Still Opening Doors For Women?

ImperialEagle · Tue Sep 09, 2014 2:53 pm

I saw this article in The Telegraph and it gave me pause:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relat...ger-hold-doors-open-for-women.html

I do not think I "look down" on women, nor do I think I carry an air of "superiority". However, I am a product of my environment and was raised in the "old south" mentality that held good manners dear.
I guess, until I am no longer able to hold open a door I will always hold a door open for a lady. I will always stand when a lady enters a room and I will always stand when a lady arrives or leaves a table. And, yes, it's always "ladies first". I even introduce ladies first. No 'cussin either ( unless I hear them cuss first. Then I might make exception unless they are older than I am.)

So they can call me what they will. I guess it is one "suthun" tradition I will not give up.

AeroWesty · Tue Sep 09, 2014 3:07 pm

Despite a more casual approach to social interactions these days than in the past, good breeding will always stand out in a crowd. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Tugger · Tue Sep 09, 2014 3:18 pm

Yes, I still do.

I don't always let the lady "go first", but will hold the door open for them then. It all depends on the timing etc. (who gets there first first, if it makes it more awkward).

I have been in the past (I only remember once) reprimanded by a woman who stopped and stated "I can open the door! for myself" I just responded "OK......" (probably more like "eeeewww-kay) and went through first and held the door briefly for her to get it herself and kept going. It bothered me at first but I realized everyone is different.

What is interesting is sometimes when I hold the door open for a women who is with guy and how he can react. Sometimes the guys obliviously goes through first or just nicely just goes through second, letting his lady go first, and sometime they insist on taking the door to hold it for their lady. And sometimes they look awkwardly at me not knowing if I am hitting on their girl or subverting their man-card or if they need to do something else. Pretty funny.

Tugg

bunumuring · Tue Sep 09, 2014 3:31 pm

I honestly open doors for both women and men, and always let others through doors etc ahead of me.
Always.
Just the way I was brought up, and have brought up my sons.
Cheers,
Bunumuring.

Tugger · Tue Sep 09, 2014 3:55 pm

Quoting bunumuring (Reply 3):
Just the way I was brought up, and have brought up my sons.

I am also teaching my daughters to open doors for others (and to be gracious if doors are opened for them). No reason why a lady can't open a door for a man, and no reason to not accept the action for yourself politely.

Tugg

slider · Tue Sep 09, 2014 4:51 pm

Quoting ImperialEagle (Thread starter):
I guess, until I am no longer able to hold open a door I will always hold a door open for a lady.

Yup--always.

My kids do too, and it's amazing how they will sometimes say how many people never say thank you. That doesn't take away from the act itself, kids. Do right because it's the right thing to do. How we treat ladies is and will always be a key undergirding for the strength of our society.

Osubuckeyes · Tue Sep 09, 2014 4:55 pm

I always hold open a door for everyone. Very rude in general to let a door slam or close in somebody's face. I did have one lady say, "No thanks, I can open a door myself!" So I let it slam in her face as it was a heavy door.

Ken777 · Tue Sep 09, 2014 5:01 pm

I have always found it a pleasure to open the door for a lady. My 10 year old grandson loves the idea and will almost run to the door to open it for others.

Odd thing is that now that I'm getting old people are opening the door for me!

solarflyer22 · Tue Sep 09, 2014 5:04 pm

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 1):
Despite a more casual approach to social interactions these days than in the past, good
breeding will always stand out in a crowd. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Really, and you're the guy that knows anything about good breeding? You sound like a plantation owner.

Quoting bunumuring (Reply 3):
I honestly open doors for both women and men, and always let others through doors etc ahead of me.
Always.

Me too. This is actually the classy approach. You hold the door open for whoever is there. Children, old ladies, people with bags. It shouldn't really matter. Then feminists wont complain.

max999 · Tue Sep 09, 2014 5:09 pm

I think a more appropriate criteria for holding doors should be based on physical ability rather than on gender. I would much rather hold the door for a frail old man than a perfectly able woman wearing 5 inch heels.

flipdewaf · Tue Sep 09, 2014 5:14 pm

I believe there is a famous quote from someone (often attributed to Churchill (not the dog) but I'm not sure it was him). When asked by an irate woman if " you just held the door because I was a lady" he replied " no, its because I am a gentleman".

One shouldn't feel pressured by what society thinks should be done but by what you want to do and what you feel is right.

Quoting max999 (Reply 9):
I think a more appropriate criteria for holding doors should be based on physical ability rather than on gender. I would much rather hold the door for a frail old man than a perfectly able woman wearing 5 inch heels.

WIN!!!

Fred

B777LRF · Tue Sep 09, 2014 5:21 pm

Open doors, let the ladies go first, pull out chairs, carry heavy objects, change a tire etc. I'll also cook, clean, wash and iron - all necessary life-skills of a single bloke - and nothing well bed a woman quicker than offering her a meal cooked beyond her own abilities. And if those actions p1sses off the feminists, well, that's their problem. I'm really past the point where the opinion of others give me much pause.

One doesn't need to come from anywhere in particular to be a gentleman.

vikkyvik · Tue Sep 09, 2014 5:25 pm

Quoting osubuckeyes (Reply 6):
I always hold open a door for everyone. Very rude in general to let a door slam or close in somebody's face.

Please.
Thank you.
Open the door for anyone.
Try not to interrupt unless necessary.
Offer to help carry stuff.
etc.

Goes for men, women, dogs, whomever.

I am generally happy to be polite and courteous to people, and I appreciate it when people are courteous to me. But what will annoy is the expectation of courtesy. I'm happy to offer to do something, but I don't like someone stopping and waiting for me to do something, without my having offered yet. I find that just as rude as not being courteous in the first place.

Fiesta13 · Tue Sep 09, 2014 5:41 pm

I open doors for anyone. It's a sign of respect and of decency. Be it an older couple, a lady with a child, a young couple. It doesn't matter. I'll open it for them. My youngest son does it to a fault and I often have to wonder where he is, and he's let most of humanity through a door before he goes in.

As for a car door, I can't say I do. I'm not ashamed of that, it's just the way it always seems to have been that way for me.

blueflyer · Tue Sep 09, 2014 7:26 pm

I open doors for people as a matter of courtesy. I'd be utterly unable to state whether it happens more for one gender over another. Other people have opened or held open doors for me as well. I equally can't tell whether men or women do it most.

jetblueguy22 · Tue Sep 09, 2014 7:40 pm

I hold doors open for women as a courtesy. It's nothing sexist. I find that argument ironic considering the person who instilled that value in me is a female...

I had a woman yell at me for doing it last year. She got all defensive and said "Oh you think I'm some frail little girl who can't hold a door open?" Just said "It was more me being polite, but have it your way." and let the door slam behind me. I don't know why people get off on being so rude. But whatever.
Pat

vikkyvik · Tue Sep 09, 2014 7:49 pm

Quoting Fiesta13 (Reply 13):
As for a car door, I can't say I do. I'm not ashamed of that, it's just the way it always seems to have been that way for me.

Same here. My girlfriend wishes I did open the car door for her. And sometimes I'll force myself to do so. It can be quite funny what things you do and don't do.

bunumuring · Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:41 pm

I open car doors whenever someone is getting into my car, be they male or female, child or adult.
I also pull out the seatbelt for elderly passengers like my parents, who have difficulty turning around enough to pull it out.
Cheers,
Bunumuring.

seb146 · Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:12 pm

Quoting max999 (Reply 9):
I think a more appropriate criteria for holding doors should be based on physical ability rather than on gender. I would much rather hold the door for a frail old man than a perfectly able woman wearing 5 inch heels.

I think that is becoming more and more common.

I have been thinking about this and I think holding doors is a regional thing. Thinking back, I notice that people in the West see who is behind them and hold the door accordingly. That is: if it is a person with children or elderly person, there will be a full on door holding but if it is someone able bodied, there is a simply door prop so the order is maintained.

Maybe someone else can explain it better and if that happens elsewhere.

WarRI1 · Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:19 pm

I automatically hold the door for anyone behind me. I have taught my children and Grandchildren the same. Consideration is the name of the game. We need more of it.

L410Turbolet · Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:37 pm

Quoting ImperialEagle (Thread starter):
this article in The Telegraph

Something one would expect to read in The Guardian or worse...

"It's decades since I stopped automatically standing back to let women go first – through a door, up the stairs or whatever. I haven’t held open a car door for a female under 70 or over seven since Kate Millett first published Sexual Politics."

By coincidence there has been an article on Kate Millet published just a few days ago by her own sister.

http://www.frontpagemag.com/2014/mal...tt/marxist-feminisms-ruined-lives/

Quoting max999 (Reply 9):
I think a more appropriate criteria

Sometimes it's better to leave things as they have always been. No need to invent politically correct "more appropriate criteria" all the time.

Aeri28 · Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:53 pm

Im an old school type and will open doors for both men and women and children, It's highly polite to hold it open if you see someone a little further out than necessary as well, although it depends on my mood and if the person looks friendly or not.

I don't pull out the chair unless the person is elderly . otherwise that is just a courtesy that is a bit past its prime IMO. I am iffy on public transportation, since I live in a city, I do take public transportation to and from work, so I will not give up a seat for any random female just because she's a female (and younger than me too), but I will if its an older woman, someone with loads of bags, an older man, someone frail etc. But I also do not sit up front where there are seats specifically designated as 'give up seats' should someone in need need one.

One pet peeve however: Cell phones. I absolutely DETEST anybody on their cell phone who cannot be bothered to make an attempt to open their own door or make some sort of eye contact and nod as a form of "hey thanks" . I will let go of the door fast so you'll have to hustle if you don't seem to acknowledge my gesture. This is especially true of someone exiting a bus. If you have your hand on a cell phone and your purse or package in the other, I will not hold the door open.. You get your aXXX off that phone . End of my story!

I guess I will admit I have issues with cell phones in public. Dont' get me started on people looking face down into their phones while walking. Im 6'3"a and 230 lbs. I can pretend to be on mine too and somehow not see you approaching me and hope you see me in time to move.

(yes I have issues with cell phones in public) LOL

fr8mech · Wed Sep 10, 2014 12:07 am

Quoting ImperialEagle (Thread starter):
I do not think I "look down" on women, nor do I think I carry an air of "superiority". However, I am a product of my environment and was raised in the "old south" mentality that held good manners dear.

I grew up in the 'north' and I was taught to hold the doors for everyone. Nothing superior about it; it's a matter of courtesy.

Quoting Tugger (Reply 4):
I am also teaching my daughters to open doors for others (and to be gracious if doors are opened for them).

My daughter has been tougher than my son. She has a over-developed sense of herself and tunes out the rest of the world. Though, I'm sure being a newly-minted 12 year-old working on 18 has something to do with it. Working on it.

Quoting Ken777 (Reply 7):
My 10 year old grandson loves the idea and will almost run to the door to open it for others.

I'm having a hard time getting my 8 year old to stop hold ing the doot. He will wait until there is absolutely no one is sight before moving on. It's especially 'bad' at church or school.

Quoting max999 (Reply 9):
I think a more appropriate criteria for holding doors should be based on physical ability rather than on gender. I would much rather hold the door for a frail old man than a perfectly able woman wearing 5 inch heels.

Why differentiate?

In my opinion, the only appropriate critirea should be a person is in that spot.

Quoting Fiesta13 (Reply 13):
As for a car door, I can't say I do. I'm not ashamed of that, it's just the way it always seems to have been that way for me.

More often than not, I will hold the door open for the wife...especially when we are out on 'a date'.

Fiesta13 · Wed Sep 10, 2014 12:26 am

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 16):
Same here. My girlfriend wishes I did open the car door for her.

Funny thing is, my wife never says anything about it, and we've talked about it in th past. No biggie. But my youngest son gave me a ribbing the other day for it, and my wife joined in. They're ganing up on me.

prebennorholm · Wed Sep 10, 2014 1:33 am

I am a 100% feminist. For instance, never ever have I complained when a lady forgot to raise the toilet seat to vertical when she left the bathroom.

Ken777 · Wed Sep 10, 2014 1:40 am

Quoting flipdewaf (Reply 10):
When asked by an irate woman if " you just held the door because I was a lady" he replied " no, its because I am a gentleman".

And that is all that should need to be said on the matter.

bristolflyer · Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:57 am

If anyone has any witty retorts for those that say 'Im perfectly capable of opening the door myself' let's hear them!

I hold the door open for all.

fr8mech · Wed Sep 10, 2014 4:02 am

Quoting bristolflyer (Reply 26):
If anyone has any witty retorts for those that say 'Im perfectly capable of opening the door myself' let's hear them!

Is this really something that happens? I've been holding doors open for people for about 4 decades and not once has someone challenged me. The worst reaction I've ever gotten was not receiving a 'thank you'.

AeroWesty · Wed Sep 10, 2014 4:03 am

Quoting solarflyer22 (Reply 8):
Really, and you're the guy that knows anything about good breeding?

LOL, here's one excellent and concise definition of 'good breeding':

"A well-bred person is one who was brought up to be a developed human being, taught to be polite, honest, reserved, well-spoken, inquisitive about life, and who learned the difference between high living and living like a low-life. They know how to dress, how to conduct themselves at the dinner table (good manners), how to behave in society in general, how to atttend to their personal, familial, and societal duties, and how to speak."

See: https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20140316172005AAG79Gx

PHX787 · Wed Sep 10, 2014 4:51 am

I hold the door for everyone. Not just women. Its something that isn't really done in Japan much, actually. Surprisingly.

seb146 · Wed Sep 10, 2014 5:23 am

Quoting fr8mech (Reply 27):
Is this really something that happens?

It is a mixed bag, really. There are people who know what is going on and go with it and other who are offended. Both genders, all ages. I just do what I want because I am not a mind reader! If there is someone behind me going through the same door, I will do the "prop open" thing so they can have the open door behind me.

What I can't stand are two people on an escalator or moving side walk who stand next to each other and refuse to move for us who are walking! At least in Vancouver, I can point to the sign that says "Stand right, walk left" but I don't remember seeing that around the US.

fr8mech · Wed Sep 10, 2014 5:27 am

Quoting seb146 (Reply 30):
At least in Vancouver, I can point to the sign that says "Stand right, walk left" but I don't remember seeing that around the US.

They exist, at least at SDF, they do. I suspect that an 'excuse me, should work. I wouldn't know...I always walk when the option is available. Too much sitting on the aircraft.

ZKSUJ · Wed Sep 10, 2014 6:31 am

I hold the door open for everyone as well, just see it as common courtesy. Like a few on here I have been told by a woman that she could do it herself etc etc...

Max Q · Wed Sep 10, 2014 6:44 am

Yes, but if they give me any sh*t I will return it in spades

sccutler · Wed Sep 10, 2014 3:33 pm

Common courtesy (which, by the way, has become a lot less common!).

Not just for women (though, perhaps, more so, never thought of it).

oly720man · Wed Sep 10, 2014 4:02 pm

Quoting bristolflyer (Reply 26):
If anyone has any witty retorts for those that say 'Im perfectly capable of opening the door myself' let's hear them!

In the right circumstances "I was opening it for the person behind you" might burst that balloon.

Otherwise I'll open the door for anyone and most people are happy and say thanks. Where I work there are 2 sets doors at the main entrance and if I hold the first door they may hold the second door. In the main office it's a swipe card to get in and a switch to get out and if I'm going out and see one of the secretaries or other staff coming I'll hold the door for them to save them the bother of carding it. All part of being a "team".

vikkyvik · Wed Sep 10, 2014 8:16 pm

Quoting fr8mech (Reply 22):
In my opinion, the only appropriate critirea should be a person is in that spot.

Absolutely.

Even if a person doesn't say thank you or whatever, I won't raise an issue about it. I don't open the door for someone in order to be thanked for it. I open it because I believe it's the correct thing to do.

Sometimes I'll walk through a door and not hold it, as I simply didn't realize there was someone behind me for whatever reason. I'll usually say sorry to the person, though I hardly ever get a sorry from someone else in the reverse situation.

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 28):
"A well-bred person is one who was brought up to be a developed human being, taught to be polite, honest, reserved, well-spoken, inquisitive about life, and who learned the difference between high living and living like a low-life. They know how to dress, how to conduct themselves at the dinner table (good manners), how to behave in society in general, how to atttend to their personal, familial, and societal duties, and how to speak."

Since every single one of those qualities is totally subjective, that definition pretty much means nothing without any sort of context.

lpdal · Wed Sep 10, 2014 8:25 pm

I was born in a Beverly Hills Hospital, later moved to Danville, CA, where I spent most of my infanthood and turned legal in Fort Lauderdale. I've so far dated maybe 8-10 women.

For me, I always ask my partner or date directly if she wants me to do it or not. Not one of the women I've dated has had a problem with this question, and I get both answers pretty much equally. My current girlfriend loves when I get out of my car and hold the door open for her. Do I mind doing this? Not at all. Same with chair pulling and all that good stuff.

Sometimes, doing simple deeds such as holding doors open can score you some major respect "points" with a woman.

-LPDAL

AeroWesty · Wed Sep 10, 2014 11:00 pm

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 36):
Since every single one of those qualities is totally subjective, that definition pretty much means nothing without any sort of context.

The context of the definition wasn't to explain the social norms behind each quality, it was to educate someone who thought 'good breeding' stopped at the plantation door.

RyanairGuru · Thu Sep 11, 2014 12:28 am

Well as one of those narcissistic millennials that the media likes to beat up on, I will hold the door for anyone, regardless of gender. Maybe because of "being younger" I have never thought of it in terms of helping women, but rather common courtesy and good manners which should be demonstrated to everyone.

As for holding a car door? I think my partner would hit me if I tried it.

747400sp · Thu Sep 11, 2014 12:39 am

Yes I still open doors for women. I am old school, and it is a pet peve when I see a man walk into a build, with out letting a woman in first. When I used to drive school buses, I had a ladies first rule, and I held firm to that rule.

Airstud · Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:13 am

In my case it actually depends on the area, and also on the chick.

If I'm dating a nice girl from a real neighborhood, I'll hold the car door open for her, pull out her chair & push it in, etc. And because she's a nice girl she gets that guys basically understand that protocol and that we don't deserve to be sassed for observing it.

And if I'm out with the type of vindictive diva who DOES sass and sneer at us, I'll hold the car door open for her and be sure to shut it before she's in (this helps to get as much hinge grease as possible on her dress).

I'll also push her chair in too close to the table. "Really? Guess I thought you were thinner than that..."

PhilBy · Thu Sep 11, 2014 5:29 am

Equality is all very well but I'm still the one expected to lug those 40kg bags of cement and remove whichever half of a rat the cats left lying on the floor......

As for doors I'll hold them for anyone who is passing through behind me independent of gender.

TWA772LR · Thu Sep 11, 2014 6:49 am

Sometimes when I hold the door open for women, they look at me like I'm stupid, that usually happens when I'm outside of Texas. In Texas, they usually smile and say thank you.

Hell, I even hold the door open for dudes! I think when I retire I'm going to be a doorman for a high rise in New York.

Max Q · Thu Sep 11, 2014 8:16 am

I agree that holding the door open for anyone right behind you is just common courtesy.

However it's rare that I get a 'thank you' when I do this. I don't say anything when people don't hold a door for me but if I open one for them and they don't say anything I let them know about it.

There's no excuse for being that rude.

MIAspotter · Thu Sep 11, 2014 8:57 am

Yup I do!

I hold the door open, I let ladies get on first (lifts and on public transport) I give up my seat (although I usually travel standing up anyways, I prefer it that way since I work 8 hours sitting down on my arse) and a ¨please¨ and ¨thank you¨ always get you a long way.

That´s how my mamma raised me up.

MIAspotter.

aa757first · Sat Sep 13, 2014 3:55 pm

I will always hold open the door for anyone behind me. In terms of opening doors, I don't run to go open it for someone unless they're very elderly or disabled, or maybe holding a lot of grocery bags while they come into our apartment complex.

I will sometimes open the door for a woman, but I don't really see it as a staple of good manners. Doors no longer weigh 800 pounds and women can operate them as easily as men can. I also kind of understand the feminist view point. It seems to infantilize women.

One display of chivalry that must die is the "women out before men on an elevator" rule. It's absolutely ridiculous on a crowded elevator.

andz · Thu Sep 25, 2014 7:06 pm

I have always subscribed to "ladies first" so it is something that I always do.

I am a patch wearing member of a motorcycle club and if I am wearing my colours at a mall I go out of my way to be polite and hold the door for women, their reactions are priceless.

GIANCAVIA · Thu Sep 25, 2014 8:08 pm

I will hold the door open for anyone in close proximity and they tend to say thanks and the world continues to spin.. go figure. I say please and thank you all the time also but counter balance it with large amounts of swearing throughout the day. It's f*cking beautiful.

As for modern day feminists.. Women are turning on them because they attack everyone that doesn't have their narrow mindset. Leave them to get on with the self defeat. Cat's will feel so loved and adored in 10 years time. Poor f*cking cats.

DocLightning · Thu Sep 25, 2014 8:38 pm

Quoting giancavia (Reply 48):

I will hold the door open for anyone in close proximity and they tend to say thanks and the world continues to spin.. go figure. I say please and thank you all the time also but counter balance it with large amounts of swearing throughout the day. It's f*cking beautiful.

Me too. If you're right behind me, I'll hold the door for you. I don't care what's between your legs. It's a door.

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