ILS25R
Topic Author
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Jan 06, 2001 8:12 am

Some More Funny Atc!?

Thu Jan 18, 2001 6:37 pm

1.
Contr : Clipper..., climb FL 140, check FL 80.
Pilot : Climbing FL 140, wilco.

After a while

Pilot: Clipper..., we are reaching FL 140 and we checked FL 80, it's still there.

2.
Pilot: Good morning Tower, TWA 740, we're twlve miles out for zero seven left.
Twr: Good morning, you are eight miles out, continue.
Pilot: We are twlve miles out from the VOR.
Twr: You sure won't put it down by the VOR, would you ?
Pilot: Tower, you leave that up to us where we put it down.
Twr: wilco.

3.
Pilot : Tower, could you give me a rough timecheck ?
Twr : Today is tuesday.

4.
Contr.: Clipper 655 make an orbit to the left.
Capt.: Do you realize it costs 500 Dollar ever time we turn this aircraft through 180 degrees ?
Contr.: Well, give me 1000 dollar turn then.

5.
Contr.: Speedbird 968 unidentified traffic one o'clock two miles from right to left.
Pilot: We have one in sight at two o'clock.
Contr.: Affirm, one o'clock UTC.

6.
Pilot: Bremen Radar, Clipper 614, confirm, did you clear me direct hamburg COR or via amluh intersection ?
Contr.: Clipper 614, Affirm.
Pilot: Thank you, that's what I thought.

7.
Twr: Are you in case of emergency ?
Pilot: ( british ) No, I'm not nervous.

8.
Contr.: United 103, descend to FL 290.
Pilot: Roger, leaving FL 330 for FL 290, what is the reason for that ?
Contr.: It's due to noise abatement.
Pilot: For noise abatement ? We are cruising at high level, Sir, what kind of noise abatement is that ?
Contr.: I know but there is opposite traffic at FL 330 and there will be a lot of noise if you both meet in FL 330.

9.
Contr: Speedbird 663, at what point or altitude did you get the lights in sight ?
Pilot: at minimum.
Contr: Roger
Pilot: Weel, it might have been one foot higher.

10.
Pilot:Good morning Ground, KLM 242 request start up.
Gnd: KLM 242, expect start up in about two hours.
Pilot: Please confirm two hours delay ?
Gnd: Affirm.
Pilot: In that case, cancel good morning.

11.
Contr.: Clipper 234, turn right HDG 090 to avoid a military area.
Pilot: what are they doing there ?
Contr: Ground to Air gunnery and they are shooting especially at Boeings wearing big blue letters on their belly.
Pilot: Roger, turning.

12.
Pilot: Lufthansa 791, rejected take-off, we got a bird strike.
Twr: Roger, turn right next taxiway and taxi to apron.
Pilot: Roger
Twr: and where are the birds now ?
Pilot: ...where are the birds... in the engine of course.

13.
pilot: what is my distance to the preceding aircraft ?
Twr: would you believe three miles ?

14.
Pilot: Ground, any news about our departure, we requested start-up two hours ago ?
GND: Sorry, delay not yet determined, but expect at least another two hours delay.
Pilot: Jesus loves you.

15.
Capt. to his First officer: Did he say fast moving traffic six o'clock ?

16.
Contr: Kindly report your heading.
Pilot: Of course, 080.
Contr: Confirm you are off course ?
Pilot: Negative, we are on course, of course.

17.
Contr: Speedbird 234, confirm you are turning right on heading 180 ?
Captain: Affirm, I just ordered twelve degrees starboard

18.
Twr: Speedbird 958, did you pass the outer marker already ?
Pilot: Oh yes, we are sorry. We passed it about 30 seconds ago.
Twr: Never mind, it happens to the best.
Pilot: Right you are, even to us.

19.
Tower: November..., use caution jet wash.
Pilot: In sight.

20.
Tower: United 335, hold position, Marshall will park you.
Pilot: Roger, looking out for John Wayne.

21.
Pilot: Bratislava Tower, this X-Line 246, established ILS Runway 16.
Twr: X-Line 246, cleared to land 16, wind calm, by the way this is vienna tower.
Pilot: Bratislava Tower, X-Line 246, passed the outer marker.
Twr: X-Line 246, once more, you are approaching VIENNA.
Pilot: EEhh, confirm this is not Bratislava ???
Twr: You can belive me, this is VIENNA.
Pilot: But why ? We want to go to Bratislava, not vienna
Twr: Roger, discontinue Approach, turn left HDG 030 and climb 5000 ft, vectors for Bratislava.

22.
Controller after the landing of British Airways Boeing:
Just to let you know on the approach you were a little left of the centerline.
Pilot: That is correct, and my first officer was slightly to the right.



  ILS


 
FaisZ
Posts: 97
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2000 6:12 pm

RE: Some More Funny Atc!?

Thu Jan 18, 2001 6:39 pm

"Controller after the landing of British Airways Boeing:
Just to let you know on the approach you were a little left of the centerline.
Pilot: That is correct, and my first officer was slightly to the right. "

LoL!
 
Ikarus
Posts: 3391
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2001 10:18 pm

RE: Some More Funny Atc!?

Thu Jan 18, 2001 10:43 pm

I could have sworn I read most of these in that German book "Rodscher"....

Funny nevertheless (despite the copyright violation)!
 
AJ
Posts: 2295
Joined: Wed Nov 03, 1999 3:54 pm

RE: Some More Funny Atc!?

Thu Jan 18, 2001 10:52 pm

Another two for you, both legend:

1.
Controller: Speedbird XX, reduce speed
Speedbird: Unable
Controller: Speedbird XX, can you use speedbrakes?
Sppedbird: The speedbrakes are for my mistakes, not yours!

2.
United: Sydney Control, this is my last flight before retirement, and let me tell you that you are the second best controllers in the world
Sydney Control: Why thank you, but who is the best?
United: The rest of the world!

Cheers for now  
 
WorldTraveller
Posts: 594
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 1999 3:47 am

RE: Some More Funny Atc!?

Fri Jan 19, 2001 12:07 am

Thank's! 

Regards
the WorldTraveller
 
ILS25R
Topic Author
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Jan 06, 2001 8:12 am

Ikarus

Fri Jan 19, 2001 1:37 am

Are there books with that kind of stuff ?
If yes I have to go out and them... you say it's called "Rodscher" ?

I got them from a friend at my job, I guess he found them somewhere in the Internet.

But thanks and in case you know of any more please let me know

BRGDS
ILS
 
Ikarus
Posts: 3391
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2001 10:18 pm

RE: Some More Funny Atc!?

Fri Jan 19, 2001 2:59 am

"Rodscher - Komik zwischen Himmel und Erde":

ISBN 3-89365-467-4

That is my copy, but a friend of mine who looked at it said it was only part 2 or 3, as he has the original (he quoted some of your jokes, as examples from his book). Originally, these snippets were published (one or two at a time) in a small section of the "Flieger Magazin", at least that's what it says in the introduction:

"... Das ist einer von 300 Funk-Kurzdialogen, sie seit vier Jahren im fliegermagazin unter der Rubrik >>Rodscher<< publiziert werden.....

.... Die fliegermagazin-Rodschers sind immerhin so beliebt, dass sie regelmaessig in einem internen Monatsbericht der deutschen Flugsicherung - der obersten Funksprechbehoerde - abgedruckt werden. Nicht weniger beliebt sind die Zeichnungen von fliegermagazin-Autor Helmut Mauch. ....

.... Beides - die Rodschers und die Mauch-Cartoons - sind bei fliegermagazin-Lesern so beliebt, dass sie die Redaktion geradezu beknieten, diese Schmankerl in einem Sammelband herauszubringen. Hier ist er. ..."


Have fun with it!
 
gkirk
Posts: 23346
Joined: Thu Jun 15, 2000 3:29 am

RE: Some More Funny Atc!?

Fri Jan 19, 2001 4:15 am

Search for a topic called This is Funny. Started by me. I think you will enjoy it. LOL
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
ILS25R
Topic Author
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Jan 06, 2001 8:12 am

Ikarus

Fri Jan 19, 2001 6:31 am

Thank you very much !!!
Die muss ich haben !

BRGDS
ILS

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