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Grisee08
Topic Author
Posts: 468
Joined: Thu Mar 07, 2013 4:20 am

Why haven't I learned my lesson

Sat Jun 25, 2016 3:20 am

Time and Time again, It seems that I have allowed myself to be used by my "friends". There when they need me, but when they don't need me, they don't want to give me the time of day. It was like this before, and it changed to the point where I thought we had grown past that. Now, it is starting again. Is it me, or am I being used? If it is the latter, why oh why do I let it continue to happen. I helped them get a new car for less than anyone would have sold them. Just a lot of other things. Is the harsh reality that everybody uses everybody? When will I learn my lesson.
 
vikkyvik
Posts: 12736
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2003 1:58 pm

Re: Why haven't I learned my lesson

Sat Jun 25, 2016 4:51 am

Grisee08 wrote:
Is it me, or am I being used?


Pretty tough to say without any examples.

Grisee08 wrote:
Is the harsh reality that everybody uses everybody?


No.
 
VapourTrails
Posts: 3939
Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2001 9:30 pm

Re: Why haven't I learned my lesson

Sat Jun 25, 2016 10:59 am

No, it isn't the harsh reality for everyone, although vulnerability leaves us open to being used, and most of us have been there at some point in our lives.

Self esteem and self-respect go along with trying to remedy what you are feeling and experiencing. You have to be or get a bit mean, or so the saying goes, 'be cruel to be kind'.

I've come across people, where the nicer you are to them as soon as you let your guard down and get friendly, they will take complete advantage of the situation. Better to be thought of as mean and grumpy and authoritative. These is a rare experience for me, but identify a problem, find a solution.

It is obvious you want to change this pattern. I wouldn't call these people 'friends'. Maybe you need to start mixing in different circles and meeting different types of people and groups?
Last edited by VapourTrails on Sun Jun 26, 2016 9:54 am, edited 1 time in total.
 
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aerorobnz
Posts: 8435
Joined: Sat Feb 10, 2001 3:43 pm

Re: Why haven't I learned my lesson

Sat Jun 25, 2016 2:34 pm

It's like investing in the FOREX market, sometimes you read the "candlesticks" right and make a profit, sometimes you read it wrong and record a loss, tomorrow is another day. And never invest more than you can afford to lose it all.

Plan for the worst in people and if you aren't sure about something say No first up, it's easier to undo later when you have time to think without emotional pressure on yourself. You won't be disappointed. I have low expectations of people so whenever they exceed my expectations I am pleasantly surprised, when they don't it's no big deal because I wasn't expecting anything much.
 
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PacificBeach88
Posts: 756
Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2015 9:42 pm

Re: Why haven't I learned my lesson

Sat Jun 25, 2016 9:26 pm

Grisee08 wrote:
Time and Time again, It seems that I have allowed myself to be used by my "friends". There when they need me, but when they don't need me, they don't want to give me the time of day. It was like this before, and it changed to the point where I thought we had grown past that. Now, it is starting again. Is it me, or am I being used? If it is the latter, why oh why do I let it continue to happen. I helped them get a new car for less than anyone would have sold them. Just a lot of other things. Is the harsh reality that everybody uses everybody? When will I learn my lesson.


Please don't take this the wrong way, but I've usually found that people who consistently want to blame others for being less than ideal, prefer to blame "life" and what happens in their "life" on others. It's easier to simply blame others to be less than ideal, or poopy humans vs. taking responsibility for making poor choices. I'm not saying this is you, just bringing up the point for you to think about. Cheers!
 
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Channex757
Posts: 2423
Joined: Sat Jun 18, 2016 7:07 am

Re: Why haven't I learned my lesson

Tue Jun 28, 2016 10:56 pm

Grisee08 wrote:
Time and Time again, It seems that I have allowed myself to be used by my "friends". There when they need me, but when they don't need me, they don't want to give me the time of day. It was like this before, and it changed to the point where I thought we had grown past that. Now, it is starting again. Is it me, or am I being used? If it is the latter, why oh why do I let it continue to happen. I helped them get a new car for less than anyone would have sold them. Just a lot of other things. Is the harsh reality that everybody uses everybody? When will I learn my lesson.

So what does it mean to you?

So far you describe to me a person who tends to be selfless and puts others first. That isn't such a bad person to be.

Look at it from the other direction. You are on the good side here. If others don't reciprocate, well maybe they aren't worth knowing after all. The only person who counts is you. Being generous is good; being generous without expectation of anything in return is better. It doesn't mean put yourself out for everybody and everything but certainly don't over-think it. Just let go and remember you are the kind soul here.
 
ArmitageShanks
Posts: 3779
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2003 5:30 am

Re: Why haven't I learned my lesson

Wed Jun 29, 2016 2:52 am

[/quote]
So what does it mean to you?

So far you describe to me a person who tends to be selfless and puts others first. That isn't such a bad person to be.

Look at it from the other direction. You are on the good side here. If others don't reciprocate, well maybe they aren't worth knowing after all. The only person who counts is you. Being generous is good; being generous without expectation of anything in return is better. It doesn't mean put yourself out for everybody and everything but certainly don't over-think it. Just let go and remember you are the kind soul here.[/quote]

That's totally bullshit. He knows he's being used. He's not a good, kind person for putting up with it, he's a rube. Stop trying to please people all the time- it makes you look weak and people are obviously picking up on it.

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