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Funny Announcement From Pilots

Fri Jun 23, 2006 4:29 am

While flying LAX to SEA on Tuesday this week on an AS 737-400, the First Officer made one of the funniest comments I've heard from the cockpit.

We'd just reached our cruising altitude, and the FO came on the speaker and gave us the usual preamble about the weather, arrival time, cruising altitude etc., and then he said...

"In a few minutes, we'll be passing directly over Fresno, and the Captain informs me that we won't be landing there today because friends don't let friends land in Fresno."

There was a roar of laughter throughout the cabin.

What are some of the funny one-liners that you've heard from the cockpit??
Delivering Anecdotes of Dubious Relevance Since 1978
 
thepilot
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Fri Jun 23, 2006 4:51 am

On my flight from LAX-SEA (coincedence) (see trip report) this weekend, the pilot said,
"Ladies and gentlemen we will be taxiing for a few more moments. There is no need to rush to get off the plane, and you can collect your luggage at baggage claim in 15-20 days." Everyone was laughing really hard. Realizing his mistake, he said, "I meant minutes, but 15-20 days might not be a bad bet for some of you."

You can find more of these if you look in the archives of the civav forum.
From YVR
 
airbus3801
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Fri Jun 23, 2006 4:56 am

On a recent WN flight, the captain said after the usual "we are ready to taxi now, temp blah blah" that make sure the windows are closed to we don't mess up our hair and the whole plane roared with laughter.
 
BA787
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Fri Jun 23, 2006 5:11 am

on my last TOM flight to Turin IN FEBRUARY, THE CAPTAIN (WHO WAS A BIT OF A PRAT) came on to the intercom and stated to the cabin " Ladies and Gentleman, due to the poor weather conditions on the approach to your destination this afternoon, I will be flying blind into the airport. The plane will land itself and set its own approach. This is standard procedure in poor weather conditions!" This sent an uneasy silence around the cabin with a few "Tosser" and "Tulip" phrases clearly heard from the cabin crew. Around five minutes later he came on the intercom once again to apologise and inform us that we were short on fuel and therefore are first in line to land

The resulting silence and nervous descent into Turin was not helped by dense fog and very close mountains

Not one of Thomsonflys greatest pilots

Tom
 
Garri767
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Fri Jun 23, 2006 7:26 am

i remember the FA said (when discussing the safety stuff) "In the chance of a Water landing between Dallas and Austin"
Two wrongs may not make a right, but three lefts do!
 
YYZflyer
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jun 24, 2006 12:24 am

On a WS flight last month an F/A said, "When we arrive at our gate , please collect all of your personal belongings before you exit the aircraft and don't foget anything. If you do leave something on the aircraft please make it has some value and we would like to give our mothers gifts as mothers' day is approaching."

or something similar to that
Avoid hangovers, stay drunk.
 
bpat777
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jun 24, 2006 12:42 am

On a DL MD-88 flt from ATL - RIC the day after Thanksgiving 2005, prior to pushback the pilot informed the passengers, "I'm sure this flight is full of late Thanksgiving Day dinner passengers, so I'm gonna fly this plane like I stole it and get us all to RIC about 8 minutes before the scheduled ETA." The fact that the pilot had a very strong southern accent made the entire plane erupt into laughter.
 
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deltadawg
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jun 24, 2006 2:47 am

I was on a conecting flight around fall '04 from CVG-ATW on Comair. The FO was a woman that gave her usual spill about taking off in 5-10 minutes and taxiing, etc. When we started taxiing she came on the intercom to tell us we were 3rd or 4th to take off then she started cracking jokes.

The whole hour and half she came on the intercom about every 5-10 minutes to tell more jokes. Most were pretty good too.

I remember she was very friendly, not the best looking lady ever but had a real sense of humor. Would like to be on another of her flights one day.
GO Dawgs, Sic' em, woof woof woof
 
Longhornmaniac
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jun 24, 2006 3:01 am

Quoting Garri767 (Reply 4):
"In the chance of a Water landing between Dallas and Austin"

LOL! Its called Waco Lake!!!!!!

Cheers,
Cameron
Cheers,
Cameron
 
jeffry747
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jun 24, 2006 4:09 am

On a recent WN flight from SDF to BWI we had an F/A who had a pretty good sense of humor. During the safety demonstration he advised us that "all seatbelts should be worn the way Britney Spears pants used to be: tight and low across the hip." The entire aircraft busted out laughing on that one

And upon arrival into Baltimore:
"On behalf of this Orlando based flight crew and Southwest Airlines we'd like to welcome you to Honolulu. Aloha! Oh, sorry we're dreaming again. How about Baltimore Washington International. Because our pilots can fly a whole lot better than they can drive, please remain in your seat with your seatbelt securely fastened."  silly 
C'mon Big B, FLY!
 
aircanl1011
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jun 24, 2006 5:52 am

On a WS to YOW flight we arrived at the gate 10 minutes early. The F/A announced that we were early and attributed it to all her hard work and dedication to the passengers during the flight.

We all got a good laugh out of that.
CYMRU AM BYTH / WALES FOREVER
 
turnit56N
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jun 24, 2006 7:32 am

Quoting DeltaDAWG (Reply 7):
remember she was very friendly, not the best looking lady ever but had a real sense of humor.

I hate to be that person....but what does a pilot's attractiveness have to do with anything? We don't rate the looks of male pilots, but whenever it's a woman flying folks have to mention how she rated in the beauty department.

I feel compelled to mention it because my fiancee is also a pilot and this is one of her pet peeves. She says she gets more comments from passengers on her appearance than on how good her flying/landing was (which is what she does care about). I can see how it'd be a bit annoying to have public perception of your value as a pilot tied to how you filled out your uniform.
Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.
 
dfwmzuri
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jun 24, 2006 11:29 pm

Back in the 80's, I was flying from HNL to one of the Islands. The Captain aborted the takeoff a moment before liftoff, came on the intercom and said: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."
 
Evan767
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sun Jun 25, 2006 1:26 am

Well it wasn't an announcement but we had a hilarious F/A from ATL-PHF one day. He was going through the safety demonstration and then he came to the part where he has to demonstrate how to buckle the seat belt. He got out is little seat belt and started to try and put the belt into the buckle as if it were so hard to master. He tried to put it in sideways, backwards, anyway you could think of. He went on for at least 3 minutes doing this. Finally he got the seatbelt in. I was the only one who clapped and started laughing on the whole plane. Gee what a tough audience; well it was early in the morning. He announced that he had heard at least one person clapping.
The proper term is "on final" not "on finals" bud...
 
don81603
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sun Jun 25, 2006 3:19 am

I was on a WS flight from YYC to YWG a few years ago on Hallowe'en, and of course, the F/A's were done to the 9's. A Raggedty Ann, a Pirate, a southern hillbilly and a mime...

During the preflight safety blurb, the lead FA told us there are 4 emergency exits on this aircraft, which happens to be the same number of teeth Cletus has...
The whole plane chuckled...
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
 
JetBlueAUS
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sun Jun 25, 2006 7:49 am

It was during the Christmas holidays and Southwest was experiencing some major delays to/from HOU and when we landed the pilot came over the intercom and said, "It wasn't our fault, it was the asphault." I got a small chuckle from it, but most of the plane roared with laughter.
Not all of us can be heroes, some of us can only stand on the sidewalk and clap as they go by.
 
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solnabo
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sun Jun 25, 2006 8:38 am

Flying from L Tahoe with AirCal 737 in 1987, captain came on the speakers and said with a Bette Davies voice: "Fasten youre seatbelts, its gonna be a bumpy ride".

Everone on board applauded him ´cuz his vioce was so exactly like BD from "All about Eve" Kudos to him....

The ride WAS extremly bumpy, pax was screaming right out in fear n horror, I almost wet my pants and thought that the wings was about to break off, finally we where over the stormclouds and we had a smooth landing in SFO after 25 min of flight....

Micke//SWE  relieved 
Airbus SAS - Love them both
 
Rotorimage
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jul 01, 2006 1:47 am

Hmmm....funniest thing I've heard a Captain say over intercom?

Several times, while flying in busy airspace (in my own aircraft) I have heard Captains or FOs accidentally transmit their entire commentary over whatever ATC frequency they're currently on.....because their transmit switch was on the improper selection.

It's really funny to hear over (whatever) ARTCC freq you're on, between the random aircraft requesting flight level changes, someone start their litany of "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to welcome you aboard....blah blah blah..."

Inevitably (and I myself am guilty) after the dude finishes telling the whole world how happy he is for his passengers to be flying [whatever] airline, everybody on freq starts hollering, "Hey, can I get some coffee in 12D?"....Or, "What's the movie tonight?!?!"

I guess you have to be there.......*grin*
 
AirSpare
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jul 01, 2006 2:21 am

Years ago I was flying from SFO to SAC in the middle of the winter, driving rain high winds, low altitude and some pretty damn rough turbulance. On final I was curious if we were going to divert but I guess the crew had things to do in SAC. 50 feet off the runway we were blown sideways, the pilot corrected and then we were slammed into the runway, we probably bounced 30 feet back into the air. The Pursor announced "Ladies and gentlemen, we just landed twice in Sacramento, there will be no extra charges for the second landing". Not many laughed, it was a pretty miserable ride, but I had to chuckle.

I was taking a turboprop to Manhattan KS once. I boarded about an hour before the flight and shot the breeze with the pilot. He looked about 19 years old and just off the farm. I asked him how many hours he had and he said "Actually I'm not a pilot, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night". It was a fun flight, watching him, you could just see him resisting the urge to barrel roll the bird.
Get someone else for your hero worship fetish
 
flinhion757
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:10 am

"Southwest Airlines is pleased to have the best FAs in the industry but I am very sorry that the are not on this flight".
"Weather at our destiation is about 50 degrees with broken clouds but we will try to fix them before we land".
319,320,332,732,733,735,737,738,744,752,763,CR7,CR9,E135,E140,E145,E175,MD82
 
iairallie
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Wed Jul 19, 2006 8:30 am

Quoting Turnit56N (Reply 11):
We don't rate the looks of male pilots,

Speak for yourself!
Enough about flying lets talk about me!
 
Delta732FF
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Wed Jul 19, 2006 11:07 am

Quoting IAirAllie (Reply 20):
Quoting Turnit56N (Reply 11):
We don't rate the looks of male pilots,

Speak for yourself!

Some people here forget its not a male only fourm.
 
skoker
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Thu Jul 20, 2006 4:16 am

On a recent flight from BUF to MCO on WN flight 900:

(we had landed WAY FAR AWAY from the gate due to w/x)

"Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of your Baltimore based flight crew, we'd like to welcome you to Orlando. Unfortunately, we forgot to tell you that we only flew halfway and need to drive for a few hundred miles more to the gate. If you'd remain in your seats while the pilot looks for the next highway exit, we'd greatly appreciate it."
 
VHVXB
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Thu Jul 20, 2006 3:26 pm

Quoting Skoker (Reply 22):
"Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of your Baltimore based flight crew, we'd like to welcome you to Orlando. Unfortunately, we forgot to tell you that we only flew halfway and need to drive for a few hundred miles more to the gate. If you'd remain in your seats while the pilot looks for the next highway exit, we'd greatly appreciate it."

lol. its good to have sense of humor certain situations.
 
BamMargera
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Thu Jul 20, 2006 3:46 pm

Flying to SYD in a 747-300, i had just asked a FA if i could go up and have a look in the cockpit and talk to the flight crew, she said that she will ask the captain and see if its ok. i was told to sit back at my seat and wait till she comes back, about 1 minute later the intercom came on and it announced: To the Teenager called Logan, please make your way to MY cockpit as you have asked to see it... the whole plane broke out in laughter as i walked up there with a red face smiling!!

What a experience !!
 
dimoko
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Thu Jul 20, 2006 8:48 pm

during the safety speach once, a FA said "tampering with the lavatory smoke detector will activate the ejector seat"
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." -- Douglas Adams
 
AI
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jul 22, 2006 6:56 am

On a recent EZY flight to BCN, we had waited for a considerable time for the stairs to arrive so that we could all disembark. The captain came twice over the intercom to tell us that they were trying to get the stairs as soon as possible. Finally after about 10 mins the stairs arrived & the captain came on the intercom again & said "Ah, the stairs have finally arrived from Madrid"
The whole plane just burst into spontaneous laughter.
AI
 
turnit56N
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jul 22, 2006 2:29 pm

Quoting Delta732FF (Reply 21):
Quoting IAirAllie (Reply 20):
Quoting Turnit56N (Reply 11):
We don't rate the looks of male pilots,

Speak for yourself!

Some people here forget its not a male only fourm.

Not at all - as I said, my fiancee is also a pilot and reads these forums. I'm not saying that no one notices the appearance of male pilots, but we don't seem to feel the same need to mention appearance whenever we have any story about a male pilot.

My intention is not to be overly politically correct, but I know this tendency is an annoyance to my female colleagues.
Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.
 
zkeoj
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jul 22, 2006 4:35 pm

On our flight from YVR to FRA in July 1983 we had pretty bad turbulences on approach to FRA. The captain came on and announced: "This is just the F/O - he is still practicing...."


Cheers
micha
 
flymatt2bermud
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sat Jul 22, 2006 11:55 pm

Cute comments girls! & guys!! PC!! I'll add a couple.

 airplane Way before 9/11 and the airlines weren't in a huff to secure the cockpit door and they would even let a pax or two delay in getting to their seat, a friend of mine who is a Capt (DP) at United would tell the F/A's to leave it open a while. Then just as they would begin the pushback, he would look back down the isle and address anyone still standing "Ah now you folks will have to take your seats or I won't be able to see where to back out of this spot."

 airplane On in the early 80's on a flight in a King Air 200, a pax asked me where the relief tube vacated its contents. I said, "well it basically disperses into the atmosphere." The pax then asked me "Is that o.k?" I assured them it was no problem and then added "if you have to go but can wait, we'll be over Knoxville in about 10 minutes."  Wink

It's a 'vol' thing. Big grin
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward" Leonardo Da Vinci
 
thepilot
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sun Jul 23, 2006 12:06 pm

Yesturday, I was flying with my mom from BFI to the ocean. On the way back into BFI, the tower controller told me to cut in front of a Challenger on final. Tower said, "Challenger XXX, do you see that Cessna turning base in front of you?" He responds, "If we're flying in formation, he (me) looks great." I was laughing as I turned to final. When I touched down, the Challenger pilot said, "Ok, I'll pass behind my formation buddy and taxi across runway 31R." The controller responded, "Just so you both know, the Blue Angels are holding tryouts this weekend, you should both sign up." I was just taxiing to the end of the runway, and I burst out laughing. As I taxied to parking, the Challenger pilot said, "Nice flying 174GF. We should do it again."

This was a very funny.
From YVR
 
NZ8800
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Sun Jul 23, 2006 9:00 pm

On arrival into New Plymouth on a SF3 - the F/A announced; "Ladies and gentlemen, please be sure to remove all your belongings from the aeroplane. Anything left behind will be divided amongst the crew. Children are not accepted."
All the passengers laughed with several bellowing "Damn!", "Foiled!" etcetera  Wink
A good way to brighten up a dark rainy night  Smile
MDZWTA ~ Mobile Disaster Zone When Travelling Abroad
 
FlyUSCG
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Mon Jul 24, 2006 11:56 am

My dad used to fly SNA-OAK and back every weekend on Southwest for a few years while he was working on Coast Guard Island in Alameda. This is one he told me after one of his flights.

FA: "Ladies and Gentleman, we have a very special passenger on board today. It's his 100th birthday AND his very first flight! (everyone begins to look around and such to try and see the who it is). So on your way out, be sure to shake the captains hand."
Go Trojans! Fight On!
 
swissgabe
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Tue Jul 25, 2006 3:52 am

SAA pilot on a JNB-ZRH flight explaining to the passengers the arrival facilities of ZRH airport. He made plenty of positive comments and called the aerotrain from Terminal E to Airside centre a "little fancy train". No doubt he was a big fan of Zurich Airport!
Smooth as silk - Royal Orchid Service /// Suid-Afrikaanse Lugdiens - Springbok
 
jeffry747
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Tue Jul 25, 2006 9:30 am

Quoting Thepilot (Reply 30):

 Big grin That was a good one; thanks for the good laugh. That Challenger pilot seemed quite friendly.
C'mon Big B, FLY!
 
Boeing Nut
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Wed Jul 26, 2006 2:25 am

My favorite one to date was this one...

On a Continental flight I believe. The Captain came on and did his "shpeal" on why they were doing a holding pattern.
"Delayed because of weather, blah, blah, blah...."

A minute or two after the Captain finished his announcement, the Co-Pilot comes on the PA and says....

"Folks, I just wanted to let you know that the Captain wasn't being completely honest with you about the holding pattern. We're actually circling over his house right now because his wife is home alone and he wants to make sure there are no strange cars parked in his driveway. Once he is done with this we will be on our way to our destination."
I'm not a real aeronautical engineer, I just play one on Airliners.net.
 
iairallie
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Fri Jul 28, 2006 5:44 am

Quoting Turnit56N (Reply 27):
but we don't seem to feel the same need to mention appearance whenever we have any story about a male pilot.

Maybe you don't but when I talk to my female friends the male pilots appearance comes into the equation everytime if he is either very attractive or very unattractive. My point is it is natural for guys to look at a female regardless of what her occupation is and comment on her appearance just as it is natural for females to do the same when it comes to guys.
Enough about flying lets talk about me!
 
COEXpilot
Posts: 100
Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2006 1:37 pm

RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Fri Jul 28, 2006 5:17 pm

Quoting IAirAllie (Reply 20):
Quoting Turnit56N (Reply 11): We don't rate the looks of male pilots,
Speak for yourself!

Having a girlfriend is tough as a pilot. Not just cause your gone. Every trip I get an FA giving me looks. It's tormenting. Please stop or wait.
Workin Hard and Flying Right with my eyes on the prize. Retirement.
 
1stfl94
Posts: 1082
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Tue Aug 01, 2006 6:30 am

Not from a pilot but a Virgin Purser

''Ladies and gentlemen this is a non smoking flight and the toilets are equipped with smoke detectors. There are seventeen fire extinguishers onboard this aircraft and if you are caught smoking you WILL be sprayed head to toe with foam and charged £1000 for the privelage (or whatever the fine is)''

Very funny as was his landing announcement. The 747 had just touched and the purser informed us that a tug would take us to the terminal so the plane would stop briefly while the tug was attached. Naturally as soon as the plane stops the everyone undoes their seatbelt and gets out their luggage, cue the purser

''Well I can see that you must all be deaf as I did tell you we would be moving again''

Funniest guy on a plane
 
iairallie
Posts: 2326
Joined: Thu May 20, 2004 5:42 am

RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Tue Aug 01, 2006 10:45 am

Quoting COEXpilot (Reply 37):
Having a girlfriend is tough as a pilot. Not just cause your gone. Every trip I get an FA giving me looks. It's tormenting. Please stop or wait.

Another Pilot with a "healthy" ego. LOL
Enough about flying lets talk about me!
 
COEXpilot
Posts: 100
Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2006 1:37 pm

RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Tue Aug 01, 2006 1:12 pm

Quoting IAirAllie (Reply 39):
Quoting COEXpilot (Reply 37):
Having a girlfriend is tough as a pilot. Not just cause your gone. Every trip I get an FA giving me looks. It's tormenting. Please stop or wait.

Another Pilot with a "healthy" ego. LOL

What can I say?  Smile
Workin Hard and Flying Right with my eyes on the prize. Retirement.
 
alphafloor
Posts: 1265
Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2004 12:36 am

RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Thu Aug 03, 2006 11:55 pm

Last saturday I was on my flight back from ZRH (anet meet), Swiss A320, just seconds prior to take-off the captain announced 'cabin crew prepare for landing'... then 'Oh hemm... sorry take-off!!!' I laughed with a LX captain that was returning home in GVA after duty ! Funny !
Whatever
 
TinkerBelle
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Fri Aug 04, 2006 1:22 am

Quoting Turnit56N (Reply 11):
I hate to be that person....but what does a pilot's attractiveness have to do with anything? We don't rate the looks of male pilots, but whenever it's a woman flying folks have to mention how she rated in the beauty department.

I feel compelled to mention it because my fiancee is also a pilot and this is one of her pet peeves. She says she gets more comments from passengers on her appearance than on how good her flying/landing was (which is what she does care about). I can see how it'd be a bit annoying to have public perception of your value as a pilot tied to how you filled out your uniform.

 checkmark 

Well said.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
 
ksupilot
Posts: 635
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RE: Funny Announcement From Pilots

Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:26 pm

I was on a United Express flight, a bit later at night so everyone on board is tired. The FA seems pretty normal, she cracks one or two jokes during the safety speech. Then we are holding, waiting for takeoff, and the pilot tells us it will be a few minutes. The FA then says something like "This happens from time to time, but to make the time much more enjoyable the man in Seat 11A has said he'll sing us a song!" Everyone turns around and looks in that direction and there is this guy with a newspaper with the most confused look on his face. She then walks up to him adn goes "Sir, what song will you be singing for us today?" He kinda laughs it off, so she then goes to the next person and asks them if they will be singing for us today. Finally she says that she's done asking and she'll just sing for us.
Quite funny to see your FA walking up the aisle singing, but it did make a rather short boring flight at night really fun.

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