zotan
Topic Author
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Ahh Relationship Troubles

Wed Sep 12, 2007 3:13 pm

So I've been dating this one girl for close to a year now. We mostly get along great, and I can truly say I am in love with her. Problem is though, we fight. A lot. It's been a constant "issue" in our relationship, but they have become less frequent over time as we've tried to work on things. Tonight though, we had another fight and it was bad as usual. It started off with a suggestion on her paper, that was deemed "insensitive and hurtful" and stemmed into a two hour long debate about everything under the sun. (Advice: NEVER, EVER tell a girl that their too sensitive)

I've always considered myself a non-confrontational person, and I never really argue with people. I deal with things more internally, and never try to escalate anything. She claims differently though, saying that I draw things out and makes issues about nothing. It's hard for me to see this though, because I rarely fight with anybody else, yet she gets in arguments frequently with other people. She isn't a bad person at all, but it's in her nature to be more vocal than most.

I'm now at the point though where I don't know what to do. I try to not fight with her on things, but every now and then there are issues that I feel need to be contested. If she disagrees with me though, it stems into these huge arguments. I feel as If she makes issues out of nothing (like the example above), but I don't know If I fight it too much also. I didn't apologize at first for what I said, because I though there was nothing wrong with it (It was even what I said, but apparently how I said it), but I don't know If this is the right thing to do. Should I just apologize and move on even If I disagree with her assertion that I'm being insensitive? Any advice on how to stop all these stupid fights??

Thanks,

Matt
 
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RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Wed Sep 12, 2007 3:18 pm

Quoting ZOTAN (Thread starter):
It started off with a suggestion on her paper, that was deemed "insensitive and hurtful" a

Huh, very confusing. So you suggested something to her, and she disagreed and called you insensitive? Seems like an immature argument. If you feel that she is getting beyond reason, she I say quit it, otherwise you gotta deal with it, sucks.
"Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel" Samuel Johnson
 
CupraIbiza
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RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Wed Sep 12, 2007 3:38 pm

Quoting ZOTAN (Thread starter):
She claims differently though, saying that I draw things out

I think she is right. Have a look at the length of your post!
Everyday is a gift…… but why does it have to be a pair of socks?
 
cxsjr
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RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Wed Sep 12, 2007 3:46 pm

Quoting ZOTAN (Thread starter):
It started off with a suggestion on her paper

A suggestion on your paper ....

Quoting ZOTAN (Thread starter):
NEVER, EVER tell a girl that their too sensitive

.... should read THEY'RE (NOT their)

People in greenhouses, shouldn't throw stones  wink 
The world is a book, those who do not travel read only one page ....
 
TheCol
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RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Wed Sep 12, 2007 4:24 pm

Usually, I avoid these threads because I think people should figure things out for themselves. However, being a guy, I understand how severe and excruciatingly painful this situation may become. Therefore, I have this piece of advice for you:

RUN DUDE!!!

RUN AWAY AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!

Now we all know that women can be a bit withdrawn, cranky, unpredictable, extremely irritable, and downright unapproachable at times. However, there are some women that are just plain dangerous. You know, like Lois from "Malcolm in the Middle". Your relationship may not be hell just yet, but do yourself a favor and picture yourselves married 10-15 years from now. Do you like what you see? If you see yourself ending up like poor Hal, then ditch the bitch.

Remember: There are plenty of fish in the sea.  yes 
No matter how random things may appear, there's always a plan.
 
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RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Wed Sep 12, 2007 4:43 pm

Quoting TheCol (Reply 4):
Your relationship may not be hell just yet, but do yourself a favor and picture yourselves married 10-15 years from now. Do you like what you see? If you see yourself ending up like poor Hal, then ditch the bitch.

Remember: There are plenty of fish in the sea

poor Hal, LOL, this is a real warning tho, and I will take your advice seriously if such situations arise.
"Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel" Samuel Johnson
 
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HAWK21M
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RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Wed Sep 12, 2007 7:09 pm

Quoting ZOTAN (Thread starter):
Problem is though, we fight. A lot

Not Abnormal to debate.
But from what I read,it seems its a matter of Immaturity.
regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
stlgph
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RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Wed Sep 12, 2007 7:16 pm

Quoting ZOTAN (Thread starter):

fighting is stupid and those that argue just to argue are even "stupider."

i personally tend to remain calm. even when someone is wanting to chew my ass or argue about something stupid and irrelevent, i tend to sit there with a blank expression on my face and just stare at them.

if you deserve it and you did something legitimately stupid, then you deserve it. if you didn't and it's just mundane, then it's mundane. like i do, try just sitting there with a blank expression on your face next time ... if you like Starbucks just keep sippin away while you do so. it adds a good element.
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Yellowstone
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RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Wed Sep 12, 2007 8:27 pm

Buy her a snowglobe as an "I'm sorry" present.
Hydrogen is an odorless, colorless gas which, given enough time, turns into people.
 
Queso
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RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Thu Sep 13, 2007 12:18 am

Quoting TheCol (Reply 4):
Now we all know that women can be a bit withdrawn, cranky, unpredictable, extremely irritable, and downright unapproachable at times.

Maybe he should consider just giving up on girls and becoming gay if putting up with what's attached to "the playground" is a bit too much hassle.
 
desertjets
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RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Thu Sep 13, 2007 12:46 am

For those that are regular readers of "Savage Love" will understand this.... DTMFA.


If she always escalates disagreements into fights, and not with just you, then you probably have a person on your hands that may not be the best one to be with. If you cannot achieve anything constructive from your fights, and it seems that not much has, then maybe it is time to move on. If the love is mutual there should not be so much grief.
Stop drop and roll will not save you in hell. --- seen on a church marque in rural Virginia
 
IFEMaster
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RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Thu Sep 13, 2007 12:52 am

Stand your ground. If you 'apologize' just to keep the peace, you set a precedent for being under the thumb, and then you'll feel like you are constantly walking on glass around her, trying not to offend her or upset her etc. That's a bad foundation for a relationship.

In my opinion, clear and calm communication is key to a healthy relationship. My wife and I have differences of opinion over many things, but we talk things through calmly. I listen to what she says until she's said everything she has to say. Then I respond and she listens. We go back and forth like that until the matter is resolved. I can honestly say that in almost 4 years of marriage, and 7 years in total of being together, we have never had a fight.
Delivering Anecdotes of Dubious Relevance Since 1978
 
yvrtoyyz
Posts: 628
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2004 10:10 am

RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Thu Sep 13, 2007 6:54 am

Quoting Yellowstone (Reply 8):
Buy her a snowglobe as an "I'm sorry" present.

Ahh Flairport. A wealth of dating advise was offered in his many threads yet he chose not to utilize any of them. An excellent example of what not to do.
 
mirrodie
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Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2000 3:33 am

RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Thu Sep 13, 2007 6:59 am

well, you could...

Quoting TheCol (Reply 4):
RUN DUDE!!!

RUN AWAY AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!

or

Quoting Yellowstone (Reply 8):
Buy her a snowglobe as an "I'm sorry" present.

But have you actually tried figuring it out with her?

Also,

Quoting ZOTAN (Thread starter):
try to not fight with her on things



Quoting ZOTAN (Thread starter):
but I don't know If I fight it too much also

THe problem I am sensing there is now you are at a point that you are holding back and avoiding confrontation. Sure you are up for a lifetime of that? It calls for a lot of acting and biting your tongue.

THe way I see it, been there, done that. Have fun and meet other people.
Forum moderator 2001-2010; He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard, a belligerent old fart, a worthless st
 
747srule
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RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:46 am

I've said it before and I'll say it again,IF IT HAS TITS OR TIRES,IT"S GOING TO BE TROUBLE!!!!!
Jesus is the way,the truth,and the life
 
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Aaron747
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RE: Ahh Relationship Troubles

Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:13 am

Unable to render advice without knowing if there's mind-blowing make up sex after all these fights or not.
If you need someone to blame / throw a rock in the air / you'll hit someone guilty

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