ATTENTION ALL YOU PEOPLE WANTING TO GO TO THE DOCK:
Starting immediately, I have taken over as Phil Derner Jr.'s liason. Due to the constant e-mail bombardment he receives, he no longer has much free time to himself. Although he likes the attention - the walking back and forth to "the dock" everyday, wearing out his shoes, and taking the risk of being caught on private property - the stress involved has taken a toll on Mr. Derner, and deserves to be properly compensated for his services.
As his liason, I have advised him to commence charging a one time finders fee with several additional options. Starting immediately, clients who request being shown to "the dock" will pay a one time finders fee of $20.00 not including applicable New York State taxes (approximately $2.00). The one time fee of $20.00 plus applicable NYS taxes will include a drink of choice (under $3.00). Please note that Mr. Derner does not condone underage drinking, as prescribed by New York State and Federal Laws, and will not serve alcoholic beverages to minors under the age of 21. Please be advised proper ID will be required before the sale of any alcoholic beverages.
The one time fee of $20.00 plus applicable NYS taxes only allows Mr. Derner to guide you to the dock. Since the dock is on private property, it would be unlawful for Mr. Derner to claim it as his private property and charge a fee for leading people to it. As a result, the $20.00 plus applicable taxes will entitle you to being shown to the entrance of a concrete mill which is still on public property. As a courtesy, Mr. Derner will lead you to "the dock" for FREE as an amicable party. Mr. Derner in no way expects legal action taken against the client or himself, but if legal action should be taken against him and/or the client, he can only be responsible for himself, and not for the client. It is the client's responsibility to acknowledge the legal and medical risks involved in a venture such as this, and to be completely responsible for him/herself. Mr. Derner cannot assume any medical responsibilty for the client, for any accidents which should arise from "plane-spotting".
Mr. Derner's only obligation for the $20.00 plus applicable NYS taxes is to show the client to the gates of the concrete factory, plus a FREE tour to "the dock". Mr. Derner is in no way obligated to maintain company with the client after having been shown "the dock". As a special offer, Mr. Derner will offer his companionship for an additional $6.00 an hour, plus any applicable NYS taxes (approximately $1.00). Reservations must be made for the entire hour, and if the client is removed from the dock either by choice or force, Mr. Derner is no longer obligated to serve the rest of the time alotted, and is in no way responsible for reinbursing his client.
If any questions arise, please do not hesitate to contact my offices via e-mail at email@example.com