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Vasu
Topic Author
Posts: 2943
Joined: Tue Apr 19, 2005 5:34 am

Airline Jokes...

Wed May 11, 2005 12:46 am

Sorry if this has already been posted recently... but anybody have any good airline-related jokes?

One to start you off with:

A guy sitting at Bar at Brussels Airport noticed a very beautiful
woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous
she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta
slogan:"Love to fly and it shows?" She gave him a blank, confused
stare and

he immediately thought to himself, "Oh s ** t, she doesn't work for
Delta".

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards
her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused
look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines
off the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk." This time the
woman turned on him "What the F**K do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said,
"Ahhhhh,Ryanair!"
 
Gofly
Posts: 1579
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 4:12 am

RE: Airline Jokes...

Wed May 11, 2005 12:50 am

Living the high life on my ex-Airliners.net Moderator pension...
 
N60659
Posts: 639
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2005 3:24 pm

RE: Airline Jokes...

Wed May 11, 2005 12:51 am

I believe you are looking for this site.

-N60659
Nec Dextrorsum Nec Sinistrorsum
 
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KaiGywer
Crew
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RE: Airline Jokes...

Wed May 11, 2005 5:38 am

That first pic is from BGO for those who don't know. Early morning on 11FEB2004, a fuel truck belonging to Statoil crashed into a Falconjet belonging to the RNoAF. Almost killed the driver, as the plane stopped just inches from him.




View Large View Medium
Click here for bigger photo!

Photo © Jan Einar Fardal
View Large View Medium
Click here for bigger photo!

Photo © Michael Balter

“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, an
 
ACDC8
Posts: 7182
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2005 6:56 pm

RE: Airline Jokes...

Wed May 11, 2005 5:43 am

Not really an airline joke, but aviation-related none-the-less...


Santa shows up at an airport with his sleigh and eight reindeer for his yearly checkride.

The FAA examiner walks out carrying a shotgun.

Santa puzzled, asks "Excuse me, but what's the shotgun for?"

The examiner replies "I'm not really supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna loose one after take-off!"
A Grumpy German Is A Sauerkraut
 
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KaiGywer
Crew
Posts: 11182
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:59 am

RE: Airline Jokes...

Wed May 11, 2005 5:45 am

Difference between a single engine plane and a twin?

In a single engine plane, if your engine dies. You crash.
In a twin, if an engine dies, you'll just get to the crash site faster
 Smile
“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, an
 
OttoPylit
Posts: 2259
Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2003 10:58 am

RE: Airline Jokes...

Wed May 11, 2005 7:02 am

What do pilots and ATC have in common?


If the pilot screws up, the pilot dies.


If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.


Otto
I don't have a microwave, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit.
 
Chiflyer82
Posts: 27
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 1:56 am

RE: Airline Jokes...

Wed May 11, 2005 7:19 am

Anyone have access to the George Carlin airline jokes?
 
FLY2LIM
Posts: 1095
Joined: Thu May 06, 2004 6:01 am

RE: Airline Jokes...

Wed May 11, 2005 7:36 am

Quoting Vasu (Thread starter):
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards
her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused
look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines
off the list.

Not to screw up your joke, but wasn't that slogan from AA?

FLY2LIM
Faucett. La primera linea aerea del Peru.
 
CO737
Posts: 135
Joined: Tue Dec 12, 2000 5:17 am

RE: Airline Jokes...

Wed May 11, 2005 7:44 am

Quoting Chiflyer82 (Reply 7):
Anyone have access to the George Carlin airline jokes?

Chiflyer,
If you want them, shoot me an e-mail through my profile and I can send them to you.
 
komododx
Posts: 1734
Joined: Tue Jan 27, 2004 4:40 am

RE: Airline Jokes...

Wed May 11, 2005 8:15 am

From George Carlin's "Jammin' in New York"...

F/A: We would like to pre-board
GC: Well what exactly is that, anyway? To get on before you get on?

F/A: Get on the plane, get on the plane!
GC: I say fuck you, I'm getting in the plane! Let Evil Knivel get on the plane!

F/A: In the unlikely event of a suddent change in cabin pressure...
GC: Roof flies off!!!
F/A: ...an oxygen mask will drop down in front of you. Place the mask over your face and breathe normally
GC: Well I have no problem with that. I always breathe normally when I'm in a 600mph uncontrolled vertical dive... I also shit normally! Right in my pants!

F/A: Before leaving the aircraft, please check around your immediate seating area...
GC: Let's start with immediate seating area. It's a seat! It's a goddammed seat! Check around your seat!
F/A: ...for any personal belongings...
GC: Well what other kind of belongins are there, besides personal? Public belongins? Do these people honestly think I might be travelling with a fountain I stole from the park?
F/A: ...you might have brought on board.
GC: Well... I might have brought my arrow head collection... I didn't! So I'm not going to look for it! I'm going to look for things I brought on board! It seems to enhance the likelyhood of my finding something, wouldn't you say?

Stefano  wave 
I'm homeless and unemployed
 
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Vasu
Topic Author
Posts: 2943
Joined: Tue Apr 19, 2005 5:34 am

RE: Airline Jokes...

Wed May 11, 2005 11:51 pm

Quoting FLY2LIM (Reply 8):
wasn't that slogan from AA?

Probably... I have no idea
 
keta
Posts: 405
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2005 7:14 am

RE: Airline Jokes...

Thu May 12, 2005 12:28 am

Quoting N60659 (Reply 2):
I believe you are looking for this site.

Thanks Gofly and N60659 for the link, it's great!!

I personally love this one, the Longhaul:

A white skinned, middle aged woman, sits down next to a coloured man. Evidently ill at ease, she calls the air hostess.

"What is the problem madam?"

"Can't you see? You've placed me next to a Black man. I can't stand sitting next to those disgusting people. Give me another seat".

"Please, calm down, says the hostess. "Almost all seats are taken but I'll see what I can do".

She walks away, and comes back a few minutes later.

"Madam, as I thought, there is no more available seats in economy nor even in business class. However there is one seat left in First. I will have to talk to the Captain".

She comes back. "Madam. It is totally exceptional for the company to allow someone in economy to be upgraded to First. However given the circumstances the Captain has agreed."

She then turns to the black man.

"Sir, if you wish to collect your hand luggage, we would be honoured if you would like to take a seat in First Class."

The rest of the passengers, witnesses to the scene, stand up and clap.


If this is really true, I clap too!  bigthumbsup 
Where there's a will, there's a way
 
rootsair
Posts: 4012
Joined: Sun Feb 06, 2005 3:25 am

RE: Airline Jokes...

Thu May 12, 2005 2:43 am

what about this one,

A guy meets a woman in some Bar in an airport. He asks"What's your name"

The girl replies...."Alitalia"
The guy answers. Wait a minute! That's an airline's name! Why did your parents call you like that?
The girl replies,"No I made it up!"
The guy all surprised didn't hesitate a second to ask what this whole thing was about

The girl then explains....well it comes from THE TWO THINGS I LIKE THE MOST

ALI because I love mohammed Ali and TALIA because I love the mexican singer called like that..she's the best!
and then the woman all curious asks the guy what his name is...
And he replies "Ah sorry i forgot to present myself..My name is Beerf*ck"  Wink
A man without the knowledge of his past history,culture and origins is like a tree without roots

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