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Topic Author
Posts: 2642
Joined: Tue Feb 20, 2001 10:37 am

My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Tue Nov 13, 2001 12:10 pm

Before i begin don't worry i won't kill myself or take drugs or drink or smoke etc.

I've been on since last february, though i started posting heavily in about june. i average about 3 posts a day and this is my 850th post. but that's not what i'm writing about. from all my time (certainly not wasted) spent on this site i have made numerous friends who i talk to a lot on AIM and i have seen how when someone posts their problems a lot of other people are eager to throw in their 2 cents. you (the +/-10004 members) are the first place that i am turning to for help.

I used to be happy. starting in september i began on a happy streak. i started posts on here such as the first word association, and my offline life was doing well. I made a lot of friends thru marching band and i met a girl that i like. my happiness level stayed pretty much on an upward trend even thru 9/11 (i know it sounds horrible). basically everything was going well.

to me,it seems that happiness comes and goes. it goes up and down, and each time the ups (happiness) gets higher and the lows (sad times) get lower, and when you are going up you don't know when you are going down and when you are going down you don't know when to come back up.

the pinnacle of my happiness this time was about october 13. i had a lot of fun @ my friends party and the next day the descent began with my mom coming in and instead of "good morning" i got "Clean your room" and a minor tantrum. school didn't help. then i got into a fight with "satan" (from the posts about love) which just added to my woes, even tho i am happy that we aren't talking. since he is good friends with her (but he wouldn't ask her out) i don't know what he tells her and what she knows. i think she knows that i like her but now i'm not sure if she likes me back.

my feelings of isolation and being outcasted probably sprouted from jazz ensemble. i don't know if the other ppl noticed but except for 2 people they all but completely forgot about me except when it came time to correct me or switch parts. now, i've started to notice, online especially, though it does happen in person, i have to make the effort to talk to someone or make plans. for instance, this past tuesday was a half day and i made plans to go to the mall with one of my friends. I don't think i would've done anything that day if i didn't ask. I've been online for periods of 15 minutes or more that no one IMs me, and if i had made the effort i could've had at least 10 IMs going at once. every day i try to see if someone will im me but only a few people actually do. most of those people (only 3-4 aren't) are people i've met on the forums here.

back to girl trouble-
for some reason when i'm around her my vocabulary is decimated and i lock up. this is not good at all especially because i am afraid i waited too long. i don't know what to do- agitate myself by not asking or risk rejection which i am not sure if i can handle well now.

as i am typing this now the only 3 people talking to me are from and 17 people i know in person are online  Sad.

Basically- i feel almost completely left out, ignored and uncertain, and i don't know how much longer i can bullshit (note- i rarely curse on here) thru all the "are you ok?"'s and the "are you sure you're ok?"'s that i get before breaking down and admitting it to someone who i'm not sure i want to tell. my happiness is basically a facade and the paint is chipping off.

please help
i will be "happy" (well, you know) to answer any questions and any additions to this will soon be posted.

J  Sad S H

post 85 Sad
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Tue Nov 13, 2001 12:22 pm


It's hard being a teenager. I know, I was one once. I won't claim to know anything about girl problems, because I am one... and I don't know anything about buy problems, either, for that matter!

These are difficult times for everyone. Last week's Newsweek called your generation "Generation 9-11" because you are growing up in the most uncertain of worlds since the Greatest Generation (WWII twenty-somethings).

However that doesn't mean you're not experiencing a crisis unique to you.

I know how school (and jazz ensemble) can become really full of cliques. One minute you've got friends and another minute they're ignoring you and focusing on someone else. I encourage you to get involved in more activities, not less, and not to isolate yourself. Even if you just go and support another group without participating (go to a basketball game or something), you'll find people who are happy that you're there, and that you care, and they will start caring about you. At least that's how I finally made friends with some people that were supposedly "out of my league" (I went to a few mock trial team events, and they invited me out for ice cream afterwards, and voila! new friends!)

There are a lot of people out there to talk to. Reaching out for help here at is just the start of it. I know it seems uncool, but drop in to your school's counseling/guidance office and have a talk with a counselor. They'll be really happy to talk with you... maybe even more because you're a guy (I don't know, just a gut instinct.)

Take care and keep doing what you're doing in terms of staying away from drugs and alcohol; those are not your friends in any way! Have you thought about trying out for a local youth orchestra or a drum and bugle corps? Since you play trumpet and enjoy that so much, why not get even more involved in music? Try .

If you want to e-mail me personally, go ahead. My address is [email protected] (and my marching band page is )

 Smile redngold
Up, up and away!
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Tue Nov 13, 2001 12:36 pm

Yea no one IMs me for like 1 hour lif that helps, but then again im always too busy to talk so no one bothers.
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Joined: Wed Sep 08, 1999 12:01 pm

RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Tue Nov 13, 2001 12:57 pm

This may just be a coincidence, but consider it. You said it all started going downhill in October. We started losing daylight in October as well. There is a form of depression that is brought on by lack of daylight. In these cases a mild anti-depressant usually does the trick. If you aren't on one, consider talking to your doctor about that. But first try what Redngold said. It is difficult being a teenager. I know, I still am one. You are uncertain about quite a few things, and it will pass. Try to find another extra-cirricular activity. If you really don't feel like dealing with people take up running or lifting weights. It's a great way to burn off some steam, and the benefits of a healthy lifestyle are immense. And I am sure us users are the worst to be giving girl advice Big grin We're normally asking for help as well.

Just try to power through, stay away from negative influences like you're doing, and try to branch out more. You'll get through it. Almost everybody does.
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Tue Nov 13, 2001 1:03 pm

Why dont you IM them first. There are 6 people online that I know in "real life" but I dont want to talk to them, so i dont IM them, or i put my "away" message on. If you want to tlak to them, why do they have to make the first move?
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Tue Nov 13, 2001 1:23 pm

LOT767-300ER. One whole hour. Damn, how can you survive?

Lubcha132. The sooner you realize that women are all full of s**t, the better off you'll be. Treat them like crap, that's what they really want. Look around you, you'll see it's true.
The day you stop learning is the day you should die.
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Tue Nov 13, 2001 1:32 pm


Don't try so hard!!! Just let life happen.

User avatar
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Tue Nov 13, 2001 1:47 pm

Have you ever heard of CALM?

most High Schools has this and it is a manditory course that you have to take in order to Graduate.
If not, or if you dont know what Calm is here is what it stands for.


You start off learnign a whole load of Things like Mental Illness (Stigma, Bi Polar yada yada..) Sexual stuff, Careers, health, food nutrition etc..
The Peer stuf.f.. Cliques, Jocks, Mocks, Cocks, etc.
Dont worry too much about being a part of these so called "Cool" groups..
YOu will fit with them or better in logn run.

Girls.. well according to my CALM data it said that 80% of guys and GIRLS act like -as if they cant live in a steady teenage life!!! TRUE TRUE !!
Guess what their reason is.. THEY ARE NOT HAPPY WITH HOW THEY are in appearance Eg.. Acnes.. Those stupid ass bastards Ruin alota good looking people.. I wish that never existed cuz i got acnes myself and it sucks.. .

Girls also feel the same too.. soem hotties do get acnes and they like ruin them big time.. Usually most of em dont get that many.. I duno how.. I guess all that makeup adds an extra layer for preventing dust n crap to go through..
I feel delayed in my abilities to do things with girls and guys in a frequent basis because things like Acnes, and allergies I have get in the way..
When you do things with girls, talk, dance, party out and etc..
That big fear of "what will happen if she sees this/ finds out?" Usually comes into the mind of alota people. even myself.
I know that over time I will recover and it is a normal process for teens.. your no exception. Perhaps all this wait may pay off greatly when I someday get a girl who so pretty/smart/perfect that her boobs eer.. Eyes makes all other girls in my school look like they fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.  Smile

Patience is the Virtue.. haa!
Youll pull thru. Extra activites like Band will get you busy so you wont have time to be all depressed anyways unless you pull yourself off or stay on the comp for long times...
Follow @kimbo_snaps on Instagram or bokimon- on Flickr to see more pics of me and my travels.
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Tue Nov 13, 2001 1:53 pm

my feelings of isolation and being outcasted probably sprouted from jazz ensemble.

No shit, dude?
"Shaddap you!"
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Tue Nov 13, 2001 5:35 pm

Lubcha, we talk on IM quite often so I might as well not post this here but I will, just so that the other people can comment.
Actually my life is crap, too. I started school in October and the first day I got home so depressed I couldn't do much for the whole afternoon. My overall feeling at school has improved a bit now that I've made some new friends and met my old ones again but I get hardly any free time because I get so many homeworks to do that I can hardly do anything else. And if I do go out somewhere, even for an hour, I end up working till 9 p.m. Though I look forward to the weekends in terms of getting sleep (I wake up at 7 a.m. every day and go to bed at 11 p.m.), they're hardly enjoyable because I get even more work than during the week. And so I end up depressed, unhappy and not having done part of the work.
Now as regards girls. Lubcha, you know, I told you yesterday what happened.
My only means of escape are these forums, ICQ and IM. I don't know how much longer I can put up with it. My life bites, I know it, I just don't have any 'bright moments' in it.
So what do I do? I'm not getting suicidal or anything, I'm just depressed. But I see death not as something to be scared of, but as something natural. If you told me I'll die in five minutes, well I'd just sit here and wait, not run around doing things I wanted to do etc.
Lubcha, I know how you feel, but hey, it's not only you or me, everyone feels that way at some point in life. Try doing what I'm doing, find very little things in life (I said very little!) which make you happy and think about those and do those... that way you'll feel a bit better.
See ya online,
Topic Author
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Tue Nov 13, 2001 8:45 pm

i just used the jazz ensemble thing to mention how some people leave me out, but even in other places. people don't see if i'm doing anything after school, or on the weekends.

we don't have a CALM class in our school because it is a dump.

i'm in 10th grade and i've never had a girlfriend b4. this is the first girl i've ever liked this much, but its not even a lot.
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Tue Nov 13, 2001 9:16 pm

A few weeks ago I was also feeling pretty miserable, but I posted on here and all the great comments from the people on here helped me to become happy again. Knowing that I was liked by loads of people on here helped me regain my confidence and so nowadays I am back to being the confident guy that I was previously before things took a downturn in my life.
Dont worry, things will hopefully get to being better for you very soon, and dont forget a lot of people on the forums like you and so do the people that live around you.
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Tue Nov 13, 2001 10:32 pm

Ok, my 0.02:

I was abroad last year in France. 9 months.

Came back to senior year at College in the middle of Ohio, cow country. After being in an awesome city for 9 months, this place is boring as hell. As we got further into the academic year, I knew something wasn't right. I wasn't as close to happy as I had been before, and I knew it. My best friend with whom I was in France with wrote me an e-mail one evening telling me about how things were going with him and you know what? He was feeling exactly the same way as I was!

To make a long story short, it has taken us a good two months to straighten everything out. I'm actually doing much better than he is right now, and I wish I could help him out. But we're 800 miles away.

Anyway, just know that you're not the only one in the blues. In fact, a lot of people around me also have the blues right now. I swear it's a misalignment of the planets.

One other thing, don't expect to be talking with all 17 people on your buddy list all the time. That's an expectation that will only set you up for disaster.

Give it time. I know, a month seems like ages. But believe me, 2 months out of your entire life, patience is a virtue. Do stuff that you like doing, maybe it should be something you like doing on your own. Give your head time to clear. Good luck buddy, hang in there.
Bonjour Chef!
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Wed Nov 14, 2001 12:48 am

I forgot something, as for the girls, don't worry. I'm in University and I've never had a girlfriend. And besides, high school relationships don't go much further than high school. Just try to relax and go with the flow. Things will straighten out.

RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Wed Nov 14, 2001 4:30 am

Watch Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO, its usually on every night.

It'll make you feel better.

RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Wed Nov 14, 2001 4:41 am

What are you doing this weekend? Big grin
Really, after 9/11, I've been feeling bad too. First, in my new school my class is full of ASSWIPES, stupid morons that belong in 3rd grade. No one has a brai except my Muslim friend Nazih, who, of course, is doing 10th grade all over again...
This town is way boring compared to Los Angeles (Chris will hate me for that!) but things are getting better. I try to content myself on small things and not look at the big picture. i.e. land the 777 at Kai Tak in FS2K with 2mile visibility.
Hey, this is the only life you've got, why not live it to the fullest eh! Big grin
 Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile  Smile
Topic Author
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Wed Nov 14, 2001 10:10 am

today was one of the crappiest days of my life. i am hoping that it is all uphill from here since i started talking to -her- again Big grin


RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Wed Nov 14, 2001 10:27 am

Well, everyone like you is going downhill since the 9.11 attack, so it's not just you feel bad and worse about it. And about the personal business, that's life, I guess.

But if you compare to mine, mine is worse than yours. IM me if you want for some conversation Smile

aim sn:jimyvr
msn:[email protected]
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Wed Nov 14, 2001 1:29 pm

Well, I can tell you that life just cycles. Sometimes you feel so awful you can't imagine feeling good again, and others you just feel great. I find that when bad things happen they usually happen all at once. Just in the past couple of weeks I've been overloaded at work, had to spend $2000 in car repairs, got bitched out by my dad for taking a shower with a hand towel instead of a washcloth (there were no clean washcloths), did miserably on a certification test, and just all around been miserable. Now I feel better after a nice rested weekend. It will come around and you'll feel better just try to remember that.
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Wed Nov 14, 2001 5:42 pm

Actually I felt a lot better yesterday because I SMSed my girl- (hopefully -friend in the future) and mentioned I was depressed and she asked me how she could cheer me up. Little thing really, but that itself cheered me up  Big thumbs up.
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Wed Nov 14, 2001 7:39 pm

Thats really bad maybe you should OD on tic tacs or something quickly get it over with.
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Wed Nov 14, 2001 10:22 pm

Well now Leftseat86, we'll just have to have some words, won't we!? Big grin

Keep us updated on how things are going Lubcha!
Bonjour Chef!
Topic Author
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Thu Nov 15, 2001 3:59 am

i thought that everything was looking up, but no today sucked as well.

we got our drivers ed tests back. you need an 80 to get your learners permit. there were 50 questions meaning 2 pts each and i got a 78, which was really funny to all my friends. of course next period "mrs. angelo! i got my permit"!

self esteem- almost gone.
Topic Author
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Thu Nov 15, 2001 8:20 am

 Sad  Sad  Sad
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Thu Nov 15, 2001 8:37 am

Man, think of the positive stuff, your a cool dude!  Big thumbs up
You were unlucky, but dont give up! We here in Scotland have a useless football (soccer to the damn Americans) tema but we still party. Go to a party and have a damn good time.
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Thu Nov 15, 2001 9:26 am

I know exactly how you feel, I used to go through this in high school as well. Actually, I think all of us have to go through these periods in our lives. I'll tell you a true story.

I remember growing up in NYC a few years ago (I'm only 26, so that's not TOO long ago), and being very miserable at home. Actually, I had nothing to complain about, we had everything we wanted, but I was very unhappy and miserable, specifically, I disagreed with my mother a lot on just about everything. There were times I just wanted to run away, and school wasn't going that great either. Sometimes I came so close to just ending it. After one particularly fierce fight, I decided that I just didn't want to live anymore. I was so amazingly depressed and felt so worthless. I felt as if my mother just sucked all the life out of me every chance she got. I locked myself in the bathroom, and just refused to come out. I was looking around in vain for something to do, something to take, something to just end it all. I reached into the medicine cabinet, and started unscrewing the bottles. Next thing I knew, I was emptying the contents into my hands. My hand was now full of multi-colored pills, and I was nervously contemplating the unthinkable. What did I have to lose? No one understood me, I had no true friends, I felt as if my life was going nowhere at 15. Heck, I'm gonna swallow. Just at that moment, the doorbell rang. It was one of my mother's friends from our church who was especially fond of me. She was driving around in the area, and just decided to stop by to see if I wanted to go out with her for the evening. I really wasn't in the mood, but she just looked so excited with a sense of urgency that I unwillingly said yes. Well, that night turned out to be one of the best in my life. She took me out to a concert, and we had such a great time. When I came home late that night, I was all full of life and happiness. I didn't mention to her what had happened, but somehow she just managed to change my mood. As I was taking my pants off to go to bed, I heard the pills spill from the pockets, scattering all over the floor. I was shocked! I had completely forgotten about them, and was so angry with myself for ever even contemplating such a stupid thing. I vowed to myself since then to love myself unconditionally, and to never ever think of such a thing again.

I've never forgotten that promise, and I am so happy I never swallowed those pills. Since then, my life has just gotten happier and happier, and I can't imagine throwing away all this happiness because of teenage crisis.

Trust me dude, things will get better. The best you can do now is just love yourself. I know, it sounds stupid, but this is the greatest thing you can do for yourself. By loving yourself, you build your self-esteem, self-confidence, you develop discipline to accomplish the things you want to do. It's all within you, you just have to bring it out. Don't worry yourself about those kids from school. The biggest secret is, there're feeling just as insecure and nervous as you are, that's why they form cliques and in-groups. Sometimes they will even try to put you down so that they can feel better.

Do your own thing. Do what makes you feel good, as long as it doesn't harm anyone else. Pursue your hobbies, remain in school and study hard. In the meantime, start planning. I can't stress this enough, most teenagers are bored and feel worthless because they have no plans. Well, now is the time to start. What's your purpose in life? Look at what you're good at doing, and what comes natural to you to find the answer. Make your goals and start working towards them. This will take your mind off the rejection you get at school.

As for girls, be yourself. Time and time again, girls will tell you they are most attracted to guys that are original, self-confident and most importantly, those that have a plan, a goal in life. Don't approach a girl if you're horny, bad idea! I know how those hormones can rage! Instead, talk to a girl like you'd talk to your friends. Be honest, don't try to be something you're not. Women appreciate that. When you get to the bottom of the story, you'll see that those girls interested in jocks and the in-group do so because of the attention, and again, insecurity. Most likely, you will not be happy with such women.

Also, don't forget that our teenage years can be quite awkward. Your body is changing, your hormones constantly make your horny, you're beginning to form your own ideas and so might be confused a lot. Do research. Read. Look to people more intelligent and experienced than you are for advice. Never be afraid to ask questions. Stay away from those that ridicule you. Stay especially away from negative people, they will only try to make you weaker.

If you continue to love yourself, build your self-confidence, plan and work towards your goals, in a few years, you will become a force to behold.
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Thu Nov 15, 2001 10:30 am

Hang in there josh!

The latest years of my life have been a rollercoaster too, days when everything just sucks and days when all is good and all. It's just the way it is sometimes. I have one major rule in my life: Everything i do i do because i wan't to do it. I'm never going to sit on a shitty low paid job working my back of each and every day and having no free time to live (what life is it to do something you dispise each and every day and having basically no other life than that?). There is always a choice. I rather live on wellfare. Your life is to short to waste it on things you hate. I too feel lonely from time to time although it was worse before. I used to care to much about what others think so i lived my life after that. Now i don't. Now i just don't give a rats behind what others think of me. There's periods when i just sit inside doing what i like at the moment and don't have any contact with any one besides my parents. People can say what they wan't, i know that they'r the ones who are way up there and i'm standing with my both feet on the ground.

My point is: If you are feeling bad because someone else tells you how to be or how to live and you can't fullfill that, just try to ignore it. It is YOUR life and you do what YOU wan't with it. Just my 2 cents.

i really feel with you man, i know what it's like.
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Thu Nov 15, 2001 10:47 am

Loads of stuff on here and you may not even get down this far to read this but I have one observation for you: if you are depressed because you feel excluded, your depression will be (on some level) communicated and people will avoid you. Depressed people (and I have been one most of this year due to 'girl trouble' which gets no easier btw, I'm 29) are not as vibrant and fun to be around, I know I haven't been, and it's been almost interesting to see how people's reactions toward you reduce, even if you're putting on a good face. Just be aware of one thing feeding another, ie you're depressed because of your social status, the depression itself harms your social status, therefore depression becomes worse, therefore social status deteriorates again. Don't obsess over what anyone thinks, it's utterly meaningless, just do your thing and you will be more of an individual and earn respect.

Also: avoid tranquilisers at all costs. That is simply not the answer. Deal with what's bothering you, don't just bury it under a sludge of (addictive) false euphoria. If you're really down, counselling is a good idea. The counsellor at your school will have seen this a thousand times already (and probably experienced it, we all do in some way at some time). Nothing to be ashamed of.

Good luck with everything, you're going to be great.

(I have no idea what an IM is.)
fly Saha Air 707s daily from Tehran's downtown Mehrabad to Mashhad, Kish Island and Ahwaz
Topic Author
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Thu Nov 15, 2001 10:53 am

i used to be pretty fun and vibrant.

now that the vibrancy (did i make up a word) is gone, no one seems to notice that something's wrong.

every time i say i'm going to have a good day something shoots it to hell
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RE: My Life Is Going Downhill -please Help-

Thu Nov 15, 2001 11:25 am

Josh, hang in there. It will all be over soon. Try doing some stuff you like to do independantly. That usually cheers me up. Also, if you keep a really busy schedule, I don't realize the small things becuase I'm paying attention to the horses, swim team, school, flying, reading, movies, calling my girlfriend, etc. You just have to find what cheers you up and do that. It also helps to have someone to talk to. I call my girlfriend almost every day.
BMW - The Ultimate Driving Machine
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To Those Who Think They Are Unwaned By Other Sex

Thu Nov 15, 2001 11:47 am

What the heck. Do all you guys out there think the women are going to come flocking to you if...

A) You never talk to them.
B) If you don't try to make yourself noticeable
C) If your anti-social (what fun will it be if you and her don't hang out with anyone but eachother?)

I know some people are scared to talk to girls, or it isn't natrual, but you have to do something about it. Not I nor anyone here can help you with your problems, we are only giving you steps. Your the one that needs to take them.

I am not saying forget who you are, buy new clothes, and forget your friends, but it's okay to make new ones. Don't change your likes, but find new ones that you enjoy also that are popular.

If you like to be anti-social, then that's okay also. Nobody can tell you who you are, how you should look and act. But if you want to linger with the opposit sex, get some social skills before you start talking with them, it will be one million times harder.

I am not telling anyone how to act either, but only expressing my "epinion"

-Peace In-

Brooklyn, Queens, Manhattan, Staten, Uptown, what now? Lets make it happen.

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Night Photos Beautiful shots taken while the sun is below the horizon

Accidents Accident, incident and crash related photos

Air to Air Photos taken by airborne photographers of airborne aircraft

Special Paint Schemes Aircraft painted in beautiful and original liveries

Airport Overviews Airport overviews from the air or ground

Tails and Winglets Tail and Winglet closeups with beautiful airline logos