Paddy And Murphy

Sat Sep 23, 2000 10:18 am

Paddy and Murphy are walking home from the pub late one night pissed as farts and having a rare old time, singing and making merry. They pass a cemetery and Paddy says "aye there, shush, a bit of dignity for the dead there, Murphy" and Murphy goes quiet too, nodding "aye aye".

They wander into the graveyard and Paddy takes his cap off and staggers around, looking at the gravestones. He says "well fook me, lookit dat there Murphy... dis guy doid aged 87. Isn't dat a grand old age to be dying?" Murphy nods, and says "tis" and then sees another gravestone and says "ey, here's anudder ol feller dat doid aged 94!! Dat's a foin age, so tis!" Paddy agrees and they set off on a game of trying to find the person who died the oldes.

Before long, they are split up in the cemetery and their calls are echoing in the mist:

"Look Murphy, dis one doid aged 97"

"Dats nuthin, dis one popped 'is clogs at 104!" and so on and so on....

Eventually, Paddy has staggered to the edge of the other side of the cemetery and can see a small stone set apart from the others, near the road. He staggers across, curious, and upon seeing it closer, falls back aghast.

He yells "Oy Murphy!! Fooking look at dis!! Der's dis guy doid here aged 146!!

Out of the mist comes the reply "Fook me!! Dat must be some kind of record, so it must. Does the stone say who he was?" Paddy squints at the stone and says

"Aye. Miles from Dublin".
Posts: 834
Joined: Sun Oct 24, 1999 9:03 pm

RE: Paddy And Murphy

Sat Sep 23, 2000 6:27 pm

Macair SAAB
Posts: 322
Joined: Sun May 30, 1999 5:35 pm

RE: Paddy And Murphy

Sat Sep 23, 2000 8:44 pm

Here's another one of Paddy and Murphy's tales.

Paddy and Murphy were flying their Aer Lingus A330 on the first flight into Brisbane and Paddy says "Geez, that there runway is looking mighty short", so they pull back the thrust levers a bit.
A few moments later Murphy says "That there runway is still looking short Paddy", so they deploy the speedbrakes.
Paddy then says "Murphy, that runway is still very short", so they deploy the spoilers.
A few seconds later they slam the aircraft onto the runway and come to a screeching halt just short of the end of the runway. Once the smoke clears, Paddy looks over the nose of the aircraft and says, "This must be the shortest runway in all the world!". Murphy then looks out the windows and says "And the widest one too!"

- Macair SAAB
Posts: 1846
Joined: Thu Dec 23, 1999 10:51 pm

RE: Paddy And Murphy

Sat Sep 23, 2000 8:52 pm

This Australian guy is talking to farmer Murphy and he says to him "Say sport, how much land do ya own around here?"

"Ah well" says Murphy, "I own all the land up the back of the house and down to them trees over there, over the fower fields yonder and up to the top o' the wee hill and over the lough up there"

"Well sport" says the yank, "Back in the Aussie outback, I can git in my jeep at sunup and drive till sundown, git outa ma car and still be on my land"

"Aye" says Murphy "I had a car like that once meself"
Posts: 5921
Joined: Sun Jul 11, 1999 6:27 am

RE: Paddy And Murphy

Sat Sep 23, 2000 11:29 pm

A guy is sitting sitting at a bar, another guy walks up to him as asks, "Can I sit here?" Guy replies, yes. "So I see you have some flavour of the Old Country!"

"Aye! You too!"

"Well let me buy ya a drink."

They have their pints of Guinness and get to talking.

"So where you from?"

"Oh, well I'm from the northwest part of Dublin."

"Oh, me too. Where did ya go to school?"

"St. Mary's, class of '42."

"OH BEJAYSUS, ME TOO! THIS IS FOOKING AMAZING! What street did ya live on?"

"Oh, I lived on Fourth St!"

"Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, me too."

On the other side of the bar, a guy asks the bartender, "Hey, Bartender, what's going on down there?"

"Ah, the O'Malley twins are drunk again."

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