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jafa39
Topic Author
Posts: 4320
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New Zealand Declares War!

Sat Apr 01, 2006 5:51 pm

Today, Helen Clark Prime Minister of New Zealand, citing a breakdown of diplomatic relations has declared war on Tasmania.

All flights to Tasmania have been suspended and embassy staff have been recalled.

Speaking in today's NZ Herald Ms Clark said:

There have been issues developing over unfair import-export tarrifs, NZ products, notably Orchard Crops and Ponsonby Pies are subject to an inflationary tax but we have become a dumping ground for Mrs Macs Pies and a variety of inferior but cheaper Orchard products, yet we have Kiwi Fruit withering on the vine here in Napier.

HMNZS Te Mana, recently refitted after serving as a relay staion in Iraq has been despatched to Hobart as the spearhead of an expeditionary force.


I will keep you all informed as this story unfolds, it is unlikely that the US will become involved. Little old NZ eh? Who'd have thought it???

[Edited 2006-04-01 09:55:27]
We, the undersigned, do hereby consent.....
 
9VSPO
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Sat Apr 01, 2006 5:56 pm

 wave 

Happy April fools day!  Wink
 
Brendan03
Posts: 928
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Sat Apr 01, 2006 6:05 pm

Damnit, I've been trying to declare war on Tasmania for the past 5 years.

Damn Kiwis always stealing my ideas!!! *shakes fist*
Coolier than thou.
 
QANTASforever
Posts: 5791
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2001 6:03 am

RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Sat Apr 01, 2006 6:10 pm

Quoting Jafa39 (Thread starter):
Today, Helen Clark Prime Minister of New Zealand, citing a breakdown of diplomatic relations has declared war on Tasmania.

Aww, isn't that sweet.

Bless them.

They'll sleep well tonight!

Remember, no dessert for Mr Crankypants!

QFF
Fighting for the glory of the Australian Republic.
 
ZKSUJ
Posts: 6886
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Sat Apr 01, 2006 9:33 pm

Yeah lets go bomb them RNZAF style

Fly the C130s over and get some troops to throw rocks out the back.  Wink Big grin
 
ba747yyz
Posts: 371
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Mon Apr 03, 2006 9:10 am

Great, i didn't know war could be declared on a state, instead of a country, but if NZ were to win i would be amazed.
 
bill142
Posts: 7867
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Tue Apr 04, 2006 1:15 pm

Quoting BA747YYZ (Reply 5):
Great, i didn't know war could be declared on a state, instead of a country, but if NZ were to win i would be amazed

Tas have a secret wepon. It involves a leash, an AK47 and a convict.
 
777ER
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Tue Apr 04, 2006 4:28 pm

For a minute as I read the title I was like, aye, what the hell........since when.
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VH-KCT*
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Tue Apr 04, 2006 5:00 pm

Update on the war...

RNZAF C130s armed with open cargo door and food aid easily overpowered the Tasmanians, the 757s came in after to finish of the job with a flyby, the Tasmanians with their bottles of Cascade Premium and apples were no match.There were injuries on the Tasmanian side numbering in the hundreds, luckily it was contained to only 1 family.

After Helen Clark landed in Hobart, she felt right at home in the frigid arctic weather until she realised that the only difference to home was that there was no skiing, just freezing air and mud. So she headed straight for the airport, only there aren't any full service airlines flying from Hobart anymore due to earlier strategic failures by the New Zealanders.

She's currently set up HQ in Salamanca Market (the only other famous Tasmanian place that I can think of) and is formulating a plan to revert the island to it's previous name: Veen Deemens Leend.
I am The Stig
 
QANTASforever
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Tue Apr 04, 2006 6:00 pm

In related news, Prime Minister Helen Clark has just signed a non-agression pact with the Hutt River Province Principality.

QFF
Fighting for the glory of the Australian Republic.
 
jafa39
Topic Author
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Tue Apr 04, 2006 7:07 pm

Quoting VH-KCT* (Reply 8):
luckily it was contained to only 1 family

You baaaad!!!
We, the undersigned, do hereby consent.....
 
VH-KCT*
Posts: 435
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Tue Apr 04, 2006 8:03 pm

Not sure if this is true, but AAP are reporting that there are rumours a peace plan may be struck. Sources close to the Government are quoted as saying that Australia may cede control of Tasmania to New Zealand on the condition that New Zealand returns to Australia spiritual ownership of Crowded House.

Also, has anybody heard if Dr. Harry made it out alive? If not could he be included in this peace plan?
I am The Stig
 
windshear
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Tue Apr 04, 2006 8:05 pm

Do I sense just a faint whif of seriousness in this april fool prank?  Wink

Boaz.
"If you believe breaking is possible, believe in fixing also"-Rebbe Nachman
 
isuA380B777
Posts: 166
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Tue Apr 04, 2006 8:10 pm

Quoting VH-KCT* (Reply 8):
RNZAF C130s armed with open cargo door and food aid easily overpowered the Tasmanians, the 757s came in after to finish of the job with a flyby, the Tasmanians with their bottles of Cascade Premium and apples were no match.There were injuries on the Tasmanian side numbering in the hundreds, luckily it was contained to only 1 family.

Man... this made my day Big grin
 
SpinalTap
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Tue Apr 04, 2006 8:33 pm

Keith Locke, Green Party Foreign affairs spokesperson offered conditional support for the invasion, “As long as a puppet Soviet regime can be established and the Americans are kept out we will support the Clark government”. Locke also commented on the weapons used “The Green Party was particularly pleased that the government decided to use organic apples in the attack".
"I get what they call a stipend, a stipend is like money but its such as small amount they don't really call it money"
 
isuA380B777
Posts: 166
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Tue Apr 04, 2006 8:36 pm

hmm.. All u guys and gals who voted Helen, National, Greens.... etc .NOW SUFFER.

That is why I didnt vote any one 

[Edited 2006-04-04 13:39:56]
 
bill142
Posts: 7867
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Tue Apr 04, 2006 9:04 pm

Helen Clark is planning a strategic operation move Mt. Wellington from its current location in Hobart to its rightful home after of Wellington after its theft by Tasmainia in the early 1900's.
 
jafa39
Topic Author
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Wed Apr 05, 2006 5:54 am

News just in:

"Peace talks between NZ and Tasmania broke down this morning in a dramatic turn of events, accord had almost been reached when a last minute motion was tabled regrading the true origins of the Pavlova"

Said our corresponent.

Ms Clarke and her entourage swept out of the apple-proof bunker and returned to Te Mana.

A number of long range Boeing 777 bombers were seen circling over Hobart.

The situation has been desrcibed as "Tense".
We, the undersigned, do hereby consent.....
 
QANTASforever
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Wed Apr 05, 2006 8:51 am

In further developments:

WASHINGTON D.C. (AP) -- President George W. Bush announced a comprehensive military and intelligence support package for Australia's war against New Zealand, and declared his intention to outlaw any and all copies of "The Lord of the Rings" on DVD within the United States - stripping New Zealand of 45% of its foreign income.

The President, in a rare speech from the White House press room, said of the war: "Heh, New Zealanders hate freedom, you know? Now - I'm from the South, and let me square with y'all - if a man wants to marry his daughter then no nation shall step unto his way."

The President also affirmed his strong relationship with the Australian Prime Minister John Howard, describing him as "...the ghost who walks...". Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld also announced a strategy for what the President calls the "disimpoweraization" of New Zealand. All copies of the "Lord of the Rings" films are to be destroyed, starting a war of attrition that Mr Rumsfeld hopes will "rat em out".

Mr Rumsfeld also announced the positioning of the super-carrier USS Abraham Lincoln near the conflict, just once they worked out where exactly New Zealand and Tasmania were.

--AP
Fighting for the glory of the Australian Republic.
 
bill142
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Wed Apr 05, 2006 11:55 am

In completley unrelated events, Dick Smith annouced a campaign to help Tasmainia by launching his hot airbaloon from New Zealand and travelling westward distribution hundreds of copies of his Funway 1 book, an introductory guide to electronics. Pending successful adoption of electrionics and electrcity, funway 10, a comprehensive guide to Weapons of Mass Destruction, will be destributed, pending of course that the hot air baloon is not taken out by a long range 777 bomber.
 
isuA380B777
Posts: 166
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Wed Apr 05, 2006 5:11 pm

Latest news:

John Howard has declared war against the Auckland Region !! We are now living under ground, trying to protect us from the Australian dive bombers. More news to be up dated
 
bill142
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Wed Apr 05, 2006 7:32 pm

In a retaliatory strike Helen Clark pointed out that John Howard has one eye brow.
 
flyboy36y
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Thu Apr 06, 2006 12:26 am

Boy, you Aussies and New Zealers may not be good at killing each other, but you sure do know how to kill a joke.
 
Greyhound
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Thu Apr 06, 2006 12:48 am

I've got one thing to say about those poor defenseless Tasmanian people...
29th, Let's Go!
 
jafa39
Topic Author
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Fri Apr 07, 2006 8:18 am

Quoting QANTASforever (Reply 18):
"disimpoweraization"

Haha!!! Excellent word ya made up there boy!
We, the undersigned, do hereby consent.....
 
WrenchBender
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Fri Apr 07, 2006 10:12 am

Thanks for a good chuckle, I really enjoyed that.

WrenchBender
Silly Pilot, Tricks are for kids.......
 
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vhqpa
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RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Fri Apr 07, 2006 1:15 pm

Quoting Jafa39 (Thread starter):
All flights to Tasmania have been suspended

lol what flights?


Jason
"There you go ladies and gentleman we're through Mach 1 the speed of sound no bumps no bangs... CONCORDE"
 
bill142
Posts: 7867
Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2004 1:50 pm

RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Fri Apr 07, 2006 3:18 pm

In breaking news, New Zealand have distroyed the Sprit of Tasmainia on 1 2 and 3 occasions in the past few days. The strategic placement of mines in Bass Strait caused their spririts to be sunken on three occasions. As a result, all vehicle transportation between the mainland and Tasmainia has been suspended.
 
QANTASforever
Posts: 5791
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2001 6:03 am

RE: New Zealand Declares War!

Fri Apr 07, 2006 4:12 pm

Quoting Bill142 (Reply 27):
As a result, all vehicle transportation between the mainland and Tasmainia has been suspended.

In a related story, spontaneous erruptions of public joy are being reported from capital cities across the mainland.

QFF
Fighting for the glory of the Australian Republic.

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