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hOMSaR
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The Joke / Pun Thread

Thu Oct 20, 2011 12:23 am

Why not?

Did I tell you about why I had to break it off with my ex? She was addicted to shopping. She once bought an escalator just because it was marked down.
I was raised by a cup of coffee.
 
LGWflyer
Posts: 2233
Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2011 6:38 pm

RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Thu Oct 20, 2011 12:26 am

I have a joke for you about a waste bin... nah actually I won't bother it's just garbage.
3 words... I Love Aviation!!!
 
planeguy727
Posts: 1055
Joined: Fri Mar 30, 2007 2:58 am

RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Thu Oct 20, 2011 1:13 am

have you heard the one about sodium

Na
I want to live in an old and converted 727...
 
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Aloha717200
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RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Thu Oct 20, 2011 2:07 am













 
AzoresLover
Posts: 756
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RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Thu Oct 20, 2011 2:24 am

A Catholic Priest, a Jewish Rabbi, and a West Virginia hillbilly walk into this bar together. The bartender looks up and says, "Aw, c'mon fellas, what is this, a joke?"
Those who want to do something will find a way; those who don't will find an excuse.
 
N537FX
Posts: 101
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RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Thu Oct 20, 2011 2:26 am

why did the fish try smoking?

Just for the halibut.

What happens when the fog lifts over Los Angeles?
UCLA

What did the buffalo say to his child as he left for school?
Bison.

Just a few bad ones. Great if you want people to get angry
 
LGWflyer
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RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Thu Oct 20, 2011 2:56 am

I have another joke. Probably the worst aviation related joke but oh well...

A guy walks into a bar and asks for plain (ready salted) crisps (chips), the barmen says "sorry we only have helicopter ones".  
3 words... I Love Aviation!!!
 
TW
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RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Thu Oct 20, 2011 3:13 am

A sandwich walks into a bar.
Bartender : "I"m sorry but we don't serve food"
 
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einsteinboricua
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RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Thu Oct 20, 2011 12:29 pm

I have a few:

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Bar joke:
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.

As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.

The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, "You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman."
"You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky."
 
Starbuk7
Posts: 555
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RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Thu Oct 20, 2011 12:58 pm

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
 
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ER757
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RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Thu Oct 20, 2011 4:43 pm

If you go around the corner in Germany to enter a sausage shop, did you take a turn for the wurst?

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted....peanut
 
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hOMSaR
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RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Fri Oct 21, 2011 10:28 pm

A friend was unhappy with the mask he recently bought at a Halloween store, so he called the head of costumer relations.
I was raised by a cup of coffee.
 
pacificjourney
Posts: 2659
Joined: Wed Jul 04, 2001 9:12 pm

RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Fri Oct 21, 2011 10:35 pm

Saw my first episode of South Park in ages the other day - Do you like fish sticks - You must be gay fish !
" Help, help ... I'm being oppressed ... "
 
FingerLakerAv8r
Posts: 251
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RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Sat Oct 22, 2011 12:16 am

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

:D
 
Fly2HMO
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Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2004 12:14 pm

RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Sat Oct 22, 2011 4:10 am

Not to poop on anyones parade but I find it sad the most we can hope for nowadays are some lame overused G-rated too politically correct jokes yet not long ago there was an epic joke thread on jokes that would offend everyone, alas of course it was later mysteriously disappeared to cover up this site's very non-g-rated past  
 
bohica
Posts: 2462
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 3:21 pm

RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Sat Oct 22, 2011 5:29 am

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.....BOOM-BOOM...tisssssssssss....
 
bill142
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RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Sat Oct 22, 2011 5:55 am

A friend was telling me about how she almost ran into a deer. I said, "Oh dear"
 
EDICHC
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RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Sat Oct 22, 2011 12:49 pm

I used to date a radiographer, but she dumped me. She could see right through me.

Old MacDonald was dyslexic...OEOEI!

(before the PC brigade flame me this was e-mailed to me a long time ago by my friend back in Scotland who suffers from dyslexia himself)
A300/319/320/346 ATR72 B722/732/3/4/5/6/8/742/4/752/762/3/772/3 BAC111 BAe146 C172 DHC1/6/8 HS121 MD80 PA28
 
LGWflyer
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Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2011 6:38 pm

RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Sat Oct 22, 2011 12:54 pm

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 14):
Not to poop on anyones parade but I find it sad the most we can hope for nowadays are some lame overused G-rated too politically correct jokes yet not long ago there was an epic joke thread on jokes that would offend everyone, alas of course it was later mysteriously disappeared to cover up this site's very non-g-rated past

You have to admit though, the jokes are funny on here.
3 words... I Love Aviation!!!
 
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einsteinboricua
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RE: The Joke / Pun Thread

Sat Oct 22, 2011 12:59 pm

A friend was telling on how his career was the most boring career ever. I asked what it was. He said he was a driller.
"You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky."

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