United we stood...in the bathroom line!
by: Mattog (Wed Apr 5 '00)
Last October I was flying back from Chicago to San Francisco after having successfully completed the Chicago Marathon (I have to boast a little) on board the scheduled United afternoon flight.
Obviously I was a little dehydrated after my exploits the day before as were a great many of my fellow travellers. Accordingly we were all drinking large quantities of water. Every second person on the plane had a big water bottle and a medal around their neck...I kid you not.
Anyway, about an hour into the flight the captain comes on and says that they are having a few problems with the bathrooms. Apparently they were not emptied in Chicago after the previous flight and they were quickly approaching capacity.
As you can imagine all 200 well lubricated but very stiff athletes got up at the same time and began hobbling down the aisles to try and avail of what little toilet space there was left.
After about 20 minutes performing a jig in line I got to the door. There was an attendant on duty whose job it was to peek in after each visitor to see if the thing had started to overflow.
Yes you guessed it, "sorry sir, its full now" To which I replied, "maam, I haven't wet my pants since I was 6 years old; I'm on a pretty good streak which is not going to end on this plane, stand aside" Which to her credit she did. I feel sorry for the folks in the seats near the heads because they did overflow and start to stink.
What was United's response to this fiasco? FREE COLD BEER!!! yes, I'm not joking, the attendants came around offering everyone their apologies and a free adult beverage...what in God's name were they thinking? It was like a scene from one of those Japanese endurance gameshows.
When we finally got to San Francisco, the Captain had requested an emergency gate to get us all off and into the nearest bathroom ASAP. You have never seen a wide body empty as fast in all your life...it was a stampede!
One poor United employee who was standing at the gate trying to hand out $20 off your next flight coupons was almost crushed to death.
Not my best ever flight by any means.
I spent one whole evening laughing hysterically reading this stuff.
BTW, I haven't checked yet, but I wonder if there is an area where we can rate websites like airliners.net. If so, we should show our support.