Moderators: richierich, ua900, PanAm_DC10, hOMSaR

 
greasespot
Topic Author
Posts: 2968
Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2004 10:48 am

Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 1:31 am

Here is something different to talk about.


I was at a Gala on a new initiative on bullying in schools. Got me wondering...Going hmmmm..

So I ask this question.

Were you bullied in school?

I was..

GS
Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
 
Thorben
Posts: 2713
Joined: Fri Sep 09, 2005 10:29 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 1:38 am

I was, too. But when I look at where I am now and where they are now, I can say that they are the ones who are having problems and are doing it wrong, not me. That was what I thought back then, and time proved that it was right. Many of my enemies back then also had problems in their families, proves the old saying that order in the family leads to order in the country. (Assuming that the lack of order does the equivalent.)
France 1789; Eastern Germany 1989; Tunisia 2011; Egypt 2011
 
SATL382G
Posts: 2679
Joined: Sat Aug 14, 2004 12:02 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 1:39 am

Quoting Greasespot (Thread starter):
I was at a Gala on a new initiative on bullying in schools

Was the Gala pro or con? Sorry, the way you phrased that just put a weird word picture in my head., he-bullies madly dancing with she-bullies at a fundraiser for baby-bullies

Quoting Greasespot (Thread starter):
Were you bullied in school?

I think everyone was to one extent or another. My view of bullies was they carried their own personal demons (dyslexic, abused, etc) , so are not completely victimless.
"There’s nothing quite as exhilarating as being shot at and missed" --Winston Churchill
 
vafi88
Posts: 2981
Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2001 10:32 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 1:41 am

Yes i was, and I'm stronger because of it...

The next generation of kids are going to be massive pussies that are just going to have to learn hardships in high school, or college instead of elementary schools.

I'm in high school, and you can tell the kids who have learned from being bullied and those who weren't, we're way more assertive and strong....unless they're still being bullied - which I'm not

I'm the bully now
I'd like to elect a president that has a Higher IQ than a retarted ant.
 
EGGD
Posts: 11884
Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2001 12:01 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 1:53 am

Not really. There was the odd word or two but generally I got on with everyone and had a good laugh. I probably did more 'bullying' than I was 'bullied', but in the most literal sense of the word I wasn't a 'bully'. I didn't victimize people or spend my whole time bullying others.
 
TheSorcerer
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2005 3:35 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 2:00 am

Quoting Thorben (Reply 1):

I don't get bullied anymore but I did when I cam over from Germany, my first year in primary school one guy gave me a hard time about being half German and saying I was a Nazi and stuff like that. I still want to brake his nose, that is if he doesn't die of drink driving first , which he probably will do once he gets his driving license.
I think exactly the same way as you Thorben, school is only a couple of years, in the real world chances are the tables will be turned.

Quoting Vafi88 (Reply 3):

That's true, I'm not affected by bullies anymore, they mean nothing to me.
Most of the time it's some pussy that slags people off all the time and has a tough mate that will fight for him.

The Sorcerer
ALITALIA,All Landings In Torino, All Luggage In Athens ;)
 
aloges
Posts: 14807
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:38 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 2:34 am

I was, too - mostly in grade 5. But it didn't have much of an impact on me.

One good thing about our school system is that you get some freedom from the worst machos and bullies once they get to go to "Hauptschule".
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
 
lentigomaligna
Posts: 438
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2005 9:06 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 2:56 am

Quoting Greasespot (Thread starter):
Were you bullied in school?

I can count on one hand the amount of times anything happened to me, and most of those times it had nothing to do with my being me in particular (e.g. Seniors picking on us 7th-graders, just in general). Can't say I was ever tremendously popular, but I got along well enough.

I was actually the "smart kid" that helped everyone in elementary school. What the hell happened? I used to be smart.  Smile
 
Daleaholic
Posts: 2655
Joined: Sat Oct 29, 2005 9:38 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:02 am

I was bullied, because I'm quarter german. Stupid idiots, they'll be the one's homeless when I'm financially secure with a good job.
Religion is an illusion of childhood... Outgrown under proper education.
 
jwenting
Posts: 9973
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2001 10:12 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:04 am

Always.
I was the small kid with glasses who was good in math and science and poor at sports.

In other words I was everything that gets people bullied rolled into a single nice package.
I wish I were flying
 
N509JB
Posts: 486
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 9:20 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:12 am

Quoting Vafi88 (Reply 3):
I'm the bully now

I hope you're not proud of that.

B
 
ctbarnes
Posts: 3269
Joined: Thu Mar 30, 2000 2:20 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:15 am

Big time.

I was not a particularly good student, was crap at sports and found it very hard to fit in because I was socially awkward. Going to five different schools (not including high school) did not help either.

After a lot of hard work I've been able to overcome the damage, but it took quite a lot of time, particularly as I had to admit to myself the damage that was done.

Charles, SJ
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
 
trekster
Posts: 4319
Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2003 2:47 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:28 am

I was, made my life a mess for a few years. I remember once hiding in a cubourd to get away from the guy, and this was a cubourd in my room as i lived ina boarding school. I was friends with the guy, and he suddenly turned.

Did not help he had a lot of ammo to thow at me when my parents divorced, lets say THEY WERE FUN TIMES, back then. He is actually the only guy i have ever hit in anger. It got so bad one day i really pucnhed him in the mouth and he started bleeding, my hand killed. I went straight to the head to tell him i had done it beforehe went and made things worse. THANKFULLY i had witnesses to what happened, and he got done big time and did not bother me again, but i hated myself, it got that far i unched someone, and i dont agree with that at all. Oh well, thats life i suppose
Where does the time go???
 
jetBlue190
Posts: 118
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2004 1:59 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:32 am

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 11):
Big time.

I was not a particularly good student, was crap at sports and found it very hard to fit in because I was socially awkward. Going to five different schools (not including high school) did not help either.

Pretty much the same here, except I try to be a good student, but I'm crap at sports and don't fit in with most people, I don't exactly know why. From 6th grade to where I am now in 9th, I've been to a different school each year. It does do a lot of damage.

-jB190
"Look into his eyes and you can see, why all the little kids are dressed in dreams..."
 
jutes85
Posts: 1854
Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2003 12:50 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:34 am

I kinda was in grade 6-7, but once I got into high school, I started getting bigger then them, so no one messed with me anymore.  weightlifter 
nothing
 
vafi88
Posts: 2981
Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2001 10:32 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:40 am

"I hope you're not proud of that."

I am indeed, and not to say that I'm the asshole that makes fun of everyone, but I am the asshole you don't want to cross paths with...

I'm not the instigator, I'm the finisher
I'd like to elect a president that has a Higher IQ than a retarted ant.
 
SmithAir747
Posts: 1906
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2004 3:30 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:40 am

With my unusual medical situation (craniofacial anomalies), I faced a lot of rejection and bullying at school (from both kids and teachers) all throughout my elementary and junior high years.

I "hopped" from one elementary school to another--because teachers or administrators did not want me in their schools because of my disabilities (hearing and speech); this was mostly with private (parochial) schools. Whenever I did get into a school (after they relented), I was bullied by classmates and rejected by band directors and some teachers. My fourth-grade teacher was the ONLY teacher at a particular Christian school who really wanted me as a student; when that school refused at first to admit me, he threatened to quit that school! Of the three years I spent at that school, this one teacher (I had him for 4th and 5th grades) was the only one who treated me as a human being. Otherwise, there were teachers there (like the band and music teachers) who treated me awful.

Junior high school was a living hell; those two years were the darkest period of my life. Daily, I was teased, taunted, physically abused, and sometimes, even threatened with death by classmates. Teachers tried to help, but they could do nothing. The principal of the junior high school, however, had the worst attitude: One day, I arrived to find that school had been delayed for 2 hours, and Mom had to come pick me up. He took her aside and point-blank told her that if I would take off my "Walkman"--(referring to my large, bulky bone-conduction hearing aid), kids would have more respect for me! He really advertised his ignorance there regarding my hearing aid! Needless to say, Mom was ticked off! Those two years practically destroyed me emotionally; it took many years to recover emotionally and learn to let my feelings come out again (I was a living dead, zombie-like person for some time).

However, once I started high school at a small nonsectarian independent college-preparatory school in Fort Wayne, IN, life turned 180 degrees around; that school was the FIRST school that accepted me as a person on the inside despite my outward appearance. That school was like family to me, and stood by me all the way while I attended there.

SmithAir747
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made... (Psalm 139:14)
 
airbusA346
Posts: 7284
Joined: Fri Dec 10, 2004 7:05 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:56 am

Quoting Jwenting (Reply 9):
I was the small kid with glasses who was good in math and science and poor at sports.

In other words I was everything that gets people bullied rolled into a single nice package.

Thats just like me, but the thing is I still am bullied.

Quoting Trekster (Reply 12):
He is actually the only guy I have ever hit in anger.

They keep saying to me at my school and my parents, hit him and he would stop. But he packs a harder punch, he weighs 16 stone and he can move around better than I can seen as I use a wheelchair most of the time.

What an arsehole he is.

Tom.
Tom Walker '086' First Officer of a A318/A319 for Air Lambert - Hours Flown: 17 hour 05 minutes (last updated 24/12/05).
 
lentigomaligna
Posts: 438
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2005 9:06 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 6:12 am

Quoting AirbusA346 (Reply 17):
They keep saying to me at my school and my parents, hit him and he would stop. But he packs a harder punch, he weighs 16 stone and he can move around better than I can seen as I use a wheelchair most of the time.

Jeez, am I the only one where if you picked on the vulnerable or "nerdy" kids (especially physically) YOU were the one who got their ass kicked? And I went to a inner city public school. I think it must have been that there were people of so many different backgrounds and abilites at my school, including many who were disabled, that made it a very tolerant place to be.
 
JAGflyer
Posts: 3578
Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2004 5:31 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 6:23 am

I was bullied a bit in elementary school. I had very few friends as well. When I got into high-school that all changed. I met all these new people and now I have lots of great friends who I really like and trust and they say the same for me. From what I can see people in high-school are either too busy or just more mature enough than to bully others in a severe way.

One incident I recall was in grade 2. This one loser ass rich kid (who's parents used to own like 30 insurance companies and get a new $100,000 car every 2 months) stabbed me in the back with a stick. Lucky for me the stick didn't go through my clothing or skin. I ended up giving the guy a bloody nose and 3 kicks in the nads. In grade 5 his parents moved to Pickering or Ajax. I never spoke to him or heard of him since then.

[Edited 2005-11-06 22:29:22]
If you flew today, thank a Flight Dispatcher!
 
Nordair
Posts: 1080
Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 1:36 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 6:26 am

I was bullied nearly everyday until the second year of high school. In those days I was a quiet, brainy, somewhat nerdy kid who was rotten at sports. I was a perfect target. And although I did not know it back then, I was also gay, so perhaps a few people had their suspicions and that fuelled their enjoyment in making my life a living hell.

Several times a week for nearly a decade I would be beaten by schoolmates. It happened in the playground, in class, on the way to and from school. The teachers didn't give a damn. I never told my parents because I was warned they never wanted to hear of any problems involving me or school and that I would be severely punished if they did.

For years, I would lose my breakfast each morning before school due to the anxiety of having to face another day of that shite.

When the news features the latest weapons incident in schools today I think back and if I had had access to a gun, I probably would have taken it to school to protect myself. Don't get me wrong. I am NOT suggesting that kids who are bullied should be carrying weapons. And nor do I have compassion for those who have chosen to slaughter their classmates for whatever justifications they have dreamt up in their heads. All I am saying is that I can see how in some instances, a kid who has been repeatedly bullied begins to snap from living in a constant state of terror.

I've spoken to many children, teens, and adults about the subject of being bullied and the effects it can have. There are those who scoff about it, of course. But further questions usually reveal that the people that play down the problems of bullying are the same ones who were/are the bullies themselves.

There is a legacy to living your childhood in absolute fear and violence. My ability to trust is virtually nil. A number of people who have read some of my posts view me as a total pryck. I wasn't born that way. And given the choice of being a punching bag or being a caustic sonofabitch, I'll take the latter, always.
"It is never legitimate to use the words of scripture to promote a loveless agenda." - Right Rev. Dr. Peter Short
 
JAGflyer
Posts: 3578
Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2004 5:31 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 6:30 am

Quoting Nordair (Reply 20):
I never told my parents because I was warned they never wanted to hear of any problems involving me or school and that I would be severely punished if they did.

WTF kind of parents did you have? They must have pretty shitty parenting skills if they can say "I will punish you if you tell me about your problems"?
If you flew today, thank a Flight Dispatcher!
 
kiwiinoz
Posts: 2000
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:07 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 6:40 am

Quoting Vafi88 (Reply 3):
Yes i was, and I'm stronger because of it...

This is interesting.

How much are we meant to form a bubble of protection around our kids? I copped a bit of bullying when younger, and I managed my way out of the situation. I'm glad I got that experience as I was proud of my independance and ability to handle others in a difficult situation like that.

Beware of turning our kids into bubble children. There's a fine line where we need to let them look after themselves. Have a look at this passage below. Whilst it doesn't relate specifically to bullying, I think it tuoches on the concept of overly politically correct, protective societies:

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who
> > were
>kids in the 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's or even the early 80's,
>probably shouldn't have survived.
> >
> > Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.
> > We had no childproof lids or locks on medicine bottles, doors, or
>cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.
> > Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking ...
> > As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
>Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special
>treat.
> > We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
> > We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in
> > it,
>but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
> > We shared one soft drink with four friends , from one bottle, and no
> > one
>actually died from this.
> > We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then
> > rode
>down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running
>into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
> >
> > We would leave home in the morning and play all day , as long as we
> > were
>back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day.
>No cell phones. Unthinkable.
> > We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games
> > at
>all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound,
>personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.
> > We had friends ---- we went outside and found them.
> > We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt. We
>fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no
>lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame
>but us. Remember accidents?
> > We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and
> > learned
>to get over it.
> > We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were
> > told
>it would happen, we did not put out any eyes.
> > We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door,
> > or
>rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.
> > Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who
>didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.
> > Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and
>were held back to repeat the same grade. Horrors.
> > Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
> > Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected.
> > The idea of parents bailing us out if we got in trouble in school
> > or
>broke a law was unheard of.
> > They actually sided with the school or the law. Imagine that!
> > This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem
>solvers, and inventors, ever.
> > We had freedom, failure, success, and responsibility --- and we
> > learned
>how to deal with it. And you're one of them.
> > Congratulations.
 
ctbarnes
Posts: 3269
Joined: Thu Mar 30, 2000 2:20 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 6:43 am

Quoting JAGflyer (Reply 21):
Quoting Nordair (Reply 20):
I never told my parents because I was warned they never wanted to hear of any problems involving me or school and that I would be severely punished if they did.

WTF kind of parents did you have? They must have pretty shitty parenting skills if they can say "I will punish you if you tell me about your problems"?

Good God! And I thought I had it bad because my parents simply refused to listen. Was there anyone you could talk to?

Charles, SJ
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
 
greasespot
Topic Author
Posts: 2968
Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2004 10:48 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 6:45 am

The ones that are here survived....HOw many did not...How many are dead becasue they were not so strong. Are we to just toss them away and go with survivial of the fittenst?

While i speak to schools and groups about bullying and violence against women i am having a hard time trying to write out what happened.

For me it is easier to talk aobut than write it......for some reason

GS
Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
 
redngold
Posts: 6686
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2000 12:26 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:01 am

Hell yeah -- and I really mean hell. I was bullied on and off throughout elementary school, but I was able to fend it off relatively easily because I had friends who stood up for me. It wasn't until middle school that things got bad.

In sixth grade, changing schools, my old friends were mostly separated from me through class assignments. I went into the Academically Gifted and Talented (AGT) program while most of my friends went into lower level classes. There was this kid who wasn't AGT but who had other classes with me, especially Tech (aka Shop) and he was ruthless. He finally got his comeuppance one day when he slammed a door in my face to make me late for Tech (lateness meant getting paddled.) Being the awkward kid I was, I slammed face first into the door and got a bloody nose. Another teacher saw me sitting in the hallway, sobbing and bleeding, and tended to me for about fifteen minutes, then walked me to class and told the Tech teacher what had happened. The boy ended up getting paddled, and he didn't bother me after that.

The next year, I moved from Ohio to southern New York (41 miles from New York city) and that's where things got really bad. I didn't have any friends and I made "enemies" right away simply because I was different. I was physically and emotionally assaulted incessantly over the course of about six months. Then I was sexually assaulted by another girl in front of most of my gym classmates (the teacher was in a different room at the time.) I finally told a different teacher about what was going on (my parents didn't believe the abuse was as bad as I said) and that teacher finally helped me get the kids off my back. The damage was done, though. Even though I began making friends, I was constantly fearful and angry for the remaining five years of my middle/high school education, and I constantly obsessed over my inability to make friends or at least have an amicable relationship with the people who had tormented me.

Sometimes I still have nightmares.

On the other hand, I was a bully to at least a few kids. There was only one time when I did it with absolute malice - a kid who teased me a lot and one day I found him alone and beat him up. The rest of the time, I bullied younger kids in marching band, but it was less about putting them down than being a tough marching instructor. I think I felt that since I had to go through some bullying when I started, I was entitled to bully the new members.

By the time I was a senior I had stopped bullying and actually had several ninth and tenth graders who looked up to me for good things - including one who had threatened to beat me up because "you're so good at math and I'm not." I talked her down by offering to tutor her after school (although she never took me up on my offer.) That was the first time I realized that you really could "talk some sense into people."

Having been bullied for a variety of reasons, I've learned to take a step back from my initial impression of others and think about them as human beings who are worthy of respect and God's love. Truly, it was when I first felt God's love in my own heart, that I learned how to see others in that light. It's why I care enough to speak the truth even when it hurts - because I believe there are better things for all of us. It's also why I get tired of seeing the same "bully"-type jabs going on here in the A.net forums.


redngold
Up, up and away!
 
Nordair
Posts: 1080
Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 1:36 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:02 am

Quoting JAGflyer (Reply 21):
WTF kind of parents did you have? They must have pretty shitty parenting skills if they can say "I will punish you if you tell me about your problems"?

Parents who wanted a perfect child. One who caused no fuss or bother. LOL My parents grew up watching "Father Knows Best" and "Leave It To Beaver"...and they had a vision of how families ought to be. They were of the belief that if I had troubles in school, I caused them. Hence, the threat of punishment.

When I was an adult and I did tell them, they were terribly upset. They asked why I never told them about it. So, I reminded them of their oft repeated caution to me. There was silence. Finally my mother said, "We didn't mean it that way." Later, one of my aunts told me that my mother brought up the subject to her. She told me that my parents were very upset and guilty that they never protected me for those years.

Shite happens.  expressionless 
"It is never legitimate to use the words of scripture to promote a loveless agenda." - Right Rev. Dr. Peter Short
 
ACDC8
Posts: 7921
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2005 6:56 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:08 am

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 22):

Excellent post!

Today has way too many University graduates and psychologists (who don't have any kids of their own) running around and inventing new disorders for our children and society. If a child is bullied in school (which I was myself and I dealt with it and I turned out OK) today, instead of finding a solution, it's just a lot easier to label the child with a disorder, sending him/her to therapy and pump him/her up with medication.
A Grumpy German Is A Sauerkraut
 
Nordair
Posts: 1080
Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 1:36 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:11 am

Quoting Greasespot (Reply 24):
The ones that are here survived....HOw many did not...How many are dead becasue they were not so strong. Are we to just toss them away and go with survivial of the fittenst?

While i speak to schools and groups about bullying and violence against women i am having a hard time trying to write out what happened.

For me it is easier to talk aobut than write it......for some reason

GS

It is easier to talk about than write. Here, it is not an option. LOL

There seems to be just as much bullying in schools today than there ever was. And I am quite sure there are MANY on A.net that firmly believe only the most fit deserve to survive. Bollocks. Because of my experience, I have made it well known to my cousins that if they ever are subjected to bullying, fear, intimidation, etc., they are to come to me if they don't feel they can go to their parents. I'll be damned if I allow them to be treated the way I was.
"It is never legitimate to use the words of scripture to promote a loveless agenda." - Right Rev. Dr. Peter Short
 
jamesbuk
Posts: 3712
Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 11:52 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:13 am

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 22):
KiwiinOz

i know exactly what your saying im 14 and a year ago where i live there was a construction site but they only dug up all the dirt and left for a couple of months well of course me and my m8s adopted this and we spent all 10 weeks of summer holiday there it the best time ive had with my mates we had ston wars were we threw stones at each other fro ma distance and we got a car seat and rode down a 30 foot near vertical slope thats alot more fun than a playstation game


also no i dont get bullied in school i get called skinny but im used to it and i dont class it as bullying

[Edited 2005-11-06 23:14:09]
You cant have your cake and eat it... What the hells the point in having it then!!!
 
redngold
Posts: 6686
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2000 12:26 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:15 am

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 22):



Quoting ACDC8 (Reply 27):

With all due respect, there is a difference between good rough-and-tumble, let's-get-dirty playground activity and getting teased and beaten up over and over again for no good reason.

I agree that we've passed into an age of blame-game and overprotection, but when a child has nightmares and dreads going to school because of ill treatment, there's a real problem that should be addressed.


redngold
Up, up and away!
 
greasespot
Topic Author
Posts: 2968
Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2004 10:48 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:18 am

I still have not told my parents what i went through....It has poisoned the relationship i have with them. I have not seen them in over 4 years. While they are not to blame what happened to me i learned to withdraw and it just went down from there...
GS
Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
 
redngold
Posts: 6686
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2000 12:26 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:23 am

Quoting Greasespot (Reply 31):

You need to tell them, even if you can only bear to say a little at a time. That's what I've done. When my mom was in town two weeks ago, I confirmed what had been a worst fear:

Me: "I didn't tell you what was going on because I thought you would say it was my fault and that *I* needed to change."
Mom: "You're probably right. I probably would have told you to change, because we all have to make some changes to get along with other people."
Me: "I was hoping you wouldn't say that."
Mom: "You know I'm not perfect. I would have tried to help you the best way I could, which is to help you grow up in to a better person. I don't think any of us believed it would be as hard for you as it was."

Strangely, I found it comforting to hear her say that. I don't have to think as much about the what-ifs and what-could-have-beens.


redngold
Up, up and away!
 
ACDC8
Posts: 7921
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2005 6:56 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:27 am

Quoting Redngold (Reply 30):
With all due respect, there is a difference between good rough-and-tumble, let's-get-dirty playground activity and getting teased and beaten up over and over again for no good reason.

Personally, I was picked on and bullied all day, everyday in school. I hated school. I got to school an hour early and hung out in the library until the bell rang, then I would do they same at lunch and afterschool, it was my only means of escape. But I had to go, I had no choice. I had bad dreams, I still do, but that's part of life.

Parents today are just looking for the easy way out with raising their kids. If a child cries, kicks and screams it's easier to put on the TV for them to keep them quiet as opposed to talking to them or sending them to their room without dessert (you can't do that today because you'd be accused of neglect).

It's the same thing with being bullied and picked on school. It's alot easier to say the child has some syndrome, fill them full of drugs and be done with it instead of talking to your child, going down to the school and talking to the principal/teachers or even talking to the parents of the other children involved.
A Grumpy German Is A Sauerkraut
 
kiwiinoz
Posts: 2000
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:07 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:50 am

This was in the news this morning. So we're on a very topical subject...


http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=70725

And she turned out as a well balanced, rational individual........
 
ctbarnes
Posts: 3269
Joined: Thu Mar 30, 2000 2:20 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:50 am

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 22):
How much are we meant to form a bubble of protection around our kids? I copped a bit of bullying when younger, and I managed my way out of the situation. I'm glad I got that experience as I was proud of my independance and ability to handle others in a difficult situation like that.

Beware of turning our kids into bubble children. There's a fine line where we need to let them look after themselves. Have a look at this passage below. Whilst it doesn't relate specifically to bullying, I think it tuoches on the concept of overly politically correct, protective societies:

Everyone handles these situations differently. Some are able to make it through relatively unscathed, others, depending on how pervasive it was, and how much support they received (I had almost none), left them emotionally, psychologically and sometimes physically damaged. Yes, I do consider myself a victim of abuse since the treatment I received both at home and at school left me feeling isolated, alone and unloved; not even by my family.

I was not a "bubble child," and I agree that being so is ultimately counterproductive. Yet all I wanted was for my parents to listen to my plight. Instead all I got was grief about fooling around, watching TV and not trying in school (I was diagnosed with ADD only two years ago) or on the rare occasions I did say something, I would get a lecture from my parents that I should try and get along better, in other words, it was all my fault.

Through some pretty heavy duty psychotherapy over the last couple of years I have been able to come to terms with what happened. I am more confident now and have a 100% better self-image.

Being overprotective is not the answer. Parents and teachers who address bullying head-on and letting it be known that sort of behavior will not be tolerated, and most importantly FOLLOW THROUGH with promised actions to stop it just might.

Charles, SJ
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
 
ScarletHarlot
Posts: 4251
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2003 12:15 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 8:26 am

Yes, me too.

I was a smart, plump, nerdy kid with bad skin and a big overbite. Of course I was bullied.

I guess I developed a sense of superiority and felt like I was better than those who bullied me. I knew that they'd end up nowhere and I'd go places. It was really bad from about grade 7 through 10. Hellish years.

I did get some support from my parents. My mom had been a 'different' kid too and knew what it was like to be the outcast and so could relate.

Things got better in about grade 11 and then it was like entering a dream world when I went off to university. 10,000 geeks like me? I'm there!  Smile

Funny, I just spent the weekend at the curling club and felt so accepted and loved. I am now confident in myself and enjoy being around all kinds of people. There's a guy at our club who is a big bully and who has harassed one of my good friends. I'm just waiting for him to do something in front of me. I cannot wait to let him have it.

Redngold, Ctbarnes, Nordair, Smithair - I'm horrified at all your stories. How awful!

It is true that going through shit like that makes us stronger, but no child should have to go through the crap we all went through.
But that was when I ruled the world
 
USAFHummer
Posts: 10261
Joined: Thu May 18, 2000 12:22 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 8:29 am

I was bullied too, but Im not bothered by it as odds are I'll never see any of those who victimized me again, as no one else from my class goes here and I have no plans to attend any HS reunions, so life goes on...college is definitely a breath of fresh air, that's for sure...

Greg
Chief A.net college football stadium self-pic guru
 
Aviation
Posts: 1110
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 9:28 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 8:33 am

Quoting Thorben (Reply 1):
I was, too. But when I look at where I am now and where they are now

Same here  Wink
Even now in yr11 they all have droped out.
Not one person that "bullied" me stayed  Smile

But, I was never really harrased just put down sometimes,
It must be very hard for the people that get harrased  Sad



Cheers,
Signed, Aaron Nicoli - Trans World Airlines Collector
 
kiwiinoz
Posts: 2000
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:07 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 8:43 am

Quoting Greasespot (Reply 24):
The ones that are here survived....HOw many did not...How many are dead becasue they were not so strong. Are we to just toss them away and go with survivial of the fittenst?

Good question. Would be interesting to know the answer. I guess the question is, when we hand kids a greater level of responsibility, do we eventually end up with a bigger pool of "fittest"?

THe reality is, kids can be cruel. This is because they are not mentally developed enough to have a strong sense of empathy. They're in it for themselves!!

I guess the solution is to equip people with as many tools and information to handle the situation. If someone has a couple of attempts to resolve the situation first before en-listing outside help then they feel a bit better about themselves as they have had a crack at it.

Most bullying isn't physical, so I guess it's a case of giving someone the confidence to deflect any negative attention.
 
Nordair
Posts: 1080
Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 1:36 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 8:49 am

Happily, the old saying "Living well is the best revenge" is quite true.  Smile
"It is never legitimate to use the words of scripture to promote a loveless agenda." - Right Rev. Dr. Peter Short
 
StevenUhl777
Posts: 3281
Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2001 11:02 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 12:05 pm

Quoting Nordair (Reply 40):
Happily, the old saying "Living well is the best revenge" is quite true.

  

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 36):
I guess I developed a sense of superiority and felt like I was better than those who bullied me. I knew that they'd end up nowhere and I'd go places. It was really bad from about grade 7 through 10. Hellish years.

I did get some support from my parents. My mom had been a 'different' kid too and knew what it was like to be the outcast and so could relate.

Things got better in about grade 11 and then it was like entering a dream world when I went off to university.

Wow...exactly the same happened for me as well! We have a lot in common on this overall subject.

As for me, when I was growing up south of SFO, I was teased by the two kids nextdoor and they never let me play with them unless no one else was around. Since I have big ears, I was always called "Ernie" (from Sesame St.). and these a-holes got everyone else in school to call me that, too. The worst part is that their parents looked down on my parents because they didn't have a college degree, so they allowed it to happen by turning a deaf ear and walked the other way and pretended nothing was wrong when my Mom tried to do something about it. Scumbags. We got the last laugh, because my parents had paid for that house in full and when we moved, we got a much nicer house on a lot more land near PDX. Plus, my parents retired early. I did really well in school, and am now going for an MBA. I talked to a shrink about two years ago now about everything, and he asked me if there was any way I could forgive them. Hell, no! But, I must say that at the time, the two kids probably didn't know any better, so I put the blame squarely on the loser parents, who SHOULD have known better.

I was also put down by women in junior high, too. There was this one gal who I really was in love with (still am, in a way) and was trying to impress her. Anyway, this one b--tch noticed and with no one else around, told me that I was ugly and that I shouldn't even bother and that no girl would look at me. That was REALLY devastating, and not knowing any better, I believed her and gave up on women for a long time after that. I just didn't give a shit anymore. When I was in college, there was this guy down the hall from me who had this really hot girlfriend (she was killer in a bikini guys, trust me..) and he thought I was looking at her too long, despite the fact others were too. Anyway, he came down to my room and pushed me against my closet door and threatened to kill me. That hurt my confidence with women even more, and to this day it's really hard for me to approach and talk to women I'm interested in. Anyway, that loser (and the guy who ratted on me) ended up dropping out of or transferring from Willamette U., and I graduated from there in 4 years. Again, I got the last laugh.

Anyway...I agree with a lot of what has been said about the best way to get even is to rise above it and live well, but at the same time, it's a struggle to forget that it ever happened and left any impact. Because it does. Bottom line is that people are scumbags to one another for the most part, often for no good f-ing reason at all. What to do about it? Well...awareness in schools nowadays is a great step and I'm glad to see it. I for one do feel like I'm better off from the experience, and like Scarlot, I definitely feel superior to my adversaries. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... 

Thanks for reading and letting me share my experiences.  

[Edited 2005-11-07 04:29:27]
And the winner for best actress is....REESE WITHERSPOON for 'Walk the Line'!!!!!!!!
 
wobbles
Posts: 148
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:40 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 4:14 pm

We usually don't see it folks, but Karma is real, the bullies eventually get theirs in some way.
 
MD11Engineer
Posts: 13899
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 5:25 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 4:24 pm

Quoting Jwenting (Reply 9):
Always.
I was the small kid with glasses who was good in math and science and poor at sports.

In other words I was everything that gets people bullied rolled into a single nice package.

I was the same.

Quoting Vafi88 (Reply 15):
I'm not the instigator, I'm the finisher

I started growing quite a bit in late puberty and became more secure and began to fight back with realistic chances of doing some damage to the bully, though I discovered that bullies usually have their gang of admirers, who will throw in a kick or hold you while the bully punches you (or the stronger bully will hold you and llow one of his buddies you could normally beat easily give you a beating). I also discovered that by now I left all bullies professionally long behind me.
My motto: If you don't like me, fine, just leave me alone and I'll leave you alone.
Due to this bullying I learned to be selfdependend and not to give a sh#t about what other people I don't care about, think about me (though i care very much about what people I like or love think about me).

Jan
Je Suis Charlie et je suis Ahmet aussi
 
us330
Posts: 3506
Joined: Tue Aug 08, 2000 7:00 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 4:43 pm

"I was not a particularly good student, was crap at sports and found it very hard to fit in because I was socially awkward. Going to five different schools (not including high school) did not help either.

After a lot of hard work I've been able to overcome the damage, but it took quite a lot of time, particularly as I had to admit to myself the damage that was done."

Sounds sort of like me, except I was a good student (and still am), and was at the same school for 12 years. I was extremely small and easily intimidated. Plus, I started to hit adolescence, the twin terrors of social anxiety (read: panic attacks) and depression started to make their mark, which made me stand out quite a bit, since I wasn't at the stage of my life where I knew how to effectively deal or cope with the issues or feelings that I had, so some of my behavior was understandably somewhat abnormal. But some of those instances of bullying were definitely traumatic, and had longer lasting effects on me and my behavior, some of which (five, six years later) I am just now starting to get over

By the way, if anybody who thinks that depression is just a made up disease and doesn't actually exist, please contact me. Other than being picked on in high school, I have no reason to be depressed. I am at a great school, I have a very close and supportive family who would do anything for me, I am a smart kid with tons of potential, yet I have always exhibited the classic, universally recognized symptoms of depression. And, for those of you who might I think I enjoy wallowing in self-pity, I don't. I hate having depression because I hate how it makes me feel, and what it does to me, and would like nothing more than waking up tomorrow and not having to deal with it ever again.
 
Aviation
Posts: 1110
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 9:28 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:05 pm

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 36):
Yes, me too.

I was a smart, plump, nerdy kid with bad skin and a big overbite. Of course I was bullied.

You Scarlet...Wow
You are like a legend here  Smile

I am so happy for you, good going girl!  Smile



Cheers,
Signed, Aaron Nicoli - Trans World Airlines Collector
 
jap
Posts: 2196
Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2005 7:25 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 8:13 pm

I was. Pretty severely too- for a total of 9 years (you have to go to school is 10 years here- the rest is up to you). Telling the teachers helped nada, and they couldn't really do anything as the really rough "bullying" (if you can even call it that- I call it assaults) went on outside the school area. My classmates used to wait outside the schoolgrounds and then beat me into a pulp when I had to go home. Telling the police didn't help either as they were pretty good at leaving no or very little bruises (= no proof).

Of course they're the ones having problems, but that's no excuse- I've learned from these experiences now, and I'm A LOT stronger than what I used to be. I'm afraid to say that it has left scars though. But they're healing  Smile
Scandinavian chick with a scandinavian horse- oh yeah! :D
 
MD11Engineer
Posts: 13899
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 5:25 am

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 8:35 pm

Maybe the bullying I experience back then is one reason for my interest in weaponry, let it be firearms or edged weapons. Having been physically relatively weak back then (and often the bullies were those who failed already once or several times in school and had to repeat classes, thus they were usually older, bigger and stronger than the rest of us), I was forced to arm myself (back then with a home made but very effective pepper spray, I liked chemistry class a lot, and a lead filled short cudgel) as "equalisers".

Jan
Je Suis Charlie et je suis Ahmet aussi
 
Aviation
Posts: 1110
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 9:28 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 8:40 pm

Sad to hear that Jap,

I hope you recover as quickly as possible  indifferent 




Cheers,
Signed, Aaron Nicoli - Trans World Airlines Collector
 
jwenting
Posts: 9973
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2001 10:12 pm

RE: Bullied In School

Mon Nov 07, 2005 9:09 pm

Quoting AirbusA346 (Reply 17):
Thats just like me, but the thing is I still am bullied.

It will never stop completely, but it will get less.
Over time it will develop into you finding it harder to get a job (trust me in this) because you don't look like an army recruitment poster or a fashion model.
It's no surprise that of the entire management team of the company I now work all but one are relatively short of stature and heavily built. It was the same in almost every other job I've ever had.
Companies where the people responsible for recruitment are athletic and tall, I never made it past the first interview despite them being almost universally enthousiastic about my abilities and credentials.

In university you get a temporary reprieve as you'll be in an environment where the students and teachers actually go BECAUSE of those academic interests.
I wish I were flying

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: marcelh and 21 guests

Popular Searches On Airliners.net

Top Photos of Last:   24 Hours  •  48 Hours  •  7 Days  •  30 Days  •  180 Days  •  365 Days  •  All Time

Military Aircraft Every type from fighters to helicopters from air forces around the globe

Classic Airliners Props and jets from the good old days

Flight Decks Views from inside the cockpit

Aircraft Cabins Passenger cabin shots showing seat arrangements as well as cargo aircraft interior

Cargo Aircraft Pictures of great freighter aircraft

Government Aircraft Aircraft flying government officials

Helicopters Our large helicopter section. Both military and civil versions

Blimps / Airships Everything from the Goodyear blimp to the Zeppelin

Night Photos Beautiful shots taken while the sun is below the horizon

Accidents Accident, incident and crash related photos

Air to Air Photos taken by airborne photographers of airborne aircraft

Special Paint Schemes Aircraft painted in beautiful and original liveries

Airport Overviews Airport overviews from the air or ground

Tails and Winglets Tail and Winglet closeups with beautiful airline logos