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Love Advice

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2003 6:30 pm
by tu144d
Hi all. Normally, my life is restricted to aerospace and boozing but lately i've been feeling really down. I apologize if I'm being too sappy (it's very unlike me) but i've just not been myself lately It all began in high school. I and all the other guys at school were after the most beautiful and popular girl (same old cliched story). Well, she shot me down bad as well as everyone else. I bruised for a long time. Then, towards my senior year we ended becoming friends..really good friends. At the time, it was just an ego trip for me to have the cutest girl as my best friend but i grew to care for her a lot and vice-versa. So we became best friends and i really mean best friends. (Will & Grace type best friends, except i'm straight). Now, shoot the my sophomore year. One, night i get really drunk and come back and write my best friend a love letter!!!!!! Completely unintended. So she reads it, and figures that i got close to her all those years just to get some and doesn't believe me when i try to defend myself. So, there ends that. We didn't talk for a year. I was completely miserable, doing poorly in school..etc etc. So i thought to myself, how could losing a friend make me feel this bad for so long? Then it hit me, that maybe i really am in love with her...So anyway, now the present. Through a chance encounter we meet up again and sort of settle things but i never told her how upset i was over her Unfortunately, our relationship is much more casual and nowhere near as close as we were before. But it's something. She's fallen in love with this guy whos 6 yrs older than her. A part of me is hugely happy that she's happy and i want this to work out for her. Another part of me feels jealous and left-out. Now, i've worked pretty hard just to get us talking agin but i'm afraid of taking a chance and telling her the truth face to face unlike the letter so she'll believe me now, because i don't wanna ruin the little that is left of our friendship. Now, I've tried forgetting about her, i've tried dating...but i'm just not forgetting...What do i do?

Thanks for reading

RE: Love Advice

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2003 10:59 pm
by Matt D
First of all, if your profile is correct, you say that you are between the age of 16-20.

If you are getting down and out and hitting the sauce NOW, then look out. You have a long and bitter life ahead of you. Getting "shot down" is all part of the game. It will happen again and again. Sure it's a bummer, but at your age, really nothing to lose sleep over.

I had an experiance similar to this when I was in High School. Her name was Jennifer Vasquez. Her and I were like Forrest Gump and Jenny: like peas and carrots. We shared a locker. She'd always leave me silly little notes each day. She'd frequently come over to my house after school. And we always spent at least one of the weekend evenings (Friday or Saturday) hanging out doing something, whether it was to go cruising in Hollywood, or to commit acts of minor vandalism. One Friday night, we went to dinner at Carls Jr. and then got a huge bunch of grapes at the local Alpha Beta and sat there in the car with the radio on just BS'ing and feeding each other the grapes. It didn't matter. We were always together.

But it was always just that. We were just "friends". Even now, looking back, I think it was odd that here and I NEVER "did" anything. Indeed we hardly ever even hugged. The subject of "us" never really came up. I suspect that had we stayed "together", eventually we would've escalated to that classic "more than just friends".

But her and I got into a fight one day. It wasn't even really a fight. I had a bug up my ass one day, and my stiff necked, stubborn nature got the best of me. I don't remember the details, but I do remember that it involved a debate of going to the lunch line at the cafeteria versus going to the other side of campus for something. She turned around and stormed off. Her and I never spoke again.

Anyway, getting back on topic, all I can tell you is snap out of it!!!!!!! It's very big of you to want her to be happy, even if not with you. As for those feelings, don't worry about it. If it's meant to be, it'll happen.

RE: Love Advice

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2003 11:53 pm
by lapper
it's a bummer
Matt D reveals his like for the rear again.

Seriously, I agree with Matt, you have to snap out of it and move on. It's an old cliche, but there are plenty more fish in the sea. It hurts right now, and can really be so painful that it eats you up inside. One day you will meet someone who you will be bowled over with, and they will feel the same about you. I know, it's happened to me.

ANd Matt's right, hitting the sauce won't solve anything.

RE: Love Advice

Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2003 12:45 am
by gkirk
it's a bummer
Matt D reveals his like for the rear again.
I fear KROC is gonna have a field day with that comment by MattD  Laugh out loud

RE: Love Advice

Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2003 1:23 am
by Hole_Courtney
like yourself (not posting love stories) i usually don't reply to these nor read them.

however, your situation is similar to one of mine. being shot down then becoming hella good friends, then letting yourself go a little too far. i went too far with her, but I was sober.

the truth of the matter is, that if they can forget you in a year and date someone else, then they're not worth losing sleep over. while they were fun at the time, it's not worth it to ruin your life over one person no matter how much you care for them.

it takes a while, and it was easier for me since we don't live in the same city. i don't know the particulars of your situation. but, I can tell you that no one person is worth getting yourself distraught for a good length of time.

dating sucks, everyone knows that.....and it's very easy, when you're down because you can't date people, or the right people, to want to go back to old loves and friends. It's not the way to go. They've moved on, and you should too. It sucks, but it's the most practical thing to do.

live forever and stay beautiful,

RE: Love Advice

Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2003 5:03 am
by VirginLover

It sucks to be brushed off...Hell, I'm 17 and I already have had a bunch of brush offs, and I've brushed off quite a few myself  Big grin And as I go to college next year, I don't expect to be any different.
You're in the same age group as me...and while a lot of the parts suck (hehe), we're at our prime for the amount of guys/girls and hookups that we want. Try to move past her, and have fun!  Smile

On another note, a year ago around now, my now-boyfriend blew me off saying he didn't like me (It was our mutual friend trying to break us apart, but at the time I didn't know that), and said we could be friends, and never talked to me until August, when he admitted his true feelings. Yup, it took 6 months, but now we've been dating for 6 months (another reason why I haven't been on here much anymore) don't give up hope. Move on, but don't believe that anything is impossible  Smile

RE: Love Advice

Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2003 5:08 am
by AC320
6 months?! Well thank you my dear for giving me some hope in a similar situation where its taking a long time to get things off the ground so to speak.

RE: Love Advice

Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2003 5:17 am
by VirginLover
No problem.  Laugh out loud Last year when I got the dreaded e-mail, "I'm sorry but I don't like you," I was on my yearly ski trip to Vermont, and this year he came with us. Things all work out for the best, it just takes time...

RE: Love Advice

Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2003 5:20 am
by NWA
I couldn't be good friends with a hott chick, I would only think about banging her. You should NOT tell her how you feel. she is in love with another guy. chances are, if she is as hott as you say, he is probley a scumbag. I swear hott girls date scumie guys, but oh well. See, I am the kinda person that if I got sht down, I would not even want to ever talk to her again. But oh well. Just dont tell her how you feel.

RE: Love Advice

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2003 8:04 pm
by tu144d
Thanks for all your replies guys....They have been very insightful. I have resolved to just bury myself with work and not think about things. Whatever happens happens. The last thing i want is more stress.


RE: Love Advice

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2003 8:32 pm
See, now this puts everything into perspective. Matt D and some chick are feeding each other grapes. A very sensual act. After spending all that time together barely a hug occurs, and ole Matty was definitely getting no play.

BUT, when Matt and 777236ER stuffed grapes into each others grills the first (of MANY) times they met, both got more action with each other than Wilt Chamberlain.

Moral of the story, if you are looking for love advice, and are a man who is into chicks.....don't listen to Matt D. Oh, and I'm already divorced, so I don't know shit either.