My dad sent this to me in a forward..thought it was pretty funny and quite true:
LETTER FROM A RETIRED AIRLINE PILOT TO HIS PEERS:
>Here is a home study simulator course for those who still hunger for
>romance and adventure of airline flying. It will all come back to you
>you practice the following at home:
> 1. Stay out of bed all night.
> 2. Sit in your most uncomfortable chair, in a closet, for nine or
>ten hours facing a four foot wide panoramic photo of a flight deck.
> 3. Have two or three noisy vacuum cleaners on high, out of sight
>but within hearing distance and operating throughout the night. If
>a vacuum cleaner fails, do the appropriate restart checklist.
> 4. Halfway through your nocturnal simulator course, arrange for a
>bright spotlight to shine directly into your face for two or three
>hours, simulating flying an eastbound flight into the sunrise.
> 5. Have bland overcooked food served on a tray midway through the
> 6. Have cold cups of coffee delivered from time to time. Ask your
>spouse to slam the door frequently.
> 7. At the time when you must heed nature's call, force yourself
>stand outside the bathroom door for at least ten minutes,
>transferring your weight from leg to leg,easing the discomfort.Don't
>to wear your hat.
> 8. Leave the closet after the prescribed nine or ten hours, turn
>sprinklers and stand out in the cold and "rain" for twenty
>minutes, simulating the wait for the crew car.
> 9. Head for your bedroom, wet and with your suitcase and flight
>Stand outside the door till your wife gets up and leaves,
>simulating the wait while the maid makes up the hotel room.
> 10. When your spouse inquires, "Just what in the hell have you
>doing?" just say, "Recalling the allure of all night flying to
>places. as you collapse into bed.
> 11. If you are a purist, do this two nights in a row.
Chicks dig winglets.