Have you ever taken Route 81 from the NYS Thruway, throught the Delaware Water Gap, to New York City? Imagine driving all day, having to take the worst piss of your life. I mean, your bladder is stretching and little squirts keep going into your tidy whities. The agony of holding it is like a cake fork piercing your urethra. All you can think of is getting of at the next exit to open the firehose.
Just when you think you're gonna let go, an oasis of city lights rising from the blackness of the Pocono foothills... your salvation is nigh. Then you seem the sign. "Scranton, next exit."
And you keep driving and hold it in a little longer.
Scranton-Wilkes Barre, you see, is a grimy little fire hazard of a city laid out in a long, narrow valley. It's home to such attractions as "The Anthracite Museum," and "Girls, exit 12A, 15mi." There used to be maineline air service to SWB, until the airlines wised up.
Photo © Yasir Raja
The busy tarmac at Scranton-Wilkes Barre International Airport, soon to be served by Emirates
Now, there's nothing to do in that coal-less coal-mining town but watch the AAA farmclub of the Philadelphia Phillies (who, for christ's sake dont ask me why, play in a replica of now-demolished Veteran's Stadium, the most hated park in the game).
The beautiful and classic home of the SWB Red Barons
Other than the ball game, there's, um, let's see, the Scranton Philharmonic Orchestra, which just learned The Chicken Dance, so it's interactive fun. They just colored in the main exhibit at the Art Museum, and the city is regularly visited by such musical greats as Vic Damone, Bowser from Sha-Na-Na, and Roxette. Other than these activities, there's little to do in scranton but go bobbing for french fries at the nearest Long John Silver's.
Had Dante known about Scranton, he would have included it in his book. Unfortunately, even Hell has limits to its residents' suffering.
Scranton-Wilkes Barre Pennsylvania. Feel free to pile on!
[Edited 2005-12-06 20:03:55]
[Edited 2005-12-06 20:09:21]