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The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 11:33 pm
by tristarenvy
Okay, in the spirit of some of the more open posters who have put some pretty personal issues here for us all to talk about, I'll bare my soul and share what's got me pretty down, these days.

I'm 43, and have reached a point where I just don't feel like anything makes much sense. I have a good job, but I don't feel satisfied with anything that's happening in my life. It's a case of "Why am I here? What am I bringing to the table? What's next?" That Peggy Lee song, "Is That All There Is?" seems to be playing in my head, a lot. I find myself distracted at work, and just sort of "phoning in" my home life. My dad, at about this same age, went out, got a sports car, grew his hair, and got a girlfriend (and a divorce!). That's NOT the answer for my troubles. I have no interest in doing any of those things, as I truly love my family, don't look good w/long hair, and would probably ALSO buy a TR-7, like my dad, did. (Oh, the horror, the horror)

Bottom line:I guess I just looking for some insight from those who have gone thru, or are going thru something like this.

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 11:52 pm
by solnabo

"If that´s all there is, my fiend...just let´s keep dancing, and break all the rules and have a ball...if thats...all there is"

You are as young as you feel, right?  Big thumbs up

Micke/ age 25! *cough*

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 11:56 pm
by prosa
I don't know, it's probably hard to generalize about these sort of things. I've read that many men today are experiencing a so-called "midlife crisis" when they're only in their early thirties!

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 12:05 am
ALSO buy a TR-7, like my dad, did. (Oh, the horror, the horror)

You could by a left-over 2003 Merc. Merauder or a brand new 2005 Mustang.  Big thumbs up

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 12:25 am
by CaptOveur
Sounds like it may be a midlife crisis. There are two ways to deal with it: Seek professional help, or my choice, trade in the old ball and chain for a 20 something hottie and a sports car.

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 12:32 am
by clrd2go

I think I went through it in my late 30s (now 54). A lot of regrets over events that took place that I'll live with the rest of my life. did manage to
have some fun, though.


RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 3:04 am
by andersjt
We're the same age and I know exactly what you mean.

First, see your physician. I was put on a testosterone replacement regimen which helped a lot with the depression and not being able to focus. Don't get talked into taking an anti-depressant.

I am assuming you are married so DO NOT stop communicating with your wife. The longer you keep "phoning in" your home life, the more damage that may accumulate that you may never recover from. I know from experience. Through therapy I have learned to be more assertive in communicating with my partner. Unfortunately, we're finding out there may not be a future for us, but it certainly has made going home easier. Had I been able to communicate earlier the things that were bothering me with either the relationship or my own life, then we might have worked through it easier. If you find it difficult to talk with her about what you're feeling, then seek couples counseling.

Keep focusing on what is important and that is keeping your family together. Always tell yourself that it is the right thing to do. At the risk of sounding maudlin, when you find yourself losing focus, think about whats really important, your family. Dr. Laura would tell you that is what it is all about.

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 3:48 am
by avt007
I'm the same age as well, and often wonder whats next. I've been thinking I should give back something to the community, or get a job doing something worthwhile. Volunteering for the police, or firehalls, or a hospital, or perhaps working in the air ambulance trade (I'm in aviation) rather than an airline. Talking about it is a big help, and I'd see my doctor if I was you, but don't automatically go with everything he says. I'm a bit leery of anti depressants as well, even though they've helped people I know. Talk to a friend, or counselor if your work offers such a service. Think it through, I'm sure you'll be ok.

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 4:06 am
by tbar220
Have you considered starting a new career? Maybe going back to school? What do you do now for a career? Maybe its time for a change to something totally different, like becoming a chef, or even a professional pilot! I know personally (and I'm only 21) that I can't see myself doing one job my entire life, one career my whole time, without getting bored with it no matter how much I enjoy what I do.

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 4:19 am
by desertjets
The TR-7 might be a good idea... it would certainly occupy most of your time trying to make it run properly most of the time.

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 4:20 am
by tbar220
I see what it is, you need to stop being a slide ruler salesman. Or if you are going to, maybe you should upgrade to a better model, it will spice up your work life, not to mention your love life as well!  Big thumbs up

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 4:27 am
by tristarenvy
To all so far, thanks for the info.

Andersjt, I am getting some "non-chemical" therapy for what is bugging me. I will check out your suggestion w/my regular doctor. And communication is a bit strained at home, right now. My mother-in-law is in the process of dying of cancer, and my wife wants to be at the hospital w/her mom as much as possible. I know better than to say anything about how I feel about her being gone, a lot. That just makes me the bad guy, later on. I truly love her, and would not really want to find any sort of replacement. I'd truly be "trading down" if I left for someone else. She's a bright, tough, and good looking woman.

Tbar, I have considered a change in the work landscape. What's sad is that I am not sure what I could do. I am submitting an application to our local school district to get into the teaching pool. I guess part of my "depression" lies in the fact I have held only two careers in my life, and didn't try to expand my horizons.

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 6:11 am
by tbar220

You shouldn't hesitate to tell your wife how you feel about her being gone a lot. You don't have to be agressive about it or make it some sort of ultimatum, but just let her know that you miss her. You could mention it, but say that you understand why she is seeing her mother a lot. If you do it correctly, she won't take you as coming off as agressive or the bad guy, and just might spend more time with you. It also might be a good break from her from the "downness" of seeing her mother in the hospital, a better balance for both of you.

I know, I'm only 21, but this is how I think I would feel about it. The more communication the better, don't hesitate for an instant.

As for the work landscape, what are the two career's that you have held? I was joking about the slide rule thing. Maybe you should go for something totally different from what you have been doing now. For example, my older sister was in the business field and had enough, and decided she wanted to be a chef and is now currently in cooking school while waitressing at a local restaurant. Its a drastic change from what she was doing before, but she is the type of person who always needs change and something new so its healthy for her to do this. Plus she's quite happy with it. Is money an important aspect for you in your career? Also, are you the supporter in your family, so what would your wife think about a career change? If you haven't, talk to her about it and surely she will have good insight about it.

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 6:45 am
by tristarenvy
The slide ruler salesman thing is just a joke. I used to put "Ruffian, layabout, Whig and Slide ruler salesman" on any form that asked for occupation. Add "wise-ass" to that, as well.... Big grin

I have worked in broadcast and affiliated fields for a while. The Cliffs Notes version of my life would be: "He got paid to talk." And for you "just being 21", you have a good grasp on things, seems to me....

The wife and I have been more talkative about things, I just know that it's best, right now, to let her do what she needs to w/her mom. She knows I miss her.

Hey Desert, you have that sweet 7 ragtop, right? My dad had a brown '76 Vicory Edition coupe. Car actually committed "suicide" on 59 in Houston in 1979. It began to totally shut down on him, and he exited the freeway into a Subaru dealership a golfing buddy of his owned. Rolled it to a halt, and bought a new '79 Subaru, right on the spot.

I always tought it was the cars way of getting back at him for leaving my mom and I.

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 7:41 am
by prebennorholm
Dear Tristarenvy, your job has become routine, right? Your family life has become routine, right? That's okay as long as you have something else which is not routine.

I'm afraid that you have not much more than your family and your job. And your TV.

Do you have kids in the scout age? Volunteer as a scout leader.

Become a member of a chess club or anything which brings you out among crazy people on a regular basis every week. Get involved. Get involved in running the club. Not as president or auditor or such, but as the backbencher who does the hard work running the true activities of the club.

You will get a lot of crazy friends, you will have a ball, and you will be surprises how fast time runs until the next major change in your lifestyle in twenty years time when you retire.

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 8:07 am
by Superfly
I haven't reached that age yet but I know lots of guys that have and what you are going through is natural.
If you extra cash, take up flying lessons.
If you insist on getting a Triumph, get the 1979-80 model that came with plaid seats and door panels.  Smokin cool

Otherwise, get one of these:  Big thumbs up

Oh and a mistress will at least make you feel young again.  Laugh out loud

RE: The Middle Age Crazies

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 8:19 am
by Tom in NO
I'm also a member of the 43-year old's club.

My job itself has become fairly routine, but since I love working at the airport, and the people I work with are cool, and it does support my family, I can deal with it. Speaking of family..... five and a half and three year old daughters help keep me young and busy (well, at least busy  Big grin).....and the five and a half year old is showing an interest in aviation!

I recently joined a club at a local golf course. One of the father's of my duaghter's class was a member and invited me to join. So getting backinto golf helps with the stress.

And, believe it or not, keeping up with the yards helps me, as well. Never thought I'd say that, I grew up hating yardwork.

I guess for me it's a matter of keeping my mind occupied and interested in what I'm doing.

Superfly: giving me more high school memories, are we???  Big grin. That 79-80 Triumph did it this time!!!

Tom at MSY