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MaverickM11
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When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 3:55 pm

I've noticed a few of my peers (I'm 27) are still supplementing their incomes with charitable donations from the parental units. I am not going to lie I certainly accept the odd plane ticket to go home (when I can't nonrev Wink) and Christmas/birthday gift but I'd be mortified if my parents were still paying my rent, car payments, etc.. Maybe it's just me. When should you cut the cord, if it hasn't been cut for you already?
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WrenchBender
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 4:07 pm

Accepting the odd gift is one thing but expecting your parents to support you past the point of self sufficiency is another. I left home at 17 (joined the military) and considered myself "self sufficient" at that point. If parents are still paying/supporting their kids past school (on a regular basis) then they are the ones that appear to need the chord cutting.

WrenchBender
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HickoryShampoo
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 4:26 pm

You're asking this in an A.net forum?!?

Seriously, though, my wife and I asked her mother and my folks to float us a loan when we bought our new house, but it was just that....a loan. My folks eventually forgave that loan. But we're totally self-sufficient and don't receive any regular stipend.
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aa61hvy
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 4:26 pm

When the person has a full time job.
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AirCop
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 4:35 pm



Quoting WrenchBender (Reply 1):
Accepting the odd gift is one thing but expecting your parents to support you past the point of self sufficiency is anothe

Quite true, I left home after high school for the military; pay for college of as I went along, after some 35 years quite financial set.

Quoting HickoryShampoo (Reply 2):
Seriously, though, my wife and I asked her mother and my folks to float us a loan when we bought our new house, but it was just that.

That's not uncommon in today's world...

Quoting HickoryShampoo (Reply 2):
My folks eventually forgave that loan.

NIce of your parents...
 
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OA260
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 5:00 pm

When your 18 its time to pay your own way. If your living at home past 18 then you need to be paying your parents money towards your DWP and phone bill etc....
 
ScarletHarlot
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 5:05 pm

I left home at 18 to go to university. My parents helped me to pay for my first year, and after that would loan me money at the end of a school term when I needed it for deposits on housing for a work term. I paid it back as soon as I could. Other than that, I put myself through university. I did a co-op program so was able to do so with no debt. They also loaned me money for the down payment on my first car, again which was paid back as soon as possible. I think the last time I asked for monetary help from my parents was for the plane ticket when I went home when my dad died in 1996. My mom gives me presents of money at Christmas now, which is nice - better than the weird stuff she gave me in years past. It's not necessary, but it is nice. We also maintain an American dollar bank account for her so she has spending money when she travels to the US.

Two of the Harlot cousins still live with their parents. They are 32 and 35, if I remember correctly. The 35 year old was laid off from his job like five years ago. I think he is still unemployed. The 32 year old works full time. Neither of them contribute to the household expenses. The 35 year old uses his severance package for his spending money. Their mom wanted to retire but was worried that they would not have enough money to support the boys. I guess their mom didn't agree with my MIL when she charged her sons rent to live in the family home when working full time. Both her boys are out on their own, married, and bought homes in their mid-20s.

Another one of my cousins is still supported by his mom. He is in his mid 40s. He's on his second marriage, and he has four kids. His mom, my aunt, is 80 years old. She buys the kids' clothes and other necessities while he spends his money on things like boats. It's pathetic. But the blame has to be placed with both of them. He demands it and she enables it.

If I get into financial difficulty I know my mom will help me. But I would only ask in an emergency. And it goes both ways. I'd be happy to help her if she got into trouble. That's what the money relationship should be between adult kids and their parents. To me, "adult" = working full time, or out of the house but not in school, or married / living with someone.
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MaverickM11
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 5:30 pm



Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 6):
Another one of my cousins is still supported by his mom. He is in his mid 40s. He's on his second marriage, and he has four kids



Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 6):
The 35 year old was laid off from his job like five years ago. I think he is still unemployed.

I think the embarassment of doing that would be enough of an incentive to get a better job, let alone the incentive of not being poor. My parents would be happy to "support me" but I could never get past the shame of it.
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ScarletHarlot
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 5:40 pm



Quoting MaverickM11 (Reply 7):
My parents would be happy to "support me" but I could never get past the shame of it.

Exactly - but these guys seem to have no shame - they seem to take it as their birthright. The only word I can describe it with is pathetic.
But that was when I ruled the world
 
MaverickM11
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 5:52 pm



Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 8):
Exactly - but these guys seem to have no shame - they seem to take it as their birthright. The only word I can describe it with is pathetic.

Yeah I don't get it. My parents have some friends whose child has gotten about 4 different secondary and tertiary degrees and now does day trading and wants the inheritance up front. The audacity to demand an inheritance as if it is owed to you is so mind boggling to me but I guess pop culture makes it ok with the Paris Hiltons of the world.
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wrighbrothers
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 6:00 pm

Well, I don't think that there's a set age or time, some people go off to the military or where-ever at 18 (or even 16) and live their lives independantly from there, but some people are still living at home in their late 20's early 30's.

I think really it's when you're in a stable enough position to have your own roof over your head with enough money to live, there's no point running off early and having a bad start in life just because you'd feel humilitaed that your parents are paying your way.
I do however think that paying a small bit of money to your parents if you're still living at home once you're in a job is not too bad an idea.

Wrighbrothers
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allstarflyer
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 6:04 pm



Quoting AA61Hvy (Reply 3):
When the person has a full time job.

I'll add to that and say the person (not so much a girl, but definitely a guy, unless he medically or perhaps otherwise can't) should move out by 18 or 19 or when that person is out of college.

I moved out right after I received my degree, and I've been better off for it. It was tough, and sometimes my folks helped (more than I deserved, I know), but I finally (by God's grace - can't let that go w/o saying) made it to where I could support myself. And I've paid my folks back (and still some to go there) and am doing well. There's something about being on one's own, apart from influence of others, just being independent. No kid is going to grow up until he moves out on his own and learns how to pull the weight for his own self.
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IFEMaster
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 6:14 pm

Circumstances dictate, but I think there are plenty of people out there who don't want to force the circumstances because it would mean giving up the free ride.

For myself, when I got my first job at 16, my parents asked me to start paying rent. It wasn't much - just £35 per month out of £220 or so that I was earning part time. Most of the rest I saved, and so had a good chunk of change when I went to university at 18. My dad helped me out with a loan to buy a car, but I paid that back quickly, and I got a part time job to help pay my way through university. So essentially, I was financially independent from 18 onwards. The only time since then that I've asked for help from my folks was when I started the business and I needed some additional capital that my bank wouldn't lend me. My dad stumped up the moolah, and after I had paid back about 60% of it, he forgave the rest. His choice, not mine.

One thing I've noticed is that those who tend to sponge off their parents for an extended period of time tend to either not have much of a career, or be late in to 'entry level'. I know a few people who were still living with their parents, either mostly or entirely rent free, until they were at least 27. None of them have particularly impressive employment records or positions, despite have dreams of grandeur. I guess what it comes down to is that if you want something to happen, you have to make it happen, rather than expecting the reality to your dream to just show up on your doorstep.
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ScarletHarlot
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 6:17 pm



Quoting Allstarflyer (Reply 11):
the person (not so much a girl, but definitely a guy

Why not a girl?
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LHRjc
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 6:20 pm

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mhodgson
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 6:59 pm

I'm still supported by mine.

I left school after A-levels, and took a job during a gap year to help fund either uni or pilot training. In that time, in a menial minimum wage job, I managed to save over £6000 as my parents refused to accept any rent. I paid for my car and fuel, plus anything that was for me.

During my training, the money I had saved paid my living fees throughout the 7 months of groundschool, and for most of my time in the USA. I am now being loaned money by them to pay for living, which I intend to pay back. We are all happy that the money I saved lasted longer than forecast, so that has been great.

I suppose technically I'm not living off my parents, in so much as I will be paying them back and am currently independent in all but money. If I need any additional assistance I am lucky that they are able and willing to assist.

Every case is different; I don't think it is possible to say that at such an age you shouldn't be supported by your parents.
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JAGflyer
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:01 pm

I moved out when I was 18 to attend college. Although my parents helped pay for school/living out of the city I still prefer to pay for my own entertainment and stuff I want/need. They offered to reimburse me for my textbooks but I doubt I'll take more than 50% of what I paid from them. I am not on OSAP (Ontario Student Assistance Program). A lot of people I seem to know here are on OSAP, which probably is because the a large population of the school are basic small town people. It's actually a good change from living in the GTA for all of my life and growing up with city people. It's a great school and there are lot of great people here! Most importantly the offer the aviation program I am currently taking!  airplane 

As for people who are in their 30s and 40s and still being supported by their parents (god forbid living with their parents at that age) I can't feel sorry for them. The parents should have raised the kids to be more independent and able to live on their own.
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VSlover
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:03 pm

i dont know. i have a great career, am 27, make six figures and have my stuff together. moreover, i am wholly responsible for everything i do or buy--that being said though, i cant stop my parents from making the odd payments here and there because (1) they are not by any definition unable to pay and (2) we use the same financial planner so sometimes i dont notice something was covered until months later (ie some of my bills go to the planner and sometimes mom will just say "pay it").

so when i see my insurance bill has been paid for the year or even a credit card paid off randomly? yeah i'm appreciative but we both know i can easily pay it, but my parents just felt like helping and pay. of course that being said, its not some bizarre relationship where they hold it over me either--so it seems to work.

this being said, they will not ever buy me a plane ticket home  Sad haha, and i'm ok with that.
 
Pope
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:17 pm

One of the greatest moments of satisfaction I ever had in my life was during the 1998 World Cup. My mother and father were visiting my wife and me at our new home in Atlanta. During the game I put my feet on the coffee table which immediately evoked the "get your feet off the coffee table" response from my father (I guess it was out of habit). I turned off the TV and said:

"Excuse me. But we're in a house I've bought, sitting on furniture I've paid for, eating food I purchased watching the game on a TV I own. If I want to lie naked on the coffee table and put my dirty feet on the coffee table or couch that's exactly what I'm going to do. As long as you're staying under my roof my rules apply."

With that I turned the TV back on. My dad sort of sat there with a shit eating grin and said, "you're absolutely right, I apologize."

At half-time I noticed that he walked up stairs to the guest bedroom before coming back to watch the second half.

Sadly, about 4 months later he was diagnosed with aggressive form of bone marrow cancer and died a couple months later.

A few years later I was talking to my mom and this story came up. She said to me, that what I didn't know was that during half time he'd gone up to their room and told my mom the whole story. He also told her that he had the exact same exchange with his father the first time his father came to visit them 30 years before. My mom said that he had tears in his eyes because he was so proud.

There are way too many little sh*ts on this planet who think that they are adults but literally can't survive without HAVING to rely on their parents for the basic necessities of life.

I left to college at 18 and never again took a dime from my parents. Not because they didn't offer or because I didn't love them but because I couldn't claim to be a man if I was still depending on them.
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JetBlueGuy2006
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:39 pm



Quoting Pope (Reply 18):

Great story Pope, I will remember that one. I would add you to my RM list, but its' not working.

Anyway, currently i am still in college, and the agreement I have with my parents is that I will pay for half of my college expenses and they will pay the other half. I bought a car last year, and I am paying for that on my own.

When I get out of college and find a full time job, I will not accept money from them. I hope to one day pay them back for the college education they helped to provide. However, I should point out that for my half of the college money; a lot of it comes from an "investment" my grandma gave me.

When she passed away, she left her grand kids all the same amount of money. It was a nice chunk of change, and all of us got the same amount. Then all of her kids got about 5 x's that much. She invested well and lived an average life. Until she passed, I never knew she had saved that much. The stipulation was that it must be used for a college education. It is my money, and I have control of it to the extent I can use it for whatever I want as long as it is related to college. She passed away when I was 10, and since we invested it, it has increased in value, so it would go a longer way than say my brother who is 3 and half years older than I am. As with the cousins that were out of college when she passed, they are or were free to use it for whatever they wanted. So, with whatever money I have left after college, I hope to pay off my car, and maybe buy a nice TV or something and keep a lot of it in the fund she set up.
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KL773ER
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 8:16 pm



Quoting WrenchBender (Reply 1):
If parents are still paying/supporting their kids past school (on a regular basis) then they are the ones that appear to need the chord cutting.

 checkmark   checkmark   checkmark   checkmark 

Quoting OA260 (Reply 5):
When your 18 its time to pay your own way.

 checkmark   checkmark   checkmark   checkmark 

I guess it all boils down to:
- The relationship between parent and offspring
- How much a parent teaches their offspring the value of earning something by working hard.
- The value of money

Personally ... when I was in school I had summer jobs to pay for things that I really (thought I) wanted e.g., Nike - Air Jordon basketball shoes for $200. I eventually started self supporting when I had a full time job. Now more than ever (being out on my own and far far from home), I am thankful that my parents taught me about working hard and the value of money.

-KL
 
allstarflyer
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 8:30 pm



Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 13):
Quoting Allstarflyer (Reply 11):
the person (not so much a girl, but definitely a guy

Why not a girl?

It's much more understandable (at least for me, and I could be wrong) if a girl stays home w/her folks - usually, until she's married. But if she's successful or has the grit and guts to go it alone regardless of income, more power to her. That kind of girl is better than some guys across whom I've run.

But the guys - if they're still at home into their 20's and beyond, that, to me, is shameful. Man up and rough it - there's a payoff for it (like learning how to think for one's self - which, again in my opinion, some guys much lack the maturity to do). Guys are often at home either bilking their parents or too afraid to go it alone. Nothing against the girls here - it's just that some guys need to man up.
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ScarletHarlot
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 8:34 pm



Quoting Wrighbrothers (Reply 10):
I think really it's when you're in a stable enough position to have your own roof over your head with enough money to live,

What if you're a dumbass and you waste your money, and you end up age 30 and aren't in a stable enough position to have your own roof over your head and enough money to live? Why should your parents help you?

Quoting Wrighbrothers (Reply 10):
there's no point running off early and having a bad start in life just because you'd feel humilitaed that your parents are paying your way.

Yes there is. I went off to university with about $7000 to my name, IIRC. With the exception of my second term in first year, I managed to keep my head above the water and not take money from my parents. Sometimes I had $200 in my bank account with a month to go of school. Things were tight but I made it through. And you know what - I DID IT MYSELF. By myself I laid the foundation for the rest of my life and by God I'm proud of where I am now. I could have stayed home and gone to the local university (Lakehead), as my parents wanted me to do. I would have lived at home and it would have been a lot cheaper. But I wouldn't have had the career opportunities open to me as I had at Waterloo. I wouldn't have met the people I did, who were as smart, geeky and driven as I was, and who showed me that the geeks will inherit the earth. It was a big risk to go off to school without parental help but it was the best thing I ever did and it made me who I am today. Sometimes you have to take the risk to get the reward.
But that was when I ruled the world
 
MaverickM11
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 8:36 pm



Quoting Pope (Reply 18):
There are way too many little sh*ts on this planet who think that they are adults but literally can't survive without HAVING to rely on their parents for the basic necessities of life.

Amen to that. If everyone acted with a little less entitlement and a little more responsibility just about every other problem would go away.

Quoting OA260 (Reply 5):
When your 18 its time to pay your own way. If your living at home past 18 then you need to be paying your parents money towards your DWP and phone bill etc....

I'd say even a little bit after college would be ok...after all I was onethem "little sh*ts" until I got my first job and decided to take control and stop being ignunt.
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IH8BY
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 8:36 pm

In the UK at least parents are expected (except if they are on a very low income) to support their children through university, and the provision of maximum loans reflects this. Very often basic rent in student accommodation far exceeds the maximum loan amount that is available to students, and for many students, even if they have held on a part time job before, financial assistance is still required.

My situation: living at home whilst working to fund a masters degree next academic year. I will move out when I start that course, and would intend to stay out once I have a permanent job following the end of the course. Had I moved into a permanent job immediately following the end of my course, I would have moved out most likely mid summer.
I think putting a certain age where you say "so and so should be living by themselves" is really very difficult to do, because every situation is different.
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fxramper
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 8:46 pm



Quoting AA61Hvy (Reply 3):
When the person has a full time job.

We might need to get in touch with Mom and Dad soon.



 cry 

Did you hear about the Purple Promise "Stocking Stuffer" this year?

 rotfl 
 
aa61hvy
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 9:25 pm



Quoting FXramper (Reply 25):
We might need to get in touch with Mom and Dad soon.

Sales is the last to be fired my man... Poor ops guys.

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egmcman
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 10:10 pm

I know of a couple who two kids will soon be three her parents do their shopping pay for it . My parents and I think it's sponging as the husband works full time and been promoted in his IT job. The daughters Mum seems to spend a lot of time cooking an d cleaning taking her eldest grandson to school. Basically the daughter is lazy and outside work from what I can gather the the son in law everytime you hear about has glass with a beer in his hand. The grandparents even payed their daughter around £14000 when she was expecting their first child and working for them in a franchise her parents owned this far more generous than maternity rules state she did no work for year. The parents have son who does not live in the immediate area and he thinks they give his sister and brother in law too much.
 
Gunships
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 10:19 pm



Quoting FXramper (Reply 25):
Did you hear about the Purple Promise "Stocking Stuffer" this year?

I used mine to upgrade a Big Mac combo.
 
egmcman
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 10:23 pm



Quoting MaverickM11 (Thread starter):
When should you cut the cord, if it hasn't been cut for you already?

I believe as others have said it's dependent on the situation rather than age. I moved into to an apartment when they moved to Spain. I have been temping for a while and enjoy my assignment and living on my own. I am looking for permanent employment though as I would like to be in a position to buy an apartment.
 
767Lover
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Fri Jan 18, 2008 10:32 pm



Quoting Pope (Reply 18):
I couldn't claim to be a man if I was still depending on them.



Quoting Allstarflyer (Reply 21):
it's just that some guys need to man up.

 checkmark 

I really don't want to offend anyone here, but here is a woman's perspective:

I am well above age 35. Girlfriends my age consistently talk about how they can't find guys our age who could actually be called "men." The guys they tend to meet are immature and weak (and this crosses geography: ATL, San Fran, AMS, NY). The common theme seems to be that these guys kind of "drift" from one job to another (or are perpetual students without being on a progression such as law or medical school), can't commit to anyone or anything, and seem to want their "mommies."

Our conclusion has been that guys -- men -- from our parent's generation were much stronger. And it seems that the common theme there is either that they had gone off to the military at a young age, or were in the work world at an early age (or usually married with family to support.) Basically, they were more responsible because they simply HAD to be. LIfe wasn't as cushy for them as it is for kids today.

Which led us to conclude that some kind of mandatory military service -- not necessarily in a combat role, but civil service: humanitarian missions, road work or other manual labor-type stuff--is not a bad idea to instill responsibility in young men (and women.) Something where they have to get out of bed early each day and make something happen. I know my own niece and nephew are well into their 20s, living off my brother and seem to have no direction (when I ask my nephew what he is up to these days the response is "Just hangin' out.")

Helicopter parents of the present generation tend to fuel this as well.
 
Cory6188
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 1:06 am

I'm admittedly a bit surprised at how young many of you were when you either started to pay your parents rent or completely became independent. I'm a sophomore in college at 19 years old, and with the exception of my own personal frivolous stuff (movies, restaurants, etc.), they pay for tuition, books, everything while I'm home, etc. The thought of having to go it on my own scares the crap out of me, honestly. Heck, my family still goes on vacation together when I'm home on break.

And I know quite a few alums who graduated last year who got jobs close to home and were planning on living at home, at least for a while in the beginning (especially those from areas near a major city -- NYC, Chicago, LA, etc.). If neither you nor your parents mind, why not? I certainly would take advantage of it -- I wouldn't have to worry about rent, food, being alone, etc.
 
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asuflyer05
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 2:36 am

Ideally 18. But in some areas of the country, the cost of living is so high it's tough to move out on your own.
 
dtwclipper
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 5:19 am



Quoting MaverickM11 (Thread starter):
When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

When you collect your inheritance.
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pdxtriple7
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 5:57 am



Quoting Cory6188 (Reply 31):
I'm a sophomore in college at 19 years old, and with the exception of my own personal frivolous stuff (movies, restaurants, etc.), they pay for tuition, books, everything while I'm home, etc. The thought of having to go it on my own scares the crap out of me, honestly. Heck, my family still goes on vacation together when I'm home on break.

I'm in the exact same position as you, although living on my own doesn't scare the crap out of me because I feel my parents have prepared me well. I'm also excited for the challenge of fending for myself. If my parents can afford to pay for my college education, I see no reason why I should take out enormous amounts of loans. I realize that I am SO LUCKY to have amazing opportunities. This is why I take advantage of them. I worked my tail off in high school and continue to work very hard in college. I saw so many people in high school who had parents who would pay for any college, but they failed to seize the opportunity. When I graduate from college and land a job, I want to be on my own. I'm sure the first few years will be tough.
 
KL642
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 8:42 am

I have friends in NYC who still live with their parents and they are in their 40's and 50's! I can understand this somewhat because rents there are outrageously insane.
 
Orion737
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 12:05 pm

Here is a confession. I am 32 and still living of my father. I dont work, havent for years but I dont get propped up by the state. My dad and Grandmother are able to fund holidays, clothes etc and they pay my household bills etc.
 
ajd1992
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 1:19 pm

I've been told once I get a proper job (so probably 16, if i can fit a job in around my college course) i will be paying rent, which is fair enough considering for the last 15 years and 6 months i've been living here free. I don't know about leaving home, because i couldn't afford to live on my own/with roommates until i was probably 21+.
 
AA7295
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 2:06 pm

This is the a major deciding point for me at the moment. I'm 21, and I graduate from college in 6 months. I don't get along with my parents at all. They've done some really shady things to me and my mates since I was a kid. Once I finish university, I want to move overseas, take the 100K my grandfather left me and never ever return to my family here in Sydney.

But I'm horrified at the fact that I have never lived out of home, and the fact that I would have to start a whole new life.
 
LH423
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 3:26 pm

For me, I'm back on the parental dole at 25.

Basically, for me I lived at home rent-free until I was 21. Then I moved out and was essentially all but independent. Occasionally, if I got in a jam I could ask my parents for money but I paid my own rent, bought my own food, paid my own bills, etc.

Last year, I returned to university. So far my parents have been paying my tuition and a lot of my living expenses. I do have to say I really hate it and hopefully by next year I'll be able to be a lot more independent of them again. It's just difficult to try and be independent and not graduate university with $40,000 in debt.

However, once I'm finished university, I will aim to be completely independent once again, and hopefully my job will pay me enough that I won't need to occasionally ask for a little help.

LH423
« On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux » Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
 
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HAWK21M
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 4:51 pm

When you start Earning.
It can a part time job while at college too.
regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
ScarletHarlot
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 5:34 pm



Quoting Orion737 (Reply 36):
I dont work, havent for years

Why not? Are you unable to work?

Quoting AA7295 (Reply 38):
But I'm horrified at the fact that I have never lived out of home, and the fact that I would have to start a whole new life.

You know what, you'll be fine. In fact, you'll probably love it, especially if you don't get along well with your parents. One of the things I loved most about leaving home was getting away from my parents and no longer being subject to their flawed decision making. It was all up to me once I left and I could finally make decisions that wouldn't be questioned or overruled by alcoholic parents. I made lots of wonderful friends and they became my family. I got to make the life *I* had always wanted. It was the best thing I ever did. You are fortunate that you have your nest egg. That will make things a lot easier.

Quoting Pdxtriple7 (Reply 34):
If my parents can afford to pay for my college education, I see no reason why I should take out enormous amounts of loans. I realize that I am SO LUCKY to have amazing opportunities. This is why I take advantage of them.

The key here is that you realize how lucky you are, and you don't take it as a given or as your right. Mr. Harlot's parents paid his way through university, including his living expenses. They were proud to do so and he felt very fortunate to have such an opportunity and did not take it lightly. He wanted to do well in school to make them proud of him. There's nothing wrong with that. It is when it becomes expected or demanded that it becomes something ugly.

Quoting 767Lover (Reply 30):
here is a woman's perspective:

Excellent post, girlfriend! But I think it depends highly on the parents to instill such values. I am not going to have kids, but if I did, you bet I'd have them down at the local homeless shelter volunteering as soon as I could. And if they wanted expensive stuff they'd pay for at least part of it. Any kid of mine would have to earn their way in life. That makes it so much sweeter. It seems that some - many? - parents want to make it too easy for their kids. I think it has always been this way but with society generally becoming wealthier more parents are able to do so. But it can and does backfire.
But that was when I ruled the world
 
Boeing74741R
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RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 5:51 pm

Interesting debate we have here, so I think I'll add another dimension...

I am 18, currently in my 2nd year at college with a part-time job and in September/October I will be progressing on to Lancaster University (providing I get the grades). To be honest I can't want to move out of the house later this year as I am champing at the bit here, for many reasons and I do know the implications of what I will be under when I do (and this applies to many people who go off to uni).

For a kick-off I will be living away from home so that means...

1. I will have to pay for everything myself (including rent, food, books etc)
2. I will no doubt rack up a huge debt by the time I graduate
3. One year of the degree will be spent on a work placement, which will possibly mean relocating to another part of the country

I will be paying for everything at uni by myself and to do this will be done through a mixture of a loan, wages from a part-time job, and whatever grants I am entitled to. Some people will be fortunate enough to have mummy and daddy pay for everything, others will be living at home thus reducing the amount of debt they will rack up by a significant margin, and the rest will be fending for themselves (like me). My parents can't afford to pay for me at university and you know what, I don't expect them to be paying for me and will not be running to them for money (unless it is in an absolute emergency), and I am looking forward to living alone.

When I do graduate the chances are I may have to move back home for a while until I am earning enough money in a job to pay off my debts AND to be able to live in a place of my own. My cousin has just turned 23 and she's still living with her mum and dad (my aunty and uncle) because her debts racked up at uni means that she can't afford to live in a place of her own.

Therefore to answer the OP's question the time when people should stop living off their parents is down to the situation that both sides are in (the relationship between both sides plays a huge factor), and when the situation of the offspring means that they can go out and be self sufficient. I know that it is traditional in some countries/families to move out of the house when they turn 18, but this is the 21st century and what may have been possible many years ago is no longer viable.

Having said that I think that it is a disgrace if people are still living at home with their parents deliberately and proves that they will get nowhere in life (especially if they can't hold down a job for more than three months).
 
egmcman
Posts: 729
Joined: Sun Jun 26, 2005 6:28 pm

RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 5:53 pm



Quoting Orion737 (Reply 36):
Here is a confession. I am 32 and still living of my father. I dont work, havent for years but I dont get propped up by the state. My dad and Grandmother are able to fund holidays, clothes etc and they pay my household bills etc.

What do you intend to do with the rest of your life? Do you do any voluntary work? Time must pass very slowly without having a job even if it's part time.
 
Orion737
Posts: 3044
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2005 10:14 pm

RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:06 pm

At the moment, Im depressed, very much so. I lack motivation to work or to do very much at all. Physically im a mess too, poor LFT means a liver transplant still hasnt been ruled out yet.

I spent awhile recently in a mental hospital and work is the last thing on my mind. its a battle,everyday. the thoughts of suicide still with me, i feel guilty for many many things but nor working is not one of them.
 
ScarletHarlot
Posts: 4251
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2003 12:15 pm

RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:30 pm



Quoting Orion737 (Reply 44):
I lack motivation to work or to do very much at all. Physically im a mess too,

Is your family well-off enough then to carry you financially without burden to themselves?
But that was when I ruled the world
 
L-188
Posts: 29881
Joined: Wed Jul 07, 1999 11:27 am

RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:48 pm

I also moved out at 18 when I went in the service. Actually that is probably one of the smarter things I have done in my life. I was completely self-sufficent for about 12 years until I moved back to AK after my first two years in college. I then moved into a uncompleted house she owns. I have been paying the property tax on it and trying to make inprovements, such as a paver patio I put in last year. So while I am getting a below market rate, it does help her out.

I have a brother who still lives at home, but he has been doing all of the construction work on a new house that she is refurbing, so he isn't completely leeching either.

Quoting 767Lover (Reply 30):
Our conclusion has been that guys -- men -- from our parent's generation were much stronger. And it seems that the common theme there is either that they had gone off to the military at a young age, or were in the work world at an early age (or usually married with family to support.) Basically, they were more responsible because they simply HAD to be. LIfe wasn't as cushy for them as it is for kids today.

 checkmark   checkmark   checkmark 

This is one of the few reasons I accept as legitimate for re-instating the draft.

Quoting MaverickM11 (Reply 9):
My parents have some friends whose child has gotten about 4 different secondary and tertiary degrees and now does day trading and wants the inheritance up front.

You know this is about the time you go ahead and write the dog and your favorite charity in the will.

One thing that I don't think is being mentioned is the dependency that some parents develop for this kids. They can't picture their kids leaving after a while so they enable.
OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
 
PlymSpotter
Posts: 10812
Joined: Thu Jun 17, 2004 7:32 am

RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 8:16 pm



Quoting Orion737 (Reply 44):

With all due respect, the internet is not perhaps the best place for you to be voicing such problems, in fact, it's probably the worst.  Smile


I'm currently supporting myself; paying my own rent, bills, buying my own food etc.. etc.. but as of July I'll be moving back to live with my family with no idea when I'll be moving out again. At the moment I have a student loan to fall back on and don't really have time for working full time around my studies anyway, but over the summer plan to get a full time job so that I can contribute to rent, council tax and food.


Dan Smile
...love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...
 
WestJetForLife
Posts: 704
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2005 3:37 am

RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 8:17 pm

Personally, I think that people should stop living off of their parents when they are A: 18-19 or B: finished college/university.

Good example: my dad says "you can live here for as long as you want under two conditions: one, you're still in school or two: you work full-time." I see no point in living with mom and dad past 22-23 (from my perspective), even if the road of life does get a bit bumpy after high school and college.

Cheers,
Nik
I need a drink.
 
Orion737
Posts: 3044
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2005 10:14 pm

RE: When Should You Stop Living Off Your Parents?

Sat Jan 19, 2008 8:37 pm

My parents and grandparents, particularly are well off and I, have always been the 'favourite' this has its obvious advantages but some disadvantages too in that it suits them to keep me as a child rather that ever making me stand on my own feet.

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