F of F,Hi!
From thirty years of experience on your ailment,my advice to you would be to try and associate being on an aircraft with some very pleasant feelings :Bring your favorite pieces of music with you along with a very good CD player,display a frame with the pictures of your loved ones in front of your seat...take the best seats in the aircraft you can afford (sitting up front of a big jet will keep you from keeping a watch on the engines !) .
Flying with a non US airline will greatly increase your chances of a flight deck visit and I agree with Iain,a chat with the pilots helps a lot on anxiety cases.
Lastly,the most thorough solution will be to take all your courage and join one of these airline-anti-fear -of-flying courses :As a group,you will be taken through the mechanics of your own anxiety,then discuss them; you will then be given a full overview of an aircraft operation,including the physics involved.....
They then will take you to the flight training center to witness the seriousness of the job (This includes being taken on an actual simulator training session with the crews.).
In the end,on your first flight after the course,you will be recommended to the crew of that flight as a special vip,you'll probably be given a visit of the cockpit.....
From experience,this scheme at AF has seen an infinitesimal failure rate.Two weeks ago,a passenger told me the course he attended to four years ago completely cured him.
Not sure if other airlines have a similar scheme.If you are interested,it would be my pleasure to help you contact these friends of mine.
Till then,may gentle winds blow on your contrails.