From George Carlin's "Jammin' in New York"...
F/A: We would like to pre-board
: Well what exactly is that, anyway? To get on before you get on?
F/A: Get on the plane, get on the plane!
: I say fuck you, I'm getting in
the plane! Let Evil Knivel get on
F/A: In the unlikely event of a suddent change in cabin pressure...
: Roof flies off!!!
F/A: ...an oxygen mask will drop down in front of you. Place the mask over your face and breathe normally
: Well I have no problem with that. I always breathe normally when I'm in a 600mph uncontrolled vertical dive... I also shit normally! Right in my pants!
F/A: Before leaving the aircraft, please check around your immediate seating area...
: Let's start with immediate seating area. It's a seat! It's a goddammed seat! Check around your seat!
F/A: ...for any personal belongings...
: Well what other kind of belongins are there, besides personal? Public belongins? Do these people honestly think I might be travelling with a fountain I stole from the park?
F/A: ...you might have brought on board.
: Well... I might have brought my arrow head collection... I didn't! So I'm not going to look for it! I'm going to look for things I brought on board! It seems to enhance the likelyhood of my finding something, wouldn't you say?