FoxTwo
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Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 12:56 am

http://www.thestar.com/news/article/...ter-he-was-mugged-and-bullied?bn=1

Please read the story and post your thoughts.

A story students should reflect on. Why would any human being do such a thing? It goes to show what our words, actions, and emotions can do to a child in their adolescence.

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PC12Fan
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 1:30 am

This is an issue that is finally getting the exposure that is more than way long overdue. Unfortunately, it is taking tragic events like this to do so. Everyone experiences it in some shape or form, but it obviously effects some more than others.

I was lucky. The one major time I experienced it was in grade school, and one day I snapped. I hit back and I still #### a brick. I didn't have a feel of satisfaction.

It still does boggles me, what does one get out of it? I mean I know what they do get, but why? What does it say on your personal resume?
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usflyer msp
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 1:42 am

I am really tired of all of the anti-bullying hysteria. There have always been bullies; there will always be bullies. The main difference nowadays is that we have raised a generation of overly coddled, namby-pamby children that don't know how to stand up for themselves and expect everyone to be nice to them all of the time.

I had a bully in middle school and when I told my father about it he told me how to take care of the problem. One day in PE, the bully got a lacrosse stick upside his head, from his blind side. I got suspended from school for two days but I never got bullied ever again. It was totally worth it and my family couldn't have been prouder.
 
fridgmus
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 1:51 am

Quoting usflyer msp (Reply 2):
I am really tired of all of the anti-bullying hysteria. There have always been bullies; there will always be bullies. The main difference nowadays is that we have raised a generation of overly coddled, namby-pamby children that don't know how to stand up for themselves and expect everyone to be nice to them all of the time.

I had a bully in middle school and when I told my father about it he told me how to take care of the problem. One day in PE, the bully got a lacrosse stick upside his head, from his blind side. I got suspended from school for two days but I never got bullied ever again. It was totally worth it and my family couldn't have been prouder.

Couldn't agree more Usflyer! Kids today make me sick, no backbone whatsoever, not to mention their "gimme this" attitude. In the mid 70's, I was bullied once in 7th grade, my Dad said it takes a bigger man to walk away from a fight, but that just made things worse. My best friend Dave showed me how to fight and I finally fought back and put the boots to him when he was on the ground as well. Got suspended for a week and had to see a counselor, which did not go well! I told her that some people only understood force. Had to see the school shrink after that one. Funny thing, we became pretty good friends when we got to high school!
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StarAC17
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 2:22 am

Quoting usflyer msp (Reply 2):
I had a bully in middle school and when I told my father about it he told me how to take care of the problem. One day in PE, the bully got a lacrosse stick upside his head, from his blind side. I got suspended from school for two days but I never got bullied ever again. It was totally worth it and my family couldn't have been prouder.
Quoting fridgmus (Reply 3):
Couldn't agree more Usflyer! Kids today make me sick, no backbone whatsoever, not to mention their "gimme this" attitude. In the mid 70's, I was bullied once in 7th grade, my Dad said it takes a bigger man to walk away from a fight, but that just made things worse. My best friend Dave showed me how to fight and I finally fought back and put the boots to him when he was on the ground as well. Got suspended for a week and had to see a counselor, which did not go well! I told her that some people only understood force. Had to see the school shrink after that one. Funny thing, we became pretty good friends when we got to high school!

That makes this a viscous circle and I knew that I would have been suspended if I clocked people who bullied me (with words more so than physically) and it would have been worse because I wouldn't have had a damn bit of remorse about it and would have voiced it. Unfortunately the school can't really protect the students who are bullied unless its caught in the act.

Most kids know that if they fight back they are going to be the ones that get in trouble. I toughed it through and now that I'm an adult I would have no reservation about clocking an adult bully.
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FoxTwo
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 2:36 am

So please tell me then, what do you say to an 11 year old who is suffering from muscular dystrophy? This was not some regular kid. He had a chronic disease, one which would confine him permanently to a wheelchair early on his life. His mother passed away. How can you dare turn the table and place any blame on anyone else except those that made his life a living hell day in day out.? I partially agree with what you said, but this situation is disgusting. The fact that there was no hint of friends coming to aid makes it that much worse. If you were his father, you tell me how you would communicate that a) you' will not be able to carry out day to day functions without the assistance of someone else , b) i'm sorry about mom c) i'm sorry about school, but do what you can to fight back! Like, do you really think that was the only answer given this situation?
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Aloha717200
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 2:52 am

When I was in school I was bullied pretty severely, having undiagnosed Aspergers disorder, I never fit in and never knew why. I became an easy target and got beat up several times, even tied up and drug around the football field for "fun."

In my case however, the school district's "Zero Tolerance" policy became a great hinderance to me fighting back. the times that I did stand up for myself, I would get suspended or written up. If I fought back, friends of the bullies would run to the school's principal and report that I had started a fight or that I was the bully. So those going after me never seemed to get in as much trouble as I did.

My father was an abusive prick but there is one thing I can thank him for. One day after limping home after a group of kids ganged up on me, my father took me out of the public school system for a year, and for that year he made a real effort to not abuse me either, and that one year of freedom from abuse helped me gain some of my self confidence back. Then, when I re-entered school one year later, he gave me a piece of advice: If someone at this new school decides to mess with you, you f*** him up.


Sure enough, eventually someone did try to start the process again. A kid from my old school just happened to have transferred to my new school and recognized me. Decided to start some crap. Decided to throw a punch. I planted him into the ground.

I was never bullied again. I was suspended for two weeks but my father, for once, was proud. I kicked that little brat's a**.


The moral of my story is this. The Zero Tolerance polcy of our public schools enables this "namby-pampy" thing that you guys are complaining about. Zero Tolerance causes the victims to feel powerless to defend themselves. Instead, schools should be lenient with those who stand up for themselves, and punish severely those who bully others. A bully as an adult doing these actions would be brought up on charges of Assault, so I see no reason why the school system shouldn't hold a bully accountable for his or her actions. Zero tolerance policies that punish victims for standing up for themselves do nothing but encourage kids to just sit back and take it until something tragic like this happens. That needs to change.

[Edited 2011-09-25 19:59:01]
 
StarAC17
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 2:56 am

Quoting FoxTwo (Reply 5):

So please tell me then, what do you say to an 11 year old who is suffering from muscular dystrophy? This was not some regular kid. He had a chronic disease, one which would confine him permanently to a wheelchair early on his life. His mother passed away. How can you dare turn the table and place any blame on anyone else except those that made his life a living hell day in day out.? I partially agree with what you said, but this situation is disgusting. The fact that there was no hint of friends coming to aid makes it that much worse. If you were his father, you tell me how you would communicate that a) you' will not be able to carry out day to day functions without the assistance of someone else , b) i'm sorry about mom c) i'm sorry about school, but do what you can to fight back! Like, do you really think that was the only answer given this situation?

It's never the victim's fault and I think most of the posts are not speaking in this case specifically but bullying in general. Kids are not encouraged to stand up for themselves because they never have been expected to.

In this case as the parent you would likely have to pull the kid out of the school and into an environment that he would excel or never have him alone ever. In most cases with bullying the individual has to fight through it because it will end eventually.

Why there is more and more suicides because of it I'm not sure?
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jetblueguy22
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 3:05 am

I've been bullied, I think everybody has. That obviously doesn't make it right but it's a fact of life. The stories are horrid. My little brother when he was in kindergarden got beat up by a 4th grader in the bathroom. The kid said he'd hurt him if he ever reported him. My brother didn't say a word until my dad heard crying one night at about 1:30. He ran into his room figuring he had a bad dream. My brother told him what happened and it was so tough to hear that even my dad started crying. The next day they reported the kid. He got suspended for a day (like seriously? A day? thats it?) then the kid saw my brother a couple weeks later and tried to get revenge. He went to hit my brother but my brother learned some new moves from his older brothers. He punched the kid in the face and yelled for a teacher. I think that put the kids bullying career to an end .
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san747
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 3:30 am

Quoting StarAC17 (Reply 7):


Why there is more and more suicides because of it I'm not sure?

I imagine there are a lot of cases of diagnosed (but a lot more cases of undiagnosed) depression among these kids who are committing suicide over bullying. There's probably a similar rate of mental illness among the ones doing the bullying as well.

While I have problems with Zero Tolerance because it does nothing to solve the problem, I don't think encouraging being violent back to a bully the answer. Then it just becomes a vicious cycle. And I know a couple of you ended your bullying problem by hitting the kid back, but that isn't always the case, and I've seen and read about just as many cases of the bullying getting WORSE when the victim starts fighting back. What PC12Fan says here is significant:

Quoting PC12Fan (Reply 1):

I was lucky. The one major time I experienced it was in grade school, and one day I snapped. I hit back and I still #### a brick. I didn't have a feel of satisfaction.

Hitting back doesn't make you feel better, and it has the potential to escalate the bullying. Digging around to find the motivation and causes of anti-social/bullying behavior will be more effective in reducing the problem long term than just encouraging "fighting back."

If bullying is taking place at school, on school grounds, then it is the school's responsibility, not the kid or the parents', to put a stop to the behavior via their counseling resources. That's what they're there for.
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AR385
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 4:58 am

I do not think that bullying was the main factor in this poor kid´s committing suicide. It was one of many, and his father says so. I believe that the real issue is what is going on in a community or a society that creates kids that pick on the weak, the meek, the wounded or the different.

I do believe that you as an individual need to to take care of your own bullying. Wether it is through learning to defend yourself and return the violence or by using other methods. Why? Because bullying is a part of life. It does not disappear. You will find it until you die. In different settings and in different environments but bullies are a part of life. You will find them in the sports club, in the work place, in college, in grad school, etc. The earlier you learn you have to deal with them yourself, the better, and the better person you will become.

I was bullied in highschool. I was the weird kid that loved books and airplanes and couldn´t maintain the normal conversations about sports, booze or girls. Not being clear even to myself about my sexual orientation did not help either. One day I was cornered by the King Bully and forced to fight.

The feeeling was that I was so tired of it, so worn out, that what could I loose? Get my ass kicked? It really didn´t sound that bad. Fortunately and to my surprise, it was the bully who got his ass kicked, and very badly. The months of frustration just came out and I kicked the living shit out of him so badly that his friends had to separate me from him, who by now was a whimpering mess of blood and snot. He avoided me for the rest of high-school.

Which brings me to this comment:

Quoting san747 (Reply 9):
And I know a couple of you ended your bullying problem by hitting the kid back, but that isn't always the case, and I've seen and read about just as many cases of the bullying getting WORSE when the victim starts fighting back. What PC12Fan says here is significant:

I agree. The bullying did not end. A friend of him took it upon himself to pick up the bullying where his friend had left it. But the previous violent encounter with his friend taught me that I did not have to take it, that I actually could defend myself and that I had nothing to loose but a lot to win. So I decided to kick his ass. Again, I did pretty well.

Am I proud? No. But through those two encounters I gained self confidence, self-worth, my depression stopped, I made more friends and no one bothered me ever again in highschool. It also taught me to stand up for myself, something that I do to this day, because you know what? most of the time nobody is going to do it for you. Sometimes life has weird ways to teach you things.

Quoting san747 (Reply 9):
If bullying is taking place at school, on school grounds, then it is the school's responsibility, not the kid or the parents', to put a stop to the behavior via their counseling resources. That's what they're there for.

That would be ideal. But how many schools hve the resources to do this? I can´t imagine a school in a poor distrcit taking the time to solve an issue such as bullying. Their resources are scarce and they just can´t spare them for such a noble cause. Instead, they come up with this "zero tolerance" policies that actually do more harm than good.
 
chrisair
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 4:59 am

Quoting jetblueguy22 (Reply 8):
I've been bullied, I think everybody has. T

Oh absolutely--maybe not to the extent some of these kids now are getting it, but it's been around forever. It happened to my cousin when he was 12. His dad, a former cop, tried to get the school involved to no avail. My cousin then broke the bully's nose and earned himself a few days of vacation and a hearty pat on the back by his parents.

I began to play hockey when I was young. That stopped most of the bullying, especially when I told one kid that if he didn't shut his mouth, he'd be eating through a straw for a few months.
 
Fly2HMO
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:03 am

I get a lot of mixed feelings when I hear these stories. On the one hand I was the subject to plenty of bullying, specially while in an all-male high school more so since I was the typical nerdy scrawny looking kid the jocks would love to mess with. My school and professors would pretend nothing was happening, therefore I took matters into my own hands, and boy did the bullies regret it.

It's a very well known fact that once you confront and defeat a bully, he/she will never touch you again.

As much as I detest and don't agree with bullying, I don't advocate those "lets be nice to everyone" programs. That That's just too much political correctness for my taste and contribute to the pussyfication of humanity. The fact of the matter is that bullying has its roots in very basic social and psychological responses going back to when we were still living in caves. In essence bullying boils down to the alpha males/females maintaining superiority over the omegas and occasional betas. We may be on top of the food chain but the fact of the matter is that we are still, for better or for worse, just animals at the core. And it's here where it really shows through.

For me and many countless others I know personally who were severely bullied and spent many sleepless nights dreading going to school the next morning and weeping the night away, the only solution in the end was direct swift, unpredictable physical confrontation. One straight punch to the kisser when the bully less expects it is all it takes. The few unfortunate bullies that got to experience my rage in full force never would dare get closer than 20 ft from me ever again.

IF I ever find a woman worth reproducing with, my would-be-kids would have my full support for beating up their bullies if they have them, I dont care if they get suspended. And if they are the ones being the bullies, they won't get my sympathies for getting beaten up by their victims.

However, I'm not too sure how I'd handle a case where the victim is handicapped, since obviously that makes physical confrontation not viable. I know some friends who would rely on older or bigger sibblings to defen them vs the bullies and that worked well too.

Additionally, as others have pointed out his suicide was obviously more than just because of the bullying and a number of other factors came into play.

[Edited 2011-09-25 22:06:02]
 
af773atmsp
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:28 am

I was bullied pretty much everyday from 3rd grade to 5th grade at my elementary school, those were extremely terrible years but I just toughed it out. I got a break from the public school system until freshmen year of high school. I didn't know anyone at my high school, until one day this kid said hello to me and we were good friends until sophomore year when he became a huge jerk. Now he goes to a community college and I hope I don't have to see him again. There were a few times when I wanted to fight back against his bullying but instead I didn't do anything, which I think was a good decision.
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san747
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:29 am

Quoting AR385 (Reply 10):

That would be ideal. But how many schools hve the resources to do this? I can´t imagine a school in a poor distrcit taking the time to solve an issue such as bullying. Their resources are scarce and they just can´t spare them for such a noble cause. Instead, they come up with this "zero tolerance" policies that actually do more harm than good.

Indeed. When budgets and other resources are so scarce, it's hard to place bullying at the top of their priority list. It's difficult for me because like everyone else, I was bullied for a long time and well into high school. I never really fought back. Would that have worked? Perhaps, but that's just never been part of my personality. I abhor confrontation and will go to great lengths to avoid it, often at my own expense. There is almost no situation in my mind that would justify violence, even retaliatory, on my part and I realize that makes me VERY unusual (and probably not really in a good way).

So while I wish we could deal with bullies in a non-violent way, especially because often there are extensive histories of emotional and mental problems, I have to accept that for most people, the only way to deal with it is by kicking some ass and taking on the bully directly. It's not perfect, but hell, the world isn't.

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 12):

As much as I detest and don't agree with bullying, I don't advocate those "lets be nice to everyone" programs. That That's just too much political correctness for my taste and contribute to the pussyfication of humanity.

While we will never get rid of differences between people (nor should we), I don't see the harm in trying to change the cultural mindset, especially among kids, about those different than us. Our differences should be embraced or at the very least tolerated (because I also understand that one will not like every other person they encounter), and conflicts don't need to escalate to violence, especially conflicts among children. There is literally NOTHING two children could possibly fight about that could justify a level of anger that leads to violence.

If we don't actively work to end bullying, we're basically saying as a society that we're willing to accept a certain level of sociopathy from our children. I understand that being too politically correct will just make things worse, but I don't think people, especially kids, have a right to be dicks toward others just because they can be. People complain about each successive young generation being bratty little shits, etc. and then the next moment we just write it off as "kids being kids." That makes no sense to me.
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kiwiinoz
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 8:24 am

I have been on both sides, both a bully and bullied. With the benefit of age, perspective, etc I can tell you that I have much more regret about being the bully rather than the bullied. It's an ugly trait, to pick on someone for the reason that they appear different or defenceless.

The "kids are wussies, toughen up these days" argument has some merit, but not much. The reality is that not all humans are created equal. Some are weaker in certain ways, stronger in others. At different stages in life, these strengths and weaknesses become part of who people are. Eg at school, the nerdy, odd looking kid might get picked on, but 15 years later when he is ruling the world, he may be the boss of some of the kids that oicked on him

Point being, I actually think that some level of ribbing can be positive in bringing people out of their shell, standing up for themselves. However, if relentless and destructive, people need to step in and help
 
usflyer msp
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 12:21 pm

Out of curiousity I decided to google my middle school bully's name and this came up:

http://www.pet-abuse.com/profiles/18387


It is definitely him. I see not much has changed.
 
StarAC17
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 12:38 pm

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 12):
IF I ever find a woman worth reproducing with, my would-be-kids would have my full support for beating up their bullies if they have them, I dont care if they get suspended. And if they are the ones being the bullies, they won't get my sympathies for getting beaten up by their victims.

I always wonder what my parents would have tried to do to me if I gave certain people the ass kicking they deserved and got suspended.
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 3:35 pm

Quoting usflyer msp (Reply 16):

Out of curiousity I decided to google my middle school bully's name and this came up:

http://www.pet-abuse.com/profiles/18387


It is definitely him. I see not much has changed.

Ha, my dad grew up in the Buffalo area (Riverside.) He said it was pretty harsh over there, bully wise
 
Kiwirob
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 3:54 pm

Ive been on both sides of the fence. The guy who was my bully in school is now a household name in NZ, he is a well known tv reporter. When someone is bullying you you feel a little better when you bully someone below you, at least thats how I felt. I went to a boys school, it was a tough school, everyone was bullying someone except for the little guys and the big buggers at the top of the tree.
 
malioil
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 4:42 pm

What happened to that kid is disgusting. Bullies are so trivial as people, yet so dangerous. They can really destroy someone, but they are a fact of life and must be dealt with. You can find bullies at every age and stage of your life.

In junior school I had been bullied a few times. My father told me to hit back, did that once and nearly got expelled.

The bullies continued, knowing they have the school on their side- I had hit them and hence it was me who was the ''bully'' when I was an innocent child whose parents did much to shield me from a lot of the things that I perhaps should have been exposed to from an early age.

Once it turned violent. I was with a friend and we were attacked by the kids with a metal rod. I ran away from the fight (no way I stood a chance- my friend who tried to fight them of spent a night in hospital) and called the police, as well as my mother who worked very high up in a ministerial organization. The bullies, three of which were not Bahraini had to sign an accord that should they ever commit any crime, no matter how trivial they would be deported immediately- the Bahrainis could be put in prison straight away if they were suspected in any other crime. They all were to do jail time for assault, only after the victimized party, me and my friend asked for them to be let off after signing an official apology.

A few weeks later they were connected to another assault case where a small youth of under 10 had been beaten unconscious, and another when they had thrown a brick at a 4 year old girl cycling. For that they went to jail.

To be honest, I was about 11 and that was my first entry into the ''real world''. From then on my parents realized their mistake and thank God for that, leaving me to be exposed to some of the realities of the world.

[Edited 2011-09-26 09:44:12]
 
wn700driver
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:01 pm

Quoting kiwiinoz (Reply 15):

Point being, I actually think that some level of ribbing can be positive in bringing people out of their shell, standing up for themselves. However, if relentless and destructive, people need to step in and help

I actually agree with this too. But, I think the rules really do need to be tougher on bullying in general. More on that below...

Quoting san747 (Reply 9):

Hitting back doesn't make you feel better, and it has the potential to escalate the bullying. Digging around to find the motivation and causes of anti-social/bullying behavior will be more effective in reducing the problem long term than just encouraging "fighting back."

I agree with that too, but sometimes there really isn't another choice.

The only time I was ever "bullied" in real life, it was actually by a junkie with a rusted knife who wanted my wallet. I guess it was just the wrong day for him, or maybe I would have had my "Falling Down" moment then anyway, I don't know... He ended up with a face even a mother couldn't love and probably nightmares about mine, suffice it to say. The funny thing was that I honestly thought I was signing my own death warrant at the time (he wasn't alone), but I just didn't care at that point.

But what did anger me greatly about that was the fact that the Police and local DA tried to take away my freedom over the issue. What I'm really sick of is this new generation of bullies who've figured out that they can just get the authorities to do their work for them now (the "dramatic" type of women who always claiming to be victims of domestic violence are another great example of this problem...). It's like you need to get it signed off in triplicate before it's "OK" to defend yourself. If that wasn't such an issue, I'd have more of opinion like those above who just say to "toughen up already." But the way things are, in the states anyway, I cannot in good conscience, advocate for my kids to take action that will jeopardize the viability of their careers, freedoms, etc... Damn Shame, that is! Ok, Rant over...
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Fly2HMO
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 10:02 pm

[/quote]

Quoting wn700driver (Reply 21):
(the "dramatic" type of women who always claiming to be victims of domestic violence are another great example of this problem...).

Which reminds me... the last psychobitch girl I decided to go out with decided that the appropriate response to my politely telling her we should go our own separate ways (when I got the first indications that she really was psycho) was to beat the shit out of me. She locked me in her room and every time I tried to reach for the door and GTFO she would grab me and pin me down. Then I gave her a titty twister hoping that would buy me time to haul ass out of there but nope, that back fired horrendously and next thing I know is I had her fists flying at me from at speeds and forces not even chuck norris could match. Amazing considering she was barely 5' and 100lbs. I'll never forget that savage look on her face.

All I could do was huddle up in a corner and take it like a man. I was inches away from beating the living shit out of her but then realized that could back fire even worse since she could then go to court and surely even if I gave her the slightest bruise I'd be the one with his ass ending up in jail and not her because it's always us, "evil men" that are the abusers and never the victims    After at least 10 mins (seemed like hours) of fists pounding me everywhere possible I finally managed to escape, bruises all over me and with a bleeding arm from a bite mark. And the freakin cunt knew damn well that if I went to court I'd be the one loosing. So I couldn't do anything about it but suck it up and cry like a little bitch after the fact.   

This was almost two years ago and I haven't touched a woman since, that's how much the experience scarred me. Totally unprovoked and uncalled for. Most of the girls I've told this about agree I did nothing to deserve it. Yet a handful of feminist girls (and guys) I've told my experience about say it was my fault. When I ask why they don't even give me a straight answer. They just imply I deserved it because I'm a guy and I was probably lying about how things really happened.   

Vile creatures, women can be.
 
san747
Posts: 4360
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Mon Sep 26, 2011 10:31 pm

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 22):
Yet a handful of feminist girls (and guys) I've told my experience about say it was my fault.

I'm a feminist guy and let me say- that incident was not your fault. I'm very pro-women's issues, but I do stick up for men as well because I believe in equality, not resentment and bitterness. The fact is that in a relationship that turns physically abusive, the woman is more likely to be the one initiating the physical acts, while the men obviously cause more injuries and are reported to authorities MUCH more often by their victims than the other way around. Either way, I'm sorry your relationship got to that point, and you did the right thing not fighting back and getting the hell out of there afterward.
Scotty doesn't know...
 
PC12Fan
Posts: 2128
Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2007 11:50 pm

RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Tue Sep 27, 2011 12:27 am

Quoting usflyer msp (Reply 2):
I am really tired of all of the anti-bullying hysteria. There have always been bullies; there will always be bullies. The main difference nowadays is that we have raised a generation of overly coddled, namby-pamby children that don't know how to stand up for themselves and expect everyone to be nice to them all of the time.

Tell that to the face of the parents of a kid who has taken themselves out because of someone else's "entertainment", then get back to me.   

Quoting san747 (Reply 9):
If bullying is taking place at school, on school grounds, then it is the school's responsibility, not the kid or the parents', to put a stop to the behavior via their counseling resources. That's what they're there for.

I hear what your saying, but they can't be there all the time.

Quoting fridgmus (Reply 3):
Funny thing, we became pretty good friends when we got to high school!

Interesting. How many more sessions did you and your friend have afterwards.

[Edited 2011-09-26 17:32:18]
Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep talkin'!
 
usflyer msp
Posts: 3507
Joined: Tue May 23, 2000 11:50 am

RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Tue Sep 27, 2011 12:07 pm

Quoting PC12Fan (Reply 24):
Tell that to the face of the parents of a kid who has taken themselves out because of someone else's "entertainment", then get back to me.

The parents may not want to hear the hard truth but my point still stands. I firmly believe that adversity builds character. If I hadn't stood up to my bully, I would probably still be running to this day.
 
747m8te
Posts: 429
Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2008 10:14 am

RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Tue Sep 27, 2011 1:26 pm

I was bullied on and off during high school, though worst was the first year of high school in grade 7, while im gay (people didnt know that at the time), I got accused of being gay, taunts by alot of people, being called a faggot, simply because I did well with my school work and did not do 'stupid' imature things to others or the teachers. What hit me most was when my so called 'friends' abandoned me because it was no longer 'cool' to hang out with me...that hurt alot! I continued on, went about my business and tried to ignore the taunts of the young idiots, and I realised that this is only going to be a short time in my life...counted down the years of high school and it was over. Most of those kids who did the taunting when I last saw them were stoned in the gutter...or have ended up in jail. Who did better in the end hey! If only kids could see this and not let the bullies cloud over their mind, and realise that school is only a short time in your life.

I was fortunate though, that at the age of 12 I was already 6 foot tall, and never suffered any physical abuse as the kids were scared of me to a degree lol!
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StarAC17
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Tue Sep 27, 2011 2:31 pm

Quoting usflyer msp (Reply 25):
The parents may not want to hear the hard truth but my point still stands. I firmly believe that adversity builds character. If I hadn't stood up to my bully, I would probably still be running to this day.

Adversity might build character but when all things are stacked against bully victims such as parents who can't get the school to do anything, punishing the victim for fighting back, or a school that is unable or unwilling to look out against bullies or a victim who can't stand up for themselves because maybe like in this case that the OP posted they just can't.

If you are fight back in high school and receive a suspension or even a juvenile conviction for assault and actually get good marks. Those things could actually affect you getting into university where you would likely escape this crap.

I didn't stand up to my bullies mainly because I would be subject to the thinks I say above and would have probably been much worse off. Would you still be running, possibly but I bet you would have learned to assert yourself with maturity like most people do.
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PC12Fan
Posts: 2128
Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2007 11:50 pm

RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Tue Sep 27, 2011 4:59 pm

Quoting usflyer msp (Reply 25):
I firmly believe that adversity builds character.

Adversity yes, but to what point? Excessive "ribbing" is one thing, convincing some that the world would be better without them is quite another.

Quoting usflyer msp (Reply 2):
I am really tired of all of the anti-bullying hysteria.

Scenseless suicides has brought it to the front burner, not crying or black eyes.
Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep talkin'!
 
jcs17
Posts: 7376
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Wed Sep 28, 2011 3:52 am

It is what it is. Most of us survived intact. At age 28, you can look back. It's school, it's hormones, what do you really expect?

I never got messed around with in middle school, even by the same bully, after I punched him in the eye after wrestling practice in 7th grade.

In high school (at least the first two years), you got fucked with, and you fucked with people who were in a lower social strata than you were. I really couldn't fight, as I went to a strict Catholic high school and was known by the administrators as "mouthy." I would've been dismissed and had to attend public school in Atlanta. As I matured (barely) in my upperclassman years, at least, I tended not to screw around with anyone and tried to make friends with the people I hurt. There were still those douchebags who tried to bully people in 11th and 12th grade, but those people were the ultimate losers. They tended never to get through a semester of college because of their addictions and their immaturity.

People have different reactions to bullying and I'm sure its been going on since the beginning of time.

[Edited 2011-09-27 20:57:30]

[Edited 2011-09-27 20:58:08]
America's chickens are coming home to rooooost!
 
JL418
Posts: 401
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RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Thu Sep 29, 2011 9:04 pm

I read the whole story and it made me feel really bad. As most of us right here, I've been bullied (at around 11 years old, schooling system works differently here in Europe than in the US I guess). My bully wasn't particularly big or muscular, yet he was that kind of vicious person you often meet when you end elementary school and reach what's called "Middle School" here. I went to the nuns and I was sure that every other kid would be a decent fellow, just because all my friends before were.
Instead I found myself first being befriended by him and then, when he found out that I wouldn't be his mate in the pranks he was thinking about, I got bullied. Subtle bullying, mind you. Always words, never physical... you know the kind of jokes whispered at your back, the whole classroom laughing, relieved not to be them the target of the joke. It went on for a year, with me just trying to ignore the guy since a good Christian shouldn't care and be forgiving, as I was told by the nuns. And, in the meanwhile, I also had serious problems in my family: how did I manage to go on I don't know.
At the end of the day, when the guy uttered a particularly vicious joke at me, I embraced paganism and gave him what he deserved, even if I felt guilty about it.
It still happens to me to find him in my hometown when I'm down there visiting the folks: he's always looking defiant and vicious but has never said anything more to me. Probably because I'm quite larger than he is.

My point is that, even if bullism did made a year and a half of my life utterly terrible, I'm glad I faced it and I'm proud of what my younger me went through - and the way I went through it. It has helped my development a lot. But I was a healthy boy with good friends to talk with and no real problems at all; what would a kid like Mitchell do, in my situation?
 
Acheron
Posts: 1851
Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2005 1:14 am

RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Thu Sep 29, 2011 11:18 pm

Quoting usflyer msp (Reply 25):
The parents may not want to hear the hard truth but my point still stands. I firmly believe that adversity builds character.

One thing is adversity and something completely different is constant harassment and abuse that can extend far beyond the realm of schoolgrounds thanks to the internet.

The bully's of 20's or 30's years ago didn't have the power to screw with people and their reputation and extend their harassment like they do today.

Your attitude reminds me of this guy though:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jv30bcu9G4Q

[Edited 2011-09-29 16:22:09]
 
usflyer msp
Posts: 3507
Joined: Tue May 23, 2000 11:50 am

RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Thu Sep 29, 2011 11:53 pm

Quoting Acheron (Reply 31):
One thing is adversity and something completely different is constant harassment and abuse that can extend far beyond the realm of schoolgrounds thanks to the internet.

The bully's of 20's or 30's years ago didn't have the power to screw with people and their reputation and extend their harassment like they do today.

Kids just have to be raised to be more mentally resilient than that. One of the things I do appreciate about my religious tradition is that it taught me at an early age to expect to be persecuted and I'll eventually overcome it.

Even if the kid can't stand up to the bully physically there are other things he can do. One of the plans I considered was planting Kush in the Bully's locker so that he would be expelled from school and maybe even sent to Juvy for drug dealing but for various reasons I decided to go with my Dad's plan of beating him instead.

My $.02.
 
mffoda
Posts: 1099
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:09 pm

RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Fri Sep 30, 2011 12:28 am

Bulling? Is not a new phenomenon. Its as old as the hills (as they say). Whats new is Cyber bulling.

Hey, you even see it on A-net! Someone posts an unpopular topic and you can't blink before some hammerhead jumps down their throat!  

Would they do that if they were standing in front of that person? Unlikely, I think Not?

All I have to say is "De Oppresso Liber"
harder than woodpecker lips...
 
san747
Posts: 4360
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: Even Been Bullied? Have You Bullied? Tragic Story

Fri Sep 30, 2011 12:57 am

Quoting mffoda (Reply 33):


Hey, you even see it on A-net! Someone posts an unpopular topic and you can't blink before some hammerhead jumps down their throat!

Would they do that if they were standing in front of that person? Unlikely, I think Not?

Anonymity breeds sociopathy. It's been shown repeatedly, on the Internet and off.

Quoting usflyer msp (Reply 32):

Kids just have to be raised to be more mentally resilient than that. One of the things I do appreciate about my religious tradition is that it taught me at an early age to expect to be persecuted and I'll eventually overcome it.

Why? Why should they just accept that? I understand that not all of life is rosy, and there is value to overcoming adversity, but these are kids. The only adversity they should be overcoming should be their grades and maybe figuring out their place socially. Developing minds do not need nor benefit from the extra stress and strain that being a victim of bullying brings.

Good for you that you overcame your bullying issues through your faith or whatever. Doesn't mean that it was an ideal situation or a desirable one.
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