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Qantasistheway
Topic Author
Posts: 278
Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 12:30 pm

Anybody Want To Read My Essay?

Wed Jan 28, 2009 8:17 pm

Hi all,

I have been spending quite some time writing this essay in the last few months. I am writing about the measured being taken in order to cut carbon emissions in the civil aviation industry. I was wondering if anybody would want to read and comment on my essay as it is always refreshing to hear another opinion. So fell free to comment on style, facts or just the essay in general. I would be grateful about any comment. I have posted before however the link was faulty so I have changed that and found a suitable link.

http://www.docstoc.com/docs/3898706/...n-the-commercial-aviation-industry

Again, any feedback is appreciated.

Cheers and thank you.
Oliver.
 
cairo
Posts: 889
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2005 2:41 pm

RE: Anybody Want To Read My Essay?

Wed Jan 28, 2009 11:53 pm

Qantasistheway,

It is a good paper especially for an audience who may be mostly unfamiliar with the topic. Here are my thoughts:

THE GOOD
1. good overview of the airline industry & its history
2. good overview of Airbus and Boeing
3. Boeing interview is very professional - this is not just an internet search, which is great
4. NWA interview is very nice - again - you actually did this on your own
5. your chart is good comparing emissions offsetting schemes
6. generally well written and well organized

THE PARTS I MIGHT RE-CONSIDER
1. Boeing Revenue is wrong - it is about 66 billion in 2007, not 4 billion. You might be confusing earnings (profits) with revenue for the figure you are concerning.

2. Although your history and overview of the airline industry is nice, is it so very relevant to the topic (controlling carbon emissions) that it must be this long and detailed? I would probably condense the history of airlines into one paragraph and the history of Boeing and Airbus BOTH into one paragraph. Again, it's interesting stuff, I'm just not sure it's relevant to the non-airline enthusiast who just wants to hear about carbon emissions.

3. Your proposals towards the end of what needs to be done (example: passengers should choose the A380) are too few and a bit too simplistic. The A380 burns more fuel than any commercial aircraft flying! It only becomes the most efficient when it carries a full passenger load - an important consideration. Isn't a better prescription to simply use the most efficient plane for each flight and buy offsetting emissions credit? Just an idea.

4. Too much of the Airbus and Boeing background and some other parts just sound like they came straight from a product brochure...nothing much critical is mentioned. For instance, why did A choose to concentrate on the A380 while B chose the 787 in recent years...and which is better for the environment in which scenarios???

---

Just my thoughts. My sleeping hours are completely messed up so I've got time on my hands to read papers!

good luck

Cairo
 
ANITIX87
Posts: 2998
Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 4:52 am

RE: Anybody Want To Read My Essay?

Thu Jan 29, 2009 12:00 am

I will admit I didn't have time to read it very thoroughly, but here are some impressions.

As Cairo said, your paper is quite professional and well laid-out. It was interesting to read and didn't lose my interest, which is easy in these types of papers.

One warning: be careful about citing wikipedia. I wouldn't recommend doing it, as many professionals won't accept it as a reliable source. Instead, read the wikipedia article and cite the information's source, not the wiki article itself.

TIS
www.stellaryear.com: Canon EOS 50D, Canon EOS 5DMkII, Sigma 50mm 1.4, Canon 24-70 2.8L II, Canon 100mm 2.8L, Canon 100-4
 
MOBflyer
Posts: 150
Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2007 9:42 am

RE: Anybody Want To Read My Essay?

Thu Jan 29, 2009 12:36 am

I find the differences in American English and British/(actually everywhere but America lol) English interesting to read. For whatever reason, the differences don't seem as start in media publications, so an essay is an interesting read.

Are you at liberty to disclose what was this essay is for exactly?
 
Qantasistheway
Topic Author
Posts: 278
Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 12:30 pm

RE: Anybody Want To Read My Essay?

Thu Jan 29, 2009 4:34 pm

Thanks a lot for the people that have taken the time to have a look. It really helps to see where I've gone wrong because it is a long essay and difficult to keep track of everything so a few other pair of eyes always help.

Quoting Cairo (Reply 1):
THE GOOD
1. good overview of the airline industry & its history
2. good overview of Airbus and Boeing
3. Boeing interview is very professional - this is not just an internet search, which is great
4. NWA interview is very nice - again - you actually did this on your own
5. your chart is good comparing emissions offsetting schemes
6. generally well written and well organized

Thanks, it's good to know I have gotten some things right.

Quoting Cairo (Reply 1):
1. Boeing Revenue is wrong - it is about 66 billion in 2007, not 4 billion. You might be confusing earnings (profits) with revenue for the figure you are concerning.

So rvenue is around 66 billion and profit is around 4 billion?

Quoting Cairo (Reply 1):
2. Although your history and overview of the airline industry is nice, is it so very relevant to the topic (controlling carbon emissions) that it must be this long and detailed? I would probably condense the history of airlines into one paragraph and the history of Boeing and Airbus BOTH into one paragraph. Again, it's interesting stuff, I'm just not sure it's relevant to the non-airline enthusiast who just wants to hear about carbon emissions.

Okay I will look into this - I do tend to wander off a little bit.

Quoting Cairo (Reply 1):
3. Your proposals towards the end of what needs to be done (example: passengers should choose the A380) are too few and a bit too simplistic. The A380 burns more fuel than any commercial aircraft flying! It only becomes the most efficient when it carries a full passenger load - an important consideration. Isn't a better prescription to simply use the most efficient plane for each flight and buy offsetting emissions credit? Just an idea.



Quoting Cairo (Reply 1):
4. Too much of the Airbus and Boeing background and some other parts just sound like they came straight from a product brochure...nothing much critical is mentioned. For instance, why did A choose to concentrate on the A380 while B chose the 787 in recent years...and which is better for the environment in which scenarios???

Well then you could probably tell I have been doing most of my research from the Boeing and Airbus websites - and especially the information that they provide which would be very positive towards the company 99% of the time.

Quoting ANITIX87 (Reply 2):
One warning: be careful about citing wikipedia. I wouldn't recommend doing it, as many professionals won't accept it as a reliable source. Instead, read the wikipedia article and cite the information's source, not the wiki article itself.

Oh believe me, my school is helbent on this. They have drilled it into us soooo many times. So I know the dangers of wikipedia. However I believe I have used it for information such as revenue or number of employees etc. I will however be looking for an alternative as I am aware of this danger. But thanks for the heads-up I could easily have overlooked that.

Quoting MOBflyer (Reply 3):
Are you at liberty to disclose what was this essay is for exactly?

Well I am in Grade 10 at an IB school and one of the requirements to complete the year and pass on to Grade 11 is a fairly large project called the Personal Project. This project allows you to do anything you like however it is marked on various criterion e.g. It has to fit in with an AOI (Area of Interaction - how it relates to the real world). I have chosen to do aviation which fits in nicely of the AOI of environment, hence the title "What are the efforts being made in order to cut carbon emissions in the commercial aviation industry?". If you would like to know anything more I would be happy to help.


Thanks a lot for all those who read and in particular Cairo, ANITIX87 and MBOflyer.

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