Saleem
Topic Author
Posts: 197
Joined: Sat Mar 25, 2000 11:48 pm

Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sat Sep 09, 2006 11:08 am

One of our instructor narrated this as in aviation three most useless things in emergency


  • Fuel on the Ground
  • Runway behind you
  • Sky above you


Any other sayings like this

Regards
 
DLKAPA
Posts: 7962
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2003 10:37 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sat Sep 09, 2006 11:18 am

Emergency engine out night landing procedures

Problem: The spot which you've chosen to land the aircraft doesn't appear suitable for landing.

Solution: Turn off the landing light.
And all at once the crowd begins to sing: Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
 
futurecaptain
Posts: 1918
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:54 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sat Sep 09, 2006 12:44 pm

As well as...
The airspeed you don't have
The approach plates in your car
And what happened half a second ago.

Over the years I've accumilated many aviation "sayings," such as...
About night flying:
Remember that the airplane doesn't know that it's dark.
On a clear, moonless night, never fly between the tanker's lights.
There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.
If you're going to night fly, it might as well be in the weather so you can double count your exposure to both hazards.
Night formation is really an endless series of near misses in equilibrium with each other.
AirSO. ASpaceO. ASOnline. ASO.com ASO. ASO. ASO. ASO. ASO.
 
FlyHoss
Posts: 534
Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2005 12:20 pm

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sat Sep 09, 2006 12:50 pm

Quoting Saleem (Thread starter):
Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Besides the first three ex-wives?

 duck 
A little bit louder now, a lil bit louder now...
 
PPVRA
Posts: 7878
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2004 7:48 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sat Sep 09, 2006 12:51 pm

The passangers?

The message you were about to post is too short and probably not of any higher value to the topic at hand. You should think long and hard before posting a message in this forum and make it detailed and a valuable addition to the topic discussed.
"If goods do not cross borders, soldiers will" - Frederic Bastiat
 
luisca
Posts: 1530
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2001 11:37 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:21 pm

Why do airplanes fly? money
If it ain't Boeing (or Embraer ;-)) I ain't Going!
 
FlyDeltaJets
Posts: 1631
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:24 pm

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:33 pm

Quoting PPVRA (Reply 5):
The passangers?

The message you were about to post is too short and probably not of any higher value to the topic at hand. You should think long and hard before posting a message in this forum and make it detailed and a valuable addition to the topic discussed.

Hit em with thier own rules.
The only valid opinions are those based in facts
 
futurecaptain
Posts: 1918
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:54 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:35 pm

Ok, in the spitit of the thread here's some of the funnier sayings I have for your enjoyment...

A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.

The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.

Flying isn't dangerous; crashing is dangerous!

The propeller is just a big fan to keep the pilot cool. The proof? Make it stop, and watch the pilot break out in a sweat.

There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Gravity never loses -- the best you can hope for is a draw!

a pilot's job is hours of boredom punctuated with seconds of sheer terror.

The ability to watch from above and smirk as I blast by is reason enough to justify flying

Thou shall watch thou airspeed or the earth shall rise up and smite thee.

"Though I fly through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 feet and climbing" - plaque at the entrance to the old SR-71 facility at Kadena, Japan.

"If the wings are travelling faster than the fuselage, then its probably a helicopter - and therefor unsafe"

In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
"Oh Shit!"

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.

Sadly, artificial intelligence will probably never be a match for natural stupidity.

No matter what else happens, fly the aeroplane. Forget all that stuff about thrust and drag, lift and gravity; an aeroplane flies because of money.

A check ride ought to be like a skirt, short enough to be interesting but still be long enough to cover everything.

Don't drop the aircraft in order to fly the microphone. An aeroplane flies because of a principle discovered by Bernoulli, not Marconi. Stated in a different fashion; "Unskilled" pilots are always found in the wreckage with their hand wrapped around the microphone.

Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.

Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like asking a tree what it thinks about dogs.

If an earthquake suddenly opened a fissure in a runway that caused an accident, the FAA would find a way to blame it on pilot error.

About check rides:
The only real objective of a check ride is to complete it and get the bastard out of your airplane.
It has never occurred to any flight examiner that the examinee couldn't care less what the examiner's opinion of his flying ability really is.

Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over I know of no such expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.

He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.

One of the most important skills that a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore those things that were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot's attention.

At the end of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors, maintenance guys, weather guessers, and birds; they're all trying to kill you and your job is to not let them!

The concept of "controlling" airspace with radar is just a form of FAA sarcasm directed at pilots to see if they're gullible enough to swallow it. Or to put it another way, when's the last time the FAA ever shot anyone down?

It is a tacit, yet profound admission of the preeminence of flying in the hierarchy of the human spirit, that those who seek to control aviators via threats always threaten to take one's wings and not one's life.

Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the Natops Manual is one of the best forms of aviation life insurance you can get.

The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular airplane. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no G-limits.

How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
None, thats what maintanance guys are for.

You can land a million planes safely, but have one little mid-air and you'll never hear the end of it.
AirSO. ASpaceO. ASOnline. ASO.com ASO. ASO. ASO. ASO. ASO.
 
learpilot
Posts: 783
Joined: Thu May 10, 2001 11:07 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:45 pm

If it flies, floats, or fornicates (obviously edited), it's cheaper to rent.
Heed our warnings or your future will be underpant free!
 
DL787932ER
Posts: 575
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2005 3:27 pm

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sat Sep 09, 2006 2:01 pm

Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing.

Any landing after which you can use the airplane again is a great landing.
F L Y D E L T A J E T S
 
PhilSquares
Posts: 3371
Joined: Sun Mar 28, 2004 6:06 pm

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sat Sep 09, 2006 2:06 pm

Sky above you
Runway behind you
Airspeed you just had
Fly fast, live slow
 
byronsterk
Posts: 154
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2005 10:32 pm

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sun Sep 10, 2006 7:02 am

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet,
which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered
with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or
correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem,
and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the
gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers
lack a sense of humor!

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution
recorded by maintenance engineers.


(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and
be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something
with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Helicopters can't fly, there just so ugly the earth repells them...
 
emseeeye
Posts: 351
Joined: Sat Jun 17, 2006 3:50 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sun Sep 10, 2006 7:08 am

Quoting PPVRA (Reply 5):
The passangers?

The message you were about to post is too short and probably not of any higher value to the topic at hand. You should think long and hard before posting a message in this forum and make it detailed and a valuable addition to the topic discussed.

I think I remember you posting this exact same thing in other thread. What gives?
 
FlyingColours
Posts: 2202
Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2003 3:13 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sun Sep 10, 2006 7:45 am

Altitude above you
Runway Behind You
and a tenth of a second ago

Quoting Futurecaptain (Reply 8):

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
"Oh Shit!"

Damn right, after almost planting my cessna a 1/4 mile short of the threshold I had to shout two of the above  Smile A good outcome though, obviously  Wink

Phil
FlyingColours
Lifes a train racing towards you, now you can either run away or grab a chair & a beer and watch it come - Phil
 
luisca
Posts: 1530
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2001 11:37 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sun Sep 10, 2006 7:47 am

the worst thing you can hear in a modern cockpit is:

What the hell is it doing now?
If it ain't Boeing (or Embraer ;-)) I ain't Going!
 
NicolasRubio
Posts: 566
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2005 11:45 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sun Sep 10, 2006 7:55 am

There is a very good one in Spanish which says: "Velocidad y altura mantienen la dentadura" which in English would be: "Speed and altitude keep your teeth."
Gripped 7D + Sigma 10-20mm + 17-40L + 50mm f/1.8 II + 70-200mm f/4L IS + EF 400mm f/5.6L + 580EX II
 
PPVRA
Posts: 7878
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2004 7:48 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:00 am

Quoting EmSeeEye (Reply 13):
I think I remember you posting this exact same thing in other thread. What gives?

Posting what? The passangers part? What's wrong if i repost it on a different thread about the same thing?
"If goods do not cross borders, soldiers will" - Frederic Bastiat
 
jamesbuk
Posts: 3712
Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 11:52 pm

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:27 am

Quoting FlyingColours (Reply 14):
after almost planting my cessna a 1/4 mile short of the threshold

Almost done that but they make the softest landings dont they! come in low about 1/4 mile out, then fly it at a 1' glideslop into the ground, super soft!

Rgds --James--
You cant have your cake and eat it... What the hells the point in having it then!!!
 
Mandrake
Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2005 9:27 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:10 am

Why has no-one mentioned the old chestnut "There are old pilots and bold pilots but no old, bold pilots". It taught me to be cautious.

Mandrake
Everything nice has its price, and the nicer, the pricier.
 
2H4
Posts: 7960
Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2004 11:11 pm

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:19 am



On aircraft manufacturing:

"Only when the weight of paperwork equals the weight of the aircraft may the aircraft be certified to fly"




2H4


Intentionally Left Blank
 
DMAJ7TH
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon Aug 28, 2006 6:04 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sun Sep 10, 2006 10:49 am

Quoting Learpilot (Reply 8):
If it flies, floats, or fornicates (obviously edited), it's cheaper to rent.

i love it! finally, another lear guy on here!
 
skiflip1
Posts: 14
Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2006 4:40 am

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sun Sep 10, 2006 11:06 am

Ok here's a joke and don't get angry pilots, I appreciate the endless safe flights you give us! Why does a pilot die withing 3 weeks of retirement? Noone tells their wives they have to eat every 3 hours  Wink All in fun guys and ladies, we appreciate the great work you do !
 
ZKSUJ
Posts: 6808
Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 5:15 pm

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Sun Sep 10, 2006 12:29 pm

The worst engines are the quiet ones
 
b741
Posts: 677
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2004 3:09 pm

RE: Three Most Useless Things For A Pilot

Fri Sep 15, 2006 4:07 pm

Fuel left in the "bowser", a quote from Stanley Stewart(Flying the Big Jets).
Being Bilingual, I Speak English And Aviation

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