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aaden
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A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 1:02 pm

okay here's the deal, I'm a regular at a gym/community center. recently I seem to be talking to various kids on his swim team ages ranging from 8-14. Over time we have become friends. They seem to think it's funny to annoy me i.e run up and ask for hugs throw soap at me and test my patience in other such ways. They also like to move my stuff from one locker to another. I kinda retaliate by threatening them a little bit I.e I'm gonna kick your ass and kill you kinda thing. a little bit of rough housing. Nothing serious they understand that I am joking. I have no problem whatsoever with them horsing around and just being kids. Today i had two of the kids tell me that he either hates me or has told a parent that I am a bad influence. I do not have any idea who he has said this two but I am sure of about at least two kids and one parent. I suspect he has told alot more though.
I barely know the coach I've had 1 conversation with him and only know him from seeing him around.


The problem is I am a soccer coach at a high school and soon to be with a club team of all ages. I do not get paid for it, but will receive that opportunity in the fall. Being that I am a young unproven coach, I do not appreciate him voicing a negative opinion about me to his team or the parents.
I have a problem with it because I do not need kids, parents, or anyone involved with youth soccer in Colorado thinking I am a bad influence. It will affect my ability to get a coaching job. I enjoy coaching and would really like to continue to do it.

my question is what do I do about this? I realise I need to talk to the man, but what exactly should I say to him.
any help would be appreciated

I am 19 years old
 
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Aeroflot777
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 1:26 pm

Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
I'm gonna kick your ass and kill you kinda thing. a little bit of rough housing. Nothing serious they understand that I am joking.



Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
Today i had two of the kids tell me that he either hates me or has told a parent that I am a bad influence.

 Yeah sure

To prevent them from moving your things around, put a lock on your locker.

As for the rest of the problems... stay away from the kids. They aren't your age group and you shouldn't be horsing around with them. As the saying goes... "Pick someone your own size".

Aeroflot777
 
zotan
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 1:31 pm

Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
I'm gonna kick your ass and kill you kinda thing.

And your how many years older than them???

I don't know the whole story, but that comment towards 8-14yr olds is uncalled for. Maybe your "rough housing" wen't a little too far ...
 
S12PPL
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 1:35 pm

I coach/officiate youth sports around this area. I've coached since I got out of high school. I've had a few kids on teams over the years that like the same thing. They look up to you as the adult, and just want you to think they're cool. I've never had this situation that you're going through happen, though...At least that I know of. The only thing I know of parents not "liking me", is as the referee. Usually from basketball. Some parents think you do a shitty job, and get the opinion that you are a bad person.


As for this coach, I'd suggest that you go talk to the guy. I'd lead off with a friendly hello and a hand shake with a smile. Ask how he's doing, etc. Then I'd just come out with it. I'd probably say something like "Hey...I've heard from some people that you think I'm a bad influence on the kids you have on your swim team that I horse around with...Is that true?" I wouldn't say you heard it from the kids. He may take it out on them....And then the kids would get confused, etc. If he denies it, I'd just finish with "Good..I'm glad it was just a mis-understanding. The last thing I'd want, is for you or their parents to think that I'm a bad person. I'm also glad we're ok. I'd hate to jeopardise your relationship with the kids or parents."

Put him on the spot, and make him defend himself, without going after him. If you do it this way, he really only has one thing to do, and that's deny it, or acknowlage it. If he says he has said that, I'd ask why he feels that way, or what he's seen you say or do that would justify that accusation.

Hope this helps!
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aaden
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 1:51 pm

Quoting Aeroflot777 (Reply 1):

It's kinda of a game they play. They move my stuff around and stuff and I give him a smack on the back to the head.

Quoting ZOTAN (Reply 2):
And your how many years older than them???

I don't know the whole story, but that comment towards 8-14yr olds is uncalled for. Maybe your "rough housing" wen't a little too far ...



*YOUR AD HERE*

I don't belleive I've even come close to hurting them nor would I want to.


but I see your point as far as the comments go.


thanxs for the advice
 
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Aeroflot777
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 1:59 pm

Quoting AAden (Reply 4):
It's kinda of a game they play. They move my stuff around and stuff and I give him a smack on the back to the head.

That's not the type of behavior you should be showing them. Seriously dude. I understand that you mean no harm. But when it comes to 8-14 year olds, your acting just like them. And the comments like "killing you" are most definitely misplaced. I'd making a friendly suggestion to lay off those!

Aeroflot777
 
aaden
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 2:06 pm

Quoting Aeroflot777 (Reply 5):
That's not the type of behavior you should be showing them. Seriously dude. I understand that you mean no harm. But when it comes to 8-14 year olds, your acting just like them. And the comments like "killing you" are most definitely misplaced. I'd making a friendly suggestion to lay off those!

Aeroflot777

alright thanks
 
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pwm2txlhopper
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 2:39 pm

Quoting AAden (Thread starter):

The problem is I am a soccer coach at a high school and soon to be with a club team of all ages. I do not get paid for it, but will receive that opportunity in the fall. Being that I am a young unproven coach, I do not appreciate him voicing a negative opinion about me to his team or the parents.
I have a problem with it because I do not need kids, parents, or anyone involved with youth soccer in Colorado thinking I am a bad influence. It will affect my ability to get a coaching job. I enjoy coaching and would really like to continue to do it.

my question is what do I do about this? I realise I need to talk to the man, but what exactly should I say to him.
any help would be appreciated

I am 19 years old

At least these kids didn't say that you were touching them.... yet! Perhaps, you should should distance yourself from them before you bring more serious problems on yourself. You haven't been urinating in the pool have you? Maybe that could be the real reason they deem you a bad influence?

[Edited 2007-01-09 06:42:38]
 
aaden
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 3:09 pm

Quoting PWM2TXLHopper (Reply 7):
At least these kids didn't say that you were touching them.... yet! Perhaps, you should should distance yourself from them before you bring more serious problems on yourself. You haven't been urinating in the pool have you? Maybe that could be the real reason they deem you a bad influence?

i don't believe the kids had anything to do with the complaints.


And I do not pee in the pool

[Edited 2007-01-09 07:09:48]
 
777ER
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 4:03 pm

Personally I'm not surprised about the problems your now having. I've worked with kids, cared and lived with kids aged 5-18 for 2 and half months last year and from October last year once a week for about two hours with the ages 3-12. I know that giving them threats like that, even if its just a joke, is totally wrong and it can get you into trouble with their parents/coach and the police. How does a death threat charge sound? Kids under the age of 12, especially the younger ones might not know that its just a joke, especially when you get angry while saying it to me. Yes having kids always coming upto you and giving you hugs or moving your things can get annoying, trust me its happened to me many times over the last year, can get annoying, BUT IT DOESNT give you the right to threaten them like that. Don't be surprised that this is happening now.
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aaden
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 4:10 pm

Quoting 777ER (Reply 9):
Yes having kids always coming upto you and giving you hugs or moving your things can get annoying, trust me its happened to me many times over the last year, can get annoying, BUT IT DOESNT give you the right to threaten them like that. Don't be surprised that this is happening now.

ooh it's not annoying... well it is but I'm fine with it their just doing what kids do.

they know I am joking about threatening them and stuff. It's not a problem with them. There coach seems to be telling people that I am a bad infulence.

I beleive he or they might be misinterpiting my actions I was wondering what do I say to him?

I will stop with the threats.
 
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 4:58 pm

Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
my question is what do I do about this? I realise I need to talk to the man, but what exactly should I say to him.
any help would be appreciated

You're older than the kids on his team. Grow a couple of balls, go ask him what is up. And of course never admit to any wrong doing, place the blame on the kids.
Just show some concern that they could be starting shit.

Ask this Coach what he has been saying about you and of course tell this Coach that it is not in his business to be saying anything about *you* to anybody since you and he do not know each other and he is not there.

Basically -- distance yourself from this as much as possible.
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 6:04 pm

Quoting AAden (Reply 10):
they know I am joking about threatening them and stuff. It's not a problem with them.

Just remember that you were once a kid also (I know that may sound scary), and you might remember then when you were younger and someone threatened you like that, you may have been scared and you might not have knowen that it was only a joke. It all depends on the age of the kids thou, but some kids even at the age of 12 get scared still. Even if the kids say, it doesn't bother, deep down they could be scared of you, but don't show it when your around.

If your going to talk to kids like that, then you seriously need to take a very long look at yourself and ask yourself why. You want to coach soccer to kids right? Well you might as well kiss that goodbye because of the threats. Things like that really get around and sooner rather then later it is going to come back and haunt you. If your going to be around kids, then you need to learn and REMEMBER that they are only kids and kids do those type of things. Since I've started to work with kids, the kids that I've worked with now trust me with respect and one or two of them now look upto me as their role models, all because I treat them with the respect that kids their age deserve, even thou sometimes I need to tell them off (which I will add I hate doing). I don't threaten them or do anything like that, and now the parents know that the kids are safe with me, and they think its wicked that their kids like me (even thou I don't think its wicked that they jump on me heaps). When heaps of the kids see me, they are happy and others wish that they could see me more. I've earnt the parents and the kids respect and that is something that you should have done, except IMHO you choose to threaten them. I know this sounds harsh, but I'm giving you advice on what I know is true, because like I said I have been there and done that
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 9:53 pm

Perhaps the coach has observed you 'rough housing' and 'threatening' the kids when you didn't know he was lookng...whatever.

The kids look to you as an adult. Act like one.
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Tue Jan 09, 2007 10:04 pm

Don't worry about the Troublesome Minority.If the Majority hate you then its a problem to be solved.
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 1:40 am

Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
They seem to think it's funny to annoy me i.e run up and ask for hugs throw soap at me and test my patience in other such ways. They also like to move my stuff from one locker to another. I kinda retaliate by threatening them a little bit I.e I'm gonna kick your ass and kill you kinda thing. a little bit of rough housing. Nothing serious they understand that I am joking. I have no problem whatsoever with them horsing around and just being kids.

-
While it to some extent may be accurate what "Aeroflot..." tells you, that you do a bit too much in this, and while it also is clear that you have to buy a lock to lock your belongings, you should at the other hand not get into a kind of panic. What however IS required, in view of you stating that """ barely know the coach I've had 1 conversation with him and only know him from seeing him around """ , clearly is that you improve your relationship with him. Invite him to a beer, tell him that some of HIS trainees also might be interested in football ("soccer" in your place) and maybe some of YOUR trainees in organized swimming, and generally establish what I regard as a normal relationship among sports-coaches. Sports-coaches should under NO circumstances work against each other but WITH each other !
 
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 1:53 am

Quoting PWM2TXLHopper (Reply 7):
At least these kids didn't say that you were touching them.... yet!

Oh yeah? How about this?

Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
ask for hugs

I'll give you an ironclad guarantee that no matter his intentions, hugging a 13 year old boy in swimming trunks is going to be seen as inappropriate. I'd knock that off two years ago or even sooner! I cannot emphasize that strongly enough. Even if it is as innocent as he describes it is GOING TO lead to trouble for him.

Try to see it from the parents point of view. Your opinion of this aside, there are dads out there who are not comfortable hugging their own sons after a certain age.
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:04 am

Quoting SlamClick (Reply 16):
hugging a 13 year old boy in swimming trunks is going to be seen as inappropriate

which is the understatement of the week ! I would say it may be interpreted as a hint towards "leanings" .
 
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:13 am

Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 14):
Don't worry about the Troublesome Minority.If the Majority hate you then its a problem to be solved.
regds
MEL

lol, you really got this one right hawk. so you need to find out if the majority hates you, if they dont, then its not a problem, just like hawk is saying. sometimes the best knowledge comes from the east.
 
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:22 am

Quoting Jessedachipo (Reply 18):
lol, you really got this one right hawk.

Maybe in some other country. Bad advice for the US and some other countries I could name.

Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
ages ranging from 8-14.



Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
ask for hugs



Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
throw soap at me

In the shower? It needs to be asked!

Then this:

Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
I am 19 years old

That makes you an adult. That makes any allegation a potential felony.
I don't care about his, or the swim team members "leanings" but the age difference makes it a ticking bomb.

To hell with the "majority" he needs to worry about ONE person making an allegation of molestation or lewd behaviour or any type of inappropriate conduct. The accusation may never even go to court but his coaching days are gone forever.

The o/p needs to seriously question why he likes spending time with these young boys. I'm not suggesting that anyone who volunteers with youth is suspect but he has certainly raised some serious red flags with those extracts I've copied.
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:41 am

Quoting SlamClick (Reply 19):
Then this:

Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
I am 19 years old

That makes you an adult. That makes any allegation a potential felony.
I don't care about his, or the swim team members "leanings" but the age difference makes it a ticking bomb.

To hell with the "majority" he needs to worry about ONE person making an allegation of molestation or lewd behaviour or any type of inappropriate conduct. The accusation may never even go to court but his coaching days are gone forever.

-
There have been various such cases in recent years in many places, which terminated the careers of coaches, teachers, priests . And it in many cases may have been exactly like this. So, for him indeed a reason for serious concern.
-
 
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:54 am

An ounce of prevention being worth a pound of cure, I strongly suggest that you make every effort to avoid being in the locker room at the same time as these kids. This is especially true if you're sometimes the only adult in there, and absolutely true if, as sounds likely from the context, there's nudity involved. All you need is for one kid to say that you merely looked at him a second too long while he was naked, and all hell will break loose. I know this may sound sorta paranoid, but that's the climate in which we live today.

Come to think of it, if you're an adult male being friends with children or even just speaking with them beyond a "Hey, what's up?" level can be viewed as somewhat suspicious.

[Edited 2007-01-09 18:58:44]
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aaden
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:12 am

Quoting SlamClick (Reply 16):
Oh yeah? How about this?

Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
ask for hugs

I'll give you an ironclad guarantee that no matter his intentions, hugging a 13 year old boy in swimming trunks is going to be seen as inappropriate. I'd knock that off two years ago or even sooner! I cannot emphasize that strongly enough. Even if it is as innocent as he describes it is GOING TO lead to trouble for him.

Try to see it from the parents point of view. Your opinion of this aside, there are dads out there who are not comfortable hugging their own sons after a certain age.

No don't give them hugs they're joking and I do Not Touch them.
 
aaden
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:18 am

Quoting SlamClick (Reply 19):
In the shower? It needs to be asked!

Then this:

yes and when I'm swimming, and working out.

Again nothing goes on. I've not been accused of that then I would have a real problem.

Quoting SlamClick (Reply 19):
That makes you an adult. That makes any allegation a potential felony.
I don't care about his, or the swim team members "leanings" but the age difference makes it a ticking bomb.

To hell with the "majority" he needs to worry about ONE person making an allegation of molestation or lewd behaviour or any type of inappropriate conduct. The accusation may never even go to court but his coaching days are gone forever.

The o/p needs to seriously question why he likes spending time with these young boys. I'm not suggesting that anyone who volunteers with youth is suspect but he has certainly raised some serious red flags with those extracts I've copied.

I don't really, enjoy hanginging out with them or what not. I may see them three times a week. ANd when one of them spots me they go nuts.

But I do enjoy coaching soccer, I enjoyed watching them grow as and athelete and a person. I enjoy teaching them.

I did not think of it from that stand point though. I will distance my self as some as said from this as much as possible.
 
aaden
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:20 am

Quoting PROSA (Reply 21):
there's nudity involved. All you need is for one kid to say that you merely looked at him a second too long while he was naked, and all hell will break loose. I know this may sound sorta paranoid, but that's the climate in which we live today.

Come to think of it, if you're an adult male being friends with children or even just speaking with them beyond a "Hey, what's up?" level can be viewed as somewhat suspicious.

we change in different areas. They leave me alone when they do that.

I see that now. I just never thought anything I could be doing could be seen like that. I will distance myself from these kids.

thanks for all the help guys
 
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:21 am

look, best advice, you need to stay away from this kids. its even worse if their is girls among these kids your talking about. if thats the case, you just cant just hang around with 13 year old girls, people will react.
 
aaden
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:30 am

there are no girls.

should I talk to the man?
 
S12PPL
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:40 am

I hadn't even thought about the whole nudity thing, either, actually. I've never been a swimmer, so it never even crossed my mind. I wouldn't even hang out with them in the locker room. Even though they can change in a seperate area, it's not a good idea.

I think it's a little paranoid to think they'll accuse you of touching them or looking at them...But that's just me.

One kid we had on a baseball team a few years ago wanted to go to games I umpired to watch some baseball, and his mom actually asked me to take him with me. His dad was/is a loser alcoholic, and when he was drunk would get violent. He never beat her, or him, or his sister, that I'm aware of. He was just an ass hole, and broke some furniture. She was in the process of divorcing him, and wanted the kid out of the house as much as possible when the dad was around. His mom told me she wanted a guy who was a more positive influence on him, and commented that his behavior problems were next to non-existant since he started going to games I umpired.

It can be a positive, but only if you have a parent's blessing and request to spend time with the kid.
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SlamClick
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:55 am

Quoting S12PPL (Reply 27):
a little paranoid

I don't disagree with you, but this may be one of the areas where "even paranoids have real enemies"

There have been any number of accusations made, hitting the local news in places where I've lived over the last 25 years. Most never seem to end up in court. Of those that do, the majority seem to end in acquittal or dismissal of charges due to lack of evidence or even through the presentation of exculpatory evidence.

But reputations have still been ruined.

I really appreciate people who volunteer. Man there are a ton of worthwhile activites that would benefit from some free help and guidance. But men who work with youth are especially vulnerable. Great care is needed to avoid even the appearance of anything wrong.
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 4:11 am

Quoting SlamClick (Reply 28):
But men who work with youth are especially vulnerable. Great care is needed to avoid even the appearance of anything wrong.

I agree completely. Society has changed a lot. I'm extreemly careful when I coach. When I officiate high school sports, it's a little different. I don't make an effort to "touch" players when they ask me questions. However, must of them come up and put a hand on my shoulder. If they do that, sometimes I'll do the same.

My high school basketball commissioner retired last year, after three years. He came to evaluate a game I did a few weeks ago, and I talked with him after the game. It's been a rough year for our new commissioner, and he did mention something that shocked me. He said "You'd be amazed how many phone calls I got from AD's claiming referees were touching girls innapropriately." This shocked me, because I would never, EVER touch a girl in a game I was officiating. Even if I was breaking up a cat fight. One of our guys got in trouble several years ago breaking up a fight between two girls. He was trying to seperate them, and one had a very long pony tail...And he made the mistake of grabbing that. Fortunately, nothing came of it, other than the mother going ape shit. When two guys have gotten into it before, I have got between them, and put a hand on their chests to sort of push them away lightly. No one said anything about that. I think people see that as more acceptable in a high school game.

At meetings we have to talk about what to do when a fight breaks out, because it is a rough path to go down. They suggest we do nothing as officials, and let the coaches get in there and break it up, or if you do get between two players, get your hands up and away from your body, and step between them.
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prosa
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 4:27 am

Quoting SlamClick (Reply 28):
But men who work with youth are especially vulnerable. Great care is needed to avoid even the appearance of anything wrong.

Some youth organizations such as the Boy Scouts have rules prohibiting any one-to-one contact between an adult and a child no matter how innocuous the circumstances may be. I don't know if any youth sports leagues have followed suit, but it wouldn't surprise me if some have.

Here's an example of the climate in which we live: I was riding the train to work a couple weeks ago. A family of five boarded the train, Mom, Dad, and three daughters ranging in age from about six to 12. They probably were heading into the city for some shopping and sightseeing while the kids were out of school for Christmas. The train was too crowded for the family to all sit together, so the oldest girl took the seat next to me while the rest of the family sat a couple of rows away. Not to sound paranoid, but I had a moment or two of concern about the propriety of sitting next to a girl of that age. I'll note that the tiny seats often result in inadvertent physical contact. Fortunately she was small enough that she didn't touch up against me, and I was very careful to keep my left arm (she was sitting to my left) folded in front of me, with my hand well away from her!
"Let me think about it" = the coward's way of saying "no"
 
S12PPL
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 5:37 am

Quoting PROSA (Reply 30):
Not to sound paranoid, but I had a moment or two of concern about the propriety of sitting next to a girl of that age. I'll note that the tiny seats often result in inadvertent physical contact. Fortunately she was small enough that she didn't touch up against me, and I was very careful to keep my left arm (she was sitting to my left) folded in front of me, with my hand well away from her!

I dunno. I would have offered one of the parents my seat, and switched. No need for you to put yourself into that situation. It was also sort of dumb of the parents not to ask if you'd be willing to switch, and sit next to one of the adults. If I'm on a train, bus, etc., and a family gets on, and the seat next to me is the only option, I've noticed parents either split up, and one of the adults sits next to me, or, I offer the adult my seat....I'll sacrifice the window to allow the parent a seat with their child....
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SlamClick
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 5:44 am

Quoting S12PPL (Reply 31):
I dunno. I would have offered one of the parents my seat, and switched.

Once on a transcontinental flight (I was a non-rev) I ended up sitting next to a four year old boy. I discovered that his mother was two rows behind me. I immediately offered to switch seats with her so she could sit with him. She said: "Oh I never sit with my children when I travel!"

I laughed - for a moment. Then I realized that she was dead serious. She wanted nothing to do with a bored restless four-year-old and he was my problem until we got to the west coast. The flight attendant rolled her eyes but did not switch us.

The kid was fine, he was pretty well behaved but he was four. Eventually he was kicking the seatback in front of him and standing up, turning around and so forth. How does a woman get to be such a crappy mother?
Happiness is not seeing another trite Ste. Maarten photo all week long.
 
MD-90
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 6:09 am

Quoting SlamClick (Reply 32):
Once on a transcontinental flight (I was a non-rev) I ended up sitting next to a four year old boy. I discovered that his mother was two rows behind me. I immediately offered to switch seats with her so she could sit with him. She said: "Oh I never sit with my children when I travel!"

That is one strange mother.
 
emiratesa345
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 6:16 am

Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
I do not have any idea who he has said this two but I am sure of about at least two kids and one parent.

Sure is an exact number, 100%. "Of at least two kids and one parent" is not sure. You then went on to contradict your assurance with your next statement:

Quoting AAden (Thread starter):
I suspect he has told alot more though.

Seeing as how you're not certain, I wouldn't pursue this until you are.

As others have suggested I would change your behaviour towards these kids. Not because its wrong, but because it can get you into trouble by those that don't understand your intentions.

My 2 cents.

Mark
You and I were meant to fly, Air Canada!
 
AirCop
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 6:46 am

Quoting PROSA (Reply 21):
This is especially true if you're sometimes the only adult in there, and absolutely true if, as sounds likely from the context, there's nudity involved. All you need is for one kid to say that you merely looked at him a second too long while he was naked, and all hell will break loose. I know this may sound sorta paranoid, but that's the climate in which we live today.

All it will take is a prosecutor with an agenda, and you're basically history, labeled as a sex offender for the rest of your life. Follow the advice given here, no touching, no showering at the same time, bascially keep a distance between you and the kids, and hope that there is a parent at every practice.
 
Superfly
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 6:53 am

AAdan:
Leave the little boys alone. You should be chasing girls in your age group anyways.  Silly
I know your are totally innocent of any bad intentions but in this day and age, people are hypersensitive about that kind of stuff. As SlamClick noted above, all it takes is ONE kid to say you did something bad to them and your reputation is tarnished for life.
I am sure there plenty of lawyers that would be lining up to drag you to court over it as well.

Have you considered being a lifeguard at the beach or local pool instead?
You could be the next David Hasselhoff like on Bay Watch.  Cool
Bring back the Concorde
 
S12PPL
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 7:16 am

Quoting AirCop (Reply 35):
no showering at the same time,

I agree in principle...But what's he supposed to do? Let the little shits clear out completely from the locker room before he showers???

Several high schools we service put us in the coach's office in the boys locker room to change before games, be in during half time, and shower in after games. One coach's office has windows looking into the team room, and locker area. So not only can the kids see us when they shower after wrestling practice, but they can see us changing as well. No one thinks about it, because it's the situation the school has put us in. They put their scale for the wrestling team to weigh in on right next to the fricken window, and their coach makes them weigh in naked, or in just their underwear. He just tells them to suck it up, and get over it...I've been in there when he's called a kid in so he can talk to him. The kid protested by saying "But coach, I'm naked!" To which he replied "I dont' care, get yer ass in here!" My partner and I just looked at eachother...and didn't know what to do.

Another school, my alma mater actually, is set where they have 8 or 9 seperate buildings. English/social studies in one building, math in another, the gym and locker rooms in another, and the school's pool and changing facilities are in a seperate building. It also is the community swimming pool with open swims. For baseball, it is much closer to the field than the gym, so the school has us change in there. The plate guy can shower in there if he wants after games. I choose not to when I work the dish there, because I live a mile from the school...But when swim practice gets out...what choice to we have? Wait 20-30 minutes for the kids to shower, change, then leave?

I agree you don't want to make a point of being the ONLY adult in the shower room with a kid. That's a no-no of epic proportions...But there are certain situations you cannot avoid.
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legoguy
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 7:56 am

Why was it when I first saw this thread title, I immediately thought it was Walter747 and his crazy swimming antics again  Silly

You could try explaining to the parents whats going on. Little kids will always continue messing around, even if you do stop talking to them.
Can you say 'Beer Can' without sounding like a Jamaican saying 'Bacon'?
 
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Aeroflot777
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 10:14 am

Quoting Legoguy (Reply 38):

You could try explaining to the parents whats going on.

Lmao... I can see that going TOO smoothly! "Hey mom I was jokingly threatening to kill some 8-14 year olds, and now they are picking on me and tattling!"

Oh the joy! Big grin

Aeroflot777
 
aaden
Topic Author
Posts: 819
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 10:26 am

Okay I talked to the coach today. he simply said that his team was distracted by me. they took longer in the locker room to talk to me. They also have been ducking out of some of there swimming activities to talk to me.

So there is no problem he merely told some of his team to stop fucking around.

thankfully there was no sexual thoughts in this has some of you predicted.


thank you guys for your advice. I will distance myself from them.

Quoting Aeroflot777 (Reply 39):
Lmao... I can see that going TOO smoothly! "Hey mom I was jokingly threatening to kill some 8-14 year olds, and now they are picking on me and tattling!"

Oh the joy!

Aeroflot777

that would be just wonderful.
 
MD-90
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 10:42 am

Quoting AAden (Reply 40):
Okay I talked to the coach today. he simply said that his team was distracted by me. they took longer in the locker room to talk to me. They also have been ducking out of some of there swimming activities to talk to me.

So there is no problem he merely told some of his team to stop fucking around.

Sounds good to me.

Granted, I tend to stay out of swim team's way. We have a local group called the Starkville Catfish or something like that that swims in the university's nataorium (we have an awesome pool). There's a bunch of them and even though they swim 6 or 7 to a lane, they still take up about half the pool. It's a co-ed group of about 8-14 year olds like yours. I don't really care that they come, but I prefer to swim when they're not there.

[Edited 2007-01-10 02:45:37]
 
walter747
Posts: 1379
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 12:57 pm

well all my swim coach does is call us bagel belly (swimmers and there bagels) and yell at us for

A. being late
B. not calling him when we are sick
C. skipping practice
D. slacking off
E. Hiding in the locker rooms
F.sleeping on the bench in the locker room
G. i got nothing else

but we do pretty good
Hussel, Hussel, Husel, Grind, Grind, Grind
 
ScarletHarlot
Posts: 4251
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RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:00 pm

We have rules at the curling club for adults being around the junior curlers (21 and under). One is that an adult may never be alone with one junior curler. This rule is to protect both the kids and the adult.

Before this rule came in, I gave one of the junior boys a ride home once. I have known this family for years - I worked with his mom for eight years. He and his dad were helping out at an open house at the curling club. His dad offered to stay and close down the open house so I could go home - I was running a week of open houses and was tired - but he asked me to bring his son home. They live right off my route home. So I took the boy home. He hit on me in the car! He was I think 13 at the time. But he is known for being the biggest flirt in the club so I shut him down and then told his dad about it next time I saw him. We had a good laugh about it. But if I had not already known the family, the story could have had a much worse ending.

It sounds like you have handled your situation well.
But that was when I ruled the world
 
legoguy
Posts: 2981
Joined: Tue Jun 13, 2006 8:59 pm

RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 8:42 pm

Quoting Aeroflot777 (Reply 39):

mmmm I guess your right LOL
Can you say 'Beer Can' without sounding like a Jamaican saying 'Bacon'?
 
Superfly
Posts: 37705
Joined: Thu May 11, 2000 8:01 am

RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:17 pm

AAden:
I still think you're a bad influence!  Silly



Just kidding! Big grin

How about the lifeguard gig I mentioned in reply #36?
Bring back the Concorde
 
prosa
Posts: 5389
Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2001 3:24 am

RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Thu Jan 11, 2007 2:42 am

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 43):
We have rules at the curling club for adults being around the junior curlers (21 and under). One is that an adult may never be alone with one junior curler. This rule is to protect both the kids and the adult.

A sensible rule, one that all youth sports organizations should consider, though going all the way up to age 21 is maybe more cautious than really necessary.

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 43):
Before this rule came in, I gave one of the junior boys a ride home once. I have known this family for years - I worked with his mom for eight years. He and his dad were helping out at an open house at the curling club. His dad offered to stay and close down the open house so I could go home - I was running a week of open houses and was tired - but he asked me to bring his son home. They live right off my route home. So I took the boy home. He hit on me in the car! He was I think 13 at the time. But he is known for being the biggest flirt in the club so I shut him down and then told his dad about it next time I saw him. We had a good laugh about it. But if I had not already known the family, the story could have had a much worse ending.

I have to point out that even if you had known the family and handled the situation as well as you did, there could have been a far worse ending if the genders were reversed.
"Let me think about it" = the coward's way of saying "no"
 
aaden
Topic Author
Posts: 819
Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2006 9:49 am

RE: A Swimming Coach Calls Me A Bad Influence

Thu Jan 11, 2007 3:33 am

Quoting Superfly (Reply 45):
How about the lifeguard gig I mentioned in reply #36?

na I think I will become a tour guide for coors beer

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