Contr : Clipper..., climb FL 140, check FL 80.
Pilot : Climbing FL 140, wilco.
After a while
Pilot: Clipper..., we are reaching FL 140 and we checked FL 80, it's still there.
Pilot: Good morning Tower, TWA 740, we're twlve miles out for zero seven left.
Twr: Good morning, you are eight miles out, continue.
Pilot: We are twlve miles out from the VOR.
Twr: You sure won't put it down by the VOR, would you ?
Pilot: Tower, you leave that up to us where we put it down.
Pilot : Tower, could you give me a rough timecheck ?
Twr : Today is tuesday.
Contr.: Clipper 655 make an orbit to the left.
Capt.: Do you realize it costs 500 Dollar ever time we turn this aircraft through 180 degrees ?
Contr.: Well, give me 1000 dollar turn then.
Contr.: Speedbird 968 unidentified traffic one o'clock two miles from right to left.
Pilot: We have one in sight at two o'clock.
Contr.: Affirm, one o'clock UTC.
Pilot: Bremen Radar, Clipper 614, confirm, did you clear me direct hamburg COR or via amluh intersection ?
Contr.: Clipper 614, Affirm.
Pilot: Thank you, that's what I thought.
Twr: Are you in case of emergency ?
Pilot: ( british ) No, I'm not nervous.
Contr.: United 103, descend to FL 290.
Pilot: Roger, leaving FL 330 for FL 290, what is the reason for that ?
Contr.: It's due to noise abatement.
Pilot: For noise abatement ? We are cruising at high level, Sir, what kind of noise abatement is that ?
Contr.: I know but there is opposite traffic at FL 330 and there will be a lot of noise if you both meet in FL 330.
Contr: Speedbird 663, at what point or altitude did you get the lights in sight ?
Pilot: at minimum.
Pilot: Weel, it might have been one foot higher.
Pilot:Good morning Ground, KLM 242 request start up.
Gnd: KLM 242, expect start up in about two hours.
Pilot: Please confirm two hours delay ?
Pilot: In that case, cancel good morning.
Contr.: Clipper 234, turn right HDG 090 to avoid a military area.
Pilot: what are they doing there ?
Contr: Ground to Air gunnery and they are shooting especially at Boeings wearing big blue letters on their belly.
Pilot: Roger, turning.
Pilot: Lufthansa 791, rejected take-off, we got a bird strike.
Twr: Roger, turn right next taxiway and taxi to apron.
Twr: and where are the birds now ?
Pilot: ...where are the birds... in the engine of course.
pilot: what is my distance to the preceding aircraft ?
Twr: would you believe three miles ?
Pilot: Ground, any news about our departure, we requested start-up two hours ago ?
GND: Sorry, delay not yet determined, but expect at least another two hours delay.
Pilot: Jesus loves you.
Capt. to his First officer: Did he say fast moving traffic six o'clock ?
Contr: Kindly report your heading.
Pilot: Of course, 080.
Contr: Confirm you are off course ?
Pilot: Negative, we are on course, of course.
Contr: Speedbird 234, confirm you are turning right on heading 180 ?
Captain: Affirm, I just ordered twelve degrees starboard
Twr: Speedbird 958, did you pass the outer marker already ?
Pilot: Oh yes, we are sorry. We passed it about 30 seconds ago.
Twr: Never mind, it happens to the best.
Pilot: Right you are, even to us.
Tower: November..., use caution jet wash.
Pilot: In sight.
Tower: United 335, hold position, Marshall will park you.
Pilot: Roger, looking out for John Wayne.
Pilot: Bratislava Tower, this X-Line 246, established ILS Runway 16.
Twr: X-Line 246, cleared to land 16, wind calm, by the way this is vienna tower.
Pilot: Bratislava Tower, X-Line 246, passed the outer marker.
Twr: X-Line 246, once more, you are approaching VIENNA.
Pilot: EEhh, confirm this is not Bratislava ???
Twr: You can belive me, this is VIENNA.
Pilot: But why ? We want to go to Bratislava, not vienna
Twr: Roger, discontinue Approach, turn left HDG 030 and climb 5000 ft, vectors for Bratislava.
Controller after the landing of British Airways Boeing:
Just to let you know on the approach you were a little left of the centerline.
Pilot: That is correct, and my first officer was slightly to the right.