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777236ER
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I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:20 am

Right, a female friend of mine phoned me up crying. To cut a very long story short, her boyfriend raped her. Now, I kinda know the guy and I am so so angry.

Now, the complicated stuff, she's "not sure" if she wanted it. She told him to stop many times, he didn't. She doesn't want to go to the police because she a. he wore a condom so she thinks the police won't find evidence and b. she doesn't want all the shit that going to the police will bring. I think that her being "not sure" is a bit of a moot point; being anything less than "sure" should be wrong.

I am soo incrediably angry. My friend is in her mid (to late... Crying) twenties like me, and is bubbly and a flirt, however I am so, so angry about what this guy has done.

Here's the question: would it be SO wrong for me and a few of my mates to go round and kick the shit out of him? Right now I am so tempted to.
Your bone's got a little machine
 
yka
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:29 am

Ohh A girl changed her mind after...how tradgic...
 
fspilot747
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:29 am

I would totally want to kick this guys ass too, but you gotta weigh the possible outcomes.

A) You can kick his ass and make him cry that he will never touch another girl again, and get away with it.

B) You can kick his ass and...he could file a complaint/sue, etc...and get into a whole legal mess. It's all up to whether or not you think the risks are worth it.


I wouldn't use violence though. You could always confront the guy and embarass the shit out of him in public.


Good Luck, and sorry to hear about your friend.
FSP
 
jcs17
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:29 am

Jcs17 - nice. Really warm hearted of you.

Yeah, maybe if 777236ER hadnt posted such a coldhearted and uncaring reply to the "Elizabeth Smart Found" thread, I might have more sympathy. But, he used totally useless logic to say "who cares!", so I am using the same logic to say who cares to this thread.
America's chickens are coming home to rooooost!
 
Sabena332
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:30 am

Go right now and beat that a$$hole up!!! This is what I would do.

Patrick
NZ1's mother is a disgusting crack-whore and his father is a worthless alcoholic!
 
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:32 am

While I'd NEVER condone violence against women, remember...there are three sides to this story:

Her side

His side

And what actually happened.

Ask her to recount what took place; odds are that if she's unsure of what happened or is exaggerating, the story will change in little ways each time it's told. This means she may be one of those women who "cries wolf" and claims she was raped only after she reflects back on the situation, thinking, "Why did I have sex with him? I didn't WANT to...so I must have been raped!"

However, if she's telling the truth, odds are she'll give you the same story each time, with no variation at all.

Just remember that this IS a girl, after all...so odds are that beating him senseless will make her feel guilty, and she'll only end up forgiving him later and taking him back.

So down the line, he'll forever hate your guts and want to get even, and she'll probably take his side since he's her boyfriend.

[Edited 2003-03-13 23:35:27]
"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan

Comments made here are my own and are not intended to represent the official position of Alaska Air Group
 
777236ER
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:32 am

Yeah, maybe if 777236ER hadnt posted such a coldhearted and uncaring reply to the "Elizabeth Smart Found" thread, I might have more sympathy. But, he used totally useless logic to say "who cares!", so I am using the same logic to say who cares to this thread.

Jsc, I'm not ASKING you to care. I'm asking for your opinion. I don't care if you are coldhearted or uncaring.
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yyz717
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:33 am

Rape is rape, whether it's a boyfriend or not. The police should be brought in.

If she doesn't go to the police, she's encouraging him to rape his future girlfriends, not to mention letting him get away with assault.

777236ER......you could go to the police yourself and report this rape.

I dumped at the gybe mark in strong winds when I looked up at a Porter Q400 on finals. Can't stop spotting.
 
teahan
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:33 am

While it is clear her boyfriend is wrong, I am confused by the "she's not sure if she wanted it". Telling him to stop is one thing but did she try to physically stop him?

Jeremiah
Goodbye SR-LX MD-11 / 6th of March 1991 to the 31st of October 2004
 
777236ER
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:37 am

Ok, I'm a bit calmer. Thing is, we're in that lovely gray area here. It seems she DID tell him to stop and in her words "she wasn't ready", but this wasn't rape in the traditional sense of the word, with the guy forcefully raping the girl. I think she's telling the truth in that she didn't want him to do it, however, to be honest, I don't think there's a lot anyone can do!

Yyz, I have the best interests of my friend at heart. If she doesn't want me to go, I won't. Besides, to be brutally honest, the odds of a conviction are pretty slim I'm thinking.
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:39 am

It seems she DID tell him to stop and in her words "she wasn't ready", but this wasn't rape in the traditional sense of the word, with the guy forcefully raping the girl. I think she's telling the truth in that she didn't want him to do it, however, to be honest, I don't think there's a lot anyone can do!

This sounds more and more like a case of a girl regretting her decision rather than a girl who was forcibly raped against her will.
"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan

Comments made here are my own and are not intended to represent the official position of Alaska Air Group
 
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yyz717
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:40 am

I have the best interests of my friend at heart. If she doesn't want me to go, I won't.

Yes, I would do the same as you.
I dumped at the gybe mark in strong winds when I looked up at a Porter Q400 on finals. Can't stop spotting.
 
ryanb741
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:40 am

Did the guy have sex with her against her wishes when she made it clear she wanted him to stop? If so, that is statutory rape - but you are right, there is no way he will be convicted.
I used to think the brain is the most fascinating part of my body. But, hey, who is telling me that?
 
yka
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:40 am

Ryanb741, considering your on a.net 24/7, I'm sure you've had plenty of time to learn about real women...
 
ryanb741
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:46 am

Ryanb741, considering your on a.net 24/7, I'm sure you've had plenty of time to learn about real women...

Certainly have - just ask my wife.....  Big grin
I used to think the brain is the most fascinating part of my body. But, hey, who is telling me that?
 
777236ER
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:48 am

Ryanb741, considering your on a.net 24/7, I'm sure you've had plenty of time to learn about real women...

Lol, I'm on here lots too. Of course, I'm working most of the time...*ahem*. I love proxys.
Your bone's got a little machine
 
VirginLover
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:50 am

>Ohh A girl changed her mind after...how tradgic...

It seems she DID tell him to stop and in her words "she wasn't ready", but this wasn't rape in the traditional sense of the word, with the guy forcefully raping the girl. I think she's telling the truth in that she didn't want him to do it, however, to be honest, I don't think there's a lot anyone can do!

This sounds more and more like a case of a girl regretting her decision rather than a girl who was forcibly raped against her will.
?

Ugh, Ugh, UGH. Half of the posters on this board make me disgustingly sick. No wonder why I don't come on the board anymore. It doesn't matter how far she planned to go that night, how much she did before, what she was wearing, if she said "No, I wasn't ready", even it was ONCE, and he CONTINUED, that, all you dumb a*sholes, is called RAPE
The lack of apathy on here is truly sad. Be thankful that you're male and that you're less at a chance of rape...because God forbid if you were, it's the worst feeling in the world. So to those who agree with the comments above, get an economy size jar of lotion and half a dozen subscriptions to pornos delievered to your house, because you don't deserve to touch a woman.

[Edited 2003-03-13 23:51:16]
 
American_4275
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:58 am

I'd kick the sh*t out of him. I'd take a bat with me too, to let the farker know I was serious.
 
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:59 am

VirginLover-

Get over yourself. If you'll take the time to re-read my post, you'll notice I said it SOUNDS more and more like a girl regretting her decision, and even her friend who started this thread seems as if he's having doubts about what really took place.

"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan

Comments made here are my own and are not intended to represent the official position of Alaska Air Group
 
b757300
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 8:17 am

In the United States if a woman says NO, at any point during the sexual encounter, (even if she had said Yes up to that point) then if he does not stop, it is considered rape. I would assume Britain has a similar standard. The scum needs to be reported to the police and sent to prison where his kind belongs.

Oh, and Josh. While I normally respect what you have to say, your post was childish and uncalled for.
"There is no victory at bargain basement prices."
 
aa61hvy
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 8:19 am

I have one thing to say to this, 777236ER, put this guy in the hospital...

[Edited 2003-03-14 00:19:55]
Go big or go home
 
ryanb741
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 8:21 am

B757300 - it's the same in the UK - if the woman says no and the man proceeds, even if he doesn't physically assault her it is still statutory rape.

However, cases like that are very difficult to get convictions for as it ivariably ends up as being his word against hers, which doesn't prove guilt beyond all reasonable doubt. So a lot of people get away with it.  Sad
I used to think the brain is the most fascinating part of my body. But, hey, who is telling me that?
 
777236ER
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 8:24 am

I'm going to go see my friend tomorrow, see how she is. As much as I want to hurt this guy, she comes first and I want to know if she's ok. I'm not going to go and kick the shit out of this guy if it's going to cause her more problems, although I soo want to!

Man, I'm full of way too much angst!
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aa61hvy
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 8:29 am

I know someone who got raped. But when I decided to do something, it was too late. I told the girl, if I EVER see this guy, I will make him be in hospital for a long time. I know I'd be put in jail, but I want this guy to suffer. Soon enough he will......
Go big or go home
 
teahan
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 8:48 am

VirginLover,

Ugh, Ugh, UGH. Half of the posters on this board make me disgustingly sick. No wonder why I don't come on the board anymore. It doesn't matter how far she planned to go that night, how much she did before, what she was wearing, if she said "No, I wasn't ready", even it was ONCE, and he CONTINUED, that, all you dumb a*sholes, is called RAPE

I agree that legally it was rape and that the guy was wrong (and obviously a total a***hole for not listening to her). However, if she really did not want it to happen she should have done more than just say “Stop”.

Jeremiah
Goodbye SR-LX MD-11 / 6th of March 1991 to the 31st of October 2004
 
aa61hvy
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 8:49 am

There is only so much one can do. He may have been much bigger than her.
Go big or go home
 
ukair
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 8:51 am

If as you say she is not sure then the case is over.
 
teahan
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 8:54 am

AA61hvy,

For goodness sake, even if he was much bigger than her there is still more she could have done than say stop like try to get away etc.

I am not supporting the guy but if all she said was stop and combined with her not being sure now, I can't see her case as being too strong.

Jeremiah
Goodbye SR-LX MD-11 / 6th of March 1991 to the 31st of October 2004
 
Airplanelover
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 8:54 am

777236ER, I hope you nail this guys ass. He deserves it. I hate stories like this, it is a shame some people are that sick and dillusional.

All the best of luck to you and your freind. Sorry this happened to her.
 
Boeing Nut
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 8:54 am

I don't think you care at all. Nice try at winding me up, using my own logic against me Jcs17, it didn't really work.

I'm not ASKING you to care, I'm asking you what you think about it.


He did exactly that.

It seems as though you can dish it out, but can't take it.
I'm not a real aeronautical engineer, I just play one on Airliners.net.
 
Sabena332
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 9:03 am

777236ER, instead of hanging out on the a.net forums you should beat this guy up, did this really happen or is it just a topic you want to discuss about here?

If I would know someone who raped a friend of mine I would go crazy and beat this person up as soon as I can, definitely I would not sitting in front of my computer and discuss with other a.net users about what I should do in this case.

Patrick
NZ1's mother is a disgusting crack-whore and his father is a worthless alcoholic!
 
aa61hvy
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 9:05 am

To be honest with you Jeremiah, I don't know how to rape someone. But my guess is she tried to get away, but she couldn't. Maybe because of something
Go big or go home
 
teahan
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 9:10 am

Sabena332,

Beating the guy up? Great but where is that going to lead you? Criminal record and perhaps some time in jail. If this really was rape, I trust the legal system will deal with it and AFAIK, the UK system (quite rightly) deals with rapists harshly unlike some other countries.

AA61hvy,

I guess you're right that she may have tried to get away thiough the "not sure" bit at first indicated to me that it may not have been the case.

Jeremiah

[Edited 2003-03-14 01:15:06]
Goodbye SR-LX MD-11 / 6th of March 1991 to the 31st of October 2004
 
777236ER
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 9:13 am

777236ER, instead of hanging out on the a.net forums you should beat this guy up, did this really happen or is it just a topic you want to discuss about here?

It actually did happen. She phoned me pretty late, and I was angry and I needed someone to shout at. These forums were good enough.

Like I said, I'm seeing my friend tomorrow and seeing where things go from there.
Your bone's got a little machine
 
NWA742
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 9:19 am

I think with JCS's comment 777236ER, you're getting a taste of your own medicine and you don't seem to like it, now I wonder why?

I'm not trying to be rude or anything here, but you will be treated like you treat others............................remember that.



-NWA742
Some people are like slinkies - not good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs
 
NWA742
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 9:21 am

Also, I agree with most others on this topic, you go and beat the living shit out of that asshole. Put him in the hospital.




-NWA742
Some people are like slinkies - not good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs
 
777236ER
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 9:22 am

you're getting a taste of your own medicine and you don't seem to like it, now I wonder why?

Don't seem to like it? I don't care if JCS doesn't care about what's happened to my mate. Boo fucking hoo. He lives a few thousand miles away, it doesn't effect me. Yes, thousands of women are raped world-wide, I'm not asking for individual attention on this one.
Your bone's got a little machine
 
[email protected]
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 9:24 am

The natural course of action would be to go and deck this guy, considering he's just commited one of the most inhuman acts. But then again, this guy could go to the police to press charges for assault, which could get you into all kinds of legal BS.
In Arsene we trust!!
 
redngold
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 9:26 am

Condoms can break, and a violent rape willl also leave tears and trauma to the vagina and pubic area. She should still go to the police.

And if there's any question of whether she "asked for it," NO! Nobody asks to be forced into sex. There is no excuse for a man or woman to demand the use of someone else's body, no matter how "provocative" s/he might be.

redngold
Up, up and away!
 
NWA742
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 9:31 am

Don't seem to like it? I don't care if JCS doesn't care about what's happened to my mate. Boo fucking hoo. He lives a few thousand miles away, it doesn't effect me.

That's not my point. My whole point was that you used some dis-respectful comments in that other thread, and now people are using them in your thread because of that.

Yes, thousands of women are raped world-wide, I'm not asking for individual attention on this one.

I mostly saw comments (with a few exceptions) on the Elizabeth thread, not asking for individual attention.




-NWA742
Some people are like slinkies - not good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs
 
VirginLover
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 9:33 am

I agree that legally it was rape and that the guy was wrong (and obviously a total a***hole for not listening to her). However, if she really did not want it to happen she should have done more than just say “Stop”.

No. NO. All she HAD to say was "Stop." Obviously, thankfully, you've never been in the situation. If you had, you know that it's EXTREMELY hard to fight back, to show resistance. If you say "Stop" and he continues, a lot of people, even the most assertive "I'm not taking crap from you" people, freeze up and lose power. They have an out of body experience....they don't feel like this could happen to them until the ordeal is over and they're left pretty much left to pick up the pieces of themselves.
"Stop," "No," or "I don't want this" is more than enough...
 
lubcha132
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 11:01 am

keep this in mind!

if you beat the snot out from him, he will know she told someone. that might not be so good.


J o s h
 
Boeing Nut
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 11:06 am

Yes, thousands of women are raped world-wide, I'm not asking for individual attention on this one.

This topic has been read 360+ times with 46 replies. I'd say your getting exactly that.
I'm not a real aeronautical engineer, I just play one on Airliners.net.
 
strickerje
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 11:28 am

It's definitely a tough call. While I agree with everything that has been said here about rape, I'm not sure just how much of it applies to this case, given the lack of information. Before you do anything, I would strongly recommend that you talk to your friend and find out as much as you can about what actually happened, but be careful about pressing too hard, since something like this may be painful for her to discuss. Also, try to find out how much physical evidence there is to support her claim. If she did not attempt to resist, there may be no evidence at all. Remember, he is innocent until proven guilty, so try to keep an open mind. If, in fact, it is definitely a case of rape, try to convince her to go to the police, since it may be more convincing being reported by the victim. Finally, I would strongly discourage any physical action against this guy, because, although you may feel better, you will regret it when he has you arrested for assault. I hope everything works out for both of you!

-Jeffrey S.
 
BOEING747-700
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Fri Mar 14, 2003 12:12 pm

Well I would want to kick his ass too, but I am a fairly built guy so I would probably kill him on accident and thus I probably wouldn't. Just punch him in the pills and take out that part of the problem  Big grin. Weigh your options though, are you strong enough to fight him, will he call the cops if you beat him to a bloody pulp, does he have any weapons that he could come after you with, does he have friends in high places etc....... Examine all them before you go out in a fit of rage. But in all reality I would just keep an eye on him tell your friend to put some kind of restraining order on him. If he breaks it then you break his head!!!!
 
Ilyushin96M
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Sat Mar 15, 2003 12:48 pm

My question is, how have things gone SINCE you first posted this? Have you talked to your friend and gotten any further clarification?

IMHO, guys who do this kind of thing SHOULD have the living sh*t beat out of them, by six or seven people. Good way for them to learn a valuable lesson. That, or having a telephone pole pounded up their a** with a sledge hammer, so they know how it feels.  Big grin
 
Guest

RE: I Am So...so...angry

Sat Mar 15, 2003 2:26 pm

OMG this thread is dripping with ignorance. God help the girls out there with some of you around.

Firstly, rape doesn't need to be violent and secondly nothing in the posts above indicates that it "sounds like she changed her mind afterwards.

Sounds to me like what we call "date rape", where a woman is out having an evening with a guy she admires or respects, things get out of hand and sex occurs. In many cases the woman is powerless to do anything about it because she is frightened, embarrased, shocked or whatever. Regardless, she needs only say stop once and the man must stop. If he fails to do so then he is a rapist regardless of whether he is convicted or not.

Rape cases are very rarely successful in court, I'd suggest AGAINST talking to the police because it will really get her no where and will do more harm than good. She doesn't sound strong enough to see this thing through.

On the other hand, whilst I am absolutely against violence and I would have to warn very strongly against taking the law into your own hands. Wouldn't it feel good to go beat the living shit out of the guy?

A better suggestion may be to talk to the girl. Does she feel strong enough to go explain it to the guy? Maybe taking her to the guys house and allowing her to explain how she feels to the guy might go a long way towards ensuring he is absolutely aware of what he has done? In the long run, it may help her too particularly if he accepts it an apologises.

However, given the blase and ignorant attitudes of some of the guys in this forum, I wonder on some peoples ability to actually understand this issue.

By the way, being rude to someone because you didn't like what he posted elsewhere seems like the height of spitefulness to me.



ADG
 
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yyz717
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Sat Mar 15, 2003 4:04 pm

Rape cases are very rarely successful in court, I'd suggest AGAINST talking to the police because it will really get her no where and will do more harm than good.

So that's your advise to another woman ADG? What if he rapes his next girlfriend as a result?

Rape is a crime. It MUST be reported.

I dumped at the gybe mark in strong winds when I looked up at a Porter Q400 on finals. Can't stop spotting.
 
mls515
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Sat Mar 15, 2003 5:18 pm



Tell your friend that you cannot possibly sympathize unless she reports the crime to the authorities. It sounds pretty selfish of her to put you into this moral dilemma when she's not willing to put her money where her mouth is. Like Redngold said, there ought to be physical signs of assault impossible for a condom to cover up.


-mls515
 
wjv04
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RE: I Am So...so...angry

Sun Mar 16, 2003 9:49 am

Dude, go after him
she said stop didnt she?
simple as that

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Military Aircraft Every type from fighters to helicopters from air forces around the globe

Classic Airliners Props and jets from the good old days

Flight Decks Views from inside the cockpit

Aircraft Cabins Passenger cabin shots showing seat arrangements as well as cargo aircraft interior

Cargo Aircraft Pictures of great freighter aircraft

Government Aircraft Aircraft flying government officials

Helicopters Our large helicopter section. Both military and civil versions

Blimps / Airships Everything from the Goodyear blimp to the Zeppelin

Night Photos Beautiful shots taken while the sun is below the horizon

Accidents Accident, incident and crash related photos

Air to Air Photos taken by airborne photographers of airborne aircraft

Special Paint Schemes Aircraft painted in beautiful and original liveries

Airport Overviews Airport overviews from the air or ground

Tails and Winglets Tail and Winglet closeups with beautiful airline logos