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lincoln
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Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 12:44 am

Ok, I'm T minus 10 days to my 25th birthday and in the midst of the "I'm Old... Oh, My God, I'm OLD!" panic the lack of a meaningful, romantic, relationship with one of the opposite sex is really weighing on me.

My last, and only, real relationship was in 5th grade, and I've been "friends" with plenty of women who in hindsight I wish I would have persued. Since moving to Cleveland (Ohio) almost 4 years ago, I've met excatly one woman with 2 or 3 dates.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

I'm a professional-sports-hating, arts-loving, indorsey, outdoorsey decently traveled sensitive guy who loves dogs, burns anything he attempts to cook, and has a stable job that pays well above the average income for the area. I love being spontaneous, and donate generously. I speak fluent sarcasam but know how to keep it under control.

I have season tickets to the opera, actually enjoy ballet, and have mastered "One best available, please" in box offices around the country

I try not to worry about money, pick up the tab for dinner, hold doors, etc.

Based on everyting I've read/heard/etc. it seems like I should be someone's ideal catch... but here I am....asking for pre-dating advice on A.net (again).

Ultimately, I guess the problem is meeting women... I work in a small, all-male office and dislike the whole bar/club scene as far as a vehicle for meeting random [drunk] strangers goes.

I think part of the reason I'm screwed up, aside from ADHD/Generalized Anxiety is that in high school I ran video for/managed the women's varistiy voleyball and swim teams--at home and on the road: I am incapible of thinking of a woman as an object* and have probably an unrealistic physical standard. (I'm 6'0" and 130#... I alternate between thinking that that's good or bad)

*- Though I will admit that I had a "Nice Ass" moment waiting to pick up tickets for a dance show last night. God, I wish I would have said that out loud.
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STT757
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 12:50 am

1.) Don't panic
2.) Always keep your cool
3.) Improve yourself, working out, better care of the hair, teeth etc..
4.) Do things that brings you into contact with people, organizations, gym classes, church groups etc..
5.) I know this one is going to sound weird but I know some people who have had good luck with online dating websites, a friend of my Wife just married this guy who really is handsome. They met on one of those dating websites, trust me both of them are very attractive people who had no problem hooking up but just not dating. Give it a shot.
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AvObserver
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 12:56 am

You're young so you've plenty of time yet. However, if you have issues socializing seek some sort of counseling. Do something if you continue to be unable to connect because you don't want to wind up alone at 53 like me. Then it's too late so be proactive at addressing your true problem, if you have one. It sounds like you've a lot going for you; maybe you've got issues getting close to someone. Whatever it is, don't put off serious action because NOW is the time to address it. If you just wait for something to just come along, you'll wind up like me. Don't let that happen. Good luck!
 
lincoln
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 1:11 am

Thanks for the feedback!

Quoting STT757 (Reply 1):
.) I know this one is going to sound weird but I know some people who have had good luck with online dating

I've actually been doing the online dating ting for a while -- and that's the source of the one series of dates I've pulled off.

I think part of the problem is that I have problems being forward -- I'd much rather that the woman was more forward-- or at least equally forward. I'm also not sure where the line is between "expressing interest" and "harassing".

Some social scientists have referenced the "hidden curriculum" (what is learned but not taught in school) -- and I think I missed out on a lot of this, so am now playing catch up.
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STT757
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 1:39 am



Quoting Lincoln (Reply 3):
I think part of the problem is that I have problems being forward -- I'd much rather that the woman was more forward-- or at least equally forward. I'm also not sure where the line is between "expressing interest" and "harassing".

Some social scientists have referenced the "hidden curriculum" (what is learned but not taught in school) -- and I think I missed out on a lot of this, so am now playing catch up.

Sounds to me like you were someone who was doing all the right things in High School (participating, studying etc..) yet feel like you missed out?.. Don't fret the past..

First things first, stop over thinking. Your obviously a smart guy, learn to turn that off after work. Dumb yourself down a little on the weekends. Reason being is when you come in contact with folks your meeting for the first time you want to come across as down to Earth, not a know it all. Second don't try to have meaningful discussions, keep it at a elementary level.

" Hey you smell great, what are you wearing?".. "I noticed you before, you have a great presence"... " You have beautiful eyes, lips, hair, legs etc.."

When it comes to talking to Women Keep it simple, keep it moving. Don't try to put yourself over by showing how smart you are, I think Women find that as a turn off. Think "down to Earth"..
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alaska737
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 2:09 am

Read "The Game" by Neil Strauss

It will change your life, that is a promise, he has other books you can read but this is the bible of getting women.
 
greasespot
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 2:15 am



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
relationship with one of the opposite sex i

Perhaps try the same sex
 Wink

gs
Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 2:19 am

Maybe you're gay? Come to our side. Besides, I get a free toaster if I convert ya!  duck 

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):

I'm a professional-sports-hating, arts-loving, indorsey, outdoorsey decently traveled sensitive guy who loves dogs, burns anything he attempts to cook, and has a stable job that pays well above the average income for the area.

That's part of your problem. You're 24 and FANTASTIC husband material. The problem is that at your age, the last thing you want to be is husband material. You want to be "throwdown" material.

So let me start by asking you a few questions:
1) Where do you go on a regular basis where you might meet women?

2) How's your game? Are you shy and tend to be a wallflower? Or can you actually strike up a conversation with a woman and keep it going? How are you at asking a woman on a date? Do your palms sweat and your blood pressure shoots up?

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
I've been "friends" with plenty of women who in hindsight I wish I would have persued.

Is that the answer? If so, we need to have a chat.

3) Do you dress for success? Not to be the queeny Queer Eye for the Straight Guy but chicks dig men who dress well. OK, so you're a bean pole. Congrats, lots of us would love to be a bean pole. You're cute, too. Do you dress for your looks? For example, if you buy a button-down shirt, you ought to take it to a tailor to have it taken in around the body a bit. Can you match colors in an outfit a bit?

As a gay man, I can be both the hunter and the hunted. Tricks that have worked on me include buying me a drink and striking up an interesting conversation, walking up to me and complimenting me on my looks, or simply starting a conversation. If she's interested, then you don't have much to do. If she's not, then women are like planes. If this one isn't going where you want, another will be at the gate within the hour.  Wink

A lot of it is confidence. You're gonna get rejected. Deal with it. You cannot be hurt, invalidated, or emotionally destroyed by a complete stranger.

To finish, I'll tell you a story about a guy who was constantly getting laid. One day, his friend asked him: "What's your secret? It's not like you're that much better looking than I am, so how do you do it?"
He said: "Well, when I see a pretty woman, I go up to her and say, 'hey, let's get dinner and then go back to my place and screw!'
"But don't you get slapped a lot for that?"
"Sure I do! But I get a lot of screwing in, too!"

I know that's not quite your angle, but there is a moral to the story, isn't there?
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
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Phoenix9
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 2:22 am



Quoting DocLightning (Reply 7):
If she's not, then women are like planes. If this one isn't going where you want, another will be at the gate within the hour

One of the best lines on A.net ever!  bigthumbsup 
Life only makes sense when you look at it backwards.
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 2:30 am



Quoting Phoenix9 (Reply 8):

One of the best lines on A.net ever! bigthumbsup

*bows deeply* Thank you, thank you.

I was gonna use the old "women are like buses" line, but this is A.net, no?
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
RGElectra80
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 2:48 am



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
Since moving to Cleveland (Ohio)

There's your problem... duck 
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northstardc4m
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 3:05 am

Honestly mate... nothing is wrong with you...

I'm stuck single myself...

I've had no real long term relationships ever... I have had a few short to medium ones, some of them catastrophic... some pleasant... most just enh.

I keep at it, no im not a GQ looking guy, but I'm also a "gentleman" according to all the women ive dated (at least until they want to break up with me...), im 29, single, well enough off, and "really nice". Physical attributes aside i should be a perfect catch for many women, and yet here i am. I do have drawbacks... I tend to be shy, and sometimes over-compensate for my "intelligent overtones"... both of which will turn someone off really quick i found out.

All i can say is I keep at it, and there is no point in giving up. Might be time to try alternative ways of meeting someone. Try blind dates that someone sets you up on, or volunteer somewhere... I'd give internet dating a C- if i were to grade it, but I have TWO friends that are getting married this summer to women they found online...

The only thing you might want to try that might be a little awkward at 1st is try a reverse order relationship... try being physical 1st, then emotional... not easy to do, full of dangers, and you need to make sure before you start that it that she is ok with it, but it IS about the only success i had online, and we are still friends, we just weren't quite compatible, but we certainly both enjoyed it more than our previous relationships. Just be careful though, don't get drawn into a sugardaddy situation, that isn't a relationship. Even if it doesnt work, you might learn enough on how to talk to someone.

Last resort, get professional help, it exists, its expensive, and i have no idea if it works, but there it is.
Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.
 
steeler83
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 3:17 am



Quoting RGElectra80 (Reply 10):
There's your problem...

Hey, I was gonna say that!  Wink

Pittsburgh's no better (or shoudl I say Pit-sburg! Big grin

Nah, both places are decent, just hang in there...
Do not bring stranger girt into your room. The stranger girt is dangerous, it will hurt your life.
 
ShyFlyer
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 3:42 am



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
Ok, I'm T minus 10 days to my 25th birthday and in the midst of the "I'm Old... Oh, My God, I'm OLD!" panic the lack of a meaningful, romantic, relationship with one of the opposite sex is really weighing on me.

Relax. If it makes you feel any better, I'm in the same boat as you and I'm 30. If there is still hope for me, then there is for you as well.

Quoting Lincoln (Reply 3):
I think part of the problem is that I have problems being forward -- I'd much rather that the woman was more forward-- or at least equally forward. I'm also not sure where the line is between "expressing interest" and "harassing".

I know this feeling well. The only advice I can give on this aspect is to just give it your best shot. As long as your intentions are honorable, someone will respond to it.

But bottom line, though, is that dating sucks. But every time I say that I'm going to just throw in the towel, someone changes my mind. Well, maybe not every time I say that, but hopefully you get the point.
I lift things up and put them down.
 
lincoln
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 4:12 am



Quoting Alaska737 (Reply 5):
Read "The Game" by Neil Strauss

I shall seek this title out.

Quoting STT757 (Reply 4):
" Hey you smell great, what are you wearing?".. "I noticed you before, you have a great presence"... " You have beautiful eyes, lips, hair, legs etc.."

I think this is the first example of "small talk"/"a pick up line" I think I could actually see myself applying. It is an art that I am not well versed in (yet).

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 7):
1) Where do you go on a regular basis where you might meet women?

Gahhh... Ughh... Ummm.... Aside from airports, really, just the various theaters around Cleveland (ranging from holes in the wall where you bring your own seats to box seats). At least one a week, every week. The galleries at the Cleveland Musuem of Art is another... and now that the weather is nicer you'll find me wandering around University Circle/Case Western Reserve University's campus on weekends [I try to get at leat 10 miles in each weekend]... but these are not places where women my age seem to congregate at the same times as I do.

I'm always hopeful that the box office gods will seat me next to someone I'm attracted to -- or that I'll at least run into one during intermission. Much like the odds of getting a seat next to a cute single woman on a flight I've won that lottery exactly never. Instead it's the sweaty older man/woman who's overflowing his/her seat &/or snoring.

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 7):
2) How's your game? Are you shy and tend to be a wallflower? Or can you actually strike up a conversation with a woman and keep it going? How are you at asking a woman on a date? Do your palms sweat and your blood pressure shoots up?

I have no game. I'm shy when I don't know you, and have a very difficult time starting a conversation with a stranger but once the conversation gets started I usually don't have a problem keeping it going. Palms don't sweat, but blood pressure is usually elevated in any social situation.

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 7):
Is that the answer? If so, we need to have a chat.

We can chat away. There are two in particular from high school that I wish I would have asked out while the opportunity existed. Both were way out of my leauge intellectually and physically but I should have tried...

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 7):
3) Do you dress for success? Not to be the queeny Queer Eye for the Straight Guy but chicks dig men who dress well. OK, so you're a bean pole. Congrats, lots of us would love to be a bean pole. You're cute, too. Do you dress for your looks? For example, if you buy a button-down shirt, you ought to take it to a tailor to have it taken in around the body a bit. Can you match colors in an outfit a bit?

Any time I'm "out" aside from work and exercise (usually a polo in both cases) it's a button down shirt-- I think they fit well, and have gotten rid of most of what doesn't fit... I honestly hadn't thought about having the shirts tailored; the last time I tried having something tailored (my sport coat) I had three different tailors tell me that it fit the way it was suposed to and they couldn't do anything to it. I'll have to try one of my shirts on and pay more attention to how it fits.

Match colors in an outfit... Ummm... Honestly, probably not. My "winter" formula is button-down shirt (solid or striped) + black slacks; "summer" is the same with white/tan/gray slacks; casual is same or polo with nice jeans.

My dry cleaner gets frequent visits 'cuz the can make my clothes look far better than I could ever attempt on my own.

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 7):
Tricks that have worked on me include buying me a drink and striking up an interesting conversation, walking up to me and complimenting me on my looks, or simply starting a conversation.

As mentioned, "simply starting a conversation" is something that I have trouble with.

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 7):
A lot of it is confidence. You're gonna get rejected. Deal with it. You cannot be hurt, invalidated, or emotionally destroyed by a complete stranger

Yeah, I don't have fear of rejection -- I almost have more fear of success, but in the same vein, I want to know how I can have more (any) success.

Quoting NorthStarDC4M (Reply 11):
I tend to be shy, and sometimes over-compensate for my "intelligent overtones"... both of which will turn someone off really quick i found out.

Yup, that's me. Over the past couple years I've started to pay attention to what I do and say and have tried to control myself. I can now mostly control my urge to correct things that I know are wrong but don't really matter in the scheme of the conversation or insert facts that don't really do anything but prove that I know the facts -- a major personal accomplishment, and something I've been subconciously doing for years.

Quoting Steeler83 (Reply 12):
Pittsburgh's no better (or shoudl I say Pit-sburg!

Ehh... I'm in Cranberry for the next couple days... I think it's somewhere near Pit-sburg. Everyone seems a lot more stressed on this side of the state line.
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asuflyer05
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 4:17 am



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
I'm a professional-sports-hating, arts-loving, indorsey, outdoorsey decently traveled sensitive guy who loves dogs, burns anything he attempts to cook, and has a stable job that pays well above the average income for the area. I love being spontaneous, and donate generously. I speak fluent sarcasam but know how to keep it under control.



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
I have season tickets to the opera, actually enjoy ballet, and have mastered "One best available, please" in box offices around the country

I don't know what the problem is man. You're every gay man's dream.
 
skygirl
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 4:25 am



Quoting DocLightning (Reply 7):
Come to our side. Besides, I get a free toaster if I convert ya!

I get a microwave if we keep him on this side :-P

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 7):
A lot of it is confidence. You're gonna get rejected. Deal with it. You cannot be hurt, invalidated, or emotionally destroyed by a complete stranger.

YEY Confidence! I wish that I could get that point across to more people. It's amazing how much confidence shines through everything. I've known guys who might be 'physically attractive' and then their attitude just turns me off and makes them visually unappealing to me. Then I've known the guy who might be considered to be average appearance wise and then I get to know them and they become the only guy in the room to me. Yes, attitude is important.

I know it's not easy. I'm pushing 25 myself (albeit I have the rest of the year to enjoy 24) and I have my mom on my back always asking if I've met anyone yet, my dad saying he'd like to walk one of his daughters down the aisle, and all the constant reminders on facebook that all my friends are hitched, or getting hitched. And yes, I only find out through facebook. I know that a lot of my singleness is my decision, however there are times that I wonder when I will ever date again. I know it's only a matter of time, so I just keep running about, smiling like I always do.

As to why you are still single... It honestly could be a number of things. Sometimes its just about putting yourself out there. I agree with what someone else said about internet dating. I don't want to say too many negative things about it, but I tried it and I did meet with a few guys and yeah, it didn't work for me. I also strongly recommend you avoid finding a girl in a bar unless that is the kind of girl you are looking for.

Also, don't be afraid to go out on a limb. She's cute, she smiles at you, go say hi. Especially if she smiles. And it doesn't take a cheesy pick up line or anything like that. Honestly the best first line I've heard was hi. Simply hi. I was impressed. And if you sit back and smile and say nothing you will never get anywhere, because there is no guaruntee that she will make the move.

Most of all, have fun! If you aren't having fun then what's the point? Live a little, laugh a little, and have fun.
...Now they face an even greater danger...Tyrannousaurs in F-14's!!
 
Kiwirob
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 4:27 am



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
I have season tickets to the opera, actually enjoy ballet, and have mastered "One best available, please" in box offices around the country

Ahhh here might be your problem, maybe you're gay, no chick banging male in his right mind would admit to liking ballet. Big grin
 
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Tugger
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 5:03 am



Quoting Lincoln (Reply 3):
I think part of the problem is that I have problems being forward -- I'd much rather that the woman was more forward-- or at least equally forward. I'm also not sure where the line is between "expressing interest" and "harassing".

Some social scientists have referenced the "hidden curriculum" (what is learned but not taught in school) -- and I think I missed out on a lot of this, so am now playing catch up.

It's tough, the truth is all those old axioms play a part, be yourself, don't "try" too hard, etc. But beyond all those platitudes, you have to be willing to compromise, you have to be willing to share your space and her lifestyle, you have to want to take time, waste time, and just spend time with her. I know several friends who can't do that, they can't break away from their buddies, or they can't "miss the game" or they can't stand the way "that one" would throw her clothes around the house (or some such). Another thing is to have some level of similarity in your goal (or style) in life. And its not "I love travel so I want someone who also loves to travel", not its move of "I love family" or "I am not content to stay in this town", it is very elemental, basic things that will make or break a relationship. And yes, you just don't know what exactly it is, but you have to be willing and capable of going along with what happens (the same goes for her too).

Of course this question has inspired thousands of songs, failures of empires, and probably ten's of thousands of books throughout time so I doubt my answer is complete.

Quoting Alaska737 (Reply 5):
Read "The Game" by Neil Strauss

It will change your life, that is a promise, he has other books you can read but this is the bible of getting women.

If you want to "get" women, go for it, read it. "Getting" is vastly different from not being single. I know many chronic daters, guys that are always in a dating relationship or always have a girl to "get with" but they are single in the end and are now alone and lonely. Even though they "are with" someone.... you don't want to be that person (do you?)!


Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. - W. Shatner
There are many kinds of sentences that we think state facts about the world but that are really just expressions of our attitudes. - F. Ramsey
 
kiwiinoz
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 6:48 am



Quoting Alaska737 (Reply 5):
Read "The Game" by Neil Strauss

Actually I thought this book was a load of tosh, and I very much doubt a lot of the "facts" within it. I do pretty well with the ladies, (well, I'm married now but used to go alright), and I doubt that many of them would be responsive to a lot of the techniques in that book.

However, there are a couple of things in there that I believe are true, and it sounds like the thread starter would be more than capable:

1: Make them laugh - Most girls think funny is sexy. Self depricating humour is a bonus. The right sort of humour shows intelligence and a zest for life.
2: Always lead the conversation back to them. Most people, (yourself included) are relatively boring to other people unless you are discussing deep feelings or emotions. Stories about what you did or have is of little interest UNLESS it inlvolves them. They prefer to do the talking, and, (as with my wife), will continue to do most of the talking for the forseeable future.
3: Get them drunk. I don't know why you want to avoid it. Some beautiful relationships have started that way. It might help if you had a drink or 2 yourself as I would imagine after all this time that you're probably a bit up tight when in these situations. A few social drinks is a great social lubricant
4: Learn to lick your eyebrows. This generates a high degree of interst.

Good luck!
 
Doona
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 6:54 am



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
professional-sports-hating, arts-loving, indorsey, outdoorsey decently traveled sensitive guy who loves dogs,



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
I speak fluent sarcasam but know how to keep it under control.



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
season tickets to the opera,



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
enjoy ballet



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
I am incapible of thinking of a woman as an object

->

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 7):
Maybe you're gay?

Well, one does wonder...  wink 

Cheers
Mats
Sure, we're concerned for our lives. Just not as concerned as saving 9 bucks on a roundtrip to Ft. Myers.
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 7:25 am



Quoting Lincoln (Reply 14):

Gahhh... Ughh... Ummm.... Aside from airports, really, just the various theaters around Cleveland (ranging from holes in the wall where you bring your own seats to box seats). At least one a week, every week. The galleries at the Cleveland Musuem of Art is another... and now that the weather is nicer you'll find me wandering around University Circle/Case Western Reserve University's campus on weekends [I try to get at leat 10 miles in each weekend]... but these are not places where women my age seem to congregate at the same times as I do.

So then it sounds like you need to either try the online scene or start joining some groups and clubs where 1) you are interested in the focus of the club and 2) there are likely to be women your age.

Know where else you can pick up women? The laundromat. The grocery store. The beauty of being straight is that you can hit on someone of the opposite sex ANYWHERE. Doesn't work that way in my world, unfortunately.

Quoting Lincoln (Reply 14):
I'm shy when I don't know you, and have a very difficult time starting a conversation with a stranger but once the conversation gets started I usually don't have a problem keeping it going.

Oh, that's easy! We just need to fix you up with some rejection-proof, easy-out pick-up lines.

Um...SkyGirl? Help! I don't know what works on women. I only know how to set up women with my straight friends. (I'm a MASTER wingman).

I'll tell ya what I do on women to set them up with my guy friends. I walk up and say "Honey, I'm gay so I'm totally not hitting on you, but you should know that you're a gorgeous woman." At this point I get a huge grin, a "Thank you!" and a hug. And then she's putty in my hands. (Works every time) A bit more small talk (make sure there's no boyfriend), introduce her to my friend, more small talk, then find some urgent errand to run away to, leaving them alone together. Some variation on this might work for you.

Alternatively, "Hi, my name's Lincoln, what's yours?" And have a couple of stock lines to start a conversation. "I've never seen you before. Where are you from?" "I see you here from time to time, do you live near?" "Johnnie Walker Black? More power to ya. I can't stand the stuff. I like my Tanqueray. How did you get into that?" Get the idea? I dunno, I've had those lines work on men. And women ARE nominally the same species, so I don't see why they wouldn't work.

Practice them in the mirror. No, I'm not being dumb. Practice them in the mirror.

Quoting Lincoln (Reply 14):
Both were way out of my leauge intellectually and physically but I should have tried...

Bulldroppings. You're cute as hell and plenty smart. And I don't call just anyone "cute as hell."

Quoting Lincoln (Reply 14):
it's a button down shirt-- I think they fit well, and have gotten rid of most of what doesn't fit...

I don't know who designed the standard button-down shirt, but I have a rather thick athletic build and even an "athletic cut" shirt fits me like a tent. Get them tailored. And you're not wearing the kind out that need to be tucked in, do you?

Quoting Lincoln (Reply 14):
My "winter" formula is button-down shirt (solid or striped) + black slacks; "summer" is the same with white/tan/gray slacks; casual is same or polo with nice jeans.

Slacks are great for work, trips to the country club, and posing in clothing catalogs. What you need are a nice pair of jeans that give you a nice bulge up front and make your ass look good. Doesn't matter whether you have a bulge/ass or not, the right jeans can make it look like you do.

Let me make this simpler: do you have a friend (probably a gay man or a woman) who can take you out clothes shopping and give you some pointers?

You want to LOOK like alpha-male material and then be the shocker who is actually a sweet, sensitive, caring guy. The second bit you already have. Your problem is the first bit.

Quoting Skygirl (Reply 16):
I also strongly recommend you avoid finding a girl in a bar unless that is the kind of girl you are looking for.

I know of a couple of very good marriages that started out that way. In fact, one started as --get this-- a threesome the guy picked up at a bar. One of the girls liked him enough to stick around and go for a one-on-one the next time.

Nice girls go to the bar, too.

And if worse comes to worse, we gay boys are waiting for you.  duck   Wink
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
User avatar
OA260
Posts: 24378
Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 8:50 pm

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 8:51 am



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

NOTHING. You just havnt met the right person yet, maybe because you are not in the right social circle to meet your ideal.

Quoting STT757 (Reply 1):
I know this one is going to sound weird but I know some people who have had good luck with online dating websites

Nothing wrong with dating websites. Its easy to rule out the people that dont like the same things as you and you can have a good chat and swap photos and if you get on then you can meet. It cuts alot of the BS out .
 
alaska737
Posts: 867
Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2006 11:19 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 8:52 am



Quoting Tugger (Reply 18):
If you want to "get" women, go for it, read it. "Getting" is vastly different from not being single. I know many chronic daters, guys that are always in a dating relationship or always have a girl to "get with" but they are single in the end and are now alone and lonely. Even though they "are with" someone.... you don't want to be that person (do you?)!

It all depends on how you use it. A lot of people use it like you said, to score as many girls as possible but you can also use it to find one special person.

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 19):
Actually I thought this book was a load of tosh, and I very much doubt a lot of the "facts" within it. I do pretty well with the ladies, (well, I'm married now but used to go alright), and I doubt that many of them would be responsive to a lot of the techniques in that book.

I cant change your opinion but if you have actually used those tactics and witnessed it first hand you would find that your opinion is wrong.
 
diesel1
Posts: 1485
Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2001 9:11 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 9:01 am



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

Are you fugly, or perhaps you have a personal hygiene problem...?  stirthepot 






























Seriously though, this looks like good advice...

Quoting Oa260 (Reply 22):
You just havnt met the right person yet, maybe because you are not in the right social circle to meet your ideal.

Good luck in your search
I don't like signatures...
 
sunshine79
Posts: 1560
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2006 8:02 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 10:26 am



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
"I'm Old... Oh, My God, I'm OLD!" panic the lack of a meaningful, romantic, relationship with one of the opposite sex is really weighing on me.

This has been happening to me for a few years now.

Quoting NorthStarDC4M (Reply 11):
I've had no real long term relationships ever... I have had a few short to medium ones, some of them catastrophic... some pleasant... most just enh

The longest relationship I've evr had was 10 months, and it only lasted that long as I was trying to put up with 'him' who I think was a closet gay and was looking for a mother figure, which I was not prepared to be to him.

I think an incident or two in my childhood has affected the person I am. I've only ever had a couple of friends in my life, as I was teased and bullied all my school life. I think because of this, it's made me a very quiet person, and sometimes have trouble conversing with people. I would love to do nothing more than meet someone, settle down, get married and have kids. I've wanted this to happen for along time now. I've tried internet dating which hasn't worked, and because of my lack of friends and social life, I don't go out very often and meet anyone. I'm also quite a large lady too,(and always have been) which, I know a few men like, but the majority don't. I'm trying to work on the weight issue too.

This feeling isn't helped that I turn 30 at the end of the year. I think the family have given up on me finding someone, which makes me think that they think I'm a failure, not that they have said anything directly to me. On New Years Eve at the stroke of midnight and wishing everyone a Happy New Year, I just broke down crying, because of facing yet another year by myself. If my family weren't there, I would have cried a hell of a lot longer than a minute or two that I did. I live in hope of meeting someone. I don't belive all this crap of 'you'll meet soemone when you least expect it' and the likes.

Lincoln, you feel as if you;re the only one in this situation, but you're not, there's plenty of others out there in exactly the same situation as you. I'm sure there is someone out there for all us singleton's.
Formerly alcregular, Why drive when you can fly?
 
us330
Posts: 3506
Joined: Tue Aug 08, 2000 7:00 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 11:38 am



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
My last, and only, real relationship was in 5th grade, and I've been "friends" with plenty of women who in hindsight I wish I would have persued. Since moving to Cleveland (Ohio) almost 4 years ago, I've met excatly one woman with 2 or 3 dates.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

I'm a professional-sports-hating, arts-loving, indorsey, outdoorsey decently traveled sensitive guy who loves dogs, burns anything he attempts to cook, and has a stable job that pays well above the average income for the area. I love being spontaneous, and donate generously. I speak fluent sarcasam but know how to keep it under control



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
Ok, I'm T minus 10 days to my 25th birthday and in the midst of the "I'm Old... Oh, My God, I'm OLD!" panic the lack of a meaningful, romantic, relationship with one of the opposite sex is really weighing on me

Happens to me sometimes too. Then I realize that I am young, fairly picky, and trying to save my money. That and I live in the most expensive city in the U.S. filled with Sex and the City wannabees who want to live that lifestyle, even though they are probably ridiculously in debt to their credit card companies (or Daddy is picking up the tab).

Sorry. I choose feeling awkward whenever I have to reveal to someone later on that I've never been in a romantic relationship--and still possess the v-card--versus being at the mercy of some credit card companies.

That and the fact that despite what some of my friends think, New York is not full of pretty women. Not unless you are into Italian and Latinas (which I'm generally not).

I'm also pretty picky, but that's besides the point.

Quoting Lincoln (Reply 14):
I shall seek this title out

Please don't (although, I do have it on my bookshelf in case of desperation)--basically, the entire message of that book is that women are tools and objects--and that men are somehow their superiors.
What is also revealing is that nearly every guy that you meet in that book either has mental problems or has trouble starting any sort of real relationship--including the author.
 
Rj111
Posts: 3007
Joined: Wed Sep 08, 2004 9:02 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 12:01 pm

I suspect this is the reason you are still single.


Ohh, and don't go looking for it, let it come to you.

[Edited 2009-05-04 05:04:58]
 
skygirl
Posts: 256
Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2007 2:22 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 1:16 pm



Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
Nice girls go to the bar, too.

They do, and I happen to love going to the bar myself. However, that doesn't change the fact that what I see going on is a lot more looking for one night stands than actual looking for a relationship. And yes, I know you can make a relationship out of a one night stand as well, but I'm also aware of how difficult that can be.

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
Um...SkyGirl? Help! I don't know what works on women. I only know how to set up women with my straight friends. (I'm a MASTER wingman).

Let me just say that women are complicated (for the girls that ARE on here, don't shoot me causse it's true.) and even I don't fully understand how we tick half the time. The best thing I can say is to have the guy be confident and to not say things like 'is that a mirror in your pocket? cause I can see myself in your pants' type crap. Just be honest without being an open book in your honesty, have confidence without being cocky, and once again have fun with the whole bit. When you think of it, the whole buisness of courting (oh yes, I said courting) can be a bit over the top but that's part of the fun of it.

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
I think part of the reason I'm screwed up, aside from ADHD/Generalized Anxiety

I missed that the first time I read this. Welcome to the ADHD/Generalized anxiety club. I am not a psychologist, so take this with a big ol grain of salt, but don't say that you are screwed up just because of negative connotations and certain difficulties that do arise with having ADHD and anxiety. I get to enjoy both of those things, so I can relate to how it would affect your life, but remember that ultimatly you are you and no one else can be you and yeah.

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
Know where else you can pick up women? The laundromat. The grocery store. The beauty of being straight is that you can hit on someone of the opposite sex ANYWHERE. Doesn't work that way in my world, unfortunately.

So TRUE! Ok, you're in line behind her in the grocery store, you're both waiting, start up a conversation. She's reading a book in the bookstore and it's a topic that you enjoy, maybe ask her about it. I was in line at potbelly's once and had a guy get out of line to stand in the back with me and he ended up buying me breakfast. While we were eating, I asked him why he jumped out of line when he was close to ordering and he said that he thought I would be someone interesting to talk to. It sounds silly, but I thought it was really cool and yes I was impressed. I know it's hard to go out on a limb like that, fear of rejection and whatnot being right there in your face but if you never take the chance you'll never know what could have happened.
...Now they face an even greater danger...Tyrannousaurs in F-14's!!
 
FlyDeltaJets87
Posts: 4479
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:51 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 2:09 pm



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):

That makes two of us. I've never had (nor really come close to) a serious relationship. Only I'm 21, not 25. I go to Embry-Riddle so its not like we have a large female population here so maybe my view on all this is somewhat skewed.

When you think you've met someone, talking to close friends you trust can help - and talk to both guys and girls you trust and then try to balance the everything out. If your friends are good friends, hopefully they'll point you in the right direction and give the encouragement to make the next move in the relationship (no, I don't mean "ask for sex").

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
(I'm a MASTER wingman).

That's because the straight friend doesn't have to worry about you trying to steal the girl later.  silly 

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 7):
women are like planes. If this one isn't going where you want, another will be at the gate within the hour.

Yea except you can buy a confirmed seat on a plane, and you then know when to show up. Or are you suggesting he just go pick up a hooker tonight?  wink 

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
Know where else you can pick up women? The laundromat. The grocery store. The beauty of being straight is that you can hit on someone of the opposite sex ANYWHERE. Doesn't work that way in my world, unfortunately.

What helps is when you can see what they're interested in and know that they have common interests with you. Other women who are interested in going to the opera probably don't wear "I Love Opera" shirts and if they go to the opera, it could very well be on another date. But I love seeing an attractive women wearing a football or baseball shirt or jersey or hat, especially of any of my teams or even better, my rival teams - which people do where everywhere - On the side, this is good for striking up conversation with anyone though, not just women. I ended up having a great conversation on a plane with the guy sitting next to me, simply because I noticed he was wearing a Pittsburgh Steelers shirt, and so I jokingly said "I don't know if I can sit next to any Steelers fans". From there he asked me who my team was, and when I said the Cincinnati Bengals, he was just "hah" but the conversation just continued from there about numerous other subjects all the way down to ATL.
"Let's Roll"- Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, Sept. 11, 2001
 
steeler83
Posts: 7700
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2006 2:06 pm

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 2:09 pm



Quoting Lincoln (Reply 14):
Ehh... I'm in Cranberry for the next couple days... I think it's somewhere near Pit-sburg. Everyone seems a lot more stressed on this side of the state line.

Yup, Cranberry is north of the Burgh. That was just a crack at my hometown  Smile

Quoting Skygirl (Reply 29):
'is that a mirror in your pocket? cause I can see myself in your pants'

The only thing something like that will get you altimately is the need for some first aid...

Quoting Skygirl (Reply 29):
So TRUE! Ok, you're in line behind her in the grocery store, you're both waiting, start up a conversation. She's reading a book in the bookstore and it's a topic that you enjoy, maybe ask her about it. I was in line at potbelly's once and had a guy get out of line to stand in the back with me and he ended up buying me breakfast. While we were eating, I asked him why he jumped out of line when he was close to ordering and he said that he thought I would be someone interesting to talk to. It sounds silly, but I thought it was really cool and yes I was impressed. I know it's hard to go out on a limb like that, fear of rejection and whatnot being right there in your face but if you never take the chance you'll never know what could have happened.

Heck, I met my girl at the freshman convocation at my university back in August 2002. I saw someone beautiful sitting next to me, so I took a chance. I said something to her that was more or less a response to what the speaker at the convo was saying. We hit it off, walked over to the university koi pond for the end of the convocation, and then back to the dorm talking the whole way. We had the same communications class the following semester and became really good friends after that. At the start of our sophomore year, September 5, 2003, we were a couple. I will marry her on October 10, 2010...

This is essentially supposed to help back up Skygirl's point that you can pick up a girl almost anywhere. For me, my dream girl was altimately at one of the auditoriums at college for the freshman convocation to kick off our college years...

Also, don't try so hard to find a woman. Be confident, believe in yourself like someone else said. Making a move like I did essentially shows confidence. Don't flat out say, "do you want to go out with me," either. If you guys are meant to be, it will let itself be known. I actually did not ask my fiancee out. We were happy to be in each other's company, we made each other laugh. So on September 5, 2003 at about 12 noon as we were getting our lunch, a friend of hers approached us and asked her if I was her boyfriend. I kinda thought she would tell her that we were just friends like she did with everyone else (I also knew that she liked another guy). But... she had a big smile on her face and shook her head "yes."

Needless to say, I thought, "holy shit!" to myself and felt like doing backflips...

Confidence is key, and if something is meant to be, it will present itself as such... Start out slow, talk, do things together as friends. Again, if fate means for you to be boyfriend/girlfriend, you will know...
Do not bring stranger girt into your room. The stranger girt is dangerous, it will hurt your life.
 
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DocLightning
Posts: 21833
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 2:09 pm



Quoting Skygirl (Reply 29):

They do, and I happen to love going to the bar myself.

Are you calling yourself a "nice girl?" Sorry, honey, we all know better.  Wink  duck 

Quoting Skygirl (Reply 29):
I was in line at potbelly's once and had a guy get out of line to stand in the back with me and he ended up buying me breakfast. While we were eating, I asked him why he jumped out of line when he was close to ordering and he said that he thought I would be someone interesting to talk to. It sounds silly, but I thought it was really cool and yes I was impressed.

So the question is: did it work?

So, Linc needs some new duds, it seems. And he needs to practice some conversation starters in the mirror.

The other option is to get a therapist, Linc. No, I'm serious. There's a brand of therapy called Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that lasts 3-6 months and works GREAT for ADHDers. I'm in the middle of a CBT protocol for stress management myself. It's not the psychoanalytic bullcrap that New Yorkers do where they keep seeing the therapist for years on end. This is "here's my problem, fix it." and then when it's fixed, you're done.
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
EMBQA
Posts: 7858
Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2003 3:52 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 2:17 pm

Try a Wine Tasting, Cooking Classes, Art type events...Also, take a look...some areas have 'singles' events. These are not direct match making events, but fun things to to aimed at getting people with like interests to the same area....
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog"
 
iairallie
Posts: 2326
Joined: Thu May 20, 2004 5:42 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 2:34 pm



Quoting Lincoln (Reply 3):
I think part of the problem is that I have problems being forward -- I'd much rather that the woman was more forward-- or at least equally forward. I'm also not sure where the line is between "expressing interest" and "harassing".

We like being pursued so if you keep waiting for us to make the move you are going to be waiting a looooong time.

Quoting STT757 (Reply 4):

When it comes to talking to Women Keep it simple, keep it moving. Don't try to put yourself over by showing how smart you are, I think Women find that as a turn off. Think "down to Earth"..

Smart is sexy. "I'm smarter than you" know it all attitude is not. It's about balance.

Quoting Lincoln (Reply 14):
Instead it's the sweaty older man/woman who's overflowing his/her seat &/or snoring.

That sweaty older man/woman might have a hot single daughter or neice picking them up from the airport. You never know who might make the right introduction. It pays to be friendly.

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 19):
1: Make them laugh - Most girls think funny is sexy. Self depricating humour is a bonus. The right sort of humour shows intelligence and a zest for life.

Great advice!

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 19):
2: Always lead the conversation back to them. Most people, (yourself included) are relatively boring to other people unless you are discussing deep feelings or emotions. Stories about what you did or have is of little interest UNLESS it inlvolves them. They prefer to do the talking, and, (as with my wife), will continue to do most of the talking for the forseeable future.

Great advice!

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 19):
3: Get them drunk. I don't know why you want to avoid it. Some beautiful relationships have started that way. It might help if you had a drink or 2 yourself as I would imagine after all this time that you're probably a bit up tight when in these situations. A few social drinks is a great social lubricant
4: Learn to lick your eyebrows. This generates a high degree of interst.

You were doing great up to this point Kiwi!

Quoting Skygirl (Reply 29):
Let me just say that women are complicated (for the girls that ARE on here, don't shoot me causse it's true.) and even I don't fully understand how we tick half the time. The best thing I can say is to have the guy be confident and to not say things like 'is that a mirror in your pocket? cause I can see myself in your pants' type crap. Just be honest without being an open book in your honesty, have confidence without being cocky, and once again have fun with the whole bit. When you think of it, the whole buisness of courting (oh yes, I said courting) can be a bit over the top but that's part of the fun of it.

On the nail the key is balance and reading the reaction of the person you are interested in. Are they responding or not.

One of the problems I noticed is it great to be well rounded but the sensitive guy thing is a bit of a myth. We don't really want jerks but we do want MEN. We want our men to be strong, confident enought to pursue us. We want to feel secure.

One of the things that really surprised me in college is the number of really hot fantastic girls I knew that never got asked out. Risk the rejection and ask her out. If you get turned down or it doesn't work out don't take it personally, consider that she did you a favor by letting you know early in the game and move on until you find someone who is right for you.

It is hard meeting people once you get out of school that is for sure. Hang out and get involved in activities that would attract the type of person you would want to meet.
Enough about flying lets talk about me!
 
JRadier
Posts: 3957
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2004 11:36 pm

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 4:01 pm



Quoting IAirAllie (Reply 34):

We like being pursued so if you keep waiting for us to make the move you are going to be waiting a looooong time.

Please tell that to the girl that has been after me for the past two years and I have absolutely no feelings for (or do hormonal feelings count?  Wink )
 
hercppmx
Posts: 159
Joined: Mon May 26, 2008 8:25 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 5:27 pm

Confidence first and for most. When you go anywhere you need to have the attitude that you own that situation. "she is out of my league" is an unsat. question to yourself, which shows you lack confidence in yourself. Always remember woman believe it or not are people too and they are prone to the same feelings as you (minus a few of my ex's) , if your nervous chances are she is too. Don't over think the situation, if you see a woman you'd like to meet walk up, don't sit there and talk yourself out of it. It does not matter that your 6'0" and 130 as long as you are happy with you, no one else opinion should matter and that is not up for debate.

If you get turned down remember.

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 7):
A lot of it is confidence. You're gonna get rejected. Deal with it. You cannot be hurt, invalidated, or emotionally destroyed by a complete stranger.

If you go to clubs or social situations, take friends. this helps a lot to have a little support. especially female. For some reason if women already see you with another female they let down there guard, a little. A Wingwoman is better then a Wingman any day of the week.

I guarantee everyday you have the chance to meet a good woman, they are everywhere. you don't only meet women in clubs, bars, etc.

Also some above have said that there is something different about meeting woman in clubs and bars, wrong any woman you meet is one more and a chance to gain more confidence and experience. Plus who is to say you can't go home with one. Or more then one if you play your cards right. The point is while your young and single you should date as much as you can, this will you give you an idea for your ready to settle down of exactly the type of woman you want in your life.

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 19):
3: Get them drunk. I don't know why you want to avoid it. Some beautiful relationships have started that way. It might help if you had a drink or 2 yourself as I would imagine after all this time that you're probably a bit up tight when in these situations. A few social drinks is a great social lubricant

This is good advice especially when your new to meeting woman, but limit yourself to 1 or 2 drinks you don't want to be plastered and you don't want her to be either.

This has been said above but always direct the conversation back to her, woman love to talk about them self's and rather than just saying it like some social cliche look at IAirAllie's signature line "Enough about flying lets talk about me!" I only use this to prove a point not to be mean.

The final point that I can not stress enough, The nice guy thing is good and honest but don't become a door mat, know when to say no, I was in a bar and started talking to a woman and ask her to buy me a drink, she thought is was funny and ended up buying me a drink and on the next round I paid.

The thing about meeting women is that it's all metal, you control your success and failure more then you can imagine; thats how it all stems back to Confidence...
C-130; it's a love-hate relationship
 
sv7887
Posts: 1259
Joined: Tue May 20, 2008 7:31 pm

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 9:09 pm



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
I'm a professional-sports-hating, arts-loving, indorsey, outdoorsey decently traveled sensitive guy who loves dogs, burns anything he attempts to cook, and has a stable job that pays well above the average income for the area. I love being spontaneous, and donate generously. I speak fluent sarcasam but know how to keep it under control.

Don't get too worried. You just have to find the right kind of girl that appreciates all of the above. I wouldn't try to pretend you're something you're not, because plainly you don't have to. You're accomplished and cultured, so don't be too hard on yourself. Life has it's own timetable and you never know where you might meet someone you really like.

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
Ok, I'm T minus 10 days to my 25th birthday and in the midst of the "I'm Old... Oh, My God, I'm OLD!" panic the lack of a meaningful, romantic, relationship with one of the opposite sex is really weighing on me.

The whole Indian community is on my tail because I'm 26 and unmarried. I am feeling the same thing you are. In my case though, most women see me as damaged goods since my dad passed away and I have to take care of my ill mother. It's like they expect me to dump my mother on the road for them. Not happening!!
 
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Tugger
Posts: 10596
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RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 9:32 pm



Quoting HercPPMX (Reply 36):
The thing about meeting women is that it's all metal,

 Silly
While I agree and understand that you have to steel yourself for dating and being with someone long term, and of course you don't want to bauxite yourself in until you really know her, you have to careful not to zinc your chances with her. Don't be lead down the wrong path and harden yourself. Remember to iron out minor issues and don't nickel and dime the relationship, the two of you have copperate if you want the relationship to last. Many clouds have silver linings and many relationships turn to gold if you are not a cadmium and are willing to carry your hafnium of the relationship.

Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. - W. Shatner
There are many kinds of sentences that we think state facts about the world but that are really just expressions of our attitudes. - F. Ramsey
 
lincoln
Topic Author
Posts: 3133
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2004 11:22 pm

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 10:11 pm

So thanks for all of the responses -- I just got back to the hotel and I'm a little overwhelmed by the advice I've "missed" but I'll try to hit them one by one

Quoting Doona (Reply 20):
Quoting DocLightning (Reply 7):
Maybe you're gay?

Well, one does wonder...

The possibility does exist... at one time I thought it was far more likely than I do now, but honestly I'm not really atttracted to guys. I've had 4 or 5 guys try picking me up in the past few months and while I'm flattered (really) I don't feel the attraction/heart flutter that I do with respect to women.

Quoting Skygirl (Reply 16):
I get a microwave if we keep him on this side :-P

If you ever wind up in Cleveland, give me a ring and we'll see if you get that microwave  Wink

Quoting KiwiRob (Reply 17):
Ahhh here might be your problem, maybe you're gay, no chick banging male in his right mind would admit to liking ballet.

This is a stigma I don't get -- watching attractive, fit, women glide (or contort themselves) across the stage... Aside from a couple dudes (and the women always outnumber the men) what is there not to like?

Quoting Tugger (Reply 18):
I know several friends who can't do that, they can't break away from their buddies, or they can't "miss the game" or they can't stand the way "that one" would throw her clothes around the house (or some such).

As stupid as it sounds, part of the reason I want a relationship is I want someone who's needs I can put in front of my own. Right now I can do pretty much anything I want whenever I damn well want -- including waking up, going to work, coming home from work... It's boring, old, and unfufilling.

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
(I'm a MASTER wingman).

If you come to Cleveland...

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
(make sure there's no boyfriend),

This is another problem I have-- I can never remember which rings mean what / if there's a guy and two women or a woman and two guys if it's "go" or "no go" territory, etc.

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
Bulldroppings. You're cute as hell and plenty smart. And I don't call just anyone "cute as hell."

(Blushes) (Blushes). Thank you kind sir...

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
And you're not wearing the kind out that need to be tucked in, do you?

Ummm... I don't wear obscenely long shirts untucked. Aside from that, I'm not sure what to say. 90% of my "nice" wardrobe at this point is the Express 1MX dress shirt. I like to think that I can pull them off tucked (normal) or untucked (end of a long day) but I've been wrong before.

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
What you need are a nice pair of jeans that give you a nice bulge up front and make your ass look good

As funny as it may sound, this has been on my to-do list for a while. Suggestions for retailers/brands/etc? Finding anything in a 30 waist-32 inseam can be a bit of a challenge at the department stores I've tried, let alone, ahem, well fitted.

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
Let me make this simpler: do you have a friend (probably a gay man or a woman) who can take you out clothes shopping and give you some pointers?

Simple answer: No.
Longer answer: My coworkers are significantly older, and I don't really know anyone else in the area. I'd almost be willing to pay for such a service.

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
Quoting Skygirl (Reply 16):
I also strongly recommend you avoid finding a girl in a bar unless that is the kind of girl you are looking for.

I know of a couple of very good marriages that started out that way. In fact, one started as --get this-- a threesome the guy picked up at a bar. One of the girls liked him enough to stick around and go for a one-on-one the next time.

I'm a (slightly) different person when I'm under the influence of alcohol and something feels wrong about picking someone up who may not have all of her wits around herself.

My 11th grade English teacher (best teacher ever!) told a story about how one night after a show he and his buddy -- both, at the time, roadies for a touring rock show -- went into a bar. His buddy walked up to the first above-average woman he saw, and said "You'll do.". She got up, they walked out and, um, you know the rest...

I've never been able to get up the courage to pull the "You'll do" line.

Quoting Skygirl (Reply 29):
I get to enjoy both of those things, so I can relate to how it would affect your life, but remember that ultimatly you are you and no one else can be you and yeah

I don't really mind it-- Lately I am feeling like I need to pick back up on the meds (been off since my shrink dissappeared about 3.5 years ago) --but for the most part I don't let it run my life... But I can be really difficult/impossible for me to focus at times, which has not realy worked to my advantage in the relationship department.

That being said... I found that while I was dating the last woman, over a handful of dates my usually horrible memory as far as people goes was fantastic-- I remembered her name, her siblings names/jobs, life happenings, etc., etc. -- My memory/recall regarding my own family members isn't even that good-- so I think there is SOME hope for me.

Quoting IAirAllie (Reply 34):
That sweaty older man/woman might have a hot single daughter or neice picking them up from the airport. You never know who might make the right introduction. It pays to be friendly.

Oh, no doubt... I try to have a quick coverstation with anyone I'm sitting next to if for nothing but the practice. But so far that hasn't lead anywhere useful.

Quoting Tugger (Reply 38):

ROTFL  Smile

Thanks again for the advice, humor, etc!

Lincoln
CO Is My Airline of Choice || Baggage Claim is an airline's last chance to disappoint a customer || Next flts in profile
 
Alias1024
Posts: 2647
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:13 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 10:18 pm

Do you live in an area of town with single women? I intentionally moved into a neighborhood with lots of graduate students and medical field employees. Lots of cute 20s-30s with brains. Makes the library, coffee shops, gym, and even the grocery store fertile hunting grounds depending on the time of day.

Quoting Us330 (Reply 26):
That and the fact that despite what some of my friends think, New York is not full of pretty women. Not unless you are into Italian and Latinas (which I'm generally not).

If I can find them in Fresno, I'm sure NYC wouldn't be any tougher. It's a matter of knowing what type of woman you are looking for and then figuring out where they congregate.

Quoting IAirAllie (Reply 33):
We like being pursued so if you keep waiting for us to make the move you are going to be waiting a looooong time.

Does it ever occur to women that men like being pursued occasionally? We have feelings too ya know! We want to feel pretty too  Wink
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems with just potatoes.
 
hercppmx
Posts: 159
Joined: Mon May 26, 2008 8:25 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 10:25 pm



Quoting Tugger (Reply 37):
Quoting HercPPMX (Reply 36):
The thing about meeting women is that it's all metal,

 
While I agree and understand that you have to steel yourself for dating and being with someone long term, and of course you don't want to bauxite yourself in until you really know her, you have to careful not to zinc your chances with her. Don't be lead down the wrong path and harden yourself. Remember to iron out minor issues and don't nickel and dime the relationship, the two of you have copperate if you want the relationship to last. Many clouds have silver linings and many relationships turn to gold if you are not a cadmium and are willing to carry your hafnium of the relationship.

Tugg

It was a typo, but I must say well played my friend, well played
C-130; it's a love-hate relationship
 
ShyFlyer
Posts: 4698
Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:38 pm

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 10:33 pm



Quoting Skygirl (Reply 28):
Let me just say that women are complicated (for the girls that ARE on here, don't shoot me causse it's true.) and even I don't fully understand how we tick half the time.

I knew it! Even women don't even fully understand women. We're doomed. Doooooooooomed!  rotfl 

Quoting Alias1024 (Reply 39):
Does it ever occur to women that men like being pursued occasionally? We have feelings too ya know! We want to feel pretty too Wink

Amen brother!  biggrin 
I lift things up and put them down.
 
User avatar
HAWK21M
Posts: 30089
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2001 10:05 pm

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 10:44 pm



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

Sounds very normal  Smile

When you find someone, you will find someone.
Get to places like clubs.church groups, attend special classes where you can meet folks.

regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
BMIFlyer
Posts: 8064
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 7:11 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 10:54 pm



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
Ok, I'm T minus 10 days to my 25th birthday and in the midst of the "I'm Old... Oh, My God, I'm OLD!" panic the lack of a meaningful, romantic, relationship with one of the opposite sex is really weighing on me.

Hmm, i'm in exactly the same boat, and i'll be 29 in 4 weeks  Sad

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
burns anything he attempts to cook

I was once like that, but i've become an expert at cooking baked beans on toast now  Wink

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
has a stable job that pays well above the average income for the area

Me too, Traincrew are paid very good in the UK.

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
I love being spontaneous

As do I....

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
I speak fluent sarcasam but know how to keep it under control

That has gotten me into trouble quite a few times

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
Ultimately, I guess the problem is meeting women...

I've had that problem ever since my engagement to my American Fiancee ended in 2004  Sad


Basically, i've stopped looking now. I have tried dating websites in the past, with some good luck, and some bad luck. I've now come to the conclusion that a relationship will be something I undertake when I probably least expect it.

I have been trying too hard in the most recent past, and think that my personality has put off quite a few woment in the past.

I did once believe that being a Soldier ought go give the the attention I needed from women (the uniformed guy thing) but alas not even that has worked.

All I will say is, quit worrying, like I have now done and someone will turn up when you least expect it.


Sorry I Cant be much more help, but i've had too many strokes of bad luck in the past 3 or 4 years, so i'm not exactly one to be able to provide any meaningful advice.

Maybe a few women on here would be best advising you what they look for in a guy, because i'm stoked if I know.....


Lee
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
 
kmh1956
Posts: 2854
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2005 4:08 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 11:15 pm

Ok, first off...you're only 24!!!
Second, don't panic. It'll happen when you least expect it.
Third...are you looking for a real relationship, or just looking to get laid? If the former, then let me tell you two things: humor IS sexy, but honesty is sexier. Nothing turns off an intelligent woman like a crappy pick-up line. If it's the latter, then listen to this lot.

Quoting Lincoln (Reply 38):
This is a stigma I don't get -- watching attractive, fit, women glide (or contort themselves) across the stage... Aside from a couple dudes (and the women always outnumber the men) what is there not to like?

I'm puzzled by this too. I have a couple of straight male friends who enjoy ballet too...they appreciate the amount of work and athleticism that a ballet performance entails.
'Somebody tell me why I'm on my own if there's a soulmate for everyone' :Natasha Bedingfield
 
ShyFlyer
Posts: 4698
Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:38 pm

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Mon May 04, 2009 11:30 pm



Quoting Kmh1956 (Reply 44):
I have a couple of straight male friends who enjoy ballet too...they appreciate the amount of work and athleticism that a ballet performance entails.

Not to mention that a few years ago, ballet classes were popular amongst NFL players. They found the training highly beneficial to their agility on the field. I don't know if the players today still take advantage of it though.
I lift things up and put them down.
 
kiwiinoz
Posts: 2000
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:07 pm

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Tue May 05, 2009 1:08 am



Quoting IAirAllie (Reply 33):
You were doing great up to this point Kiwi!

And I thought I was finishing strongly??!!
 
steeler83
Posts: 7700
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2006 2:06 pm

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Tue May 05, 2009 2:30 am



Quoting HercPPMX (Reply 35):
This is good advice especially when your new to meeting woman, but limit yourself to 1 or 2 drinks you don't want to be plastered and you don't want her to be either.

Unless your idea of the perfect date is to have it end the following morning at a Motel 6 with a piece of paper with a phone number left on the nightstand and a pair of panties in your mouth!

Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 45):
ballet classes were popular amongst NFL players. They found the training highly beneficial to their agility on the field. I don't know if the players today still take advantage of it though.

Lynn Swann took ballet and it helped him make some of the most acrobatic catches ever. I do wonder if other WRs take ballet. Santonio Holmes? Eh maybe not...

Maybe a little off the subject, but Hines Ward gets manicures...
Do not bring stranger girt into your room. The stranger girt is dangerous, it will hurt your life.
 
WESTERN737800
Posts: 385
Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2008 3:06 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Tue May 05, 2009 2:49 am



Quoting Lincoln (Reply 3):
I'm also not sure where the line is between "expressing interest" and "harassing".

This is a tough thing to figure out. I don't know it and I don't know how many relationships it has cost me.

Quoting IAirAllie (Reply 33):
It is hard meeting people once you get out of school that is for sure. Hang out and get involved in activities that would attract the type of person you would want to meet.

I wish I would've known how hard it was 10 years ago, I think I would've been more outgoing.

Quoting Alias1024 (Reply 39):
Does it ever occur to women that men like being pursued occasionally? We have feelings too ya know! We want to feel pretty too

All women need to hear this!
I am 31 and there's no prospects in my life. I used to get frustrated about it, but I know it'll happen when it happens.
Bring back Western Airlines!
 
Superfly
Posts: 37705
Joined: Thu May 11, 2000 8:01 am

RE: Why Am I Still Single?

Tue May 05, 2009 3:12 am

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):

Dude, I put on a cape like an action hero to help try to save you the last time you started a thread like this.
My best advice at this point is to listen to DocLightning because........

Quoting KiwiRob (Reply 17):
no chick banging male in his right mind would admit to liking ballet.

...and,

Quoting Doona (Reply 20):
Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
professional-sports-hating, arts-loving, indorsey, outdoorsey decently traveled sensitive guy who loves dogs,



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
I speak fluent sarcasam but know how to keep it under control.



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
season tickets to the opera,



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
enjoy ballet



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
I am incapible of thinking of a woman as an object

Maybe getting out of Cleveland as RGElectra80 suggested and relocating to New York, New York may be the best thing you can do at this point.

[Edited 2009-05-04 20:36:43]
Bring back the Concorde

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