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FlyboyOz
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Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 12:27 pm

I have read another topic about it too. But for me I am wondering whether I should be embarrassed in front of my friends or not.

I have known my friend for three years. He was gonna get married. My friends and I were so happy and proud of him. He had just got a girlfriend (for at least one and a half year) but I felt that she doesn't like me at all. My friends and I were gonna to celebrate a party for him. He invited all OUR friends EXCEPT me! I was the ONLY one person that wasn't invited. There's no excuse about his budget but i know his friends very well. I was really upset, angry, disappointed and hurt. It breaks my heart!! I couldn't believe why he didn't want me to visit the wedding party. I have told my friends about it and have felt so embarrassed in front of my friends. That's why I couldn't hang out with my friends anymore cos of my feeling. I couldn't get rid of my feeling. I don't know how long i will get recover from it.  
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HAWK21M
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 12:36 pm

Call your friend up.....Probably He thought you got the Invite but did not turn up & you thought he forgot you.
Clear the picture with him & you'll know the Answer.

A Friend is defined as someone there in your time of need,the rest are just aquantices/collegues.

If your friend left you out deliberatily,then he'll tell you when you call him & you'll know,but it should not stop you from meeting the other friends.

[Edited 2011-09-18 05:38:30]
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FlyboyOz
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 2:08 pm

oh no i forgot to add more information.

- He is my very good friend. He is a nice guy!
- No, he didn't forgot me and he didn't invite me.
The Spirit of AustraliAN - Longreach
 
Doona
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 3:12 pm

Quoting FlyboyOz (Reply 2):
- He is my very good friend. He is a nice guy!
- No, he didn't forgot me and he didn't invite me.

Well, if he didn't forget, apparently he's not as good a friend as you thought. And if it's the girlfriend who has a problem with you, you're pretty much done for, unless you can get her to change her mind.

Cheers
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DALelite
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 3:19 pm

Talk to him.. tell him how you feel about the situation. Don't expect an invitation , but put your frustration where it belongs.


get well: DALelite
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AR385
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 6:18 pm

Embarrassed? No. It´s your friend who should feel embarrassed, for not confronting the girlfriend and telling her: "You know what, I accept your friends without any trouble, you accept mine." It´s part of any real relationship. If he doesn´t have the balls to confront bridezilla´s capriciousness, I´m sorry for the quality of his soon to be marrried life.
 
san747
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 6:29 pm

You are not at fault here, your "friend" has thrown you under the bus. You're right to feel hurt and disappointed. The girlfriend sounds controlling and vindictive, and that's only going to hurt your friend when they're married.
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BN747
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 6:38 pm

Quoting FlyboyOz (Reply 2):

oh no i forgot to add more information.

- He is my very good friend. He is a nice guy!
- No, he didn't forgot me and he didn't invite me.

Unless he's 4 years old or 84 (alzheimers).. he didn't forget. It was indeed intentional.

Quoting Doona (Reply 3):
Well, if he didn't forget, apparently he's not as good a friend as you thought. And if it's the girlfriend who has a problem with you, you're pretty much done for, unless you can get her to change her mind.

Yep, if the chick X'd you out... you're toast. At your age, what the gf hides under her skirt has way more power than your friendship at this stage. I had a friend who owned a very successful helicopter business, he intro'd me to his new gf/fiancee. A few days later I pulled him aside and told him, I knew for fact she was a highly paid "escort" and could prove it. He cut me off and never spoke to me again.

In retrospect, I was wrong to do this, because it wasn't fair to the woman. I mean, her past is her business, I had no right to disparage her like that. Sure I was looking out for my bud - but it was the ultimate 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' situation. I couldn't win no matter which route I took. I just hope they're still happily married. But you (or any man) just can't win when competing with the Vijay-jay connected to a friend.

Quoting DALelite (Reply 4):
Talk to him.. tell him how you feel about the situation. Don't expect an invitation , but put your frustration where it belongs.

I think this is bad advice. Do that, and he'll tell her..and she wins hands down.

His horrible omission was nothing but a hard slap in the face to you. One that deserves a response.. but maybe not so fast. But to call him is a sign of pure weakness. The best thing to do is put him on ice. Muster everything you can to be strong, it may take awhile, it may take a very long time.. but you must be prepared. Sooner or later, he'll come around - especially after the luster starts to wear off and his gf/fiancee turns into a complete nag and keeps infringing and demanding all his non-working hours to be with her. Or the other way around, if he's all over her 247... after awhile, she'll get tired of him and insist that he goes and hangout with his buds instead of pawing at her all the time. He's quite cognizant of his choice, he knows he threw you under the bus..so some seed of guilt resides in his brain somewhere and over time it will fester and grow. That's to your best advantage.

That's when he'll call you (if you're as good of friends as you say). But by then you may have a new best friend..and he's now lost out completely because of his bad decision. Either way, when he comes back to you, you are now dealing from a position of strength (like he is now - he holds all the cards and you all the anger)... you must reverse that role - or at least neutralize it.

But if you approach it from a position of weakness.. you'll be used like a doormat for the rest of your life.

BN747

[Edited 2011-09-18 11:49:18]
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Kiwirob
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 6:43 pm

Quoting FlyboyOz (Reply 2):
No, he didn't forgot me and he didn't invite me.

Then he probably isn't worthy of you calling him

Quoting FlyboyOz (Reply 2):
my very good friend.!


After not inviting you he isn't

Quoting FlyboyOz (Reply 2):
a nice guy!

after all.
 
johns624
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 7:10 pm

Quoting BN747 (Reply 7):
A few days later I pulled him aside and told him, I knew for fact she was a highly paid "escort" and could prove it. He cut me off and never spoke to me again.

How much did she charge you?  
 
TSS
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 7:31 pm

Quoting AR385 (Reply 5):
Embarrassed? No. It´s your friend who should feel embarrassed, for not confronting the girlfriend and telling her: "You know what, I accept your friends without any trouble, you accept mine." It´s part of any real relationship. If he doesn´t have the balls to confront bridezilla´s capriciousness, I´m sorry for the quality of his soon to be marrried life.

Right on the money, and very well put.

FlyboyOz, you're probably just the first casualty in Bridezilla's war, the eventual goal of which is to alienate all the pre-relationship friends of her soon-to-be husband. Stay friends with the rest of the group, and I guarantee that you'll have fellow casualties with which to commiserate and swap "war stories" soon enough.
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BN747
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 7:39 pm

Quoting johns624 (Reply 9):
Quoting BN747 (Reply 7):
A few days later I pulled him aside and told him, I knew for fact she was a highly paid "escort" and could prove it. He cut me off and never spoke to me again.

How much did she charge you?  

That's another reason I felt bad, she was great to me - I never had to pay - but she was always there when I had a client who needed 'attention' and she made a lotta bucks. She was great girl to boot. I was just not sexually evolved (mentally speaking) to step back and realize that she had every right to the details of her private life and that I had no right to involve myself...as both were friends per se. The guy more of a friend..but I should have stayed out of it. It just wasn't my place. But society taught me the hypocrisy in that 'such girls/women' are to be kept at abeyance (until we want to be real hypocrites and 'endulge' when no one's looking).

But this isn't about me..it's about FlyboyOZ and his dilemma, and I really hope he has the fortitude to make it through this without crumbling like a deck of cards - to some people who clearly do not want him around. FlyboyOz's friend is a victim of the same spell my helo bud was under... he got 'hit with it' (as in the 'would... you hit it' threads) so hard, he can't see or think straight and every word out of his mouth (to her is - yes and okay). So no matter what FlyboyOz says to his friend, it won't resonate, it won't stick..it'll just be jabber. Until as I said above..the spell wears off.. then the truth emerges and the price or cost of friendship is known.

Nonetheless, that's pretty damn lame what his friend pulled on him.

BN747

[Edited 2011-09-18 13:17:58]
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 8:12 pm

I don't know about you, but a person that's not willing to balance a personal life and only do as his/her partner does is not a good friend. If I were you, I'd slowly downgrade my relationship with your friend. In today's world, I think an eye for an eye works wonders for these situations. Don't seek him out anymore since it's only likely that his gf/wife will put a leash on him and control his every move.

I had many close friends that for whatever reason are now a thing of the past (or merely acquaintances) for this reason precisely. I've moved on and I'm certain you'll do too. At first it'll be hard since no one else can fill his shoes, but it seems that he's ready to make his life and has no problem with it, even if it means casting his friends away.

If (and this is a big if) he notices that you are drifting away and he calls or anything, then that's your chance to let out your frustration. Let him call you, not the other way around. You have done nothing wrong and you shouldn't be feeling embarrassed about this.
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ACDC8
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 8:40 pm

Your "friend" needs to realize that women come and go but friendships last a lifetime.

Quoting AR385 (Reply 5):
It´s your friend who should feel embarrassed, for not confronting the girlfriend and telling her: "You know what, I accept your friends without any trouble, you accept mine." It´s part of any real relationship. If he doesn´t have the balls to confront bridezilla´s capriciousness, I´m sorry for the quality of his soon to be marrried life.

  
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vikkyvik
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 9:42 pm

Quoting BN747 (Reply 7):

I think this is bad advice. Do that, and he'll tell her..and she wins hands down.

His horrible omission was nothing but a hard slap in the face to you. One that deserves a response.. but maybe not so fast. But to call him is a sign of pure weakness. The best thing to do is put him on ice. Muster everything you can to be strong, it may take awhile, it may take a very long time.. but you must be prepared. Sooner or later, he'll come around - especially after the luster starts to wear off and his gf/fiancee turns into a complete nag and keeps infringing and demanding all his non-working hours to be with her. Or the other way around, if he's all over her 247... after awhile, she'll get tired of him and insist that he goes and hangout with his buds instead of pawing at her all the time. He's quite cognizant of his choice, he knows he threw you under the bus..so some seed of guilt resides in his brain somewhere and over time it will fester and grow. That's to your best advantage.

That's when he'll call you (if you're as good of friends as you say). But by then you may have a new best friend..and he's now lost out completely because of his bad decision. Either way, when he comes back to you, you are now dealing from a position of strength (like he is now - he holds all the cards and you all the anger)... you must reverse that role - or at least neutralize it.

But if you approach it from a position of weakness.. you'll be used like a doormat for the rest of your life.

I'm going to have to go ahead and disagree with that whole thing.

Confronting him about it is not weakness. Weakness is hiding from it and pretending it'll go away.

What was suggested above is more like a revenge ploy. Revenge doesn't get you anything. Two wrongs don't make a right. He is/was your friend - be a good friend (at least while you still can/want to) and be straight up with him about it. Depending on his response, you'll know where you stand, and can either continue to be his friend or walk away. But don't miss your opportunity to tell him how you feel about it.

Also, it's not about the girlfriend/fiancee winning. She's going to win 95% of the time. So you may as well concede that, but still tell your friend that it was a crappy thing to do.
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ShyFlyer
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 10:07 pm

Quoting AR385 (Reply 5):
It´s your friend who should feel embarrassed

   Your friend is also a douchbag.
I lift things up and put them down.
 
chrisair
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 10:21 pm

Buy your friend's girlfriend a snow globe.
 
Klaus
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Sun Sep 18, 2011 10:42 pm

Talk to your friend. It's the only way to find out the real reason why he didn't invite you.

In this context something must have gone seriously wrong in his view.

Whether it was indeed just his wife being hateful for no good reason (which sounds a little unlikely) or if it was in fact something you did to him or to her without you realizing that you hurt him or her – it's better if you know the reason in either case.

Maybe that friendship is coming to an end, but maybe there's been something that can be resolved or apologized for if it was just a misunderstanding.

None of us here can know, but you should try to find it out for yourself.
 
BN747
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 12:14 am

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 14):
I'm going to have to go ahead and disagree with that whole thing.

A reflection of one's life experiences be they limited or numerable (doubtful)..but it's a free speech world.

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 14):
Confronting him about it is not weakness. Weakness is hiding from it and pretending it'll go away.

What was suggested above is more like a revenge ploy.

That's exactly what it is. The whole thing started by a crushing blow from Flyboy's friend. If Flyboy's buddy offers up some lame excuse as to why it occurred in the 1st place - and out of desperation Flyboy accepts it. His'friend' has just now established a new and expanded threshold that he can dump on flyboy anytime or anyway he wishes - because he realizes the guy (Flyboy) will accept any excuse thrown at him out of desperation to keep the friendship

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 14):
Revenge doesn't get you anything. Two wrongs don't make a right.

These 'cookie-cutter', one-size fits all 'words of - advice. The two phrases are the most commonly repeated deceptive, misleading and grotesquely untruths ever.

If any of the above were true and valid, people wouldn't get divorced. Or fired nor would wars exist. And to be true, people have to live by those. Do we? And emphatic 'No we do NOT!'

"Revenge doesn't get you anything. Two wrongs don't make a right." works great on a playground with 2,3,4 and 5 year olds - the level where life is at it's simplest form of human interaction. But in the lives of the more mature, we do fight, split up, get fired and wage battle - because neither side believes in nor practices "Revenge doesn't get you anything. Two wrongs don't make a right". That is a fact. Why? Because at some point life takes on multiple layers of complications. The more people you interact with the more layers of complication come into play. The lesser the number, the lesser the layers. Simple things as friendships and relationships are far more intrusive and complicated today than they were 20-30 years ago. Antiquated adages that worked in the 50's, 60's, 70s and 80's hardly apply today. People are more blatant with their actions than ever before.

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 14):
He is/was your friend - be a good friend (at least while you still can/want to) and be straight up with him about it. Depending on his response, you'll know where you stand, and can either continue to be his friend or walk away. But don't miss your opportunity to tell him how you feel about it.

Sounds like something out of these 'new age' nonsense life coaching books that work wonders for people who live with margins of the most superficial lanes of life. Unless the guy's an idiot.. he knows how good a friend were and he made a calculated move based on what was paramount to him at the moment. And it was his chick, other friends and NOT you. As they say.. it is what it is. One simple phrases that sums it up perfectly.


Unless FlyboyOz is leaving out some critical details (andy wrong doing on his part) ... trying plea or make contact after being tossed to side like used Kleenex will absolutely be seen as weak.

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 14):
Also, it's not about the girlfriend/fiancee winning. She's going to win 95% of the time

It totally is,according to the OP, this problem would not have occurred were she not in the picture. If FlyBoyOz is being truthful with the forum and has committed no offense, he's been flagged as the biggest threat to his friend's paramour -an only someone who hasn't been around the block a few times couldn't do that math.

Quoting Klaus (Reply 17):
Talk to your friend. It's the only way to find out the real reason why he didn't invite you.

and there's a 99% chance he'll render you some lame excuse and avoid telling you the truth. Most guys don't have the stones to tell you the truth if they are being held in the hands of his SO (significant other).

Quoting Klaus (Reply 17):
Whether it was indeed just his wife being hateful for no good reason (which sounds a little unlikely)

Sorry dude, that's a very common trait in the hetero world, I've be the targeted friend the fiancee wants as much distance as possible zillions of times (but never dissed at an engagement or wedding event like flyboyOz) - and understandably so. But I doubt if FlyboyOz is that threatening... if he were, he wouldn't be here in distress.

Quoting Klaus (Reply 17):
or if it was in fact something you did to him or to her without you realizing that you hurt him or
her – it's better if you know the reason in either case.

Therein lies the crux to the entire matter... is FlyboyOz leaving out some crucial kernels of truth about himself that would better explain the action against him.

Quoting einsteinboricua (Reply 12):
In today's world, I think an eye for an eye works wonders for these situations. Don't seek him out anymore since it's only likely that his gf/wife will put a leash on him and control his every move.

and that is as common as guys being spectators of sporting events. More women do create a mental 'he must go' list than those who do not. It's just a fact of life with regard to relationships. Even among a circle of males there's the jockeying for position to be closer to the alpha male of any group. But women have that one special advantage... and FlyboyOz seems to be on the losing end of it.

If FlyboyOz has done nothing wrong and was jettisoned that way, he is now on the weaker end of the equation at this point in time.

BN747
"Home of the Brave, made by the Slaves..Land of the Free, if you look like me.." T. Jefferson
 
Klaus
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 12:21 am

Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
Sorry dude, that's a very common trait in the hetero world, I've be the targeted friend the fiancee wants as much distance as possible zillions of times (but never dissed at an engagement or wedding event like flyboyOz) - and understandably so. But I doubt if FlyboyOz is that threatening... if he were, he wouldn't be here in distress.

Well, I didn't say "impossible", just "unlikely"...
 
Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
Therein lies the crux to the entire matter... is FlyboyOz leaving out some crucial kernels of truth about himself that would better explain the action against him.

Could be. We can't really know for sure, and I don't feel in any position to judge. But as long as the friendship hasn't been terminated outright from either side, I'd try to get at least a clarification.
 
vikkyvik
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 12:36 am

Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
trying plea or make contact after being tossed to side like used Kleenex will absolutely be seen as weak.

By whom? You confront someone who's done you wrong. You don't go and hide like a whiny baby and wait till you can get back at him/her. You may never get that chance.

Hiding and waiting till you can get some revenge is probably the most childish thing I've ever heard. THAT is true elementary school stuff.

Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
it is what it is. One simple phrases that sums it up perfectly.

See here:

Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
These 'cookie-cutter', one-size fits all 'words of - advice.
Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
A reflection of one's life experiences be they limited or numerable (doubtful)..but it's a free speech world.

Ya know, I didn't make my post personal towards you. I don't know you - I was just disagreeing with what you wrote and offering my own opinion.

Then again, you apparently support revenge, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
His'friend' has just now established a new and expanded threshold that he can dump on flyboy anytime or anyway he wishes - because he realizes the guy (Flyboy) will accept any excuse thrown at him out of desperation to keep the friendship

Um, note that I suggested that after he confronts him, he decides whether he's going to continue being a friend or not.

Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
These 'cookie-cutter', one-size fits all 'words of - advice. The two phrases are the most commonly repeated deceptive, misleading and grotesquely untruths ever.

It is what it is.

Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
It totally is,according to the OP, this problem would not have occurred were she not in the picture. If FlyBoyOz is being truthful with the forum and has committed no offense, he's been flagged as the biggest threat to his friend's paramour -an only someone who hasn't been around the block a few times couldn't do that math.

Right. So confront the a-hole about it.

Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
and there's a 99% chance he'll render you some lame excuse and avoid telling you the truth.

And then you know for certain that he's no friend of yours and can take appropriate steps to rid him from your life.

Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
But in the lives of the more mature, we do fight, split up, get fired and wage battle - because neither side believes in nor practices "Revenge doesn't get you anything. Two wrongs don't make a right". That is a fact.

More often than not, actions of supposedly "mature" people exacerbate situations instead of working toward resolutions.

Imagine - your wife does something you don't like. Instead of confronting her, you hide your feelings and go on with life as best you can. Then when you get the chance, you do the same to her.

Yeah.....that's a terrible relationship. Not healthy in the slightest. And you just took yourself one step closer to getting divorced.
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
mham001
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 1:25 am

You need to maintain your other friendships. Eventually, probably sooner than later, there will be a time when he won't be around any of them much. You don't need to lose your entire circle over her. They have already seen how he/she is now and will be taking notes.
 
BN747
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 1:43 am

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 20):
Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
trying plea or make contact after being tossed to side like used Kleenex will absolutely be seen as weak.

By whom? You confront someone who's done you wrong. You don't go and hide like a whiny baby and wait till you can get back at him/her. You may never get that chance.

Hiding and waiting till you can get some revenge is probably the most childish thing I've ever heard. THAT is true elementary school stuff.

YES, you confront someone who's done you wrong.. but you don't do that when you're the 3rd wheel.

The friend's new fiancee has changed the equation dramatically, in his world, he's now #1 and she's #2..and vice versa. FlyboyOz is the odd man out. He has no right demand redress to an action where he has been purposely dismissed. It's loser that goes whining and complaining 'but, but what about meeee...?' that comes off like a little school girl.

The man needs to have some dignity and stand back and waiting til the offender steps onto his court asking for a reprieve. The friend is an adult, not a child.. he knows what he did. And only he has to answer for it.. and not on his terms. If his relationship with Flyboy ever possessed any worth... some semblance of it still sticks - and he will comeback after the varnish has worn of his new relationship. If it was a fleeting friendship.. FlyboyOZ never meant much to him to begin with and he won't return and it's FlyboyOz who's been the needy one from the start.

We're all just taking FlyboyOz at his word here.. that he's the only wronged party and she the culprit. It's a simple 'no win' situation period. Until said friend returns to his senses, thus not a good time to confront him until he does.

There's no hiding, it's more a silent act of 'dude, I don't need you to live my life and my silence is telling you that loud and clear. That is how one maintains dignity in the face of overwhelming odds (the chick power). FlyboyOz goes on with his life..and when he bumps into his bud at Inn-n-Out... the guilty party will make a meek approach to make a truce or sorts of offer up some lame explanation. And that's when you unleash both barrels on him. If he's man, he'll sinply say 'I deserve that'.. if he's a mouse, he'll slink off as the coward he was to begin with.

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 20):
Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
It totally is,according to the OP, this problem would not have occurred were she not in the picture. If FlyBoyOz is being truthful with the forum and has committed no offense, he's been flagged as the biggest threat to his friend's paramour -an only someone who hasn't been around the block a few times couldn't do that math.

Right. So confront the a-hole about it.

Wrong, you don't pitch a bitch at the friend who throws you out of 'his' party. The operative tern here being 'HIS'. FlyboyOz has no standing other than 'Hey..but I'm your friend'...that sounds soooo lame. It's a weak bargaining position. You don't attempt re-invite your self into situation where you're 'clearly' not wanted.

And best response is for FlyboyOz, to step up his game of success, excel at his job, get a hotter chick (if that's in the cards) and be seen driving a new convertible Saab or Audi.. then the curiosity match is lit and he won't able to keep his 'friend' from prying into his life to find out what's going on. And even better if new Chick finds a new stick... who does old friend come running to then? I've seen all this play out again, again and again. It all comes down to how much self-respect and dignity you have for yourself. if you have none, sure..go back and try to pry the doors open and force yourself back into someone else's life.

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 20):
Quoting BN747 (Reply 18):
and there's a 99% chance he'll render you some lame excuse and avoid telling you the truth.

And then you know for certain that he's no friend of yours and can take appropriate steps to rid him from your life.

You already know that by his beyond inexcusable action from the very beginning...why must it be confirmed a second time?

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 20):
Imagine - your wife does something you don't like. Instead of confronting her, you hide your feelings and go on with life as best you can. Then when you get the chance, you do the same to her.

Yeah.....that's a terrible relationship. Not healthy in the slightest. And you just took yourself one step closer to getting divorced.

That's a entirely different equation, that's just you two. This situation relegated FlyboyOz into 3rd-wheel status almost immediately and the fate was sealed when they left him in the cold.

In your analogy, you don't shrink from some offense your wife commits.. that's pretty stupid from the start. But I've seen that go on as well by the male as well as the female. I've seen it result in divorce and I've seen result in marriages like Jeff & Suzy (Curb Your Enthusiasm) .. a near gutless cuckold who just takes it, no matter what she dishes out. But again, your analogy cannot apply to FlyboyOz's situation, they are not one and the same.. not even close.

Quoting mham001 (Reply 21):
They have already seen how he/she is now and will be taking notes.

Exactly right, the other friends have certainly made note that you've been X'd out.. some are wondering are they next. If a pattern emerges, the entire group will send a very loud and clear message to said 'friend'..and he'll have to choose a the type of future he wants a 50-50 give & take pairing, him standing his ground on matters important to him..or will he be Jeff and her Suzy aka a life of suffering in silence & misery.



BN747

[Edited 2011-09-18 19:16:58]
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hOMSaR
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 2:18 am

When I first saw this thread, I thought it was going to be about you getting fired from being a church usher.

But, in all seriousness, I kinda know how you feel. I had one friend that I used to hang out with all the time, along with a few other mutual friends. He then moved away and we stayed in touch, but less often. Then every once in a while he'd come back to town to visit for a few days, but he'd never tell me he was coming to town. So, he'd go to lunch/dinner/drinks with the others, and occasionally I'd find out about it second-hand from one of the other friends, and be invited (by them) to wherever they were hanging out that night.

But eventually, I decided to say to hell with it.

Situation slightly different here because there was no girlfriend/wife pulling strings behind the scenes, but it still hurt the first couple of times.

I still stay in touch with the other friends though, so in that sense, I'd say, keep in touch with them. They have nothing to do with your not getting invited, and they might even be able to provide some insight into why you were slighted (and this insight might be more truthful than if you called the first friend up and asked him directly).
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vikkyvik
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 3:33 am

I had a whole response written, but realized it's kind of stupid to argue about this in someone else's thread.

BN747, my only guess is that our different viewpoints may simply come from our different relationships with our friends. I'm very close to my good friends, and they're basically an extension of my family. I'm not going to put up with crap from them, but I'm also not going to drop them easily. We've all done plenty of crap to each other, but you talk about it, admit and apologize for wrongs as necessary, and move on.

Sorry, FlyBoyOz, for sidetracking your thread!
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TR763
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 3:51 am

You shouldn't be embarassed at all!
I have a friend who does the same things as yours, because his girlfriend doesn't like to see him hanging out with me and other friends.
If the guy isn't man enough to say NO to his girlfriend, show his desires, balance his life with hers, letting her pratically take all his actions (and vice versa), he will be faded to have situations in which he will be the ONLY looser.
See it like this. You lost one party. He is loosing your respect and your friendship. What is more important for you?
My friend has lost a big part of my respect because of actions like this. He turns into someone else when the girl is around. It's so ridiculous and I can't stand seeing him acting like a jerk. When she is not, he becomes the good old friend I knew 16 years ago, at age 8!!
Does your friend have this kind of reactions?
Of course that people change when in a relashionship. But hurting friends in order to reach the other expectation is unacceptable for me.
Honestly, though, I believe a good talk with him wouldn't be bad. You will discover if he really was the good friend you thought he was, or show him that this submission to the partner has hurt you and can hurt others in the future. Maybe he just got embarassed in front of the fiancee, because she presumably doesn't like you, and he wasn't cappable of telling her that you WOULD be invited to the party, because you are his friend.
Anyway, wish you a good luck with this story!!
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kiwiinoz
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 4:12 am

Why do you think she doesn't like you?
 
joffie
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 11:34 am

Simple, break all ties.

Tell him you no longer want to be friends. You dont need people like that, go find better quality people. Let him play with the girl.
 
Klaus
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 11:58 am

Quoting joffie (Reply 27):
Simple, break all ties.

Easy to say from afar.

If the friendship had been real and valuable, and particularly if there might have been undisclosed additional circumstances, it may be worth it to at least find out what exactly the problem was or is and whether the damage can be repaired.

If that should turn out to be impossible, there will still be plenty of time to break it off then.
 
signol
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 2:01 pm

We are in a similar situation in that one of our friends got married, and we were not invited, even though my wife was invited to the hen party. She was told it was because it was a small, family and closest friends only, but on seeing pictures online most of our friends were there. We think it was because we have small children, which if they didn't want at the wedding fair enough, but why lie about it?

signol
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FlyboyOz
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 8:31 pm

Wow! thanks guys for making me feel so relief. I enjoy reading them though! Here are some comments i can tell you about our friendship and situation below:- Sorry I have to write quickly cos i have to leave soon!

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 14):

What was suggested above is more like a revenge ploy. Revenge doesn't get you anything. Two wrongs don't make a right. He is/was your friend - be a good friend (at least while you still can/want to) and be straight up with him about it. Depending on his response, you'll know where you stand, and can either continue to be his friend or walk away. But don't miss your opportunity to tell him how you feel about it.
Quoting Klaus (Reply 17):
Talk to your friend. It's the only way to find out the real reason why he didn't invite you.
Quoting Klaus (Reply 17):
Maybe that friendship is coming to an end, but maybe there's been something that can be resolved or apologized for if it was just a misunderstanding.

Yes I did... He refused to give me a reason. Then I also talked to his friend's best man about it. He told me that he still refused to tell him either! Maybe he is too embarrassed to talk about it. I know his weakness and he lets his wife to control him around cos he loves her very much. He can do whatever she wants. I don't know about her very well...but i can see her character/personality ie she looks very strong, powerful and forceful.

I am not seeking revenge. I can forgive him and we can move on (hopefully). But I will leave him and his wife alone and will not see them anymore (maybe for a long period of time or forever). If they want to talk to me, then i will as I like to keep in touch with him without/and her.

Quoting TR763 (Reply 25):
Does your friend have this kind of reactions?

Well... I'm trying to see a picture of him in the past when he was single. After a girl joined him and entered our group, he still looked normal and happy. He was still the same as before. However, I don't see that he was a lot happier when he was with a gf/fiancee. He was so excited to get married though!

Quoting kiwiinoz (Reply 26):
Why do you think she doesn't like you?

She isn't happy when I visited to his place. She never said hello to me when I was talking to my friend. After we finished talking, then he said hello to another friend and she also said hello to him too. I have seen all my female friends are much nicer, so friendly and lovely except her.

Before wedding, I invited my friend and his fiancee for dinner. She didn't show up and probably didn't want to see me. Then she went home and sleep.

Quoting homsar (Reply 23):
I still stay in touch with the other friends though, so in that sense, I'd say, keep in touch with them.

      see above.

I didn't want to tell him that his fiance isn't good enough for him. I don't want to make him upset and him to change his mind because i don't like to say negative things about her. I don't really know about her very well. Most friends think that she is really nice, cool and friendly but for me i don't think so. I am a little worried that they may divorce soon. Yeah it's too sooon to get married!! They are young and have no experience about marriage life.
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Klaus
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Mon Sep 19, 2011 8:44 pm

Quoting FlyboyOz (Reply 30):
I am not seeking revenge. I can forgive him and we can move on (hopefully). But I will leave him and his wife alone and will not see them anymore (maybe for a long period of time or forever). If they want to talk to me, then i will as I like to keep in touch with him without/and her.
Quoting FlyboyOz (Reply 30):
I didn't want to tell him that his fiance isn't good enough for him. I don't want to make him upset and him to change his mind because i don't like to say negative things about her. I don't really know about her very well. Most friends think that she is really nice, cool and friendly but for me i don't think so. I am a little worried that they may divorce soon. Yeah it's too sooon to get married!! They are young and have no experience about marriage life.

Have you let any of these thoughs slip out to anyone, possibly to a third person who might have talked to him or her? That could be a pretty good explanation of what's going on.
 
kiwiinoz
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Tue Sep 20, 2011 12:52 am

Quoting FlyboyOz (Reply 30):
She isn't happy when I visited to his place. She never said hello to me when I was talking to my friend. After we finished talking, then he said hello to another friend and she also said hello to him too. I have seen all my female friends are much nicer, so friendly and lovely except her.

Sorry, what I meant was, is there any reason she has not to like you? A disagreement? You ditract your friend's attention away from her? Or does it just seem "out of the blue"?
 
vikkyvik
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Tue Sep 20, 2011 2:49 am

Quoting FlyboyOz (Reply 30):

I am not seeking revenge. I can forgive him and we can move on (hopefully).
Quoting Klaus (Reply 28):
Easy to say from afar.

If the friendship had been real and valuable, and particularly if there might have been undisclosed additional circumstances, it may be worth it to at least find out what exactly the problem was or is and whether the damage can be repaired.

If that should turn out to be impossible, there will still be plenty of time to break it off then.

  

Well said, and exactly what I was trying to say earlier.

Quoting FlyboyOz (Reply 30):
I am not seeking revenge. I can forgive him and we can move on (hopefully).

That is a commendable goal.

I've often heard (and certainly believe) that forgiveness is much more about the person doing the forgiving, rather than the person being forgiven.

Quoting Klaus (Reply 31):

Have you let any of these thoughs slip out to anyone, possibly to a third person who might have talked to him or her? That could be a pretty good explanation of what's going on.

Definitely. Could be something you didn't even realize you had done/said/whatever.
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Tue Sep 20, 2011 3:51 pm

Quoting AR385 (Reply 5):

Embarrassed? No. It´s your friend who should feel embarrassed, for not confronting the girlfriend and telling her: "You know what, I accept your friends without any trouble, you accept mine." It´s part of any real relationship. If he doesn´t have the balls to confront bridezilla´s capriciousness, I´m sorry for the quality of his soon to be marrried life.
Quoting ACDC8 (Reply 13):
Your "friend" needs to realize that women come and go but friendships last a lifetime.

Absolutely.......

Choose a Friend that can take a stand........
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FlyboyOz
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Thu Sep 22, 2011 11:34 am

Quoting kiwiinoz (Reply 32):
Sorry, what I meant was, is there any reason she has not to like you? A disagreement? You ditract your friend's attention away from her? Or does it just seem "out of the blue"?

It's hard for me to explain. I guess it just seems "out of blue". We never talk to each other.

Quoting Klaus (Reply 31):
Have you let any of these thoughs slip out to anyone, possibly to a third person who might have talked to him or her? That could be a pretty good explanation of what's going on.

Not yet, you mean I need to talk to my friend's best man. I will talk to him about situation later.
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DeltaMD90
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RE: Should I Be Embrassed In Front Of My Friends?

Thu Sep 22, 2011 3:19 pm

He's just whipped, I've seen it to many of my friends. I didn't let my gf pull that kinda **** when we started dating, and 2.5 years later, we fully trust each other and she would never intentionally do something to upset me.

Quoting BN747 (Reply 7):
At your age, what the gf hides under her skirt has way more power than your friendship at this stage.

To the very weak minded   But yeah, happens to the best of us (like me and my ex ughhhhhh.) I'm sure he'll grow out of it and either change her or get a divorce (sounds harsh but I've seen it a few times)

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