DAL763ER
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Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Fri Dec 20, 2013 3:33 pm

I'm sitting in the BA lounge in terminal 5 and I just heard the following announcement:

"This is an announcement for passengers on BA157 from yesterday. This flight is now boarding."

For some reason I find this quite funny and was wondering what things people have heard across airports through the years that made them chuckle a little.

Happy holidays to all!
 
planeguy727
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Sat Dec 21, 2013 12:26 am

Waiting for a USX flight at IAD
“Passengers on the cancelled Philadelphia flight – you can claim your bags on carousel 10 in the Main Terminal. You can either recheck them or try again another day.”

Waiting at UA baggage claim at IAD
“Please keep children away from the baggage belt – articles of clothing can get caught and we would hate to see anything happen to them.” [my question – the clothes or the children?]
I want to live in an old and converted 727...
 
StlHsvSfoSan
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Sat Dec 21, 2013 1:33 am

Not an "airport announcement", but (at BNA)...

AA xxxx: "AA xxxx at Bravo-5, ready for departure on 20-Right"
BNA Tower: "AA xxxx, traffic crossing downfield; assume the position"
AA xxxx: laughter
 
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Vasu
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Sat Dec 21, 2013 1:40 am

Have a look at this:

http://www.hendess.net/london.htm

Really old now, but still makes me laugh. Apparently it really happened!
 
KBUF
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Sat Dec 21, 2013 2:53 am

"The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone."
"The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone."
"The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the white zone."
"No, the white zone is for loading of passengers and there is no stopping in a RED zone."
"The red zone has always been for loading and unloading of passengers. There's never stopping in a white zone."
"Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for stopping!"
"Listen Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. There's just no stopping in a white zone."
"Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion."
"It's really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there's no danger involved."

I had to do it.   
"Starting today, the Buffalo Sabres' reason for existence will be to win a Stanley Cup."-Terry Pegula, February 22, 2011
 
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aerorobnz
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Sat Dec 21, 2013 2:58 am

Paging last remaining passengers on Flight Xxxxx. The Dikshit family please go immediately to departure gate 6. All other passengers are waiting for you. enjoyed making that page...
Flown to 120 Airports in 44 Countries on 73 Operators. Visited 55 Countries and counting. Wanderlust is like Syphilis, once you have the itch it's too late for treatment.
 
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Jetsgo
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Sat Dec 21, 2013 6:26 am

At the top of the escalator, please step forward...
Marine Corps Aviation, The Last To Let You Down!
 
gabrielchew
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Sat Dec 21, 2013 8:57 am

Not at an airport, but yesterday on the tube (in London), the driver annouced "Please wait until everyone has disembarked before attempting to board.....Please wait until everyone has disembarked before attempting to board....PLEASE WAIT UNTIL EVERYONE HAS DISEMBARKED. If you can't follow simple announcements we are happy to refund your fare and you can travel by bus".
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vhqpa
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Sat Dec 21, 2013 10:43 am

A few years ago at CHC

"Air New Zealand is paging passenger Miss Janet Jackson travelling on flight NZxxx to Auckland please proceed to Gate x without delay as your flight is awaiting an immediate departure, that is Miss Janet Jack... (trying to withhold laughter) Jackson on NZxxx to Auckland proceed to Gate x immediately". After the announcement her and her co workers bursted out in laughter.
"There you go ladies and gentleman we're through Mach 1 the speed of sound no bumps no bangs... CONCORDE"
 
newhaven
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Sat Dec 28, 2013 7:02 pm

Quoting KBUF (Reply 4):
The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone."
"The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone."
"The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the white zone."
"No, the white zone is for loading of passengers and there is no stopping in a RED zone."
"The red zone has always been for loading and unloading of passengers. There's never stopping in a white zone."
"Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for stopping!"
"Listen Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. There's just no stopping in a white zone."
"Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion."
"It's really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there's no danger involved."

Now .. THAT Was Awesome
 
newhaven
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Sat Dec 28, 2013 7:04 pm

Quoting vhqpa (Reply 8):
"Air New Zealand is paging passenger Miss Janet Jackson travelling on flight NZxxx to Auckland please proceed to Gate x without delay as your flight is awaiting an immediate departure, that is Miss Janet Jack... (trying to withhold laughter) Jackson on NZxxx to Auckland proceed to Gate x immediately". After the announcement her and her co workers bursted out in laughter.

I don't really get whats funny ?
 
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readytotaxi
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Sun Dec 29, 2013 12:13 pm

Going back 30 years when I used to work at LHR in the terminals, an 8 hr shift could go by a bit slow. In those days you could go to the airport information desk and have a call put out for a person, so we used to have imaginary names made up to get a laugh. Example; "Would Miss Emma Royd pls return to the car rental desk." or "Would Mr Richard Head pls join his party at the exit" You get the idea.   
you don't get a second chance to make a first impression!
 
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jetblastdubai
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Sun Dec 29, 2013 3:19 pm

Halloween at ORD:
"Mr. Michael Meyers, return to security to pick up your mask"
"Miss Lizzy Borden, please proceed to baggage carousel number 5 to claim your axe"
"Miss Sybil Dorsett, your flight is now departing from gate B1, B2, B3, B4 and B5"
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history, when everybody stands around reloading". - Thomas Jefferson
 
jetwet1
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Mon Dec 30, 2013 6:11 am

At SFO waiting for my flight to LAS on UA in '89

"Ladies and gentlemen, for those of you that used the remote parking, do worry, our drivers do go both ways.
 
andz
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Mon Dec 30, 2013 7:48 pm

At DUR they are really annoying, they will say something like "South African Airways flight 502, a departure flight to Johannesburg..." wtf, a departure flight? What kind of English is that?

Years ago at ELS the announcements had a feeling of doom to them, they would say "passengers on flight XYZ, please take leave of your friends and loved ones and make your way to gate X"
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF...
 
bohica
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Mon Dec 30, 2013 9:32 pm

At IAD while walking past the boarding area for a Korean Air flight:

"Passenger Kim, please come to the podium."
 
PanHAM
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Tue Dec 31, 2013 11:52 am

Quoting newhaven (Reply 10):
I don't really get whats funny ?

you are right, the only Connection between airports and Ms. Jackson I can think of is "Nipplegate".
powered by Eierlikör
 
blink182
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:40 pm

By itself not so funny, but in context a bit moreso:
I recently transited DOH, and an announcement blared every three minutes or so about how DOH is a silent airport, no flight announcements are made etc. I figure the airport authority could scrap the announcement in lieu of actual flights, and there would be no difference.
Give me a break, I created this username when I was a kid...
 
citationjet
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Thu Jan 02, 2014 4:35 pm

For many years after the DFW airport opened, the recorded announcement for the terminal connecting tram had the door closure announcement in both English and Spanish. Prior to the tram leaving each station, the recorded announcement warned you in English to "Be careful, the doors are about to close". The doors would then automatically close. After the doors were closed the same announcment would come on in Spanish, "Tenga cuidado, ya que las puertas están a punto de cerrar". The message wasn't timed very well to help warn the Spanish speaking travelers. I heard this same announcement for over 10 years everytime I rode the tram in DFW.

[Edited 2014-01-02 08:36:28]
Boeing Flown: 701,702,703;717;720;721,722;731,732,733,734,735,737,738,739;741,742,743,744,747SP;752,753;762,763;772,773.
 
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Web500sjc
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Thu Jan 02, 2014 5:21 pm

In IND the other month I heard an announcement


"United is paging the pilots of UAXxxxx, diversion from CLE to gate A20, your flight is now ready for boarding."


I had never heard an announcement for a crew to find their airplane.
Boiler Up!
 
AT
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Thu Jan 02, 2014 11:33 pm

I heard an odd one yesterday on a United flight from Tampa to New York:
"as soon as we reach serving altitude, we will be coming around the cabin with beverages and snack boxes.'

serving altitude!?
 
JAAlbert
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Tue Jan 07, 2014 5:10 am

Quoting andz (Reply 14):
Years ago at ELS the announcements had a feeling of doom to them, they would say "passengers on flight XYZ, please take leave of your friends and loved ones and make your way to gate X"

This is hilarious!

Not an airport announcement, but on a SWA flight, after the safety instructions, an attendant announced "We will now dim the cabin lights to enhance the beauty of the flight attendants." I thought it hilarious (and probably underused.)
 
photophil
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Wed Jan 08, 2014 12:48 pm

I still like that flight out of Munich (only works in the English announcement though):

"Flight LH 2222 to Toulouse" ... no idea what funny guy assigned that flight number to this route
300-310-319-320-321-332-342-343-388-717-734-735-736-73H-738-744-74M-752-76E-77W-F70-100-E70-E75-E90-E95-AT4-AT7-CR2-CR9-
 
zrs70
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Wed Jan 08, 2014 3:06 pm

When we arrived in New Zealand from LAX, we heard multiple announcements for passengers to go to the "Chicken Counter."

We were amused, assuming there was a place where poultry was checked on before shipping. So we asked, and the rep explained with a puzzled look, "The Chicken Counter is where passenger go to chick-in for their flights!

Ah - the dialect!
17 year airliners.net vet! 2000-2016
 
sw733
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Wed Jan 08, 2014 4:57 pm

Heard in the WN gate area at MCI, while an FLL-MCI-LAX flight was boarding: "Through passenger (XXXX) to Los Angeles, come back to the gate, you have gotten off at the wrong city".

How the hell does one confuse Kansas City with Los Angeles?

_______
Not an airport, please forgive me, but my wife and I were taking Amtrak from Kansas City to Chicago for Thanksgiving this year, and the announcement for the delayed train went "Please note that the delayed Southwest Chief to Chicago will NOT start boarding until AFTER it has arrived."

Seemed fairly obvious to me...
 
mhkansan
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Wed Jan 08, 2014 6:29 pm

Quoting sw733 (Reply 24):
How the hell does one confuse Kansas City with Los Angeles?

Probably the same way passengers end up in Manhattan, Kansas (MHK) looking for NYC!
 
citationjet
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RE: Funniest Airport Announcements You've Heard

Wed Jan 08, 2014 7:29 pm

Quoting sw733 (Reply 24):
How the hell does one confuse Kansas City with Los Angeles?

They probably assumed they were on a non-stop flight out of FLL to LAX. When the plane landed, they got off.

True story:
My wife worked ticket counter for AA in ICT. One night a passenger arrived on the last inbound AA flight from DFW. The pax didn't have any checked luggage, so went straight to the rental car counter in ICT. The rental car agent couldn't find her car reservation, but rented her a car since they had cars available. After the customer filled out the rental car form, and was given a map, the customer asked for directions to a small town about an hour's drive from the airport. The rental car agent had never heard of the small town. The passenger thought she was in Lubbock, TX, but in reality had just landed in Wichita, KS. She had boarded the wrong aircraft in DFW due to a double/split gate (ie 18A vs. 18B). She had never been to either city, so didn't know what to expect. She had her keys to her rental car, and was literally walking out of the airport before she realized she was in the wrong city and wrong state. Imagine if she had stopped and asked for directions down the road instead of in the airport. She ended up turning the car back in, and my wife rebooked her on the flight back thru DFW to Lubbock the next morning.
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