6/8 HS121 MD80 PA28
 
pilotboi
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 2:32 am

A secondhand quote from DAB...yes, a student pilot. Apparently he was still a little sketchy at taxing and was swerving all over taxiway N. .For those who don't know, N is about 100 ft wide and is normally used as a two-way taxiway for small aircraft, always staying on the right side, like driving. Taxiway P is parallel, on the other side of 7L. Like I said, secondhand quote so it's not word for word, but you get the point.

Ground: Riddle XXX, having any problems?
Student: No, were fine.
(a few seconds later)
Ground: Riddle XXX, you sure you're doing okay?
Instructor: Yeah, just have a student pilot still learning to taxi.
Ground: Roger, I'll just have to bring the departures out on Papa.

I'm sure the student had to be a little embarassed, but we all start somewhere!
 
airfoilsguy
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 2:52 am

Quoting Albird87 (Reply 12):
When i heard this i just cracked up and was laughing for a while!!

That joke is older then you are.
It's not a near miss it's a near hit!!
 
Amazonphil
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 3:13 am

I heard in the air once some years ago when I was flying in Colorado I believe...some pilot wanting to do a straight in approach into an airport. The wind was such that from the pilot's position he (about 5miles out) was in a down wind to the airport. But the controller I guess wanted to run with this one and assumed the pilot did not listen to ATIS so he told him " Sir if you would like to do a straight in approach then I suggest you to do a 180 degree turn from your position, fly 25,000 miles and come straight in to the runway.

Thought it was clever timing on the controllers part as well as humorous.. I laughed for while with that one.  laughing 
If it ain't Boeing, I ain't goeing!
 
71Zulu
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 3:28 am

Tower: Cessna 172, state your intentions
Student Pilot: Uh, I want to be airline pilot sir
Tower: Cessna 172, your intentions NOW, not in the next 20 years
Clickable links only please!
 
doug_or
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 3:30 am

COxxx: COxxx, Newark with alpha
Clearance: COxxx I've got good news and bad news for you
COxxx: What's the good news?
Clearance: The weather is beuftiful in Newark
COxxx: And the bad?
Clearance: They have a delay program anyway. Update at 5 past.
When in doubt, one B pump off
 
OHLHD
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 3:44 am

 
thepilot
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 3:49 am

Here are some classics from Grand Forks from a controller who loves to screw with student pilots...

Student: Grand Forks Tower, Green 45...
Tower: Green 45, hello. What's going on? Having a nice day? Want to do anything particular in this patch of airspace? Like do some stop and goes?
Student: Uh, yeah, request stop and goes.
Tower: Green 45, enter left downwind runway 17L, report carpet.


Another one that happened to me.

I had spent a little too much time on the runway during stop and goes (we had the option anyway)

Tower (same controller): Sioux 50, do you have a tent in the back? Did you bring marshmallows and sleeping bags? You just gonna stay and camp all day on the runway.
Me: Tower, Sioux 50 is rolling.
Tower: Sioux 88, you're following the camper just beginning their roll, runway 35R, cleared to land.
A little while later
Sioux 50, turn left Charlie 2, contact ground have a great 4th of July
Me: Same to you, thank you very much sir I'm going camping.
Tower: It wouldn't be you if you weren't.

Last one...

Student: Grand Forks Tower...
Tower: Yep, that's our name, don't wear it out.
Student: Green 22 I want to land.
Tower: I want to meet Angelina Jolie, now that we both know what the other wants, enter left base for runway 17L, report lagoon.


That controller is awesome, one of the old timers of aviation. Makes me laugh every time I'm in the area and he's on.
From YVR
 
Amazonphil
Posts: 544
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2003 12:37 pm

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 4:02 am

A Piper Archer had just landed on a busy runway and was taxing off the high speed, then turned in the opposite direction when an MD80 landed. It then also taxied off and passed the Archer on a different taxiway to the terminal when the F/O was overheard on ground control. "Hey look, an ity-bitty little GA plane" There was some silence, then the Archer pilot made a comment in turn. "Yeah? well, do another landing like that one, and I'll have enough spare MD80 parts to make another little ity-bitty plane!"

Great come back!  bigthumbsup 

felipe
If it ain't Boeing, I ain't goeing!
 
planespotting
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 4:10 am

Ahh - I miss Roger on 133.95 out of Chicago Center.

For those of you upper Midwest regulars, you know who I'm talking about. Big cubs fan, retired a few years ago. Can't remember all the funny stuff that came out of his mouth.
Do you like movies about gladiators?
 
LAXspotter
Posts: 3227
Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2007 4:16 pm

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 4:10 am

Quoting Albird87 (Reply 12):
Lufthansa arriving at Frankfurt.
ATC: 'Lufthansa 132 turn left onto taxiway Charlie, Right onto Delta then Gate 42'

Lufthansa: '(responds in german to ATC)'

ATC: 'Lufthansa 132 you must speak in English... Over'

Lufthansa: '(in english now) why do i have to speak in english... I am in germany at a german airport working for a german company!! Why do i have to speak in ENGLISH!!'

British Airways flight departing: 'cause we won the war!!'

LOL, ROTFL hahaha

I love all these funny exchanges with ATC and pilots, makes being an aviation hobbyist so much more thrilling and enjoyable.
"Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel" Samuel Johnson
 
uclax
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 4:59 am

Wasn't intended to be funny, but this was entertaining: On a UA 757 IAD-LAX a few years ago (a channel 9 flight), the captain and an enroute controller realized that they were old Navy buddies and hadn't seen each other for years.
...those who wait for the Lord�s help...rise up as if they had eagles� wings Isaiah 40:31
 
KevinSmith
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 5:02 am

Not from ATC but from a formation flight.
Lead A/C:Dash two say fuel
Wing A/C:Fuel
Lead A/C:Thanks Dash Two
Wing: I'm sorry lead I couldn't resist


We had a A/C declare an emergency after a touch and go. Declared because the nose gear was shaking and he thought he had a cocked nose wheel.

Twr: XXXX cleared to land runway 25R
A/C: Cleared to land 25R XXXX
Twr (a few moments after a/c touchdown):XXXX if you can exit runway at Foxtrot
A/C: TWR LET ME GET BACK TO YOU SHE'S SHAKING LIKE A BITCH!!!!!




Again not over the radio but I was in the radar room at the the control tower and I overheard one of the controllers say "I have NO idea wha'ts going on"
Learning to fly, but I ain't got wings.
 
flyboyseven
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 5:08 am

This summer on the glider scholarship course.
-------------------------------
Tower: Glider x please hold, 737 inbound for landing.
Glider: Comox tower, GLIDER X holding
Tower: Uh... negative glider x, winds xxx at xx cleared to land grass 12
Glider: Thanks tower
---------------------
Tower: Glider x what's your altitude?
Glider: Uh...attititude or altitude?
Tower: HOW HIGH ARE YOU?
Glider: Uhh...just a sec...umm...2500...NO...1500
Tower: Thanks glider x
----------------------------
The tower was speaking to our tug (cessna birdog)
Tug: Tug x left base for alpha 12
Tower: Tug x cleared to land alpha 12, Check gear down
Tug: Down and welded
------------------------
A glider pilot had just landed without making any calls in the circut and he said this
Glider: Uhh, Comox tower, glider x just landed on grass 30
Tower: Wondered when you were going to say somthing.
--------------------
Just after a glider had launched, ground came on.
Ground: (sounding stressed out) Glider ops please remove the hat from my runway
At this point we had no idea what was going on
Glider ops: Uhh, Ground say again
Ground: Remove the hat from my runway now
Glider ops: Where is this hat?
Ground: It is on taxiway alpha about a thousand feet from the threshold.
We looked but could not see any hats so we took a john deere and went along the edge of the taxiway until we found a basball cap belonging to the person who had just taken off...inside the glider.
We were very confused until the glider landed and revealed that the canopy had come open on the takeoff roll.
------------------------------
I will try to think of some more later

Cheers and happy radio traffic,
Graham  Smile
As long as the number of take-offs equals the number of landings...you're doing fine.
 
ajd1992
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 5:55 am

One from my local. A DHC-6 was shooting an approach, guided down by the tower. It's from a while back, but real.

Tower: ABC123, you're at 5 miles Check gear down and locked.

ABC123: It's bloody welded on, so i hope it's down!


 rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 
 
elcableguy77
Posts: 466
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 11:25 pm

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 7:53 am

I have a couple, one second-hand and one first-hand:

First-Hand:
At CHS, an AN-124 taxied by the passenger ramp to do a quick engine runup, then taxi back for takeoff.
A Chautauqua ERJ taxied toward the taxiways, when ground came across with the following:
CHS Ground: "Chautauqua XXXX, if you can see him, hold short for that Antonov taxiing by."
Chautauqua XXXX: " I can see him, and I ain't moving until he gets off the ground!"
And he really did sit there until the 125 left.

Second-hand:
At PHL, during an exceptionally long wait in line for takeoff:
PHL Tower: "Umm, who's next in line for takeoff on 9L?"
Former ZW F/A | "Wisconsin 72A, contact departure, see ya."
 
IAHFLYR
Posts: 3943
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 7:56 am

Quoting Elcableguy77 (Reply 36):
PHL Tower: "Umm, who's next in line for takeoff on 9L?"

That is pretty common if the ground controller has hosed the local controller......but does sound funny unless you're the local controller who is the receiver of the airplanes from the tubed ground controller!
Any views shared are strictly my own and do not a represent those of any former employer.
 
LAXspotter
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Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2007 4:16 pm

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 8:15 am

Quoting UCLAX (Reply 32):
the captain and an enroute controller realized that they were old Navy buddies and hadn't seen each other for years.

wow, isnt it a small world, that is really surprising how impropable that really seems.
"Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel" Samuel Johnson
 
User avatar
Coal
Posts: 2277
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 8:33 am

Not funny in particular, but I flew UA SIN-NRT-ORD a few months back and listening to Ch 9 I found it pretty cool that the pilot would say hi and goodbye in the controlers language (Ni Hao, Konichiwa, etc).

Cheers
Coal
Nxt Flts: MI RGN-SIN | SQ SIN-RGN-SIN | CX SIN-HKG-PVG | SQ PVG-SIN
 
bravogolf
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RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 9:03 am

Gary Tower Cessna 1234 15 to the southeast landing
Cessna 1234 squwk 1200
Cessna 1234 I have you 15 to the northeast
Gary tower Cessna 1234 I'm 15 to the southeast
Cessna 1234 look down what color is it? (Lake Michigan)
 
JCKastrup
Posts: 334
Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2006 4:57 am

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 10:07 am

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"


From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"


A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."



Allegedly, while taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
US Air 2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
Who the hell wants to fly to JFK? Nobody does, That's who!
 
uadc8contrail
Posts: 1636
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2003 1:23 am

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:44 am

JCK,
I believe that was in CLT...not LGW when referring to the usair flight and the ual flight....still funny though



overheard on ual channel 9 on a ord-phx flight back in 1995 iirc this following was between abq center and a "amtrans" flight

amtrans:abq center amtrans xxx any ride reports ahead of us

abq center: light to mod chop all flight levels

unknown private:hey amtrans why dont you come up to 410 for the smoother air

unknown commercial:hey why dont you come down here to the higher pay

silence for about 5 seconds and then the abq center person said:all rite ladies simmer down

i thought that was pretty funny
bus driver.......move that bus:)
 
ShyFlyer
Posts: 4698
Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:38 pm

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 12:15 pm

This happened a few years ago @ ABQ:

Four F-16s from the NM Air National Guard had lined up on Runway 8 for departure. In rapid succession, they departed one by one as only fighter jets can: loud and with a very high rate of climb. Next in line was a Southwest 737:

Tower: Southwest XXX, after noise abatement, turn left heading 310, Runway 8, cleared for takeoff.
SW: (in a somewhat sad tone of voice) Left 310 after the noise, cleared for a very boring takeoff on 8.
Tower: Those guys have all the fun don't they?
SW: yeah, next time I talk to Herb, I'm asking for afterburners on these 73s.
I lift things up and put them down.
 
WestJetForLife
Posts: 704
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2005 3:37 am

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 2:23 pm

As a former Air Cadet, I used to go "fam flying" for a couple hours on selected weekends.

This one time, we were on approach for 34 at YYC, trailing behind a 737-200 from WS (before they retired them).

The exchange went something like this:

WS241: Good afternoon, Calgary. WS241 on approach runway 34.
TWR: WS241, righty-o. Cleared to land 34, winds 331 at 8.
WS241: Cleared to land 34, WS241.
*plane touches down, bounces about 4 or 5 times*
TWR: WS241, if you have any aircraft left, please turn right at next taxiway and contact ground 121.9.
WS241: Uhh, copy, tower, 121.9, and do you like our new shocks? We got the plane pimped out. Clive Beddoe consulted X-Zibit on this one.
TWR: (obviously suppressing laughter) WS241, good day, sir.
WS241: Catch ya on the flip-side, tower, WS241.

Another was when we took off behind a Boeing 727 on 34.

TWR: Cessna FQSS, position and hold 34.
FQSS (me): Copy, tower. Position and hold 34, FQSS.
*meanwhile, a Purolator 727 rumbles off of 34, leaving behind a huge plume of smoke and dust and such, covering the windscreen*
TWR: Flightcraft 1722, contact Calgary Departure 119.8, good day.
KFA1722: Ahh, roger that, going to 19.8 and Cessna QSS, sorry 'bout the fumes. Our airplane is a little gassy today.
FQSS (me): *small chuckle* Haha, try bean-o next time, Flightcraft. Thanks for the warning.

Nik
I need a drink.
 
G4LASRamper
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2006 2:35 am

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 4:08 pm

Here's one that's been issued a few times within the LAS TRACON to LIDs (Limited Intellectual Development) in the airspace... but audible only to those within earshot in the room. Big grin It works best at night, and it helps if you know the local geography. Given as a final vector:

"[Insert favorite LID callsign here], fly heading 280, maintain 5000, report passing Mt. Charleston."
"A pig that doesn't fly is just a pig." - Porco Rosso
 
aerofede
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 9:33 pm

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 5:13 pm

This is first hand.

In Malpensa MXP we havo nground taxing guidance like in LHR, where sometimes the pilots are instructed just to "follow the green" (taxiway centerline lights illuminated in sequence to show the taxi route.

An Eva air MD-11 vacated the rwy and contacted ground.
Eva: Malpensa ground, Eva xxx, vacating at EW
GND: Eva xxx taxi to stand G15 via W, V and Y
Eva: Taxing to G15 via W, V and Y. May we follow the green?
GND: Do you mean like in Heathrow?
Eva: Thank you, following green to London Heathrow.

[Edited 2007-09-28 10:14:52]
 
EDICHC
Posts: 1545
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2006 9:38 pm

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:01 pm

Another I recall reading was between an F16 and a US AFB tower, sorry but I can't remember which one.

The F16 pilot had requested an emergency landing as his instruments were showing none too healthy engine data...

Tower- "Roger your request priority landing Rwy XX, you are however number two for landing behind B52 with confirmed one engine shutdown."

F16 pilot (somewhat sarcastically) "Ahh yes the dreaded 7 engine approach!"
A300/319/320/346 ATR72 B722/732/3/4/5/6/8/742/4/752/762/3/772/3 BAC111 BAe146 C172 DHC1/6/8 HS121 MD80 PA28
 
Boeing747_600
Posts: 605
Joined: Tue Oct 19, 1999 4:01 am

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:23 pm

Hey Mir,

I'm calling that Virgin/JFK banter bit on you tube a fake!

A controller could possibly get fired for non-pertinent chatter like that.
 
G4LASRamper
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2006 2:35 am

RE: Funny/Strange ATC Quotes.

Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:32 pm

As for formations, here's one that was in AvWeb a couple of months ago that went something like this:

ATC: Trick 123 say how many are in your flight today.
Trick 123: Trick 123's a single flight today.
ATC: Ooooooh, you have traffic then!

Another traffic advisory you probably don't want to hear:

"Traffic 12 o'clock less than a block, if you can still read me it's no longer a factor."
"A pig that doesn't fly is just a pig." - Porco Rosso