Funny stuff guys!!!
Here's a few that I've envountered:
On a Southwest Airlines flight MDW-CLE, as the plane landed and the brakes were applied HARD... the captain says, "Whooooaah, slow down big mama!!!!"
Recent United flight (just last week) from ORD-LGA, captain comes on the PA as we were boarding and says: "For those of you just joining us, we would like to inform you that we might have a bit of a delay. Our oil gauge seems to have a slight malfunction as it is not giving us the reading that we want so we called and dispatch one of our fine United mechanics to take a look at our dipstick to see if we have enough oil to make it New York. Running out of oil is a bad thing, especially on airplanes, so we appreciate your patience." And then a few minutes later when the flight attendants were performing their safety routine, the announcement said: "We would like to point out several safety features on this oil-filled Boeing 727..."
Coming back from LGA to ORD on the same trip, again on United, we experienced heavy delay (close to 4 hours) due to a bad storm in ORD so all flights from all airlines to Chicago were delayed. Needless to say, once the weather was cleared, all flights from different airlines to Chicago were reinstated and left pretty much at the same time. Finally, we were airborne and the pilot gets on about 20 minutes after take-off: "Ladies and gentlemen, as some of you may have noticed, we are currently performing numerous 360's, in fact we are currently heading eastbound towards the Atlantic Ocean at this time. This is what we were instructed to do and is neccesary for seperation of aircraft due to the large amount of flights going to Chicago at this time. And more importantly, we would like to assure you that WE ARE NOT LOST! We know exactly what we are doing and we promise to be headed westbound in just a few minutes. In the meantime, just sit back and enjoy the flight......" I thought this was hilarious and gave a lot of angry passengers a good laugh.
Its better to be on the ground wishing you were in the air than be in the air wishing you were on the ground. Fly safe!