smcmac32msn
Posts: 1658
Joined: Thu May 13, 2004 9:25 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Sun Aug 26, 2007 4:54 pm

Quoting Don81603 (Reply 148):
What does Ford stand for?
Fixed or repaired daily, Found on road dead, for Ontario's retarded drivers, f**ked up recycled dodge, etc. Spell it backwards, and you get Driver returns on foot

f**ked over russian dumptruck
Hey Obama, keep the change! I want my dollar back.
 
jafa39
Posts: 4320
Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2005 2:14 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Sun Aug 26, 2007 7:27 pm

Quoting Don81603 (Reply 148):
Why does Santa have a big red bag?
You would to if you only came once a year.

That was damn funny!!!  Wink

Why do Russian cars have heated rear screens?

So you can keep your hands warm while pushing them..
We, the undersigned, do hereby consent.....
 
don81603
Posts: 1105
Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2005 12:07 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 6:17 am

Quoting DL777LAX (Reply 153):
I don't get it.

Epileptics shake violently and uncontrollably
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
 
DL777LAX
Posts: 489
Joined: Sat Jan 06, 2007 2:45 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 8:17 am

Quoting Don81603 (Reply 157):
Epileptics shake violently and uncontrollably

Not exactly, but w/e.

I love:

"why is tracey wrong?
Because she's a women"

I don't know if this has been said already. but

Why couldn't Jesus be Mexican?
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Blindly following anything is bad, unless of course your blind and your following a guide dog.
 
FlyDeltaJets87
Posts: 4479
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:51 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 8:56 am

Quoting DL777LAX (Reply 158):
I don't know if this has been said already. but

Why couldn't Jesus be Mexican?
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

I beat you to it, just with France instead of Mexico.  wink 

Quoting FlyDeltaJets87 (Reply 147):
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in France?
A: They couldn't find three wiseman and a virgin.

Now:
Q: Why are Democrats buried 100 feet below the ground?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people.

Q: What did Michael Jackson say to the Catholic Priest when they both saw the 8 year old?
A: "I saw him first!"

"If 'Pro' is the opposite of 'Con', is 'Progress' the opposite of 'Congress'?"

Quoting Dougloid (Reply 91):
What's the world's shortest book?

"Negroes I Have Met While Yachting"

Other short books:
"My Book of Morals" by Bill Clinton, with Introduction by Rev. Jesse Jackson

"Beauty Secrets" by Janet Reno

"People Dumber Than Me" by Paris Hilton

"My Search for the Real Killers" by OJ Simpson

"Things I won't do for money" by Dennis Rodman

"People Who Will Hunt with Me" by Dick Cheney

"Ameila Earheart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean"

"Detroit: A Travel Guide"

"Popular US Lawyers"

"The Book of French War Victories"

"Proper Dog Care" by Michael Vick

"Proper Dating Etiquette" by Mike Tyson

"Being a Team Player" by Kobe Bryant

"Spotted Owl Recipes" by the EPA
"Let's Roll"- Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, Sept. 11, 2001
 
geedo
Posts: 349
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 3:16 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 9:01 am

What's that useless batch of skin above a woman's vagina? the woman

What did the poor folks in Lockerbie get for Christmas in 1988? luggage

Did you know that John Denver had a major impact on the coast?
I've got Titanic hopes and they aren't sinking
 
DC10extender
Posts: 573
Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 6:09 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 11:05 am

In America, you learn about the government. In Soviet Russia, the government learns about you.

A womans husband died and she heard about a man who could paint a dead persons last thoughts after seeing the person. She contacted the man and he agreed to paint her husbands last thoughts. When she saw the painting, she went to the man angrily and said "All I saw on the painting were cows with halos over their heads and Indians making love." The man replied "read the caption below the painting." It said "Holy cow, look at all these fucking Indians."

Chuck Norris doesn't t-bag people, he potato sacks them.
Did you ever read on your birth certificate that life is fair? Thats cause its not there.
 
User avatar
asuflyer05
Posts: 2121
Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2004 8:53 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 11:09 am

What's the best part of a blowjob when you're married?

The 5 minutes of silence.
 
don81603
Posts: 1105
Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2005 12:07 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 11:24 am

What does 80 year old vagina taste like?
Depends.

Why are there so many homes for battered women?
They just don't listen.

Why do men die before their wives?
Because we want to!

My wife's no longer allowed on the beach. Last time she was there, Greenpeace tried to roll her back to the water.

Science has determined that the real cause of earthquakes in California is due to the number of politicians buried there, and the earth rejecting them.

A few for the truckers:

J.B. Hunt and Schneider have merged into a single company, called "Schneider Hunt International Transport". Since the name doesn't fit on the trailers, they are just going to use the initials.

C.R. Englund has purchased Dick Simon Trucking, and Pride Transport. The new company will be called "C.R. Dick with Pride.

How did the Schneider tanker driver drown?
Putting in his load locks.

What do you call a Swift truck in the hammer lane?
Out of route.

What do you get when J.B. Hunt leaves a truck stop?
5 more parking spaces.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
 
FlyDeltaJets87
Posts: 4479
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:51 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 11:46 am

A 767 is flying over the Atlantic when suddenly both engines fail. It is apparent the crew will have to ditch the aircraft in the ocean and the chance of survival is grim. So one of the flight attendants goes into the cockpit and says to the Captain "In case we die, I want to make me feel like a woman one last time". The Captain gets excited, and immediately rips off his shirt, hands it to her and says "Okay. Go iron this."
"Let's Roll"- Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, Sept. 11, 2001
 
DL777LAX
Posts: 489
Joined: Sat Jan 06, 2007 2:45 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 12:18 pm

heres a simple joke, maybe a little too simple:

Ethiopian food.
Blindly following anything is bad, unless of course your blind and your following a guide dog.
 
FlyDeltaJets87
Posts: 4479
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:51 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 12:23 pm

Quoting DL777LAX (Reply 165):
heres a simple joke, maybe a little too simple:

Ethiopian food.

Reminds me of the one I heard from a friend:

"Being a Democrat in the military is like sending Slim-Fast to Ethiopia. It's pointless".

*Please, don't anyone try arguing the technicalities in that one. Just laugh (or don't, whichever) and move on. Save the which side of the aisle is better at supporting the military for another thread.
"Let's Roll"- Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, Sept. 11, 2001
 
DC10extender
Posts: 573
Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 6:09 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:19 pm

Quoting DL777LAX (Reply 165):
Ethiopian food.

Have you ever had Ethiopian food?

Neither have they.
Did you ever read on your birth certificate that life is fair? Thats cause its not there.
 
JRadier
Posts: 3952
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2004 11:36 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 4:46 pm

Quoting DC10extender (Reply 161):
In America, you learn about the government. In Soviet Russia, the government learns about you.

Thanks for the history lesson! I think we could update that one to:

In America, the government learns about you too.
 
torquewrench
Posts: 60
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2007 8:49 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 7:58 pm

2 old gents sitting on the porch one day. The dog is lying in the yard licking his balls. One guy says to the other.."man, I wish I could do that." to which the other replied "no you don't, the dog would probably bite you."


2 old guys sitting around talking about their dogs. One says "you know.....my dog only eats turnip greens." The other says "my dog would NEVER eat that" First guy says "mine wouldn't either for a solid month.


Redneck version of foreplay...........
Get in the truck bitch!


After an exhaustive study on what people said just before impact when in accidents researchers found that in the state of Texas it was almost always "here Bubba, hold my beer and watch this"


Woman and man are fighting and breaking up. Man says " I'm going to find me some new p***y" to which the woman retorts " If you had 2 more inches of d**k you would find some new p***y here!"

2 gay guys getting lovey-dovey and one says to the other "Oh honey do youwant to do it at your place or mine?
the other responds with " yours baby, mines still sore from last night"
Recovery is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip.
 
helvknight
Posts: 784
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:35 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Aug 28, 2007 9:19 pm

Why are there no Wal Marts in Iraq?

Because there is a Target on every corner.

I'm going to hell for that one.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member - Groucho Marx
 
geedo
Posts: 349
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 3:16 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Wed Aug 29, 2007 5:32 am

Quoting AirTranTUS (Reply 154):
What do you call the useless skin around a vagina?
A woman.



Quoting GEEDO (Reply 160):
What's that useless batch of skin above a woman's vagina? the woman

Oops, beat me to it !
I've got Titanic hopes and they aren't sinking
 
YYZflyer
Posts: 3516
Joined: Sun Feb 19, 2006 9:54 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Wed Aug 29, 2007 8:14 am

What do you call a pole vaulting black person?

Shit on a stick.


What did god say when he created a black person?

Shit, burnt another one.


There was this woman and she decided to pack up her bags and leave her husband one day. Her husband caught her leaving and said "where are you going?" She says, "I'm leaving you because you're a pedophile." The man replies with: "Wow, that's a pretty big word for an 8 year old."
Avoid hangovers, stay drunk.
 
DL777LAX
Posts: 489
Joined: Sat Jan 06, 2007 2:45 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Wed Aug 29, 2007 9:58 am

Quoting JRadier (Reply 168):
In America, the government learns about you too.

Reminds me of

*Borat Voice* In Soviet Russia, you no listen to iPod, iPod listen to you.

*note, purposely grammatically f**ked up.
Blindly following anything is bad, unless of course your blind and your following a guide dog.
 
planesarecool
Posts: 3257
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2001 12:37 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Wed Aug 29, 2007 11:30 am

What's faster than a penny rolling down a hill?

The black man running after it.

-----------

What's 6 ft tall, black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron!
 
JAGflyer
Posts: 3565
Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2004 5:31 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Wed Aug 29, 2007 12:50 pm

Why do copper wire factories not need machines?

They just put a penny between two jews and voila!

-------

What is the title of the new Korean cookbook?

100 ways to wok your dog.
If you flew today, thank a Flight Dispatcher!
 
StarAC17
Posts: 3694
Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2003 11:54 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Wed Aug 29, 2007 1:46 pm

Some Dead Baby ones.

How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
Depends on how thinly you slice them

What happens to a dead baby in a microwave?
I dunno I was too busy masturbating

Some Black ones.

Surprised not to have seen this one yet.

What to you say when you wake up and see your TV floating in mid air?
Drop it N*gga.

A black man and his son we on a plane and there was an engine failure and the captain came on and said "We have lost an engine and need to dump the food to save weight so no meals on this flight."

The passengers seem to tolerate this but then another engine fails and the captian says "Now we have to dump all the luggage to lighten the plane." The passengers react the same.

Another engine fails and the captain says that some people are going to have to jump out so that the rest of us can live so he proceeds to say all races from A-C which means all African Americans, all Black people and all Chinese people need to jump off.

The sons asks his dad "Isn't that us?" The dad replies, "No son today we're N*663r$"

A story one:

A man is at his handicapped friend's house just watching the game when his buddy who cannot walk says can you go upstaris and get my slippers. The man says ok and goes upstairs and walks by his buddy's 18 year old daughter's room and peers in to the slightly open door to see her and her best friend pillowfighting naked and walks in and says. "Your father sent me up here to have sex with both of you." The daughter replies, "I don't believe you." The man then yells down to his friend "Do you want me to get both of them."
Engineers Rule The World!!!!!
 
pilotdude09
Posts: 1335
Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 12:35 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Thu Aug 30, 2007 12:57 am

Now for some Kiwi and Aussie Jokes, im a kiwi too and love when people take the piss out of us and sheep!  Wink

-----------------------------------
A Kiwi walks into the local unemployment office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi! I hate being on welfare, I'd really rather have a job."

The clerk behind the IRD desk says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.

The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The Kiwi says, "You're bullshitting me!"

The IRD officer says, "Yeah, well, you started it".
-----------------------------------

Why can't Kiwi blokes take their girlfriends to the Rugby?

They eat all the grass.

Why can't Kiwi blokes take their girlfriends to the Rugby?

They eat all the grass.
-----------------------------------

An Aussie, a Kiwi, and a South African are at a bar one night having a beer. All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, takes off his diamond encrusted watch, pulls out a gun shoots the watch to pieces. He says "In Seth Efrika we have so many diamonds that we don't need to wear the same diamond twice".

The Kiwi (obviously impressed by this) drinks his beer throw his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "Wull mate, in Niw Zulland we have so much sand to make the glass that we don't need to drink out of the same cup twice".

The Australian then pulls out his gun and shoots the Kiwi.

-----------------------------------

An Australian was walking down a country road in New Zealand, when he happened to glance over the fence and see a farmer goin' at it with a sheep.

The Aussie is quite taken aback by this, so he climbs the fence and walks over to the farmer.

He taps him on the shoulder and says, "You know mate, back home, we shear those!"

The New Zealander looks frantically around and says, "I'm not bloody SHEARING this with no one!"

-----------------------------------

There's a Kiwi rugby fan, an Australian rugby fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train.

The train enters a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The woman and the Kiwi are sitting there looking perplexed. The Kiwi is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap.

The Kiwi is thinking, "That Australian must have tried to kiss this lady, she thought it was me and slapped me."

The lady was thinking, "That Kiwi must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Australian instead and got slapped."

The Australian was thinking to himself.... "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that fucking Kiwi in the head again."
-----------------------------------

A Tasmanian couple are on there honeymoon and are about to consumate the marriage when the bride says to her husband,
"Can you please be gentle? I'm still a virgin"
The man quickly gets up to call his dad
"Dad she's a virgin, I don't know what to do" he says.
Angered by this the dad replies,
"If she's not good enough for her family then she ain't good enough for ours"

-----------------------------------

What do you call a kiwi sheep dog?
A: A pimp.

Why do kiwis end up marrying women?
A: Sheep can't cook.


Bruce and Cobber are driving into town from the ranch and it's Bruce's first time driving on a tarred road.
A bit nervous at how Bruce will handle the narrower roads Cobber says, "Bruce, have you ever made a u-turn?"

Bruce replies: "No, but I once made a ram's eyes water."

-----------------------------------

What do you call an Aboriginal with 1 sheet of tin over his head?
1st home owner.

What do u cal an Aboriginal with 2 sheets of tin over his head?
A real estate agent.

-----------------------------------

What's the difference between dog shit and aborigionals?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.

Some goodies in there!!  Smile
Qantas, Still calling Australia Home.........
 
JCKastrup
Posts: 326
Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2006 4:57 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Thu Aug 30, 2007 1:17 am

Among marine biologists they have a saying about shark-attacks

"If a shark attacks you. Swim towards the shark and hit it between the eyes.
If this doesn't work, try hitting it again with whats left of your arm."
Who the hell wants to fly to JFK? Nobody does, That's who!
 
don81603
Posts: 1105
Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2005 12:07 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Thu Aug 30, 2007 6:31 am

A guy comes home and finds his best friend in bed with his wife. He shakes his head and says: "Frank, I have to screw her, but what's your excuse?"

A guy and his friend come home and finds his wife with another man. The guy turns to his friend and says: "Look at that guy, thinks he's me!"

I'll go DIRECTLY to hell for this one, but...

Why did the Pope always fly TWA?
He thought it stood for Top Wop Aboard.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
 
6yjjk
Posts: 338
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2007 6:40 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Thu Aug 30, 2007 8:31 am

Q. Why do seagulls have wings?
A. To beat the Scousers to the dump.
 
IFEMaster
Posts: 4164
Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 5:17 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Thu Aug 30, 2007 8:42 am

Quoting A380US (Reply 97):
whatt do you call a bunchof blacks at the bottom of the empires state building? pubic hairs

You got that one wrong. It's supposed to be:

What do you call a bunch of blacks at the bottom of Nelson's column? Pubic hair.

(Yes, a reference to Nelson Mandela for those of you too slow to get it).

Now for mine:

What do David Beckham and a Rolex Watch have in common? They both come in a posh box.
Delivering Anecdotes of Dubious Relevance Since 1978
 
planesarecool
Posts: 3257
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2001 12:37 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Thu Aug 30, 2007 9:10 am

What do you say to a Scouser with a job?

Big Mac please.

--------------------------------

What is the ideal weight of a scouser?

About three pounds, including the urn.
 
helvknight
Posts: 784
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:35 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Thu Aug 30, 2007 9:44 pm

Liverpool airport was closed for three hours due to a security alert today after Police found a suspicious vehicle in the car park.

It had been parked there for two days and still had its hub caps and radio.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member - Groucho Marx
 
Cadet985
Posts: 2192
Joined: Sat Mar 02, 2002 6:45 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Thu Aug 30, 2007 10:48 pm

Quoting KaiGywer (Thread starter):
-What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
-A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....

Another version...

What's the difference between a white fairy tale and a black fairy tale?

A white fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time..." A black fairy tale begins, "Listen up! You mother******* ain't never gonna believe this s***!"

Sorry if I offended anyone.

Marc
 
andz
Posts: 7657
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2004 7:49 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Thu Aug 30, 2007 11:03 pm

Quoting IFEMaster (Reply 181):
What do you call a bunch of blacks at the bottom of Nelson's column? Pubic hair.

(Yes, a reference to Nelson Mandela for those of you too slow to get it).

Maybe that is too subtle for me but isn't Nelson's Column topped with a statue of Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson??

A guy goes to his dad and says "dad, last night I had sex for the first time"
Dad says "well done my boy! Do you have any questions?"
"Just one. How long will my ass burn?"

Why are all the sheep leaving New Zealand for Australia?
Because they would rather be shagged than eaten

The two cobbers on the Sydney Harbour Bridge see the ship load of sheep coming in. The one says to the other "look mate, it's the love boat!"
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF...
 
skidmarks
Posts: 6614
Joined: Fri Dec 10, 2004 7:51 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Aug 31, 2007 12:15 am

Quoting Andz (Reply 185):
Maybe that is too subtle for me but isn't Nelson's Column topped with a statue of Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson??

Youv'e SEEN Nelson Mandelas dick?  wideeyed 

Andy  old 
Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional
 
don81603
Posts: 1105
Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2005 12:07 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Aug 31, 2007 12:43 am

Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 184):
Another version...

Western fairy tales start with "Once upon a time..."
Communist fairy tales start with "Tass news agency reports today that..."
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
 
FlyDeltaJets87
Posts: 4479
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:51 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Aug 31, 2007 4:07 am

Q: What happens to a Cuban when he gets a flat tire?
A: He sinks.
"Let's Roll"- Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, Sept. 11, 2001
 
cxsjr
Posts: 711
Joined: Tue Aug 24, 2004 3:44 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Aug 31, 2007 4:05 pm

Quoting KaiGywer (Thread starter):
-Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
-Because those men already have boyfriends.

.... or GAY!
The world is a book, those who do not travel read only one page ....
 
EK20
Posts: 869
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 6:31 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Aug 31, 2007 4:05 pm

 
ual757
Posts: 744
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 12:58 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Aug 31, 2007 5:09 pm

All I can say about this thread is


"Oh My God" and "LOL".
 
andz
Posts: 7657
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2004 7:49 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Aug 31, 2007 6:44 pm

Quoting Cxsjr (Reply 189):
Quoting KaiGywer (Thread starter):
-Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
-Because those men already have boyfriends.

.... or GAY!

um.... yes....LOL
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF...
 
User avatar
EA CO AS
Posts: 15588
Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2001 8:54 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Aug 31, 2007 7:47 pm

Why can't Stevie Wonder read?
- Because he's black.

Why does it take women so long to have an orgasm?
- Who fucking cares?

What's the best thing about being a pedophile?
- Your cock looks HUGE in those tiny little hands.

What do you get when you cross a Black and a Puerto Rican?
- Someone who spray paints graffitti on chain-link fences.

Did you hear about the Puerto Rican who locked his keys in his car?
- It took him five hours to get his family out.

What's the worst thing about being a pedophile?
- Trying to get the blood stains out of your clown suit.

Why do Blacks keep chickens in their front yards?
- To teach their kids how to walk.

How do you make a skeleton?
- Put a leper in a wind tunnel

What's black and blue and hates sex?
- The ten year old boy in the trunk of my car.




You all think you're going to hell? Well I'm driving the damn bus.  bigthumbsup 
"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan

Comments made here are my own and are not intended to represent the official position of Alaska Air Group
 
JRadier
Posts: 3952
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2004 11:36 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Aug 31, 2007 8:17 pm

Quoting Andz (Reply 192):
um.... yes....LOL

LOL indeed.
 
User avatar
KaiGywer
Topic Author
Posts: 11183
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:59 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Aug 31, 2007 9:17 pm

Quoting 4holer (Reply 150):
The mayor asked: "Do you have a blue Mexican"?

 rotfl 

Quoting Don81603 (Reply 163):
A few for the truckers:

 rotfl 

Quoting Cxsjr (Reply 189):
Quoting KaiGywer (Thread starter):
-Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
-Because those men already have boyfriends.

.... or GAY!

Eh...yeah...  rotfl 
“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, an
 
FlyDeltaJets87
Posts: 4479
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:51 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Aug 31, 2007 9:31 pm

Have you ever seen Ray Charles's house?
Well, neither has he.
"Let's Roll"- Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, Sept. 11, 2001
 
Scorpio
Posts: 5042
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2001 3:48 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:46 am

Quoting Cxsjr (Reply 189):
.... or GAY!

Wow, absolutely positively nothing gets by you, does it?  Wink
 
sw733
Posts: 5881
Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2004 6:19 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Sat Sep 01, 2007 3:25 am

Quoting FlyDeltaJets87 (Reply 10):
Why were there only 4,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
They only brought four truckloads.

I think I have heard something like that one, but replace truckloads with carloads...
 
747srule
Posts: 394
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 11:42 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Sun Sep 02, 2007 10:31 am

Now that the NFL is starting a new season, I have a good joke. How do you keep Lions out of your frontyard? Put up goalposts!!!
Jesus is the way,the truth,and the life
 
Kovi17
Posts: 339
Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2004 5:11 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Sun Sep 02, 2007 11:01 am

Quoting 747srule (Reply 199):
Now that the NFL is starting a new season, I have a good joke. How do you keep Lions out of your frontyard? Put up goalposts!!!

Now I dont know much about NFL football, but my prediction is Pat Tillman will not win MVP  Wink

I can already feel the heat at my feet from hell...  Sad  Wink
We dont worry about small things like that...
 
sacamojus
Posts: 186
Joined: Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:24 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Sun Sep 02, 2007 11:37 am

Quoting Kovi17 (Reply 200):
Now I dont know much about NFL football, but my prediction is Pat Tillman will not win MVP

Thats pretty low! The man lost his life in an unfortunate situation doing his job.
 
sw733
Posts: 5881
Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2004 6:19 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Sun Sep 02, 2007 2:02 pm

Quoting Sacamojus (Reply 201):
Thats pretty low! The man lost his life in an unfortunate situation doing his job.

Almost like it's a joke that will offend everyone...
 
cxsjr
Posts: 711
Joined: Tue Aug 24, 2004 3:44 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:49 pm

Quoting Cxsjr (Reply 189):
Because those men already have boyfriends.

.... or GAY!



Quoting Scorpio (Reply 197):
Wow, absolutely positively nothing gets by you, does it?

 Embarrassment .... urm, time to get some glasses me thinks!

Moving on ....

The world is a book, those who do not travel read only one page ....
 
sabena340
Posts: 38
Joined: Sat Jan 15, 2000 8:54 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Sun Sep 02, 2007 6:40 pm

What’s the richest country in the world? Rwanda, the meat is just lying beside the roads over there.

Why is it impossible for Arab kids to get sex-ed and learn how to drive on the same day? They don’t want to wear out the camel too much.

What’s the population of Ethiopia? Depends on the wind.

What do elevators say in Ethiopia? 400kg or 20 persons.

What do Moroccans and sperm cells have in common? They come in the millions, but only one works.

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