planejamie
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So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Thu Jan 03, 2013 7:07 pm

A while ago I annoyed a lot of you with two (or three?) posts asking about advice for coming out to my parents. Well I finally did it and you said "the next post we want to see about this is when you are out".

It was the most anti-climatic thing in history. I just went downstairs when she was at the computer on her own she goes "have you got something to tell me?" - "yeah, I'm gay" - "oh ok"

She then asked if I had a boyfriend, she asked if the guy who I met up with over the weekend (Chris, you may remember him from a previous post too) was also gay, so I said yes. Then she said "how long have you known" and then told me "Always use condoms, I've told you that for years anyway, in fact I'll buy you some - and tell me when you want your Dad to know"

So the advice I followed from you all was don't pick a moment, just wait until a quiet time and when it feels right. And that is the best damn advice going. Thank you all for the help, advice, stories etc I really appreciate it. Now I just need to diet :')
 
ScarletHarlot
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Thu Jan 03, 2013 8:00 pm

YAY!!!! Glad you did it and it went well.

(And a quiet, "see? We told you!!"   )
But that was when I ruled the world
 
flipdewaf
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Thu Jan 03, 2013 8:54 pm

Well done, hope your dad is as good as your mum.

Fred
Image
 
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Tugger
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Thu Jan 03, 2013 9:01 pm

Look:

It's empty now. 

Congratulations!!!

See? You really actually are a normal person!! (I mean, sure you're special but you are also normal!   )

Tugg

[Edited 2013-01-03 13:04:32]
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. - W. Shatner
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baguy
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Thu Jan 03, 2013 9:34 pm

Woop woop woop! Well done you   It's a hard thing... but it's over now - and i'm sure your dad will be fine.. sounds like he already knows.. remember blood is thicker than water  
 
Charles79
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Thu Jan 03, 2013 9:36 pm

As someone who followed your previous thread(s), thanks for the update and congratulations for letting the weight lift off your shoulder.

Yes, in an ideal world none of us would have to deal with the whole "coming out" thing but until then this is the reaction that all of us want in the end from those we look up to.

Now, stay tuned for the welcome kit and don't forget that now that you are out, you will have to pay your dues to support the "gay agenda"!  
 
mainMAN
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Thu Jan 03, 2013 9:45 pm

Hey, I'm so glad that worked out so nicely for you. I did read your original thread, but don't think I commented.

Quoting planejamie (Thread starter):
Now I just need to diet :')

You and me both!
 
RussianJet
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Thu Jan 03, 2013 9:55 pm

Well done mate. Glad it sounds like everything worked out ok - hope it goes as easily with your dad.
✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
 
luv2fly
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Thu Jan 03, 2013 10:28 pm

Good for you, I find that we make it worse in our minds then they actually turn out to be.
You can cut the irony with a knife
 
planejamie
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Thu Jan 03, 2013 10:49 pm

Quoting tugger (Reply 3):
It's empty now. 

Haha, I love this photo :') Thank you!

Quoting Charles79 (Reply 5):
Now, stay tuned for the welcome kit and don't forget that now that you are out, you will have to pay your dues to support the "gay agenda"!  

She even said "Oh good we can go shopping together now"

Quoting RussianJet (Reply 7):
Well done mate. Glad it sounds like everything worked out ok - hope it goes as easily with your dad.
Quoting flipdewaf (Reply 2):
Well done, hope your dad is as good as your mum.

Yeah my dad I can't really judge how he'll react. With my mum I'm sure she already knew but my dad can be a little homophobic at times and I wonder his reaction. The fact my mum is offering to tell him rather than pushing me to tell him suggests that she might need to talk him into the idea a bit.

Quoting luv2fly (Reply 8):
Good for you, I find that we make it worse in our minds then they actually turn out to be.

Yeah, I was so worked up over it for so long, worrying if she'd find out and how I would tell her, when I would tell her, how would she react but like there was no change in emotion it was like I'd said "Mum, I'm going round to a friend's house"
 
RussianJet
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:45 pm

Quoting planejamie (Reply 9):
Yeah my dad I can't really judge how he'll react. With my mum I'm sure she already knew but my dad can be a little homophobic at times and I wonder his reaction. The fact my mum is offering to tell him rather than pushing me to tell him suggests that she might need to talk him into the idea a bit.

Well, from the little we know about her she seems sensible - so let her do it.
✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
 
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DeltaMD90
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:13 am

Quoting Charles79 (Reply 5):
Yes, in an ideal world none of us would have to deal with the whole "coming out" thing but until then this is the reaction that all of us want in the end from those we look up to.

   One day, this'll be the reaction from everyone... hope to see it in my lifetime. It'll be as normal as going up to someone and saying "I'm straight"

Congrats, I know a lot of people were getting pretty annoyed but I totally felt ya, it would be really difficult for me I believe
 
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DocLightning
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:13 am

Quoting planejamie (Thread starter):
It was the most anti-climatic thing in history.
Quoting Charles79 (Reply 5):
Now, stay tuned for the welcome kit and don't forget that now that you are out, you will have to pay your dues to support the "gay agenda"!

Which one of us claims the toaster?

Quoting planejamie (Reply 9):
Yeah my dad I can't really judge how he'll react. With my mum I'm sure she already knew but my dad can be a little homophobic at times and I wonder his reaction. The fact my mum is offering to tell him rather than pushing me to tell him suggests that she might need to talk him into the idea a bit.

Why don't you just ask her what she thinks his reaction would be? Actually, start by asking her if she thinks he already knows.
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
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AirAfreak
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:22 am

Quoting planejamie (Reply 9):
She even said "Oh good we can go shopping together now"

If I had a dollar for every time some girl made that same statement to me, I would have owned my own A380 by now. I usually reply "as long as there are drinks involved!" I am gay, but I hate shopping with other people. I shop based on need and not as an attraction. I do like to buy scarves and shoes, though. =]

Congratulations to you! You're experience was far better than mine!!!! lol!


Bon Voyage!

AirAfreak
Korean Air | Excellence in Flight.
 
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DocLightning
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:24 am

Quoting AirAfreak (Reply 13):
If I had a dollar for every time some girl made that same statement to me, I would have owned my own A380 by now. I usually reply "as long as there are drinks involved!" I am gay, but I hate shopping with other people. I shop based on need and not as an attraction. I do like to buy scarves and shoes, though. =]

Me too. I *hate* shopping. Especially for clothes.
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
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AirAfreak
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:52 am

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 14):

I think I enjoy shopping for my home and for entertaining. It always makes me smile when I buy a nice bottle of champagne and plane tickets!
Korean Air | Excellence in Flight.
 
PHX787
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:53 am

Good job! Now fill that closet up with some clothes lol

Here's what I keep telling people-if your own parents can't accept you for who you are, then they aren't worthy of being your parents. Simply rise above them and put them in the back of your mind. Your mom seems to be on board so you don't need toworry about it!
Follow me on twitter: www.twitter.com/phx787
 
Rara
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:56 am

Well that sounds lovely. Congratulations.

I did read the other threads and grew a bit impatient in the end.   But seems it was worth the wait.
Samson was a biblical tough guy, but his dad Samsonite was even more of a hard case.
 
tootallsd
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 1:02 am

Congratulations -- a little like stepping off the edge of the cliff. Your Dad may be cool too. My Dad, the USMC dude with 31 years of service include Japan as a POW -- no issue. I came out to my mom on the phone (I was doing radio interviews the next for the Pride Parade) -- now I realize not cool at all, but that was 1977. Anyhow, two weeks go by. I visit the p's -- home from college -- and my Dad meets me at the door and gives me a big hug. Nothing needed to be said, it was so clear what he said with his body language.

So you never know.
 
stratosphere
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 1:06 am

Well glad for you that your parents seem to accept it.. In my younger years I was pretty rabid anti gay now in my later years I have really learned to live and let live. I have a few gay friends and they are the best. Kinda shows how narrow minded I was. But my parents would have had a stroke if I ever told them I was gay. Guess its good I am not. I LOVE women even if they don't love me..lol...But hey glad things worked out for you and better yet glad your family is accepting of it. Best of luck you you!!
 
planeguy727
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 1:10 am

Congrats! and welcome to the out club.
I want to live in an old and converted 727...
 
jetblueguy22
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:12 am

Congratulations! So happy it went well for you. I can't imagine the relief you must feel. I've seen the relief in many of my friends faces after they were finally out to their folks and it was as if they were free.
Blue
Look at sweatpants guy. This is a 90 million dollar aircraft, not a Tallahassee strip club
 
hoons90
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:19 am

Kudos!

Being proud and confident of who you are is what makes you a truly great person.
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DocLightning
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:33 am

Quoting PHX787 (Reply 16):
Here's what I keep telling people-if your own parents can't accept you for who you are, then they aren't worthy of being your parents. Simply rise above them and put them in the back of your mind. Your mom seems to be on board so you don't need toworry about it!

Not so easy to say when you depend on them for shelter and food.

Quoting planeguy727 (Reply 20):
welcome to the out club.

Somehow, on first pass, I got "welcome to the hot tub."

I was all: "Well, I guess that, too..."  
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
PHX787
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 5:01 am

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 23):
Not so easy to say when you depend on them for shelter and food.

Hm that is true....
Follow me on twitter: www.twitter.com/phx787
 
AF1624
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 8:59 am

Let me say first of all congratulations for coming out to your mum and that I'm happy everything went well.

Now, I can't really give out any advice relative to coming out as, well, I'm straight so have strictly no experience in that matter. However, I do have experience in relationships with parents, and I just wanted to drop you a note on a small issue that might arise.

You're in a situation now where your mother knows something your father doesn't (and this works for anything, not only the topic at hand by the way). This can become a problem because:

a. The fact your mother is "hiding" something from your father might become a problem for them, and by extension, you
b. If you come out to your father way down the road, the first question he'll ask your mother will be "how long have you known" and his feelings will be hurt
c. If she tells him and you don't, again, his feeling may be hurt because he might have expected you to trust him with secrets such as these.

I'm not trying to scare you or anything, but the point I'm trying to make is this: the sooner both of them know, the better. You don't necessarily want that kind of situation where one of two parents holds "insider info", whatever that information may be.

I'm telling you this because with divorced parents sometimes knowing a lot more than the other does I've seen the problems it can create.

Again, congratulations and I hope your father reacts as well as your mum does, but seeing your mum's reaction, I would say I would be surprised if your dad reacted badly (there's a reason, after all, why the two of them are together - and your mum probably wouldn't like your dad reacting negatively).
Cheers
 
blueflyer
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 9:22 am

Well done. Read but never commented on the previous threads because I had nothing useful to contribute. I'm glad it worked out, congratulations.

All I can say is that sometimes the scariest people may be the easiest to tell. My cousin was terrified of coming out to our grand-mother, but it had become necessary since he was getting married. She had one question: are you happy? And that was that, he was still her grand-son. Best of luck with your dad.
Corona is God’s punishment for the amoral, principles-free, holier-than-thou Evangelicals. The rest of us are just collateral damage
 
bookishaviator
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:01 am

Quoting blueflyer (Reply 26):
All I can say is that sometimes the scariest people may be the easiest to tell.

This is very true. I was insanely afraid of telling my father - a very imposing Eastern European fellow with strong Catholic beliefs and values. Turns out that his love for me trumped it all and now he hassles me about finding a bloke to bring over for family BBQs.
When I die, when I die, I'll rot. But when I live, when I live, I'll give it all I've got.
 
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AirAfreak
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 11:35 am

Quoting AF1624 (Reply 25):

Yes, unfortunately, my mother found out years after my father knew. My mother being very conservative, I was afraid to tell her. She told me a year later it wasn't so much that I am gay, but I hurt her by not telling her. That really broke my heart and to this day it still bothers me.

Thankfully, before she passed away, we resolved all of our differences and I am beyond grateful for this peace between us.

So yes, tell your father asap! No regrets, okay?

Air Afreak
Korean Air | Excellence in Flight.
 
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BNE
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:51 pm

Nice one; thanks for the update.

The only advice I can think of, "That wasn't as bad as I thought" I took the line from this book, Highest Duty after Sully and Jeff both mentioned that words after they landed the US A320 into the Hudson River.
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GlobalMoose
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 2:01 pm

Congratulations!

Quoting HOONS90 (Reply 22):

     

I've found that there are more accepting people out in the world than I thought imaginable. The more honest I am with myself, friends, and family, the happier I am to be me resulting in a happier life in general!

Best of luck with your father!
When it absolutely positively has to be there ... at some point.
 
planejamie
Topic Author
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 2:38 pm

Thanks for all your kind words

Quoting AirAfreak (Reply 13):
Congratulations to you! You're experience was far better than mine!!!! lol!
Quoting DocLightning (Reply 14):
Me too. I *hate* shopping. Especially for clothes.

I don't mind shopping as long as I'm buying for myself too. If I'm with someone else who's shopping and I'm not buying anything it can get a little tedious!

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 23):
Somehow, on first pass, I got "welcome to the hot tub."

I was all: "Well, I guess that, too..."  

Hahaha, hmm a hot tub could be a good idea though the fact we only get 3 days a year you could call "hot tub" weather (e.g. sun, warmth) puts me off getting one (and the cost).

Quoting AF1624 (Reply 25):
You're in a situation now where your mother knows something your father doesn't (and this works for anything, not only the topic at hand by the way). This can become a problem because:

I see your point there but my Dad works abroad and I'd rather tell him in person. The next time he's back is in March in which case my mum possibly putting the idea to my Dad might be help so he can get used to the idea ready for when I tell him.
 
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DocLightning
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 8:38 pm

Quoting planejamie (Reply 31):
Hahaha, hmm a hot tub could be a good idea though the fact we only get 3 days a year you could call "hot tub" weather (e.g. sun, warmth) puts me off getting one (and the cost).

One does not sit in a hot tub on a warm, sunny day. That's what swimming pools are for. Hot tubs are for cold days, especially snowy ones. You can sit in there in swim trunks laughing at the weather because you're up to your neck in warm water and enjoying your favorite adult beverage.
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
planejamie
Topic Author
Posts: 564
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RE: So I Just Came Out To My Mum

Fri Jan 04, 2013 11:55 pm

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 32):
One does not sit in a hot tub on a warm, sunny day. That's what swimming pools are for. Hot tubs are for cold days, especially snowy ones. You can sit in there in swim trunks laughing at the weather because you're up to your neck in warm water and enjoying your favorite adult beverage.

We don't get cold snowy days either   It's all wet/windy/cloudy here most the year it seems! I could always fill a paddling pool full of hot water and do the same thing. It'll only cost about £20 that way!

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