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A Poem...

Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2004 12:50 am
cheesy title for a thread I know, but thanks for opening it anyway.  Smile

I didn't have much to do at work today, so I sat down and wrote a poem, slash, lyric. (I hope some of my writing can work as a song text some day.)
Anyway, there still isn't much for me to do right now, so I thought I'd might aswell post the text here, and see if I could get some feedback on it, and perhaps even advice from those of you who do this better than me. (There should be quite a few)

I would first like to mention that I had to write this without the help of a dictionary or spelling corrections, so you are warned.


THE BATTLE AT DEATH FIELD

Alas a new night fades
The sun removes all shades
Light covers ground like a shield
Shines on the grass of deaths field

Lances pierce the horizon wide
You can run but you can't hide
The inevitable is at your door
Now begins yet another war

Riders appear with armour and swords
Enemy attack in massive hordes
Arrows whistle, bows sing
What fate will this battle bring?

Two swords meet and a life is over
Many will fall on grass and clover
But grass that was green is now instead
Covered with warriors blood so red

The enemy's hordes now count a weak band
At long, long last victory is at hand
A knight raises his sword towards the sky
How could he know he was about to die?

For in the clouds above, something was present
Observing at first but now started to descend
As the warriors triumphed while the enemy fled
The Dragon attacked and left them all dead

Alas a new dawn fades
The moon reveals all shades
Darkness covers ground like a shield
Moonlight on the grass of deaths field

Thomas 06.01.04


For what it's worth; The original text I wrote had a Tolkien like font, so it looked a bit cooler.  Smile

[email protected]

RE: A Poem...

Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2004 12:54 am
by Matt D
"BROTHERS IN ARMS"

Words and music by Mark Knophler


These mist covered mountains
Are a home now for me
But my home is the lowlands
And always will be
Some day you'll return to
Your valleys and your farms
And you'll no longer burn
To be brothers in arm
Through these fields of destruction
Baptism of fire
I've watched all your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms
There's so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones
Now the sun's gone to hell
And the moon's riding high
Let me bid you farewell
Every man has to die
But it's written in the starlight
And every line on your palm
We're fools to make war
On our brothers in arms


RE: A Poem...

Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2004 1:22 am
by Archie Bunker
There was a farting contest coming to town
and people came from miles around
the first fart was extremely loud
the second fart pleased the crowd
the third fart, the judges cried
"He shit his pants, he's disqualified!"

RE: A Poem...

Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2004 1:38 am
by LHMark
Methinks [email protected] has had a Scandinavian Black Metal Moment.

RE: A Poem...

Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2004 2:15 am
Archie, yup that beats the hell out of my attempt on poetry...  Smile/happy/getting dizzy

LHMark, Black Metal moment? I would take that as a compliment, except I don't listen too much to black metal. But metal in general is good. Big grin

Mostly inspired by fantacy, but perhaps it could be used in a metal song... who knows?  Smile

[email protected]

RE: A Poem...

Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2004 2:32 am
by LHMark
What, did the new Lord of the Rings movie just open in Oslo?  Smile

RE: A Limerick...

Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2004 2:41 am
by Archie Bunker
Thanks [email protected], although it's not mine.

Here's a couple of limericks:


There once was a woman from Timbuktu
who was still a virgin at twenty two
till her boyfriend came along
and pumped her all night long
now she's at home with a baby named Lulu.

------


There was a young man from St. Lou,
Who gave his dear sister a screw.
Said he, with aplomb,
"You're better than Mom."
Said she, "That's what Dad told me too!"


RE: A Poem...

Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2004 5:02 am
by Matt D

RE: A Poem...

Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2004 5:04 am
by 777236ER
The goofy Moose, the walking house frame, is lost
In the forest. He bumps, he blunders, he stands.

With massive bony thoughts sticking out near his ears--
Reaching out palm upwards, to catch whatever might be
falling from heaven--
He tries to think,
Leaning their huge weight
On the lectern of his front legs.

He can't find the world!
Where did it go? What does a world look like?
The Moose
Crashes on, and crashes into a lake, and stares at the mountain, and cries
'Where do I belong? This is no place!'

He turns and drags half the lake out after him
And charges the crackling underbrush.

He meets another Moose.
He stares, he thinks 'It's only a mirror!'

'Where is the world?' he groans, 'O my lost world!
And why am I so ugly?
And why am I so far away from my feet?'

He weeps.
Hopeless drops drip from his droopy lips.

The other Moose just stands there doing the same.

Two dopes of the deep woods.

RE: A Poem...

Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2004 3:31 am
LHMark, Err,...LOTR opened a looong time ago here. (Not in Oslo btw) But the stuff I wrote was not from Lord of the Rings. It was just a fantasy inspired text. There is more to Fantasy that Lord of the rings.

MattD, didn't know you had the authority to hand out the Shaft, congratulations on that.

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